Wow, DJ - you had me all upset there when I finished reading. I scrolled back to your disclaimer at the beginning, which I'd skimmed really quickly - looking for what I'd obviously missed:the deathfic warning! Nope - no warning. So scrolled down to your postscript which, being upset I hadn't read - just caught the word "bubbles", the frothy implications of which seemed contrary to the feeling left by your story, and so hadn't read.

Whew! it's an inbetweenie:) And a touching one it is - you're right : we were cheated of that scene by the actual episode. It would have been so good to see your scene added.

Am now betting we'll see a spate of DToSC fics - a parallel to what we did see of Lois's reaction to Clark's death in TOGoM

nicely done:)

c. (moral of the story too - bubbles may be misleading )

At first, I thought this was an alternate TOGOM fic, but then I got to the part about Bad Brain, and knew it was a DTOSC fic.

You wrote Clark's greif so well --great job!

You know, I'd forgotten who Bad Brain was and which ep he was in until I just read Darcy's post. I think all those cartoonish villains are beginning to morph together into one generic Campy Villain. Or it could be that my brain has turned to mush, which is more likely.

Anyway - to repeat, great vignette, DJ

c.

Yeah, that was really ... captivating. It was like I was there with Clark. Unable to help him while all I wanted to do was comfort him.
*sniffles*

Thank you for giving us these missed moments.

Sira

This was very touching and I absolutely agree with you, DJ. Clark's grief wasn't very well transferred in that episode. Thanks for sharing this with us!

Hi,

Like Carol, when I first started reading this, I thought, oh, there was no deathfic warning.

However, as I went a little further, something clued me in on where you were going with this and I could relax and appreciate the emotion.

I expect that we missed out on a lot of these purely emotional moments because of time constraints making an episode. So, it's so good that we have writers who can fill in those missing scenes.

Yours Jenni

I'll be back later to reply to fdk - but I wanted to post a quick "whoopsie" at the Bubbles boo-boo. Bubbles is my vid muse. Babbles is my writing muse... man, she is going to be hacked off now!!!

<g>

I corrected the name and added the note that "Babbles" is my muse, so people wouldn't be confused.

Thanks so much for the comments so far - I'll be back to respond later!

-- DJ

DJ, the details were wonderful. Clark fed the fish, washed the dishes and wondered why Lois had pulled the measuring cup out of its hard-to-reach hiding place.

Love the physical sensations as he remembers. There's such meloncholic beauty in your writing.

Lovely story.
BJ

Beautifully written. I've also always felt we should have seen a scene like this one in the ep. Great job!

Jackie

DJ, this is so lovely and full of great details. I love that he did the dishes. Although now I'm wondering what it is that I forgot about that measuring cup!

Thank you for sharing this with us.

Of course, do remember that warnings (of any kind) are entirely the author's choice, here on this forum, and that there is no requirement for an author to add one.

So it could have been (although it obviously didn't apply to this story of DJ's) that you both missed one because the author doesn't believe in them and chose not to include one.

LabRat

Oh, DJ!! So beautiful and so sad!

Yes! This sums up the relationship perfectly.

And you're absolutely right - this is a scene that I think the writers cheated us out of, so thank you for rectifying that with this lovely vignette

My best to both Babbles and Bubbles - and may they continue to whisper in your ear.

Caroline

Nicely done. Powerful imagery and the emotions and sentiments were well presented.

I've always wondered about that episode. In TOGoM we have not only Lois, but Perry and Jimmy being all emotional over Clark's death. A guy they've only known for a little over a year.

But in DToSC we have Perry and Jimmy; two people who have known Lois for years (one her surrogate father, the other her 'little brother') and what do we get? The equivalent of 'Darn that girl, why couldn't she stay hidden?'

I've also always wondered why the talented ladies of these boards, who really enjoy showing Clark's soft and mushy side, haven't written more of these explorations of Clark's grief.

Maybe we will have the start of a new trend here.

Tank (who thought the story was well done, but thinks that it's going to take some doing by the gentle writers to catch up to the TOGoM rewrites)

Hello everyone. Thank so much for the fdk. Yes, I didn't post a deathfic warning with this story because of 2 reasons:

1. I didn't kill Lois, and
2. Lois isn't really dead

I only wrote this fic to explore Clark's feelings which I felt we were robbed of in the show.

But now to address individual comments. <g>

Hi Carol! I'm sorry to have upset you initially. I'm glad you realized what was going on. And I'm glad you ended up liking it once you realized it was an "inbetweenie" -- hee hee, I like that.

I forgot to include that Bubbles was my *muse* And then I even got her name wrong - ugh! <g>

Sorry for the confusion. <g>


Hi Darcy! Thank you. I appreciate that.


Heh - and thanks again Carol. <g>


Hi Sira! I'm pleased that it was so captivating. Thanks for the comments.


Hi Bakasi! I'm so glad you found it touching and thanks for the vote of agreement. I appreciate the fdk.


Hi Jenni. I'm glad you were able to relax (realizing that Lois was okay) and just appreciate it for what it was. Thanks for the fdk.


Hi BJ. Thanks for pointing out those details. <DJ hugs Sue and thanks her for brainstorming>. Thank you for the "lovely story" and I'm glad you enjoyed it.


Hi Jackiek! Thank you. I'm glad you agree. And thanks for the fdk.


Hi Lisa! Thanks for your comments. I'm sorry I didn't explain the measuring cup thing well enough. Measuring cups are usually used in cooking and we all know that Lois wasn't known for her cooking skills... so I thought Lois might keep something like that in a cabinet that she didn't get into very often, like the one above the Fridge. <g> That's all. And Clark wonders what she'd had it out for - what she had been trying to cook... Thanks for the fdk.


Hi Labby. Yes, as I said above, I chose not to post a warning because Lois wasn't killed in this story, nor was she even dead - this was just an "inbetweenie" as Carol said. <g> Thanks.


Hi Caroline! Thank you for those comments. I'm glad you enjoyed it. I'll give my muses your regards. <g> Thank you.


Hi Tank! Yes. I love your comments. Exactly. It seemed to me that Lois's supposed death was just unfairly swept under the rug (so to speak) by the emotions not being truthfully explored. It's interesting that you bring up Jimmy and Perry as well... hmmm, I might have to take another shot at that - at their reactions. Thank you so much for your fdk!!! I really appreciated it.


Thanks again everyone for all the comments. It's nice to see that so many of you felt cheated by this episode like I did.

-- DJ

Very touching. I agree that Clark's grief was given short shrift on the show (due to time constraints, I'm sure), but you've done a masterful job of letting us know just how shredded his entire being was by Lois's (supposed) death. At his point, he'd probably be in the first stage (denial) and by visiting Lois's apartment, he's trying to come to grips with the reality of her permanent absence from his life. And it helps make his easy agreement to step into the cage more realistic. He's just discovered that Lois isn't really dead, so there's not much he wouldn't do to keep her that way.

I'm glad Lois wasn't really dead, too. Writing a story where Lois really dies isn't for the faint of heart, nor for those without some armor plating (take it from one who knows first-hand).

Brava! Very well done. You managed to touch my heart and make me feel Clark's pain. Thank you for such a wonderful vignette.

DJ, this was beautiful. I really felt Clark's grief as he wandered around her apartment. I'm so glad you filled the void of Clark's grieving for us. I wish there were more fics based off of that episode. I feel like there's a lot of possibility for it.

~Kristen

I have to agree with the others. It's all in the details. You've made this feel REAL. Furthermore, you're quite right. A thousand TOGOM's and just one of these.

Nice.

And also Adam Labotka's Don't Tug on Superman's Heart, and the companion piece, Don't Tug on Superman's Friends which looks at Perry and Jimmy's reaction. Both stories were Kerth nominees

Still, that's not very many. DJ, you may have triggered something here.

c.

DJ, I finally read it. It's a beautiful story.

I became a diehard Superman fan in 1969 when I became convinced that Superman loved Lois Lane, but there have been many times when I have had that belief shaken. Most infamously so by Superman II, of course, but there are also many episodes of LnC that really make you wonder how much Clark really, truly cares about Lois. Take ATAI (I think). Isn't that the episode where Lois asks Superman to freeze her to save Clark's parents? And Clark agrees to do it, even though he understands that the freezing might kill her? Even though he relizes that he might become her killer? Even so he does it, just to save his parents?

And then he almost does lose her. He almost does kill her. And when she wakes up, he doesn't even think she has deserved to be told about his secret. He later proposes to her, still without telling her about his secret, and when she confronts him with his deceit and won't accept his proposal right away - his proposal to her to share her life with him, when he however wouldn't share one of the most overwhelmingly important facts about his own life with her - then he is hurt and angry with her. Remember how easily he broke up with her in Contact, too. And in Don't Tug On Superman's Cape, he showed little grief at the news that Lois was dead. Yes, maybe that was because he received the news as Superman, and we never saw him react as Clark. Then again, maybe he didn't really care all that much?

Maybe that is the reason why we see so many more Lois deathfics than Clark deathfics? Some people have suggested that it's more satisfying to write Lois deathfics than Clark deathfics, because Lois could easily move on afterwards and she wouldn't be too badly hurt by Clark's death. His death wouldn't be so dramatic to her, in other words. Clark, on the other hand, would be devastated if Lois died. Well, I'm not so sure that this is true at all. Maybe it's the other way round. And maybe that is why we so badly want to see Clark grieve for Lois, and maybe that's why it is quite popular to serve up Lois dead and cold to Clark and to do it as heartbreakingly as possible, just to finally, finally touch Clark's heart and get to see him cry.

Maybe, if it became popular to rewrite DTOSC instead, it would become less urgent to really kill off Lois in order to get some reaction out of Clark.

So yes, DJ, this new take on Clark might be just what the LnC fandom needs.

Ann

DJ, I liked this very much. Since I remembered who Bad Brain was, I realized partway through the story that this was a DToSC inbetweenie. And I remember some post where there were several people (you and I included), who maintained that Clark's grief in the episode didn't seem as deep as Lois's in TOGoM, but only because we only saw him as Superman. That's one reason why it was lovely to see this. I thought you portrtayed his grief and feeling of loss very well - it certainly fit with the character of Clark that I have formed in my mind, even though we didn't get the opportunity to see this grief portrayed on the screen in the episode.

I know Adam's stories too, and I thought of them right away when I read this. But those are the only other DToSC rewrites that I can think of. And I'd love to see more too, but not for the reasons that Ann suggests. She writes

I have never tried to trivialize Lois' grief if Clark were to die before her. I think that she might find it easier to move on than Clark would in a similar situation. Frankly, though, I think that each of them would struggle on alone, always missing the other.

I would love to see more exploration of Clark's grief over losing Lois, either in-betweenie stories that basically remain in canon or "what-ifs", where Clark is dealing with her death for days before he finds her again. The feelings of guilt that he's probably harboring for leaving her to go to China for the earthquake. Lois played such an instrumental role in the creation and maintenance of the superhero - can he continue being Superman without her? The angst potential is enormous...

Kathy

Oh DJ I loved it! It was perfect.

It feels like being with Clark in her apartment and seeing it through his eyes.

Hope you and Sue will write more in-between.

Well, DJ, I liked the story, even if I can't remember what happened in the episode. I totally don't remember Superman thinking that Lois was dead.

Oh wow! Oh wow! Look at all this additional fdk.

Hi Terry. Thank you for those lovely comments - that means a lot to me coming from you (who was I believe nominated for "She" in the Kerths this year). You "got" exactly the points I was trying to make. Armor plating... yes... I had to drag mine out even on this story for just a little while. <g> Oooh, thank you. I'm so glad I was able to move you. Thank you for those comments.


Hi Kristen! I would welcome any and all who want to give us a second look at this episode and a different take on it. Like I said, I thought this episode had massive angst potential and then fell flat. I'm so glad you enjoyed this and thank you for the fdk.


Hi Shayne. Ooooh! Thank you so much! What wonderful fdk from you. I'm glad you enjoyed it.


Hi again Carol. I wouldn't mind if I had triggered something... who knows, I might even try my hand at it again some time.


Hi Ann. <hugs> Thank you. I'm glad you were able to bring yourself to read it.

No. I refuse to believe that. We can see how much Clark loves Lois in all the little things he does for her, all through-out the series. I realize that you are a different kind of Superman fan and haven't seen many of the episodes of LnC. But in the series, Clark shows his love for her in so many million different little ways. All the sweet almost unnoticed little touches, glances, smiles... the way he is so attentive to her and does everything in his power to keep her safe and take care of her. It is obvious in the series that she means a great deal to him - there really is no other woman for him. I just think we got robbed of seeing his true emotion in this one particular episode - and so I wanted to try my hand at showing that emotion.

Thanks for the fdk, Ann.


Hi Kathy! Yes, I remember that post too. I had been thinking about writing this, way back then (whenever that was) - after that post I made some notes on what I wanted to do... then I just had to find the time and the right 'mental set' to write it. And, oh wow, such a wonderful compliment that I was able to write him in a way that fit with the character in your mind. Yay.

And yes, I agree, the angst "potential" in this paricular episode is enormous... I would love to see it explored more. Thank you so much for that wonderful fdk.


Hi Pamela! Thank you. I'm glad you loved it and could immerse yourself into it as if you were seeing things through Clark's eyes. Thanks.


Hi Nancy! Thanks for the fdk. If you don't remember Superman thinking that Lois died, you should definitely go back and re-watch the episode some time - you'll see how cheated we were. When Superman sees the tape of Lois supposedly being killed he yells out "NO!" and punches in the screen of the TV he's watching at the Daily Planet. Then in the next scene, we see him at the spot were Lois died. He looks lost and forlorn, but the scene only lasts all of 4 or 5 seconds I think. He sits sadly on the curb next to a burnt spot on the concrete and hangs his head.

And then that's it! Bam! We shift scenes to an alarm going off at STAR Labs and Dr. Klein apologizing aobut Lois and Superman looking a little sad and saying thanks... and then Dr. Klein telling him that he thinks the Lakes are involved. Then Superman goes to find the Lakes and they reveal that Lois is in fact still alive - they have her encased in a glass cage and if Superman wants to keep her alive, he has to step into a cage of his own. He rushes over to touch her, but he can't - there's a forcefield (you can see the obvious relief on his face) and he agrees to step into the cage because he can't lose Lois again. Lois says no, that the world needs him and he tells her that he needs her.

Awwww, sniffle... Anyway, thanks for the fdk.


Thanks again everyone. All this fdk really made my day.

-- DJ

I just got around to reading this and I LOVED IT.

I had never really thought about the fact that Clark would have had time to go to Lois's place to grieve before Dr. Klein called him.

This was so heart wrenchingly sad and beautiful at the same time. I love stories like this.

Great job.

DJ!

You know I love this story. You're absolutely right - there are so many moments in the series where we're missing scenes or were cheated out of seeing what happened or how the characters felt. You did such a masterful job of showing us Clark's grief.

The most poignantly written part for me was this: Not saying goodbye, not getting one last chance to say *anything* is one of hollowest, emptiest, please-just-five-more-minutes feelings in the world. It sucks. It's something you never get over, not really.

I cried along with Clark when I read this. It might sound weird to thank you for that, but...

Thank you. This was heartbreakingly beautiful.

Just got back on the boards today, so I'm just now reading this. Fics like this demonstrate why you're a master.

You do well at showing Clark grieving in your story--once again, he's doing all those little things for her, as he's always done.

But I don't want to invalidate the way the series originally aired. Sure there were time constraints, but men also grieve differently than women do. Some men get angry, some throw themselves into their work--all just as valid as crying and moping (like Lois did in TOGOM.) And remember that it was still raw and unreal for Perry, Jimmy and Superman alike.

Enough of an aside. This was a poignant rendering of an emotional scene. Well done, DJ.

Elisabeth

Hi FinLi! Thank you so much for the fdk. I'm glad you loved it. Thanks.

Hi Sue!!! Thank you for pointing that line out. That was one of my favorite lines. It's bad enough not to be able to see them alive again or talk to them again... but with Lois having supposedly been disintegrated into a pile of ash... he couldn't even touch her or see her one last time. I found that thought extremely sad.

Awwwww! <sniffle> Thank you! <hugs>


Hi Elisabeth! Thanks. I'm just blushing all over myself at your compliment. And I will admit that men definitely do handle things different than women do - they tend to hold things inside - especially when they are around other people.

But that was my whole point. On the series we only saw Clark as Superman (which he isn't going to show as much emotion as Superman anyway) and we only saw him in public settings. And as Superman we did see him get "angry" - he punched that TV. And he did sort of throw himself into his work when he rushed off to STAR Labs to see what Dr. Klein wanted. We also saw him grieve just a little beside Lois's pile of ash. But my whole point was, what if we had seen him as Clark and seen him privately, when he could truly grieve? Many times in the show the writers showed us that Clark could pout, he could mope, be sad - almost be moved to tears (even in a public setting) like when he's leaving for New Krypton and also when he's grousing over Lois being sentenced to death row - and in neither of those instances was Lois actually dead...

I just really felt that if we had seen Clark by himself, and especially at Lois's apartment, that we would have seen a very different side of his grief.

Thank you for your fdk, Elisabeth - most appreciated.

-- DJ

I really like this scene. It really shows how compassionate and sensitive Clark is that even while he's in this state of grief, he can still think of something else (see the fish as a "poor thing" that is hungry). The whole vignette is really rather remarkable at depicting his sensitivity, but I like how in this instance the concern is directed at another being.

I really like that last, it speaks volumes to me that he would do things as she wanted to. I remember this one story I read where a boyfriend lost his girlfriend and was hit so hard by it, he began dressing like her. What really struck me was the explanation he gave, that on some afternoons, he saw her shadow reflected on the wall and that made it all worthwhile. So obviously this is a tangent (and that was extreme), but it reminded me of that story because placing the dishes in that way is a form of keeping Lois around. I find that really moving.

Wonderful vignette DJ!

alcyone

Ooooh, it appears a review slipped through that I didn't notice.

Hi Alcyone! Thank you so much for the fdk. I'm glad you thought I was able to capture his sensitivity in this scene. I have always really felt like Clark is a pretty sensitive guy - not always openly, where others can see him, but definitely when he's by himself... or talking to his parents.

Thanks for pointing out the dishes. It was a way for him to "keep Lois around" - he was doing something for her and doing it the way she would have wanted... putting the dishes in the spots where she kept them. And again showed how much he knew her and loved her... down to where she kept her dishes -- because let's face it, how many of us keep our dishes and utensils in the same place that other people keep them. I know I always feel lost in someone else's kitchen.

Thank you for that fdk. And again thanks to everyone who commented and enjoyed this story.

-- DJ