Just catching up with this fic, Meerkat.
I'm not always a fan of next gen stories, but this one has captured my attention.
First, Emily's struggle with her growing vision powers is interesting. We've always seen them as coming almost at once, possibly embarrassing the superperson, but they manage once they get hold of it. Emily is struggling because she can't control it, she isn't talking to her brother, and her father is far away. I think that Martha's idea of handling the vision as a learning disability is a great idea until Emily can control the power. But Emily is still struggling. At least her hearing is in good working order.
Nathan is also an interesting character. He's a bully, but you've made the reader feel as if he can be helped if someone cares enough. (Sometimes, it's easier for the school to suspend a student than to deal with the problem. Although in this case, I'm surprised that the school sends him off the school property on his own without a parent. That's irresponsible of the school. He can get in more trouble if he's unsupervised.)
Emily sounds like Clark in some ways--she wants to help Nathan, and she sees the good in him. In other ways, she's as feisty as Lois.
You wondered if you needed more of the bad guys in the story. I think since this is mostly from Emily's POV, she doesn't know who the bad guys are. They are just the reason she's in Smallville, and keeping her away from her parents. So, she's not tracking them down, and her parents aren't telling her what they are doing. She's too young. As long as you keep this from her POV, you don't need a lot of details about them. This story is about Emily, Nathan (and a bit about Jack).
One niggly I had while reading. Emily and Jack are talking away in Russian and Nathan doesn't say anything. Wouldn't he be curious? I would be. It's rude to speak in a foreign language when someone in the group doesn't understand. So I'm sure Nathan would be upset and feel left out. He'd say something about it--unless he was drugged or something. Emily and Jack need to have some excuse why they are doing it. (We know why, but Nathan has to be appeased.)
Looking forward to Part 4.
gerry
