So, tell me what you think.

James

Thanks for translating the order for me. It was like listening to Greek.

Oma I understand from my passing knowledge of Stargate. The two who speak as one I don't understand at all. They sound robotic to me, maybe mind readers. It's all very mysterious to hear about champions without understanding what that means.

I assume that Mike is the one that everyone knows from Lois and Clark. How interesting that he thinks that Oma won't remember him when everyone knows him in Lois and Clark's world. Maybe it's that he usually knows everybody, but they don't usually know him.


Elisabeth

Yeah, the two individuals are The Powers That Be. They are rather non-descript and honestly I've never seen them. I got the description from a web-site. Thats part of the reason for mentioning that they put Illyria in the Deeper Well.

The point of her 'remembering' is the order not the person. I've modified it to make it more clear.


James

I have to admit, I had to study this a bit before it all came together. I immediately recognized Oma and the diner. And, of course, with your description of Mike, he was easy to pin down.

The two strangers and the reference to “Illyria in the Deeper Well” left me scratching my head a bit. (Wikipedia came to the rescue on this part.)

However, in general I was able to track. I am certainly interested in learning more details behind the problem on the “mother of the successor” that was killed in a way that would present entities of this sort with a problem.

The combination of the very different entities and their powers makes for some interesting potentials.

Bob

Ok, ok, after having my alternate, yet still lovely Beta Reader, Elisabeth(who has no clue about Buffy and Angel) read it, I now know where I have been lacking.

I have added additional detail to Part 1 that will explain a few things.

James.

The extra info is a bit of a help.

So, I'm really bad at this type of thing. I just skim over things I don't understand and there was a lot of that here.

But, you have my interest none the less and the "Many of his clients may have had a passing thought that he looked like John Bosley from the old Charlie's Angels TV show, but they would never have said it out loud." made me laugh out loud.

The edits helped immensely. I understood the passing references to Buffy and Stargate the first time around, but didn't get the dig about "The Powers That Be." It's much clearer now.

The thing that concerns me is that you've started a tale which seems to encompass at least three different realities (dimensions, manifestations, whatever), and my experience with such tales is that the plot and the backstory and the interaction of the realities has the potential to overwhelm the characters and their interactions. I intend to keep reading, because the tale has so much potential, but I hope that the focus is on the characters (Clark and whatever Lois gets dragged in by Mike) and not the beings which tend to exist above our mortal plane.

I've seen a number of published SF novels which garner critical praise but don't hold my interest. The highly regarded dark future and dark alternate stories of William Gibson and the far-reaching epic tales of Greg Bear come to my mind as examples. They're both excellent writers and they tell a good tale, but they both tend to lose their characters in the settings. And I'm certain that there are FOLCs who will read my comment and think, "That guy is nuts! Gibson and Bear are among the best ever! What's he been smoking?" I don't smoke, by the way. I simply prefer character-driven stories instead of action-driven stories.

While I'm almost surely in the minority in my opinion of those authors, I offer it to explain my comments, not to critique this story. As I said, I'm looking forward to reading more of it.

Hmmm, so I don't recognize Oma and I have never watched Buffy... don't like vampires much... but I've got to say:



Ann

Ann, the rebellious human being was Oma DeSala, one of the Ancients from SG-1

James, right now I have no idea where you're taking this or who the champion in question is. I mean, it's got to be someone from the Buffy-verse given you're using the TPTB as your protagonists here. Oh well... Wonder what you're going to do here

Are your TPTB the Oracles from Angel? If so, then I found a picture:

here: http://buffy.wikia.com/wiki/The_Oracles

Michael, looking forward to discovering what I have forgotten about SG-1 and Buffy since the last time I've seen it.