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Posted By: Nan FDK: The Vampire Murders: Part 23 - 05/03/13 09:32 AM
Feedback goes here, if any.

Remember, I use reader feedback to improve the final version of the story for submission to the Archive.

I realize it has been a while, but i am still working to finish this story. I have had several things interfere, including my husband's medical emergency and an ongoing problem that, we hope, will be resolved in the next few weeks, as well as the fact that he is retiring in October and we are planning a move to either Arizona or Texas around the first of the year. With all these things crowding in on us, I need a little prodding sometimes to squeeze in time to write.

Nan
Posted By: Keladry Re: FDK: The Vampire Murders: Part 23 - 05/03/13 08:13 PM
party a new part!


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That, of course, was the question. If they called the elevator, they would be able to reach the sub-basement. On the other hand, if someone happened to be in the elevator, they could be in trouble.

As the thought occurred to him, the wall started to move.
eek
Posted By: VirginiaR Re: FDK: The Vampire Murders: Part 23 - 05/03/13 09:40 PM
Well, that was good that Clark and Lois found that picture to go with what Clark saw through the wall. It's always nice when investigating backs up what Clark learned using his powers.

Lois is noticing more about Clark in this part. Dropping his glasses, how broad his shoulders are, and there was something else... how he tends to find broken locks more often than she does. Did I miss something that suddenly made Lois all the more aware of her partner? She hasn't noticed anything at all really about him in the entire story, until this part. (Okay, I believe she noticed that he doesn't get cold like she does.)

Was the man who was coming onto the elevator as they got off the same one who rescued her from the locked room? Or just dressed the same? If he was the same man, I would think he would have recognized Lois and that should have worried either Lois or Clark. If it wasn't him, it should be more clear, because it was kind of confusing. Clark may be in "costume" in Mr. Brunner's suit, but Lois wasn't (or was she? I can't remember. Is she wearing a smock?) I always thought that the man who "rescued" her from the locked room was the same man that they met at the duplex? Or am I confused about that?

So, did Clark hit the button to call the elevator or was he just thinking about it when it suddenly started to open? eek Here you are, leaving us at another cliffhanger!

Until next time. wave
Posted By: amberlea Re: FDK: The Vampire Murders: Part 23 - 05/04/13 07:22 AM
I'm so glad to see another part of this story! I don't really have anything in the way of useful feedback...but I am still reading and can't wait for the rest of the story!

Amber smile
Posted By: IolantheAlias Re: FDK: The Vampire Murders: Part 23 - 05/04/13 09:43 PM
I hope your husband does well. Good luck on the moving; as Ben Franklin said, "Two removals equal one fire." smile

Cliffhanger city! What's going to come out of that wall?
Posted By: KateB Re: FDK: The Vampire Murders: Part 23 - 05/05/13 12:42 PM
You did it to us again Nan shock What a cliffhanger. laugh I love this story so much, that I'll be waiting patiently. smile
Good luck!!
Posted By: Darth Michael Re: FDK: The Vampire Murders: Part 23 - 06/30/13 02:39 AM
Hi Nan!
Am a bit late to the game but now there’s two parts! hyper

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But, you know, if I was that fake vampire, I'd worry. He's a liability. He knows too much for Bill Church to let him go. He'll never have the chance to get started in Montana or anyplace else.
But…but…but…they’re running an enterprise. They can’t go around handing out severe severance packages to their former employees eek

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He turned and went to suit action to word,
Did he also laser it shut?

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"No," Clark said. "It looks like the locking drawer is broken."
[Linked Image] That’s convient.

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They'd probably think Cost Mart was just looking for a spokesman to hawk their stuff."
[Linked Image] “The Intergang Blood Drainer 2.0 – *slurp* Even Vald swears by it”

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but this thing was a bilious green and a kind of nasty yellow-brown with shapeless little blobs of red dotting it as if someone had thrown paint at the owner.
Maybe he has a bloody cough? Or he wore it while going all Pulp Fiction on a guy?

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As the thought occurred to him, the wall started to move.
Uh-oh. Didn’t that happen earlier, too?

wave Michael
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