Feedback, Refections, Part 4 - 11/21/08 07:23 AM
Any feedback would be appreciated...
Re: Feedback, Refections, Part 4 - 11/21/08 11:34 AM
Wow. That was unexpected. I was captivated by the first part when Lois tracked Clark down. Very good rendition of 1st season Lois there. 
However, I was still under the impression that she was Lena until she started asking her questions. Confusion set in...
These lines made it apparent that Lois wasn't Lena, but I wondered if maybe Lena was an alter-ego of Lois' when her memory had gone awry (similar to Wanda Detroit). Could her appearance and characteristics be so different that Clark wouldn't recognize her?
To other readers, maybe it was obvious that they were two different people. Clark will probably never forget what Lena/Monique looked like.
Interesting story. You're integrating the flashbacks and real-time very well. I get a little frustrated by it (not because of your writing, but because I want to know what happens next
) I can't wait for the next part.
Brenda
However, I was still under the impression that she was Lena until she started asking her questions. Confusion set in...Quote
Now that he thought about it for a minute, she did seem familiar, but he couldn't immediately place her.
To other readers, maybe it was obvious that they were two different people. Clark will probably never forget what Lena/Monique looked like.
Interesting story. You're integrating the flashbacks and real-time very well. I get a little frustrated by it (not because of your writing, but because I want to know what happens next
) I can't wait for the next part.Brenda
Re: Feedback, Refections, Part 4 - 11/21/08 11:58 AM
I was sure that Lena was Lois. 
Re: Feedback, Refections, Part 4 - 11/21/08 12:13 PM
You know I love this part!
I agree! And I love how you finally take pity on us and tell us the truth...bit by bit.
Am beta-ing chapters five and six right now - jealous?
Can't wait to hear what everyone else thinks!
Quote
Interesting story. You're integrating the flashbacks and real-time very well. I get a little frustrated by it (not because of your writing, but because I want to know what happens next )
Am beta-ing chapters five and six right now - jealous?
Can't wait to hear what everyone else thinks!
Re: Feedback, Refections, Part 4 - 11/21/08 09:44 PM
Thank you for the kind feedback. Next part to be posted on Monday (hopefully)
Re: Feedback, Refections, Part 4 - 11/22/08 11:02 AM
Wow, this keeps getting better and better and more and more confusing and misleading. I am loving it and looking forward to Monday
Re: Feedback, Refections, Part 4 - 11/22/08 06:00 PM
I didn't for one minute think that Lena was Lois ~ but I'm really glad you proved it apart from a previous little hint that I picked up on. What a very unpleasant character Lena is.
Thank you for a delightful story ~ very much looking forward to the next instalment.
Fauve
Thank you for a delightful story ~ very much looking forward to the next instalment.
Fauve
Re: Feedback, Refections, Part 4 - 11/22/08 10:14 PM
Im enjoying this story alot. Cant wait to see how it turns out.
Re: Feedback, Refections, Part 4 - 11/23/08 05:15 PM
Great story. Keep it coming.
Artemis
Artemis
Re: Feedback, Refections, Part 4 - 12/04/08 10:43 AM
At least I was right about the weapons...
And there are two mores parts already posted
Michael
And there are two mores parts already posted
Michael
Re: Feedback, Refections, Part 4 - 01/18/09 01:45 PM
Awww poor Clark to be deceived like that. Selling weapons as if they were toys and including Clark in spite of knowing that he would never agree to that!!!