FDK: Zared 1/? - 07/04/06 02:26 PM
Well, Clasicalla, you have apparently received no feedback on your story, which I think is unfair. So I'm going to write a little myself.
First of all, be warned and be aware that I'm a critic with many hangups. I hate deathfics, where an important character dies, and I'm particularly anxious that Lois should not die, and that she should play a hugely important part in every LnC story. I'm generally not too fond of nextgen stories. So in view of the fact that this is definitely a nextgen story and that Lois seems to be completely absent from it, possibly because she is dead, I'm sure you can see that there are quite a few things here that I can never be really happy about.
What I like about it, though, is that I think you have created a very interesting and quite moving story about Zared and Jenni. Both seem to be motherless, Jenni because her mother has left, and Zared because Lois may be dead. <grumble> This means, however, that both Zared and Jenni have to assume an almost adult responsibility for their younger siblings. Perhaps because of this, they may feel more adult than they really are. Again perhaps because of this (and also because their situations are so similar) they fall very much in love and start their love life too early. And now Jenni has become pregnant, and neither Jenni's nor Zared's fathers know. On top of it all, Clark has been hurt and is in hospital.
Like I said, this is definitely an interesting situation, Classicalla. I'll be reading the rest of your story.
Ann
First of all, be warned and be aware that I'm a critic with many hangups. I hate deathfics, where an important character dies, and I'm particularly anxious that Lois should not die, and that she should play a hugely important part in every LnC story. I'm generally not too fond of nextgen stories. So in view of the fact that this is definitely a nextgen story and that Lois seems to be completely absent from it, possibly because she is dead, I'm sure you can see that there are quite a few things here that I can never be really happy about.
What I like about it, though, is that I think you have created a very interesting and quite moving story about Zared and Jenni. Both seem to be motherless, Jenni because her mother has left, and Zared because Lois may be dead. <grumble> This means, however, that both Zared and Jenni have to assume an almost adult responsibility for their younger siblings. Perhaps because of this, they may feel more adult than they really are. Again perhaps because of this (and also because their situations are so similar) they fall very much in love and start their love life too early. And now Jenni has become pregnant, and neither Jenni's nor Zared's fathers know. On top of it all, Clark has been hurt and is in hospital.
Like I said, this is definitely an interesting situation, Classicalla. I'll be reading the rest of your story.
Ann
