Lois & Clark Fanfic Message Boards
Previous Thread
Next Thread
Print Thread
#93430 02/18/13 08:31 PM
Joined: Oct 2006
Posts: 104
Hack from Nowheresville
OP Offline
Hack from Nowheresville
Joined: Oct 2006
Posts: 104
My work life is about to get insanely busy, but I will do my best to post as often as possible. Feel free to offer feedback as a means of motivation. smile


"Women frustrate men because they're too complicated. Men frustrate women because they're not complicated enough."
#93431 02/18/13 09:11 PM
Joined: Apr 2011
Posts: 9,509
Nobel Peace Prize Winner
Offline
Nobel Peace Prize Winner
Joined: Apr 2011
Posts: 9,509
First of all, congratulations on your 100th post! clap

Wow! What a chapter! But I see there is still a ? after the 4. This Chapter felt so much like a ending with Clark returning from being missing, revealing himself to Lois, and gaining her forgiveness and love all at once, I'm breathless from the whirlwind. There's more? Where will the story go from here, I wonder. I must say I'm at a loss on where this will go. Will there be more about Clark cleaning up the mess of his disappearance? Will Lois disappear next? Was this "missing" only the beginning, an opening story arc?

I am confused, or more accurately surprised, by this one line though:
Quote
Surprised by its proximity, he swiftly changed into his regular clothes and crept silently into the living room.
...
Her hands crept beneath his shirt and began to caress the bare skin of his back.
In this first line, we see he had been in his uniform when he changed into his Clark clothes, and in this second line (from later on) he's no longer wearing his uniform AT ALL. It just surprised me that he had taken it all the way off, before putting on his Clark clothes, when we all know he wears his uniform under his business suits (and sometimes, his casual clothes as well).

I really thought Clark would return and say he had had a family emergency in Kansas, which would be bolstered by the fact Lois had never contacted the Kents about Clark's disappearance or "missing" status, and Lois would be wallbash for not calling them. I was caught off guard at his revelation. Wow! That was a twist.

I loved Clark's descriptions / thoughts about Lois:
Quote
Drawn to her, Clark perched himself on the edge of the couch and took a moment to study her beloved features. Lois was disheveled, having clearly upset herself the point of exhaustion. She was also hauntingly beautiful, and he couldn’t stop himself from reaching out to cup her cheek. He loved this woman with every fiber of his being—her passion, her brilliance, her wit, her stubbornness, and the stark vulnerability that she rarely displayed to anyone. He was overcome with a desire to protect her and alleviate her pain. He knew that she was more than capable of taking care of herself, but he didn’t want her to have to shoulder her burdens alone. He wanted to be her partner in every sense of the word.
Awwwwww.

Quote
So many times in the past, he had been mesmerized by her elegant leaps of logic, and he found himself wishing that she would relieve him of the burden of his secret. Today, with no secrets between them, they were on the cusp of a new relationship. Giddy at the prospect, he smiled at the woman he loved and silently promised to take care of her no matter what life had in store for them.
There's such a finality to these wonderful lines of love for Lois. Are you sure this wasn't "the end"?

If not, where to next? spider


VirginiaR.
"On the long road, take small steps." -- Jor-el, "The Foundling"
---
"clearly there is a lack of understanding between those two... he speaks Lunkheadanian and she Stubbornanian" -- chelo.
#93432 02/19/13 05:04 AM
Joined: Aug 2004
Posts: 2,531
Likes: 6
Pulitzer
Offline
Pulitzer
Joined: Aug 2004
Posts: 2,531
Likes: 6
Great chapter! smile1

Andreia


"My wife's love is what unites Krypton and Earth in my heart. Without it, without her, I truly would be in hell."

~ Superman: Man of Tomorrow #15
#93433 02/19/13 09:32 AM
Joined: Jul 2010
Posts: 3,883
Pulitzer
Offline
Pulitzer
Joined: Jul 2010
Posts: 3,883
Excellent chapter.

I can see one big loose end - Mayson!


Herb replied, “My boy, I never say … impossible.” "Lois and Clarks"

My stories can be found here

kj
#93434 02/19/13 04:53 PM
Joined: Aug 2012
Posts: 2,549
J
Pulitzer
Offline
Pulitzer
J
Joined: Aug 2012
Posts: 2,549
Quote
Clark landed on his balcony just before dawn.
party Clark is back. But how is he going to deal with Lois?

Quote
He entered through the window and headed to the bathroom for a much needed shower when he was stopped short by a familiar sound. Surprised by its proximity, he swiftly changed into his regular clothes and crept silently into the living room.
Oh, I had forgotten Lois was holed up in his place. He is going to have an awful lot of 'splaining to do.

Quote
In the dim light, he feasted his eyes upon the sleeping form of his partner and best friend.
Lois:Oh, is that all I am to him?

Quote
It was apparent that she had fallen asleep unintentionally, as she was lying awkwardly on the couch surrounded by papers. He approached her quietly, wondering why she had chosen to stay in his apartment.
Well Duh! She misses you Clark.

Quote
His heart ached for her, and he cursed himself for not being there when she needed him.
It's worse than that Clark. She was only sad because you weren't there.

Quote
Lois was disheveled, having clearly upset herself the point of exhaustion.
I am pretty sure that should be "herself to the".

Quote
She was also hauntingly beautiful, and he couldn’t stop himself from reaching out to cup her cheek.
Ahh.

Quote
He loved this woman with every fiber of his being
Lois:Oh goody, I am more than just his best friend.

Quote
He wanted to be her partner in every sense of the word.
Well, in that case I case she is just his "partner and best friend", but it is a set up where you could not be more than that, at all, in any way.

Quote
As his thumb gently wiped away the traces of her tears, she nestled herself more fully against his hand and whimpered softly.
I wonder if she thinks she is just dreaming he is here.

Quote
His voice and his touch brought her more fully to consciousness, and she sleepily murmured, “Clark?”
Clark:Oh, I am so glad she said the right name. If she had murmered "superman" here, it would have been hard.

Quote
“I’m here,” he reassured her. “Go back to sleep.”
Somehow I think she won't listen.

Quote
Despite his gentle command, her eyes flew open, and she launched herself into his arms. “Clark! Oh, Clark, I’ve been so worried.”
party she knows he is here. Also, she is not angry yet. Although we will see. Hmm.


John Pack Lambert
#93435 02/19/13 04:58 PM
Joined: Aug 2012
Posts: 2,549
J
Pulitzer
Offline
Pulitzer
J
Joined: Aug 2012
Posts: 2,549
Quote
“Shh, Lois,” he cooed, trying to calm her with his voice and with his arms even as he wondered what had happened to upset her so. “Tell me what’s wrong.”
He doesn't get it. I am surprised he thought he could be gone this long and not have people notice. ALthough, maybe he lost track of the tiem.

Quote
Lois pulled back to look at him, framing his face with her hands. She opened her mouth to speak, but seemingly thought better of it. Instead, Clark caught a glimpse of the famous Lane determination in her eyes just before her lips crashed down upon his.
hyper hyper They are kissing.

Lois:I am not going to let that squatter Mayson try to stake her claim again. These lips are mine I tell you.

Quote
Shocked by the move, he didn’t respond at first. Undeterred, Lois slid her hands into his hair and teased his bottom lip with her tongue until he managed to follow her cues. His lips parted under her sweet sensory assault, and his first true taste of her sent waves of desire cascading through his body.
hyper

Quote
He was so attuned to her that he swore that he could feel the emotions that swirled within her and spurred her to action. Her passionate joy was tempered by a fear he could not name, but he could sense her heart opening to him. Her trust was a precious gift, and he tried with each touch to communicate the depth of his love for her.
I guess this is an expected reaction of Lois on finding him. Although I still expect her to want an explanation soon.


John Pack Lambert
#93436 02/19/13 05:34 PM
Joined: Aug 2012
Posts: 2,549
J
Pulitzer
Offline
Pulitzer
J
Joined: Aug 2012
Posts: 2,549
Quote
Soon, she he found himself being pulled down to settle on top of the woman he loved.
I think the "she" is a typo.

Quote
Her hands crept beneath his shirt and began to caress the bare skin of his back.
smile1 They are really going at it.

Quote
He swung his legs upward to rest on the couch beside her, and she began sliding her foot against his calves provocatively.
Fear of loosing him has really pushed her to action.

Quote
Clark sensed the urgency rising within her, and it provided fuel for his own desires. He couldn’t believe that he finally had the chance to express his love for her openly.
Maybe he should have gone away for a few days sooner.

Quote
“Clark,” she responded between kisses. “Where have you been?”
Oh no, the spell will be broken.

Quote
“What?” Shocked by her assertion,
I guess he did loose track of time in the midst of his rescue.

Quote
To his horror, he realized that he had been the cause of her pain.
I knew he was going to feel bad when he figured that out.

Quote
“No, Lois. I was in the Philippines.”
clap This I did not expect. It is a good thing he did not run into Kryptonite recently, otherwise he might be headed to the hospital.

Quote
“You clearly have another head injury, Clark. I’m not taking any chances,” she told him, placing the receiver against her ear and dialing 911.
I am surprised he has not done anything super yet to convince her he really is Superman. I guess it is a little shocking she is not believing him.

Quote
Moving at high speed, he removed the receiver from her hand, disconnected the call before she could finish dialing, and turned her to face him. Her face registered shock followed by recognition as she struggled to process the new information.
For a minute there I was afraid she would actually get an ambulance to come.

Quote
“I’m Superman, Lois,” he confirmed gently. “I’m so sorry I worried you.”
Somehow I think this will not be enough to avoid her anger.

Quote
“Worried me?” she repeated defiantly. “You didn’t just worry me. I had half the city out looking for you, Clark.
Now she is mad.

Quote
I was convinced that Baby Rage had made good on his threat or that you had followed up on some lead without me and gotten yourself kidnapped or worse. I wasn’t worried…I was terrified.” Her bravado crumbling, she continued in a softer voice, “You always call me, Clark. You always leave a message for me when you disappear, but there wasn’t a word from you.”
Not as mad as I expected. It may help that he told her, despite her having given him a perfect way to avoid telling her the truth.

Quote
“You lost track of time? What kind of excuse is that? Oh, but I guess you just expect us to buy all of your stupid excuses. I’m surprised you didn’t just say that you were returning a video. I can’t believe that I was stupid enough to care.”
Now she is really mad. Also, probably being a little unfair. Although I guess neelessly putting her through an engagement to Luthor among other things might not count as endearing.

Quote
“Lois, listen to me. This rescue was a bad one. I was just beginning to help the earthquake victims when the waters from the tsunami came rushing in. All I could hear was a chorus of voices begging for help. There were so many people…so many children. I went from rescue to rescue, trying to save them all. But I couldn’t, Lois. I couldn’t."
I think this is the first revelation at the return from a really difficult rescue story I have ever read. It deffinately makes the whole thing more emotionally heightened.

Quote
His voice cracked as he continued, "Every time I chose to save one person, I had to let another go. There was a mother who begged me to save her baby and her two young sons. I got them to safety and came back for her, but she had already drowned. Those three children are orphans because I couldn’t save her.”
This is really moving.

Quote
As he became lost in the story, he felt Lois wrap her arms around him as she whispered, “No, Clark, don’t think that way.”
I am surprised she called him Clark and not Superman.

Quote
“It does matter,” she responded fiercely. “You matter, Clark. I just wish I had known so that I could have helped you. Why didn’t you tell me?”
I am waiting for him to try and answer that.

Quote
She nodded, and he led her to sit beside him on the couch. “From the first moment we met, I was drawn to you with such a force that it took my breath away. I found myself imagining what it would be like to be able to share everything with you, but I knew that it was too soon.”
That does make sense.

Quote
He smiled. “That and the fact that I would have been a fool to hand over even a hint of a story to the best reporter in the city.”
Lois:I am only the best reporter in the city. Who else is there better than me anywhere in the world?

Quote
“I lost that fear a long time ago,” he reassured her gently.
Good to tell her that.

Quote
“Not completely, Clark, or you would have told me your secret.”
Well, he did, so arguably in the present this is true.

Quote
“You’re right,” he conceded. Taking a deep breath, he plunged forward. “The truth is that I didn’t trust you to love me the way that I love you.”
Ah, so she made the right decision to kiss him when he showed up, that got the truth out of him.

Quote
Lois sat silently for a moment, her face unreadable. Finally, she asked, “And how do you love me?”
Good question, the last he said was that he had lied about loving her.

Quote
Buoyed by her reaction, he continued, “Later, when you unexpectedly revealed a glimpse of that tender heart of yours by telling me about your broken rules, I was lost.
Lois:Wait, that is before Superman even showed up.

Quote
I can’t even begin to tell you what you did to me when you kissed me on the plane or performed the Dance of the Seven Veils in my living room.”

Risking another peek at her, he saw a mixture of pleasure and embarrassment in her expression.
Lois:Why not mention the kiss at the Honeymoon Suite.

Quote
“With every day that has passed since the moment we met, my love for you has only deepened. Lois, I admire your strength, your courage, your fire, and your steadfast loyalty, and, as exasperating as you can be at times, I intend to go right on loving you for the rest of my life.”
Clark:Now I did it. Well, I hope she does not reject me like she did last time I bared my soul. OK, after that kiss earlier, but it is still a risk.

Quote
Clark scrambled to put them on safer ground. “I didn’t mean to make you uncomfortable, Lois. If all you want is friendship, I can give you that. I….”
Somehow I don't think friends kiss with their tongues.

Quote
She tilted his chin to look at her. “Why do you think I’ve been so frantic over your disappearance? Why do you think I kissed you just a few minutes ago? I’m in love with you, Clark. I have been for a long time.”

“But, you said you didn’t love me like that.”
Well, a long time might not go back that far.

Quote
“I was just as scared as you were, Clark. You think I didn’t feel that connection between us?
Well, I guess it did. He should have realized that there was something when she did the dance for him, and in the honeymoon suite.

Quote
It took me a little longer to recognize it, but I suspect that’s why I opened up to you almost from the beginning. I’ve never allowed anyone to get this close to me, and I was afraid to try for anything more than friendship.”
I can see that as logical.

Quote
“We have a lot to work through, Clark, and I reserve the right to be angry from time to time. Right now, though, I’m exhausted, and all I want to do is this.” Lois wrapped her arms around his neck and pressed her lips to his decisively. Clark responded immediately, matching her enthusiasm and deepening the kiss.
party more kissing. I guess telling her and not pretending to die on her really make for less time being angry.

Quote
He heard her moan as traced the shell of her ear with his tongue, and he whispered her name in response.
I think that should be "as he traced".

Quote
Yearning to get closer, he tightened his arms around her and pulled her firmly against him. Lois urged him onto his back as they resumed their explorations from earlier in the evening.
She really does like to be on top.

Quote
“I would much rather continue kissing you,” she murmured against his lips, “but I need to get this.”
I bet it is Jimmy.

Quote
He didn't want the emotion of the night to carry them too far, too fast.
This is wise. I mean they have not been on a real date yet.

Quote
Today, with no secrets between them, they were on the cusp of a new relationship. Giddy at the prospect, he smiled at the woman he loved and silently promised to take care of her no matter what life had in store for them.
I love this story, and am really glad it is not over. I am wondering where it will go from here.

I guess Clark still has to tell Mayson that he can not have a relationship with her. And I guess there is a lot more that coukld happen between Lois and Clark. I am excited about where this story is going. I do have to say though I have no clue where that actually is.


John Pack Lambert
#93437 02/20/13 05:11 AM
Joined: Apr 2010
Posts: 3,661
Likes: 10
Pulitzer
Online Content
Pulitzer
Joined: Apr 2010
Posts: 3,661
Likes: 10
This is really an excellent story. How will you manage to tie up that glaring loose end ... Mayson?

I await the answer to this challenge. smile1


Morgana

A writer's job is to think of new plots and create characters who stay with you long after the final page has been read. If that mission is accomplished than we have done what we set out to do, which is to entertain and hopefully educate.
#93438 02/24/13 07:51 AM
Joined: Oct 2006
Posts: 104
Hack from Nowheresville
OP Offline
Hack from Nowheresville
Joined: Oct 2006
Posts: 104
This feedback will have to do for this week's episode. The end of the quarter is coming up, and I'm buried under a mound of papers to grade. Sigh!

VirginiaR: Thanks for recognizing my 100th post. I hadn't even noticed myself. I do hope you aren't too disappointed that I'm not ending the story here. I suppose that there is an ending of a sort in that the truth has been told and Lois and Clark are finally together. However, I think there is a great deal to explore in terms of how they handle their new relationship Also, I didn't spend all of that time building up the Intergang information in the first few chapters just to let it drop. As for Clark's clothes, he's not in the habit of wearing his suit when he's at home. Think of all the shorts and cutoff shirts he wore in the series. As for the revelation, I'm tired of angry Lois. She had a good reason to be angry in the series because Clark lied about his death. I circumvented that here, and I placed her in a situation where she had to come to terms with her feelings before Clark comes home. What interests me is how the relationship develops from here, so I do hope you will keep reading.

Andreia: I do think I would stop writing if people complained that I didn't end a story. There's definite WAFF here, but there will also be some challenges in store for them. Thanks for reading.

KenJ: Mayson is a loose end here, but there's a bigger investigation in the works. Thanks for reading.

John Lambert: A three post review--wow. A couple of things: Lois calls him Clark because she realizes exactly who he is. She may be a little bit confused and angry, but the anguished story of the rescue is pure Clark. Superman is far too stoic a character to ever let down his guard in that way. Also, I think I should hire you as my proofreader. Usually, I'm much better at that. I am glad to hear that you are happy that the story is not over. I was starting to get a complex after the first couple of reviews. I also love the fact that I have all my readers completely flummoxed as to where this story is going. I don't like being predictable. Thanks again for taking so much time to write such a detailed review. I appreciate it!

Morgana: Mayson might be a loose end in more ways than one, but the real loose end is where do Lois and Clark go from here? They love each other, but how will they handle their new relationship. I'm so glad to hear you are enjoying the story, and I appreciate the fact that you took time to reply.


"Women frustrate men because they're too complicated. Men frustrate women because they're not complicated enough."

Moderated by  Kaylle, SuperBek 

Link Copied to Clipboard
Powered by UBB.threads™ PHP Forum Software 7.7.5