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Some subtle changes to this section. I changed some of the motivation behind the fight after stepping up their actions in the last section. This is the part I'm most worried about, I think. I'm still not quite sure the fight works with everything else. Let me know what you think.

Thanks,
Annie

Hi,

Beautiful!

:rolleyes: Sometime Lois can drive someone crazy.

More soon, please.

MAF

Annie,

Oh, Lois, I thought she was starting to like Clark and then Superman has to go and show up. I feel so sorry for Clark! He doesn't realize that Lois is genuinely curious about Superman rather than mooning over him exactly! Maybe she is starting to figure out a certain secret . I can sort of see the wheels in her head turning. I loved when Clark came back and saw that she had been crying and then picked her up and she woke up. The conversation there was so waffy .

I think the fight definately works in the context of the story. Clark thought that he might finally have a chance with Lois only to hear her talking about Superman. I think it absolutely fits!

- Alicia

YAY!



I think it fits fine. Besides, it's not really Lois & Clark until CK pulls a disappearing act hah. And it makes sense that Lois would obsess over the fly by until they fought over it. :p

Annie, I had thought the fight worked very well in the previous version, since Clark was already sensitive about Lois loving his superhero side and ignoring the "real" him. But now that you've reworked this, for her to appear to still be obsessing about Superman after their steamy dancing and kisses on the dance floor the previous night, the reason for Clark to be upset is even stronger.

I like that Lois is acknowledging this to herself (poor Clark), and I really liked this next part too...
Very typical Lois.

Teeny nitpick...
Since you moved up the incident with Paul and the waitress to earlier in the story, I think that by this point it is two nights ago.

The added introspection on both their parts was excellent. And I felt so sorry for Clark when I read this...


Considering I've already read this story, I shouldn't be so caught up in a reposting, right? But I am. Just shows how good it is...

Kathy

well, i was going to write a short post about how i've been enjoying this story, but how this part was especially good and such...

now i see you're worried about the fight.

don't be.

it works really well. i don't remember the original version well enough to see what you've changed, but i can say that the whole thing flowed together very naturally. from superman's sudden appearance to her obsessing to clark's frustration to her introspection to his... just perfect. it all hangs together, each line, each transition rising exactly as it should from what came before.

loved the introspection on both their parts. i'm glad lois could see the problem even without knowing ck=sm.

still, poor lois, thinking she'd managed to drive clark away. poor clark thinking lois just wants a friend. and, at the end, they're both so tired...

out of this whole part, there are only two things i have to complain about. first, there are a couple of extra hard returns. second, you used starbucks. how could you? overpriced midling-quality coffee aside, they're ubiquitous dens of yuppie evilness...

well, second most evil corperation in the country aside, i'm still enjoying the story. looking forward to part 7.

Paul

Well, if you have to know, I thought after the fight and she's sitting there crying, and he comes back and puts her to bed... What better time to have a (cue eerie music) Revelation??? I mean, really, there they are in DC, Supes shows up for a really minor rescue, she looked like she was getting suspicious of something... it would be perfect either for her to figure it out on her own, or by way of apology or not, him to tell her...

But that's just me. Don't let *me* tell you how to write your story - I'm just enjoying it way the heck too much...

Melisma (neglecting her RL duties here under her Rock so she can read fic...)

It's funny you should be worrying about the fight, Annie -- I had just been thinking that this one worked a lot better than the original It's not unusual for Lois to obsess over Superman. It is unusual for Clark to yell at her about it -- and that's explained perfectly now.

And I liked that she realized that she *wasn't* mooning over Superman, just curious about the activities of a friend. I have a vague memory that last time through, she did get into a few romantic fantasies before the fight shocked her into her senses. I like her better now that she's not two-timing Clark After that bar scene, it would have seemed terribly shallow of her.

As you can perhaps tell, I'm greatly enjoying this repost, Annie! It's always been a fun story, and you've only made it better.

And then this --
-was so incredibly poignant. That's what I call a wistful, heartwrenching, agonizing moment

PJ
who kinda preferred the old meaning of "wham"...

Um, what Pam and KathyM said!

(I have to admit, it's funny to have another Kathy on the boards ... I keep looking at her posts and thinking "when did I write this?" )

As Pam explained, I think the rewrite of this scene is marvelous, and the reordering and fleshing out (no pun intended) of the bar scene definitely ties it all together. I love that Lois isn't moony over Superman anymore; yes, she can't help but enjoy a little ego boost over the fact that he might be missing her, but she's not fantasizing over him the day after kissing Clark.

And I love the way that Clark finally loses his cool. (A true TDASC moment! Oh, Annie, I'm so proud!) Your explanation for him getting upset was perfect -- he was letting himself get a bit hopeful after her behavior in the bar, and it was a blow to hear her talk about Superman while ignoring their kiss. Even though Lois wasn't doing anything more than being obsessively curious, it makes complete sense that Clark would be overly sensitive to any mention of his alter-ego right now, so his reaction was perfectly in character.

And, of course, the ending ... with them in bed, him holding her to him, comforting her, only to be reminded of his belief that she loves him only as a friend ... very poignant.

Great job.

Kathy

Hooray! You liked it! Thanks everyone, I feel much better about this scene now.

and

Very glad this came across. This is something I've changed for this revision, something I felt was necessary after changes made to earlier scenes, as pointed out here:

Also:

Good catch! I totally missed this. Thank you.

LOL! Well, in DC there is a starbucks on every corner (and I mean every corner, not just every intersection <G>) so it was just a natural assumption.

Really? Because I just write fluff. I'm not into all that agonizing <G>


And I keep looking at her posts thinking, "That's not what she said yesterday..." <G>


LOL! Well, I learned from the best.

Thanks again everyone. I'm so glad you're enjoying this the second time around.

Annie

Oh my gosh - you guys are talking about me <g> How cool...

Since Kathy is a relatively common name, I have of course run into this confusion before, and I am the newcomer here. Hmm, I'll think about this. Lacking imagination to come up with a scintillating on-screen personality ...

KathyM

LOL, Kathy! If you like the idea of a secret identity <g> by all means, go ahead, but please don't do it on my account. I know exactly what you mean about it being a common name (I have yet to live in a city where there wasn't at least one other person with my first and last name -- my current city has four of us!) and I certainly don't have any claim to it here or anywhere else. It was just funny to see another Kathy after so long of being the only one, that's all.

Please keep posting ... we love newcomers and you write great feedback.

Kathy (who would have sent this privately but there was no email addy listed )