Zebedee's Sons - Part Two - Feedback - 04/24/03 06:10 PM
Good job, Anne. I'm starting to sense a Romeo and Juliet theme, here.
I'm looking forward to the next installment.
Irene
I'm looking forward to the next installment.
Irene
Re: Zebedee's Sons - Part Two - Feedback - 04/25/03 06:28 AM
I don't know why you're so downbeat about this, Anne. I'm enjoying it very much. The detail of the family relationships is very well told and, as Irene said, it's really coming across that we have two young people who felt that the world was against them.
Nice work!
Nice work!
Re: Zebedee's Sons - Part Two - Feedback - 04/25/03 07:57 AM
I'm enjoying this. Post the next part soon!
Melisma (too wired to go to bed, here under her Rock - it's vacation time, peeps!)
Melisma (too wired to go to bed, here under her Rock - it's vacation time, peeps!)
Re: Zebedee's Sons - Part Two - Feedback - 04/25/03 08:20 AM
I'm glad you started posting this again, Anne, because I'm really enjoying it so far.
This segment was nice setup and background and I agree with Wendy that the characters were well drawn and easy to relate to.
Aha - Lane is on the case. 
Looking forward to seeing what's percolating in that brain of hers, Anne.
LabRat
This segment was nice setup and background and I agree with Wendy that the characters were well drawn and easy to relate to.
Quote
Once inside, Lois turned the car on. "I'm starting to form a theory," she told Clark, turning to look behind them as she backed out of the driveway, "but there's one more thing I need to check out."
Looking forward to seeing what's percolating in that brain of hers, Anne.LabRat
Re: Zebedee's Sons - Part Two - Feedback - 04/25/03 11:00 AM
Ooh, you're back Anne, with the next part.
This is developing very nicely. The way Clark wins the trust of that girl is amazing. I know I'm good, but not that good. And Lois is on top of the case, as usual. Hopefully, she'll solve it soon. Those poor kids, they deserve to be off somewhere together.
Saskia
This is developing very nicely. The way Clark wins the trust of that girl is amazing. I know I'm good, but not that good. And Lois is on top of the case, as usual. Hopefully, she'll solve it soon. Those poor kids, they deserve to be off somewhere together.
Saskia
Re: Zebedee's Sons - Part Two - Feedback - 04/25/03 12:04 PM
Hi,
Great part!
Did Jonh and Jamie elope?
This is to much work for two runaway, unless they were kidnap.
More soon, please.
MAF
Great part!
Did Jonh and Jamie elope? Quote
"I understand that John and Jamie usually sailed during the summer," Lois started. "Do you have any idea why they went out yesterday?"
"Because it was Valentine's Day. John thought it would be *romantic* to watch the sunset from the middle of the lake," Mr. Burke answered with a sneer. "If that no-good kid had any sense at all, my daughter would still be alive."
"Because it was Valentine's Day. John thought it would be *romantic* to watch the sunset from the middle of the lake," Mr. Burke answered with a sneer. "If that no-good kid had any sense at all, my daughter would still be alive."
This is to much work for two runaway, unless they were kidnap. More soon, please.
MAF
Re: Zebedee's Sons - Part Two - Feedback - 04/25/03 01:48 PM
Anne,
good part
please post the next part soon
merry
good part
please post the next part soon
merry
Re: Zebedee's Sons - Part Two - Feedback - 04/28/03 06:21 AM
Liking it so far...
Couple a q's/comments:
why hasn't superman told folks that no bodies could be found? Doesn't want to raise parents' expectations? You might want to bring that up.
I thought it's kind of sad that both the dads are such jerks and both moms seem downtrodden. Maybe that could be interchanged in one couple... (For example, maybe the rich mom could be a total snob...) or maybe you've done it this way on purpose. Just a suggestion.
Also, could you use the blue arrow for new sections of your story? Don't want to miss them...
Keep writing!
Couple a q's/comments:
why hasn't superman told folks that no bodies could be found? Doesn't want to raise parents' expectations? You might want to bring that up.
I thought it's kind of sad that both the dads are such jerks and both moms seem downtrodden. Maybe that could be interchanged in one couple... (For example, maybe the rich mom could be a total snob...) or maybe you've done it this way on purpose. Just a suggestion.
Also, could you use the blue arrow for new sections of your story? Don't want to miss them...
Keep writing!
Re: Zebedee's Sons - Part Two - Feedback - 04/29/03 12:29 AM
Aha. Nice lovebird twist here. Why do I have the strong feeling that's a red herring to some darker purpose? Must be reading too many Tank fics lately. 
As Bethy observed, it's a little sad to see that both sets of parents consist of domineering husbands and submissive wives. I was also a little jerked out of the story by Clark squatting down to talk to Jamie's sister on her level. You do that for pre-teens, yes. But a fifteen-year-old? Wouldn't she be more likely to be annoyed at what she percieved to be condenscension? (I think I spelled that wrong. :rolleyes: ) The girl's response also seemed younger than fifteen to me.
Be that as it may, it's fun to read of Lois and Clark actually doing some investigative reporting for a change. But if it turns out that J&J did run away to elope or what have you, I have little sympathy for them: they must have known how their mothers felt about them. Why didn't they care enough to let them know they were all right?
Let us know soon, okay?
Hazel
As Bethy observed, it's a little sad to see that both sets of parents consist of domineering husbands and submissive wives. I was also a little jerked out of the story by Clark squatting down to talk to Jamie's sister on her level. You do that for pre-teens, yes. But a fifteen-year-old? Wouldn't she be more likely to be annoyed at what she percieved to be condenscension? (I think I spelled that wrong. :rolleyes: ) The girl's response also seemed younger than fifteen to me.
Be that as it may, it's fun to read of Lois and Clark actually doing some investigative reporting for a change. But if it turns out that J&J did run away to elope or what have you, I have little sympathy for them: they must have known how their mothers felt about them. Why didn't they care enough to let them know they were all right?
Let us know soon, okay? Hazel
Re: Zebedee's Sons - Part Two - Feedback - 04/29/03 12:52 AM
And just *why* are we sitting around here waiting for the next part, when we could go storm some castles and *force* it out of her? Wendy once threatened to lock me in a room with bread and water only until I had written the next part of one of my stories - I think we should threaten same here, don'tcha think????
Re: Zebedee's Sons - Part Two - Feedback - 04/29/03 03:16 AM
Anne
A great part!
You did a wonderful job portraying the relationship between the two families.
I'm enjoying this immensely and look forward to reading more.
Tricia
A great part!
You did a wonderful job portraying the relationship between the two families.
I'm enjoying this immensely and look forward to reading more.
Tricia
Re: Zebedee's Sons - Part Two - Feedback - 09/04/03 08:57 AM
Anne,
It's looking to me, like the kids ran off to be together. Both Father's are agaist the relationship it seems.
Especially with that 3500.00 missing.
Hmmm.
<frantically clicking to get to the end>
B
It's looking to me, like the kids ran off to be together. Both Father's are agaist the relationship it seems.
Especially with that 3500.00 missing.
Hmmm.
<frantically clicking to get to the end>
B