I was away for a week because of a larger bout than usual of RL, an unexpected assignment, and strept throat. Hopefully, I'll be back for a bit now.
Some very interesting discussions re writing while I was gone! With that in mind, I thought it might be interesting to post a snippet of the article I worked on a few days ago.
Brief summary: I got a call from a charity organization for whom I've done work before. They wanted an account of a luncheon that had taken place a few weeks ago, to place in the two weekly papers that serve the international English-speaking Orthodox Jewish community. (try saying that three times fast
) It was a quickie job, really, because someone had already written the article for one paper, and they just wanted it rewritten differently for the second one. For the record, one of these two newspapers has a much more amateur writing style than the other (at least in my own opinion, although I know a lot of people share it) and I knew they needed a more polished article for the more professional paper.
I imagine that outside the Orthodox Jewish world, such an article would have a very different flavor; but basically, I needed to describe the organization and its goals, mention the various speakers and summarize their addresses, and emphasize how important it is to contribute to the organization.
So I went ahead and did the job, keeping it more or less the same length as the article they'd sent me. I sent it off by fax and considered the job complete.
Then I got a phone call. "Um, the article is very professional, just what we wanted, but... er... we forgot to mention that there's a word limit."
They wanted me to cut the word count by more than 50%.
Ah, well, keep the customer happy... I did end up paring over 50% off the word count and managed to keep the essentials intact, even if I had to delete some of the details. But when I was finished, I found myself intrigued by the idea of this as a writing exercise. Obviously, some writers are more verbose than others. Let's be glad that writers are no longer paid by the word, as they used to be, so at least any verbosity is because it's really the writer's style and not just an attempt to get more money!
But tight writing is always a plus, and I thought it might be interesting to have our fanfic writers take a few paragraphs of their own work and try to condense it a bit.
I've included a sample of the article I wrote, both the original and the "condensed" version. One of the speakers cited a parable from a book on ethics and applied it to the organization. Keep in mind that it's for a religious paper.
I also translated any Hebrew words before posting it here.
Original, slightly revised for posting here:
A man was once shipwrecked and washed ashore a tiny island. The inhabitants there crowned the newcomer as king. When the puzzled king asked his new friends to explain, they told him that the island’s natives customarily crowned a person as king for the duration of one year. When the year ended, the hapless king was placed in a boat, empty-handed, and sent out to sea.
Appalled, the new king wondered what he could do to save himself during the coming year. His friends advised him to spend the year exporting as much wealth as he could off the island. That way, when the time came for him to be expelled from his “kingdom,” he would be assured that plenty of riches awaited him in another land.
We, too, are like that temporary king is this transitory world. Any riches or possessions that we accumulate will not accompany us to the next world, but the merit of our good deeds – including any monies that we donated to charity – will, indeed, by waiting for us in the World-to-Come. It is our task and responsibility to use our assets wisely, so that we can export good deeds to our eternal account.
And here is the condensed version of the same parable with its explanation:
A shipwrecked man washed ashore a tiny island, where the inhabitants crowned him as king. They explained that the natives customarily crowned a king for a year’s time. When the year ended, the hapless king was driven out to sea empty-handed. The new king cleverly spent the year exporting wealth off the island. When he was finally expelled, his accumulated riches awaited him.
We are like that temporary king is this transitory world. Accumulated possessions will not accompany us after death, but our good deeds – including donations to charity – will await us in the World-to-Come. We must use our assets wisely, exporting good deeds to our eternal account.
Believe it or not, that was the
least religious aspect of the whole article.
So there you have it. Thoughts? How important is it for a good writer to make every single word count? (When you're not getting paid-per-word or being asked to keep to a certain word limit.) Is it better to write as broadly as you can, or to write neatly and concisely, carefully weighing each word? And does anyone want to take a few paras of their own work and try to condense it as an exercise here in this folder?
I await comments and opinions with interest.
Hazel
