Hi everyone!! I know, I know... it has been AGES since I have posted anything... Well, I have a new story, hot off the presses. Thank yous go to Female Hawk and Kenj for beta-ing it at its various stages...
I think you'll figure out pretty quickly when this takes place, but it is at the very end of Season 3.
Enjoy!
---
Time stopped as my whole world disappeared out through the Daily Planet window.
I was strong until that moment. Until the last flutter of his cape had disappeared in a streak of red, I was able to hold on, believe that our love would carry us through any disaster, any eventuality.
But as soon as he was gone, really gone, I collapsed. Inwardly, my heart broke into a million pieces as my one anchor to this earth left, possibly forever. I buckled into the steadying arms of his parents; mere proxies for the one I longed to hold me… who I feared might never hold me again.
And I had stood there and let it happen! Because Clark had always been my rock, I had been able to lean on him, trust his judgment that helping his people was the right thing to do. His noble nature had rubbed off on me, after all. But with him gone, I fell immediately back into lost and lonely Lois Lane—and I can’t believe I let it happen!
“It’s over,” I whispered brokenly, realizing what I had lost, let go of because I had decided to be noble and self-sacrificing—for a people and a place I’d never see. “I shouldn’t have let him go!”
Only in my deepest heart did I admit the hate I felt for those Kryptonians for taking away my Clark, my husband in all but name. They had snatched away our future happiness together by appealing to what had always been strong in Clark, his need to help people. And I hated them for it. I hated them for taking him away, and I felt guilty because of that hate.
As the tears fell, I cringed at what Clark would think if he could read my mind like his Kryptonian brethren could read his. Would he be shocked? Disappointed that he had almost married a woman so selfish?
I always knew that marrying Superman would mean I would have to share him with the world. I just never thought that could mean I would have to share him with the universe…
Jonathan Kent murmured to me, “A love that risks nothing, is worth nothing.”
I wanted to believe that, but Clark and I had already risked so much. Our love had already been tested by amnesia, clones, and psychopaths. Why must it be put through this trial as well?
~L&C~
I sat alone on the sofa for hours that night… first holding the teddy bear Clark had given me during a long- ago fair in Smallville… Our time together had been so short—it could have been so much more meaningful if I had acknowledged the connection between us sooner, instead of running away from him.
It doesn’t matter. What matters is the time I had with him—and the hope I must hold onto that he will return to me again someday.
In my darkest despair, I could almost hear him calling to me… I didn’t know if it was my imagination, and I didn’t care. My heart simply reached out to the endless skies that separated us as I stood up from the sofa and moved to the window. I wiped my eyes, searching the starlit sky for his star. “Clark?” came out choked and weak, speaking his name only burning a more painful hole in my chest, as I feared I may never speak it to his face again.
I heard him, though, in my soul, and despite how crazy it sounds, I’m certain through the darkness and across the stars he’d already traveled, I heard him say, “I love you.” I hold on to those words, bury them deep in my heart, a balm to the wound that is still freshly there, a wound that can only heal with his return…
Slowly, I made my way back to my sofa. As I sat, I idly watched the curtains flutter, thinking of the many times Clark had come in through those curtains as Superman. I can almost see his reassuring smile, his majestic cape swishing behind him.
In retrospect, I wondered how many times he had come by my place after a particularly harrowing rescue, before I had known his secret. How many times had he come here because I had turned him away as Clark? I never asked him about those nights, sensing that he had felt embarrassed about that period of our relationship; and I didn’t want him to feel embarrassed that those visits had been his guilty pleasure—they had certainly been mine . And in my own way, I had tried to be there for him, even then, as best I could without knowing the truth.
And now… when I needed him most, I had let him go… and all I can do is trust that he’ll come back to me.
~L&C~
I think I dozed off a moment. I looked up, seeing the curtain still fluttering, and I thought I saw a figure on the balcony…
My heart in my throat, I called out, “Clark?” as I raced over.
Before I could get to the window, a tall blond man stepped inside instead, and I felt my blood run cold with fear.
“Tempus,” I whispered, dread surging through me.
“So good of you to remember me, Lois,” he said with a snide grin. “I know you must be awfully lonely without your fiancé in tights… so, I thought I’d give you a treat.”
“What do you want?” I said steadily, trying to reign in my fear. I didn’t trust him any farther than I could throw him.
“Just for you to take a little trip…”
He grabbed my arm, and before I could protest, we were whisked away…
~L&C~
I woke up in my apartment.
I sat up and looked around, suddenly remembering being abducted by Tempus.
I began walking around, noticing that something… was off. The walls around me seemed unnaturally flimsy, and the light outside was a shade or two brighter than normal. I tried the sink, and the stream that came out was a pathetic trickle. I’d have to talk to Mr. Tracewski about that…
“Hey, thought you left already… I know the feeling. I’m gonna miss this old set.”
I froze, hearing that voice, a voice I’d know anywhere from behind me. I turned, and there was Clark wearing a baseball cap, jeans and a t-shirt. I ran to him without thinking and threw my arms around him.
“I never thought I’d see you again!” I cried, overcome.
“Teri, calm down. I told you, we’ll keep in touch. “ He pulled back from the hug and looked me in the eyes. “What’s with the waterworks?” he asked gently.
I looked up at him, and really saw him, realizing that something wasn't right. I stepped out of his arms and looked around the apartment again. Was this a trick? Who’s Teri? Where had Tempus sent me?
Clark—or the man I thought was Clark, had a concerned look on his face. I wanted to crumple into tears right there. That was my Clark’s look of concern---but, he wasn’t Clark.
I sat down on the sofa, which was much more uncomfortable than my real sofa, and started sobbing. “Tempus! Tempus did this!” I cried.
The man who wasn’t Clark came and sat beside me. “Teri, what’s going on? Look I know, taping the last three episodes was a bit insane, but we got through it. I thought you’d be on a flight by now back to New York. Are you okay?”
I looked up at him, the man who wasn’t Clark, with tears streaming down my face. “Who are you?” I asked, shaken. “Where am I?”
He looked at me with infinite patience, which only sent me into more tears, as that’s exactly how my Clark would look at me. “Did you hit your head?” he asked kindly.
I shook it in answer, demonstrating that it had not in fact been smacked. He took my hands, and I fought the urge to lean into him. “Teri, I know it’s been stressful… We both loved these characters, and it’s hard to let them go. I’m still trying to get them to at least let me keep the cape, you know? Just to have something to remember it all by… Look, why don’t we go get a bite to eat, get off the set, and shake it off, okay?”
Not knowing what else to do, confused and heart-broken, I accepted his arm as we wandered out of my apartment and on to what looked like a film set...
DEAN
Teri must be taking the wrap-up harder than even I am…
We stepped out onto the Warner Brothers back lot, and she looked around, eyes wide.
“Where am I?” she whispered.
I took her by the shoulders, and steered her towards the parking lot. “Teri, are you sure you are okay?”
She turned to face me, her eyes hitting me square in the chest. It reminded me of a few of those long nights on set, when we were both so exhausted yet would find a little bit of magic left – usually in a scene that ended with a kiss. When the director would yell cut, we’d always pull away like two guilty children.
Teri was married… and yet, this was work, our job. We were paid to be in love.
How many times over the last four years have I had to repeat that to myself?
But she turned to me with one of those intense gazes that always gave me chills on set, when I really felt her channeling Lois Lane.
She whispered something, and I longed to have Clark Kent’s super hearing just for a moment to catch it. I asked her again if she was all right and she stopped in the middle of the parking lot.
“I’m Lois Lane,” she said with desperate conviction that, quite honestly, frightened me.
“Teri---“
Breathless, with tears in her eyes, she shook her head. “You have to believe me – I’m Lois Lane!”
Noticing some techies eyeing our odd little scene, I ushered Teri into my car. I came around to the driver’s side, buckled up and started the engine.
Teri was in tears next to me. I couldn’t just ignore her, but people around the lot were starting to notice and I knew the last thing Teri would want was gossip to stir up. So I quietly backed my car out and started driving. I was tempted to turn on the radio, but I didn’t want Teri to think I was disrespecting her grief.
When her tears subsided a little, I finally spoke. “Do you want to talk about it?” I pulled out on to the L. A. Expressway, which was already jammed with the evening traffic. We’d be here a while.
“I don’t understand what ha—happened,” she stammered. “Tempus… what did he do?” she whispered fiercely.
Teri is one of the sharpest people I know. She dove into her role wholeheartedly as Lois Lane, but she could always turn it off and relax after a shoot. This new Teri sitting next to me was unnerving.
I glanced over at her, her doe eyes wide with fear and trepidation. I couldn’t let her continue to suffer like that. I reached out for her hand. Her tiny one slid into mine, and she seemed to breathe easier.
“You’re just like him,” she whispered. “But—I know you’re not…”
“Teri—what’s going on?”
“I. Am. Lois. Lane,” she said deliberately. “I don’t know how to explain it… I don’t know how to explain you—and why do you keep calling me Teri?”
The traffic was beginning to move a little. I shifted my Miata to scoot around a few cars, but we ended up right behind all the slow traffic a moment later.
“We acted together. In a show about Superman,” I explained patiently. “I played Clark Kent/Superman, and you played—“
“-- Lois Lane,” she said numbly. “Tempus sure does have a sick sense of humor…”
“Who?”
“Tempus. He hates everything about y—Clark. And this surely tops his schemes…”
I sighed. Still trying to wrap my mind around the idea that this might not actually be Teri. Unless—had Teri lost it? We both had wanted the show to continue. We had all kinds of ideas that the producers had been willing to discuss, and I had at least two ideas for episodes I was thinking of writing…
But surely…
At last, traffic was starting to free up. But I had no idea where I could take Te—er, Lois? “Do you want to get a bite to eat somewhere?” I asked.
“I need to figure out how to get back. H-he’ll come back, and I have to be there,” she said a little desperately.
“Who? Eh, Tempus?” I said warily, not believing I was having this conversation with my co-star.
“Clark,” she said, so brokenly, so full of lonely love and isolation that my heart reached out for her – whoever she was. Had Teri really lost it? Or was this just a strange joke being played on me?
But no matter. She was upset, and we were friends.
“Tell you what? We’re only a few miles from my condo. Why don’t we go there?” I suggested, realizing that if we appeared in public together we’d probably get mobbed, and if Teri started talking like she was Lois Lane, well, the papers would have a field day.
“I suppose so,” she answered quietly, staring out the window. A light rain had begun, and I switched on the wipers. The quiet swoosh of the wipers across the windshield was the only noise in the car.
I heard her voice, but didn’t hear what she said. “What?” I asked quietly, turning off the highway as I headed for home.
“I’m not crazy… I just don’t know—how to explain this. Or—you,” she said.
“It’s okay… we’ll figure it out,” I said calmly, though I had no idea how.
LOIS
He looked like Clark. He sounded like him – but he wasn’t him.
This world seemed so strange, so--- not right.
Clark had taught me to believe in the impossible and the improbable. He had taught me to believe in miracles…
I had to believe that somehow either he or HG Wells would find me. Even in this alternate world, where Clark was- -- not Clark.
I surreptitiously studied the man next to me. “What did you say your name was?”
He seemed startled at my question, but quickly recovered. “Dean… Dean Cain,” he said, shaking his head. “Are you sure you’re all right?”
I sighed, and sunk in my seat. “Fine,” I murmured, meanwhile feeling far from it.
At last, we pulled up to a gated house. Dean leaned out the window to punch in a code. Whoever he was, apparently he was important enough to need a gated house.
We drove into a garage and went inside. He led me to his kitchen. A spacious, modern kitchen that might even make an incompetent cook like me passable…
“Would you like something to drink? Orange juice… water… wine?”
“Wine,” I said immediately.
He poured us two glasses of Merlot and lifted his in a sort of toast.
He glanced around the kitchen, seemingly at a loss what to say, when he reached across the counter to check his blinking answering machine.
“You have one new message: Thursday, November 24, 1996, 4:02 PM: ‘Dean, hey it’s Teri. Just wanted to let you know I got back to New York safely—'"
Dean hit the button and glanced at me. I think my jaw dropped to my toes – that woman sounded just like me!
“That was—Teri?” I somehow managed to get out.
Dean looked just as shocked as I felt. He took his baseball cap off and ran his fingers through his hair in an unnervingly Clark-like gesture. “Yeah… so I guess that really does make you ---Lois Lane,” he said, though he still didn’t seem to believe it.
I nodded, still trying to understand how there could be a Clark who wasn’t Clark, and a me who wasn’t me out there in the world.
“I just want to get back to where I belong,” I said simply, an ache building in my chest as I thought about Clark, out there—somewhere.
“I have an idea,” Dean said, moving towards the living room. “I have some tapes of our show—maybe watching them will help you understand---“
“Understand what? That Tempus sent me to this alternate universe—where Clark and I are a sitcom?”
“Not a sitcom… More of a family drama…er, well, it’s a family show…”
He dug through his large cabinet, next to his big screen TV. Suddenly he turned around, a triumphant grin on his face. My heart flipped –how could he look just like Clark, and yet not be him?
He cleared his throat, perhaps seeing my slight discomfiture and started getting the VCR ready.
“What’s it like?” he asked, suddenly a little shy.
“What?”
He glanced over his shoulder, though not looking at me. “Flying with Superman?” he said with a slight chuckle. He shook his head, coming to sit by me on the sofa as he grabbed a remote. “I can’t believe I’m asking you that…”
“It’s okay…” I said, even though I felt a lump in my throat at the thought… Would I ever see Clark again? He was worlds away, and I—was completely lost in another dimension.
I sighed, gathering my thoughts and reining in my emotions. “It’s amazing. He’s—amazing.”
Dean smiled slightly and seemed embarrassed. “I can’t believe any of this is real, but—“ he said, pressing play.
We sat there for the next three hours, watching episodes of what were essentially mine and Clark’s lives. Not word for word, mind, and the effects looked pretty fake- - but the shocking thing was the events of our lives took the shape of plots in this television series.
I was riveted to the screen, and made Dean show me episode after episode, flabbergasted that a whole world existed where Clark and I existed, but merely in fictional form.
After about the third episode and halfway through the second bottle of wine, Dean turned to me, curious. “So—what happened when you disappeared?”
I took another long sip of the wine, overwhelmed by the events of the day, but eventually answered him. “Clark left… to lead his people on New Krypton,” I croaked out, the pain of his absence still so raw. “And I—I don’t know if I’ll ever see him again.”
Tears were streaming down my cheeks as I looked helplessly up at Dean. He grimaced sympathetically and reached across the table to hand me a tissue.
“Thanks,” I murmured. Suddenly, I had a thought. “Wait. If your show follows our lives, albeit not exactly—but maybe I could learn what will happen to Clark?” I looked up at him expectantly, hope surging through me.
He gave me an apologetic shrug. “Sorry, I don’t have the season four tapes yet. But Lois, in our show, Superman does return,” he said, and then seemed to hesitate.
“What is it?” I ask calculatingly, seeing his guarded expression. “What aren’t you telling me?”
He cleared his throat, like a doctor about to deliver some bad news, but his eyes met mine, “Clark comes back because a Kryptonian named Lord Nor decides to attack Earth.”
DEAN
I can’t believe those words left my mouth, and that somehow, somewhere, they are actually the truth.
I can see it on her face. The look of terror in her eyes, and I immediately want to reassure her. “But it all works out in the end, Lois. Clark fights Lord Nor and saves Earth.”
Lois’ tears returned, her eyes full of soulful sorrow. “But that was a television show, Dean. Of course the hero wins. But in real life?”
I sigh, still trying to wrap my mind around the idea that this is the real Lois Lane, engaged to a real Superman, out there somewhere. I laugh a little to myself, and Lois gives me a reproving look.
“What?” she asked.
“Nothing. I guess it’s true what they say about parallel universes and all that.”
She looked at me with a wry expression, classic Lois Lane, in my view. “But what are we going to do about it? I have to get back!”
Even in her distress, I found her determined spirit charming. It was unsettling, really. Teri had only played a character that I had found disarming at times and had to work hard not to fall for. But Lois Lane in the flesh? I was a dead man.
I wanted to help her any way I could, strangely because of Clark Kent. I somehow could feel the expectation on my shoulders. I looked like him, and therefore she expected that I would be like him. And some foolish part of me desperately wanted to try to be.
My pager beeped. I glanced down and saw it was Sharon, a woman I’d been dating off and on. We were supposed to go out tonight. But there was no way I was going to leave the Lois Lane alone in my apartment, in a strange world. I knew Clark Kent wouldn’t want me to either.
“Can you excuse me a moment? I need to make a phone call,” I say, heading off into the bedroom.
LOIS
While Dean left to make his phone call, I tried to keep myself from falling apart, worried about my world.
Clark would be back. And so would I.
I had to believe that.
I scanned the names of the episodes on the tapes, trying to work out how accurate they may have been to Clark's and my real-life adventures. Was Dean right? Would Lord Nor try to take over Earth?
But how was I to get back? How would Clark know how to find me?
I felt so lost, only half-recognizing the titles of his books, seeing how truly different this world was. I came across a picture of him and Teri, dressed up like me and Clark and tears caught in my throat at the striking resemblances. Sure, Clark’s Superman suit looked much more resplendent in real-life, but there was a genuine affection between the two actors that came across clearly in the photo. I nosed around a bit more, but didn’t see any other photos.
Was Dean single?
My heart went out to him, somehow feeling like he was similar to the Clark I had met in that other universe, the Clark who had lost his family and his Lois… it broke my heart to think Dean was alone in the same way.
I heard him clear his throat behind me. “That was taken after Season 2, just before Teri cut her hair.”
Almost subconsciously, I reached for my own pageboy hair, chilled again by the uncanny similarities of our worlds.
“I always thought it looked better cut that way,” he said softly, gesturing to my current style.
I suddenly sighed, frustrated to hear the same tenderness in his voice that I would hear in Clark’s and yet know that he wasn’t Clark. “How am I going to get back?” I asked helplessly.
“I don’t know. But we’ll find a way,” he said, again so like Clark. It broke my resolve, and I was abruptly in a flood of tears once more.
Dean hesitated a moment, but then suddenly wrapped me in his arms, rubbing my back like a small child. “Please don’t cry. We’ll figure this out. I promise.”
“And you don’t think I’m crazy?” I said, my voice sounding muffled as I cried into his shoulder.
“I don’t know what to think. But I don’t think you are crazy.”
Eventually my tears calmed, held in his arms. I pulled away from him, feeling guilty for having sought some solace there.
He cleared his throat, sensing the awkwardness and offered me more wine.
I suddenly felt very sleepy and shook my head. “I’d just like to go to bed, if it’s all the same to you. I have no idea what to do, but I know I can’t think as tired as I am.”
“No problem at all. There’s a guest room upstairs. Follow me.”
DEAN
Lois Lane was sleeping in my guest room.
I smiled to myself as I jogged lightly back down the stairs.
What a strange world…
My kitchen phone rang and I reached to answer it.
“Dean, hi. It’s Teri,” came that voice that always made me smile. That voice in the form of Lois Lane was even more breathtaking.
I steadied myself, resisting the urge to blurt out the fact that Lois Lane herself had somehow found her way into our world and instead listened to why Teri was calling.
“Did you have a nice flight?” I managed to get out, hoping she didn’t hear the edge of nervous excitement in my voice.
“First class is always better than coach,” she quipped. “Hey, listen, I was supposed to be back in LA by Friday for the unofficial L&C farewell party, but my agent just called and I have to stay in New York over the weekend. Is it horrible that your co-star won’t be there?” she said apologetically.
Normally, I would have been very disappointed, and I knew that the rest of the cast and crew who had been looking forward to another chance to celebrate and remember the show would be, too. Yet, I had her replacement just upstairs…
“Uh, sure. I’m sure they’ll understand,” I said, smiling at the idea of actually taking Lois Lane herself to the wrap-up party. “Business is business, right?”
“Thanks. So you don’t mind making my excuses for me?”
“No, don’t worry about anything. I’ll find another date.”
“OK. Well, look me up next time you’re in New York, and same when I come back to LA.”
“Of course. Take care, Teri.”
“You, too, Dean. Bye.”
I hung up the phone and sighed, my heart still racing at the idea of Lois going to the party.
Would it work? Would everyone buy that she was Teri?
And would Lois mind?
I hoped not.
I had always enjoyed my co-star’s company, but especially when she was in the throes of playing Lois Lane.
Secretly, I had really enjoyed our fourth season – when we were married. I had been able to pretend Lois Lane was my wife, hold Teri in my arms and kiss her quite frequently. There were a few occasions where I had felt quite guilty afterwards, confused between my acting and my own feelings of loneliness.
It wasn’t easy being a good-looking TV star. You usually had either starlets or local fans chasing after you, and neither seemed to want to be with you for the right reasons.
So no wonder, sometimes between the moments of reality, under the TV lights and with a make-believe super persona to back me up, I enjoyed kissing my co-star.
There. I admitted it. She was happily married to someone else, and I enjoyed kissing her. Her Lois Lane was so much fun, so charming, and a part of me had fallen for her.
But Lois Lane herself was another level of amazing. And I looked just like her real-life fiancé. In her world, I was Superman.
I reached for the wine bottle, needing something to take the nervous edge off my emotions. I sighed as I sat in front of the TV and searched for a basketball game to watch.
But my thoughts kept drifting to the strange events of today. It seemed that there actually were parallel worlds. What was fiction here, was true somewhere else. This was ground-breaking – if the scientific community knew, they’d have a field day.
I could be famous for something other than playing Clark Kent/Superman.
But the part of me that remembered what it was like to play Clark Kent, who was scared of his origins, and feared getting dissected like a frog, knew I had to keep this to myself.
If anyone actually found out that Lois Lane was really herself, her life would never be the same.
I owed it to that real Clark Kent out there, and to the character I had believed in for the last four years, to do everything in my power to protect Lois – and to somehow figure out how to get her back where she belonged.
