Sweet story Dede. Well done for posting with the big boys!

At one point I thought I was going to get a Tank ending - something along the lines of:

“Lois, let’s run away together?”

"Ok Clark, I'll just go home to get a few things and meet you back here in an hour."

And on the way she got hit by a bus and died.

How ironic. The End.

But alas, it wasn't meant to be. I think most people will prefer your version better anyway.

I'm so very glad you posted. I thought it was a very well-written story, particularly for someone who spoke English as a second language. (Although it did take me a long time to figure out that Lois was hiding behind a tree in the opening scene and not the number that comes after two.)

By the way, if you ever want a beta reader, just ask somebody. There's a a list of volunteers on the other forum. (Or I'm almost always available.)

I enjoyed the thought patterns. Lois thinks about caffeine and sugar, because she isn't ready yet to think about the deeper things in life.

I thought you picked the perfect place to end your story. We get just a little bit of reaction from Lois and Clark, but nothing from Lex.

Elisabeth

Wow, that was such a sweet little story and quite a romantic twist to that episode that we all know so well.

Very nicely done.

~Sheila

gr8shadesofElvis:
Thanks. It took me a lot of guts, I’ll tell you that. At some point I thought no one would even bother to read my story. I’m so glad it didn’t turn out like that. I like your ending by the way. But I think Clark would kill me if I did that to Lois!

Elisabeth:
I tried to perfect my story the best way I could. It makes me feel so proud of myself when you say that it was well-written. =) And thanks for the hint, I’ll edit that part.

I know there is people available, but I don’t like to just come up to someone “Hey, wanna be my beta reader?” I might take you up on your offer someday if you are not too busy.

Sheila:
Thanks!!!

I read this at Elisabeth's request.

I loved it. It was a wonderful premise and truely original revelation scene.


Get a good beta reader to give it some polish and submit it to the archive.

James

Thanks, James... I'll try and get someone to beta read it for me!

Nice work! Sorry I missed it before. Sweet little vignette with a fun revelation scene. Well done!