I hope this part both gave a happy ending and kept with the tone of the story.
Amygdala (4/4)
********** 6 Weeks Later **********
"Martha, I need help," Lois sobbed into the phone.
It had been a horrible six weeks. She had been in intense pain for almost the first week
and a half post op -- and the pain hadn't completely let up in six weeks. It was especially hard because through her pain, she hadn't been able to enjoy her first days of motherhood, a time she would never get back.
Clark had been, well, Clark. He had been incredible: taking care of the baby and her.
She had been a wreck, suffering through bouts of depression, anger, and fear. But then he had changed abruptly.
How could this have happened to her?
Why hadn’t the doctor noticed anything wrong at any point in her pregnancy? Shouldn't her doctor have seen a risk for potential complications?
How had this slipped out of control?
Now that she was finally on her feet again, she noticed a change in her husband. Clark was
avoiding her. It seemed like he didn't even know she was alive.
The only thing they seemed to have in common any more was their little, precious, wonderful,
beautiful baby girl. She was the only thing they could ever talk about.
They used to be able to talk about anything and everything. Now he didn't just ignore her, he couldn’t stand the sight of her. He flinched whenever their eyes met.
She wouldn't blame him if he saw her as a shadow of the woman he had married.
She didn't even see herself as a woman.
"Lois, what's wrong?"
"I don't know. Nothing. Everything." Lois paced around the room. She wasn't even exactly
sure what her problem was.
"Oh, honey, you can talk to me."
"I guess. I don't know. It feels like my life is spiraling out of control." She didn't even know herself any more. Things she used to love meant nothing to her, like work. She hadn't even wanted to go back to bring Joy for her first visit to the newsroom.
"Have you talked to Clark about this?"
Lois sighed deeply. This was the root of the problem. "We don't even talk any more. It's
more a life of uncomfortable silence. It never used to be like this. We never used to be
uncomfortable around each other."
"Do you talk at all?"
"Yeah, we talk about Joy, but she's the only thing we have in common. It's not even like
we're fighting."
"Well that, a good thing, isn't it?"
"No." The tears that had been threatening to fall overcame her. It seemed like that was
all she did now. She had never been a crier before, but now she felt like her emotions were
on overdrive. "Fighting would be so much better. At least it's passionate. I can't take
this detached, unemotional silence. Whenever we used to fight, it would be an intense, horrible, emotionally draining battle. But it didn't last long, and then when we made up . . ."
Martha laughed. "It would be better than ever?"
"Exactly. Now we don't even know how to be around each other." Lois sobbed, "I miss my best friend. It's like I have no one to talk to."
"Have you talked to anyone else about this?"
"Whom would I talk to?"
"Lois, you haven't talked to Clark at all?"
"No." Lois shook her head resolutely. She couldn't talk to Clark about this, not when he didn't even know she was alive.
"Honey, you need to talk to someone. Try to talk to Clark. I'm sure he has no idea you feel this way. Don't let these feelings fester inside of you."
"I . . . can't."
"Lois, honey, if you don't talk to him, how can you ever even begin to resolve anything?"
Lois shook her head again. "I don't think he wants to talk to me."
"He's just as scared as you are. I guarantee it."
"I'm not just scared, Martha. I'm angry. At myself. At the world. And I'm scared. So
scared that Clark doesn't love me any more."
"Of course he loves you. That boy would move the earth and the moon for you. He worships
the ground you walk on."
"Then why won't he look at me?"
"Talk to him, Lois. Tell him how you feel, and let him talk to you."
*************
As soon as Lois hung up the phone and turned around, she saw Clark in the doorway.
"How long have you been there?" she accused as she tried to wipe the tears from her eyes.
"I can't believe you could ever think I don't love you any more." He took a shuddering breath. The conversation he had overheard had been sobering.
"What? You heard?" Lois's fear had changed to anger in a mere second. She'd known her husband could hear anything he wanted, but she also knew that that he had the power to shut out what he didn't want to hear.
"I was putting Joy down for her nap." It was a feeble excuse, actually a complete non sequitur. He couldn't say anything to defend his actions. It had been so wrong to eavesdrop, but he couldn't stop himself.
"I can't believe you eavesdropped!"
"I'm glad I did. Honey, I had no idea you felt this way."
"Well if we ever talked I guess you would know!"
"I guess I would."
"And if you ever looked at me, you'd see how much this hurts me! We never talk any more, Clark! And this hurts me almost more than my scars."
"If that's what you want, I'll never hurt you again."
Before he could stop himself, he spun into his Superman suit and flew out the window. He had never run out on an argument before. But this was different. He had no idea how to act around her any more. She obviously no longer loved him. How could he blame her? He had hurt her profoundly, and he knew she would never be able to forgive him.
"That's right, Clark. Run away. That solves everything. Come back here, coward!"
He ignored her incessant plea for him to return and flew due west until the familiar farms passed below him. Smallville. He needed to talk to someone who could help him.
When he landed in his parents' back field, he spotted his father working on the far pasture
fence.
"Hi, Dad. You look like you need some help."
Jonathan looked up at his son and shook his head. "How'd you know your mother thinks I'm too old for this?"
Clark shrugged noncommittally.
"What's wrong, son? Lois?"
How had his dad known? Was he wearing a big sign on his face that said 'My wife hates me'?
Clark grabbed a hammer and started removing loose nails. "Yeah, it's Lois," he said after a
few minutes of silence.
Jonathan nodded and waited for Clark to elaborate.
"I don't know what to do, Dad. We haven't really talked in weeks. I miss my best friend.
It's killing me to see her like this and to know that I'm responsible."
Jonathan stopped hammering and stared at his son. "How is it your fault?"
"I was the one that got her pregnant. I am the alien freak." Clark sighed deeply, finally admitting his true fears for the first time. It felt almost good to get them out in the open.
"Clark!"
"I am, dad. If I were normal, this wouldn't have happened. Lois would still be fine. We'd be able to give Joy future brothers or sisters."
"How do we know that, son?"
"How do we not know it?"
"Joy is a normal baby, isn't she?"
"Yeah, but what does that have to do with anything?"
"She isn't showing anything abnormal?"
"No, but . . ."
"And she hasn't started flying or burning her bottles?"
"No, but . . ."
"Clark, this isn't your fault."
"I hear her. She doesn't know it, but I do. She cries all the time. I know it's because
she hates me for doing this to her."
"Do you ever talk to her?"
"She can't even look at me, so how can I talk to her?"
"So how do you know she hates you?"
Clark changed the subject, "I miss my best friend, Dad."
"And if you miss her so much, don't you think she misses you, too?"
"How can she miss me when I am such a blight on her life? I hurt her, Dad. How can I expect her to look at the man that almost killed her?"
"Talk to her, Clark. You owe her that much."
*************
A few minutes later, Clark found himself flying back to their brownstone, not exactly knowing what he was going to say, but aware that he needed to talk to her, to apologize for everything that he had done. It seemed like every time he turned around, he was doing
something to hurt her.
There she was. In Joy's room, feeding her. Sobbing. Again.
Should he interrupt her?
He had to, or else their relationship might be lost forever.
"I'm so sorry, Lois," he breathed.
She stood up to meet him, not sure of what he was going to do, but knowing that she couldn't
keep this up any longer.
The said, simultaneously, "We need to talk."
She put the sleeping baby back in the bassinette and led Clark into their bedroom.
"Why did you leave me?"
Clark shrugged stupidly. "I have no idea," he admitted.
"That hurt, Clark. The first time we've said more than two words to each other about anything other than Joy in the last six weeks, and you left me! I need to know! Do you hate me? Am I so repulsive?"
"What?" Clark almost physically jumped back in surprise. "Why on Earth would I hate you?"
"Because . . . because I'm not the woman you married any more."
"Oh, Lois, what do you mean?"
"Am I not desirable any more? Am I not really a woman?"
"Lois, how can you say that? You are still the most beautiful, most wonderful woman I know. I love you so much it hurts. I don't blame you for hating me."
"Wait! You think I hate you? I love you, so much. Why would I hate you?"
"We never talk any more. The only thing we can talk about is Joy. It's like . . . like you can't even look at me any more."
"Oh, god, Lois. No, no, no. I thought you hated me! I miss you. We sleep in the same bed, but can't even look at each other."
"Can't even touch each other," Lois finished. "Why would you think I hate you?"
"Because I was the one who got you pregnant. I am the strange alien that caused you so much pain."
"You think this has to do with being Kryptonian?"
Clark nodded slowly. "What else could it be?"
"A freak accident? I don't know. I did some research about this. It turns out it is a more common problem than you would think. It has nothing to do with the fact you're an alien, honey. It happens to all kinds of women. Trust me; I've done a lot of research."
"It's not my fault?"
"Oh, god, no! It's not your fault, Clark. Stop blaming yourself."
Clark sighed deeply. "But it is my fault. I couldn't fly you to the hospital. When I saw you on the ground, I froze. I forgot how to do anything to help you."
"We’ve been through this, Clark. I don't blame you at all. You had the presence of mind to call 9-1-1!"
"I've helped so many people, but I couldn't help the person that means the most to me."
Lois took a tentative step closer to her husband. "Clark, that's exactly why you froze. No one, even Superman, is prepared to see the person they love in that kind of situation."
"But I . . ."
"You should have what, Clark? If you had done anything else, I would have thought you were callous to the situation. You were emotionally affected. You're human. I don't blame you, Clark. I could never blame you."
Clark took a tentative step closer to Lois. "You don't?"
"Clark, please don't beat yourself up over this. It's not your fault. It's not anyone's fault. It's a work of nature." As the words came out of her mouth, she heard them for the first time. She was right. It was no one's fault. "Why did this happen to me, to us?"
"I don't know," he said honestly. Now he knew she didn't blame him. It was true. This could have happened to anyone. It had nothing to do with his alien origins.
"Why can't we have any more babies? It's not fair to Joy. I don't want her to be an only child. I want her to have the relationship Lucy and I did growing up."
"I don't want her to be lonely like I was."
"Our babies would have been loved and so wanted. There are so many unloved and unwanted babies born to horrible parents. Why not us?"
"We would love our children unconditionally. You know, maybe it's no longer our decision. Maybe this happened for a reason. Maybe we're meant to save unwanted children. Just like
my mom and dad saved me."
"Did your mom tell you that?"
"No, my dad."
"You have a very smart father."
"This feels good."
"What?"
"Talking again."
"I love you, Clark, please don't ever shut me out again."
"Oh, god, Lois, I love you so much. I promise never to let anything come between us again. We should be able to talk about everything."
Lois took a final step towards him and wrapped her arms around his back, really touching him
for the first time in weeks. His body was writhed in a tension that seemed to ease at her
touch.
Clark moved his hands to her shoulders and tentatively rested his chin on her head. This was a feeling he had so sorely missed. They had been so close, yet so far away.
Now that they had broken the first barrier, they both knew that the other was hurting just as much. They couldn't shut each other out again.
Clark moved down to capture his wife's lips with his own in the first real kiss they had shared in weeks.
It was the first major step back to reality. They were together again.
They both knew they had a long road to travel to regain a sense of normality, but this was the first milestone in their journey to recovery. Depression wasn't so easily solved by a discussion and a kiss. Their road to happiness was daunting and there were sure to be
setbacks along the way.
They were there for each other now. Being together made them so much stronger than being
apart.
The End
