I, too, loved it. Of course, as the world's staunchest Lois defender (Tank, where are you?) I will of course look at this from Lois's point of view. But before I start reviewing, Sara,
please don't think I'm criticising your fic - because I loved it!!! - and
please don't think I'm trying to tell anyone what your story "really" is about. I'm going to describe what I, the diehard Lois fan, see in it, OK?
She huffed and reached for the stop button again, but he caught her hand. She was trembling, but hiding it extremely well under the circumstances.
"Are you seeing someone else, Clark?" There was a dangerous current of doubt hiding beneath the challenge of her tone.
"What? No! Of course not." How could she even think that of him?
"Is it me, then? Has dating me been a big let down?"
"Lois, no," he pleaded. He was the one letting her down. He should have told her by now. Superman was coming between them once again. "I shouldn't have waited so long. I'm sorry. I sho – "
All pretense and fight had left her now; her voice was quiet. The threatening tears were evident in her voice. "You want to break up with me."
Lois is going to pieces because Clark keeps running out on her. Do I feel sorry for her? You bet!
But can't I feel sorry for Clark, too?
He winced and his mind flashed to the mangled metal and smashed glass. The torn flesh and the... He hadn't been in time anyway. Everything had gone wrong last night. And now he was frozen to the spot, certain there was nothing he could say to make anything right.
Of course I feel sorry for him! This is heartbreaking. Worse than heartbreaking. He is trying to be there for everybody, to save everybody... but sometimes he can't save anyone, and all he gets to see is horror and death. And then he comes home to Lois, who is upset and heartbroken because he hasn't been there for her. That must be horrible for Clark. And yet... it was
his choice not to tell Lois why he always ran out on her.
(And honestly, you female FoLCs out there... wouldn't
you be fed up, angry and hurt if
your man kept running out on you and stubbornly refused to tell you why?)
"It's because..." he hesitated. This wasn't really the time or the place. Not like this. He'd been hoping for... What? A candlelit dinner? No, more like an impenetrable anger-proof force-field. Or at least a guarantee that she'd even still talk to him when it was all said and done.
He is afraid of her reaction. That's why he has kept lying to her.
This reminds me of a mock TV trial where a man was accused of having had sex with his wife for years without telling her that he was HIV positive. Now she was infected, too. This was the husband's defence: "I couldn't tell my wife, because she might have divorced me!" In other words, his need not to be rejected by his wife was more important than her need not to get a life-long, serious, incurable disease.
And Clark's need not to be rejected by Lois is more important than her need to understand who Clark really is, and why he keeps running out on her?
He cursed his alter ego for the second time in as many days. Juggling was getting too hard, and now they were both suffering the consequences of his inaction.
...
"Look," he started. "Why don't we go to my apartment, and I can make us some coffee."
But maybe he is really going to tell her now?
Clark reached for the emergency stop and released it. And nothing happened. He pulled it out and tried again, this time slotting it back into place a little more forcefully.
The elevator gave a lurch and halted again. He could hear the gears and cables above grinding in their attempt to move.
And the elevator is stuck! Me the claustrophobiac would have freaked out completely!
"I can't be stuck in here!" She pounded more, then leaned forward against the door in defeat. Her next words were barely a whisper, but he caught them all the same. "Not with you."
Aaaaahhh! That must have hurt Clark so badly, and I do feel sorry for him. I really do. Still, because of his continual lying to her, I think he deserved to hear it.
His heart took a sharp dive and he felt his shoulders slump. With a heavy sigh, he glanced upward at the maintenance door. If she couldn't bear his presence anymore, he'd take her home. No waiting this time. Silently, he floated up to the ceiling and disengaged the metal door from its frame.
Yes!!! This paragraph is awesome. I'm so glad he just gave up pretending.
Still, it's really sad that he gave up and revealed his secret to her when he had sort of given up on
them, as if he would stop lying and tell her the truth only when there was no hope for them any more.
He took a deep breath and let it out slowly. His gaze seemed to burn through her. "Are we going to be okay, Lois?
Would they be? Could they be? She did love him, and she knew in her heart how he felt about her. When it came down to it, there wasn't anyone else she'd rather be with, and that had to count for something. That made everything worth it, didn't it?
"I think so, Clark. I hope so."
I'm glad she didn't give him an unqualified "yes". I think they are going to be together. I want them to be together. But I have to tell you, Sara, that if Clark keeps nursing his old wounds like this and refuses to see how badly he treated Lois, then I wouldn't mind if Lois told him that being with him probably wasn't worth it after all.
And now, all you Clark fans: no, I haven't seen the episode that this fic is based on. I
do believe you if you tell me that Lois was incredibly bitchy and galactically stupid in this ep, and that it was very hard to sympathize with her. So I really, really don't blame you for sympathizing with Clark here! But please accept that I have spent half a lifetime watching Clark/Superman reject Lois in various heartless ways. Please understand that I will side with Lois!
This was a superb fic, Sara!
Ann