FDK: A Million Little Pieces 5/? - 04/06/06 11:03 AM
This is another beautiful chapter. There are a number of real gems here: I just love the way you make us realize that Mayson thinks she is hearing the unwelcome beeping of her alarm clock, rousing her from her oh-so-comfortable sleep. It's quite moving to see this double exposure of Mayson: the broken woman in the hospital bed, who thinks she is the healthy and capable DA being woken by her alarm clock to go to work.
And I love this:
I love this. Isn't there a poem which goes something like this, "It's better to have lived and loved, than never to have..." and then something I can't remember. And, of course, I'm also reminded of a paraphrase of the most famous quote of them all, "To breathe, or not to breathe, that is the question"!
And I totally love this:
Ouch! Mayson has a headache to match that of Zeus when his daughter Athena was born out of his head! This was priceless! And I don't know if it was in any way intentional, but Mayson's "Ow" reminds me of Athena's sacred bird, the owl. In any case, it was perfect.
And now this:
I absolutely love Mayson's reaction to Clark here. But I also love Clark's reaction to Mayson immediately afterwards:
I love this scene - the completely unguarded, naked vulnerability, tenderness and need to protect. It's so moving, Angelic, that you almost - almost, mind you - make me think it would be right for Clark to love Mayson. Except that it absolutely wouldn't be right, of course! But he can, and probably should, at least care for her.
And then Lois makes her entrance, and I'm quite curious to see how the meeting between Lois, Clark and Mayson will play out.
Lovely chapter, Angelic.
Ann
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Beep. Beep. Beep.
The steady, mechanical sound somewhere above her head reached her, dragging her from her dark, soundless retreat. It was softer than it should have been, somehow - like it was underwater.
Go away. I like it here.
The steady, mechanical sound somewhere above her head reached her, dragging her from her dark, soundless retreat. It was softer than it should have been, somehow - like it was underwater.
Go away. I like it here.
And I love this:
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Breathing hurt, she decided. Her breath hitched when she took in a hurried gulp of air.
But better to breathe than ... not, she conceded fuzzily, wondering when she'd become such a master of the obvious.
But better to breathe than ... not, she conceded fuzzily, wondering when she'd become such a master of the obvious.
And I totally love this:
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She experimantally cracked open one eye, but immediately closed it.
Ow. Feels like Athena wants out.
Ow. Feels like Athena wants out.
And now this:
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Wake up, sleepyhead, she scolded herself. Ignore the hurt.
She forced her eyes open, bracing herself for the agony she was sure would follow.
Warm brown eyes, full of concern, stared down at her.
Mayson struggled to focus, failing miserably. His features were soft and indistinct, but she thought she'd seen him before.
"Hi," the man said quietly, giving her a tight, forced smile.
I do know you, Mayson thought woozily.
"You - " she whispered, wincing with the effort. "You're ... him."
Oh, God. Clark froze. How does she know? He was wearing his glasses. His white shirt was completely buttoned, covering the Suit and unmistakable S-emblem. She couldn't know -
"Who?" he asked warily, taking an involuntary half-step backward.
"The man - " Mayson paused and swallowed with difficulty. Was her throat stuffed with cotton? She couldn't seem to make her voice work how she wanted. " ... I love," she finished, her voice barely audible.
She forced her eyes open, bracing herself for the agony she was sure would follow.
Warm brown eyes, full of concern, stared down at her.
Mayson struggled to focus, failing miserably. His features were soft and indistinct, but she thought she'd seen him before.
"Hi," the man said quietly, giving her a tight, forced smile.
I do know you, Mayson thought woozily.
"You - " she whispered, wincing with the effort. "You're ... him."
Oh, God. Clark froze. How does she know? He was wearing his glasses. His white shirt was completely buttoned, covering the Suit and unmistakable S-emblem. She couldn't know -
"Who?" he asked warily, taking an involuntary half-step backward.
"The man - " Mayson paused and swallowed with difficulty. Was her throat stuffed with cotton? She couldn't seem to make her voice work how she wanted. " ... I love," she finished, her voice barely audible.
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Clark raked an unsteady hand through his hair, sadness and guilt roiling in his gut. He looked at Mayson, bruised and broken, and really saw her for the first time since they'd met. He saw a beautiful, intelligent, capable woman who was much more vulnerable than the image she projected.
And then Lois makes her entrance, and I'm quite curious to see how the meeting between Lois, Clark and Mayson will play out.
Lovely chapter, Angelic.
Ann