I haven't posted in some time now, but this little piece demanded to be written. It isn't beta-ed and I hope there aren't too many mistakes.
Disclaimers as usual: I don't own Lois and Clark, I just borrowed them for a bit of fun.
Set in Season 1
All hope lost?
„But that’s what I am, a normal man leading a normal life, the same man you refused when we sat on that park bench. How could I ever believe that you would see the man, not the powers?”
Those words, said in a moment of utter despair and pain, were still preying on Clarks mind. It was too late now, they could not be unsaid. All that was left to do was warning his parents, before his secret would be revealed to the world. It was too tempting a story for Lois not to write it, or more likely broadcast it on television for the Daily Planet was gone. Clark was surprised that Lois had not told Lex. Or maybe she had and Lex just had not boasted about his new found knowledge? That was highly unlikely. So why had she not told him? Did Lois blame him for not saving Lex? Had she known about the kryptonite cage? So many questions, but they would have to remain unanswered.
Clark leaned his head against the backrest of his sofa, his eyes closed. After a night spent under the influence of kryptonite, he was still without his powers. But that was not what kept him slouched on his sofa. Clark felt so empty. How could he have lost his temper like that? Out of spite, he had destroyed everything- his life and the friendship that had been so dear to him that for once in his life he had jumped in head first without checking the water level. He had not yet had the courage to tell his parents what had happened. But that was soon to be done, before the entire press of the US would show up on a certain farm in Smallville, Kansas.
There were knocks at the door. The sun blinds covering the door rattled with every blow. Startled, Clark opened his eyes to his gloomy apartment. Otherwise, he still was not moving. Clark had no intention to open the door. He had no intention to do anything at all. His last bout of activity had been covering every window, every hole to keep the rays of the sun from healing his body. He wanted to ache all over, body and soul. He deserved no better.
Another series of knocks caused the blinds to rattle. Clark grabbed a cushion to cover his ears. A muffled voice cried his name. Then, all of a sudden, it was quiet again, so quiet that for a brief moment Clark wondered if he might have gone deaf. But he still heard his ragged breath and the rapid beating of his heart. He lowered the cushion and let out a sigh. It was stupid to sit on his sofa and hope that his problems would mysteriously solve themselves. He could not go to Lois, cross his fingers behind his back and tell her that his declaration of love had been a lie. Perhaps he could try and convince her that Clark was not Superman. And perhaps he could turn back time. No, it was too late. He would have to deal with the consequences of his own wounded pride.
“Clark? Are you there?” Clark flinched at the sound of the voice he had least expected to hear. “Clark?”
The lights flickered on as Lois touched the switch. He should have known it would be her. Who else would knock with such persistence? Who else would ignore a locked door? Clark’s heart that had been gradually slowing down, resumed beating inside his chest with a vengeance. He did not dare to face her. He heard her steps on the stairs.
“What are you doing here sitting in the dark?” she asked.
Clark pictured her face with a wrinkle above her nose and lips that were curled in contempt. Anger would be plastered all across her features. He imagined her standing behind him with her arms crossed in front of her chest. He knew she must be fuming and he could not exactly blame her.
What he saw, when she came around the sofa to make him look at her, was not at all what he had expected. She looked rather vulnerable, her eyes a bit puffy from the tears she was trying to hold back
“What were you thinking telling me you are Superman only to run off a split second later?” Lois asked hoarsely.
“I wasn’t thinking,” Clark replied and for the first time after hours of brooding in the darkness, he got up. “I poured my heart out, only to have you trample on my feelings. What did you think asking me to get Superman? I didn’t mean to tell you, not like this anyway. I was just so hurt I couldn’t think straight,” he blurted out. “Now would you please go, Lois? There is nothing left of me that is worth destroying!”
He caught his breath, appalled. What was going on with him? “I’m sorry”, he muttered. “I didn’t mean to lash out at you.”
“I’m not going to tell anyone, if that is what you’re agonizing about”, Lois said and swallowed hard. She averted her gaze and stared at the floor before her feet. “I wish I had never turned you down, I wish I had listened to you when you told me how evil Lex Luthor was. Perry told me what you did to stop him, Clark. When I was about to walk down that aisle, I couldn’t stop thinking about you.” Lois raised her head and for the first time since she had entered his apartment, Clark really looked at her.
Her eyes conveyed hurt; her lips trembled as she fought for the right words to say. Reading minds was not one of Clark’s powers, yet he knew exactly what Lois was thinking. He felt the same. They were both afraid. How could they still be friends after all that had happened in Centennial Park? How could life go on after everything that had been dear to them was destroyed – their friendship, the Daily Planet and the future they had envisioned for themselves?
“I’m sorry, Lois. I shouldn’t have said anything, I mean, I knew that you’re not in love with me. I just thought that maybe if I told you how I felt about you that you would somehow…” he sighed. “I don’t know what I was thinking.”
“But I am in love with you!” Lois choked. As if this single sentence had cost all her courage, her shoulders slumped down. A single tear ran down her cheek. “I just didn’t…” She stepped forward and reached out to him, but Clark flinched back and withdrew.
“You didn’t know I was Superman”, he stated, matter-of-factly. “But that is not who I am, Lois. I am Clark.”
“There’s no difference!” Lois cried helplessly. “You are both Clark and Superman, you said so yourself.”
“But…” Clark was at a loss for words. How could he explain it to her? Of course, she was right, technically, Clark was Superman. When he was out there saving people, he was Superman. When Lois was worshipping the hero and ignoring Clark, it felt like he was not. Then he just shrunk back to being the man hiding in the shadows who had always been afraid of being recognized for what he really was – a freak.
“How could I possibly make you understand that I love you, Clark?” Lois said softly. “The man who would still bring me coffee even after being insulted three times in just as many hours. The man who would willingly meet Lex Luthor and risk his life, despite being rejected in the worst possible way, just to save me from making the worst mistake of my entire life?” Lois flashed Clark a desperate glance that touched him to the quick. He had never really seen her so vulnerable.
“I came here to apologize and to tell you that you don’t need to worry, Clark. Your secret is safe with me.” She reached out once more and this time, Clark did not flinch. He let her touch his face in fairly the same manner as he used to touch hers. “And I was hoping that we could still be friends. I was hoping that maybe you could forgive me for being so selfish.”
“Forgive you…” Clark breathed. He barely believed his ears. Never before had Lois admitted to anything that she might have done wrong. “Ever since I got to know you, I was trying to make you see me. But instead, you only had eyes for that cardboard cut-out hero I created. He’s just an act, nothing more than a flashy costume, Lois. There is no Superman, there is only me. And like you said, I’m like a brother to you”, he added, not completely able to banish the bitterness from his words.
“That’s not true”, Lois replied. “When I was about to marry Luthor I thought a lot about you and me, the Clark-you and me. All I’m asking is to get a second chance. Please Clark, give me a second chance to prove it to you that I’m in love with the man, not the costume.”
“Oh, how I would like to believe that…”
“Then please let us start all over again, Clark.” She straightened and held out her hand. “I’m Lois Lane, Daily Planet.”
Clark’s lips hesitantly twitched into a small smile. “Clark Kent.” He took her hand. “Okay. But maybe this time, I could be top-banana?”
“No way!” Lois protested. “Partners?” she offered.
“Partners!” Clark replied and his smile broadened. “And I think we’ve got a newspaper to rebuild.”
The End
