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Nobel Peace Prize Winner
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OP
Nobel Peace Prize Winner
Joined: Apr 2011
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Just a Little Note - TOCI will post every other day until complete. Please post feedback here. Thank you.
Last edited by VirginiaR; 05/12/14 03:49 PM. Reason: Fixed broken Link
VirginiaR.
"On the long road, take small steps." -- Jor-el, "The Foundling"
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"clearly there is a lack of understanding between those two... he speaks Lunkheadanian and she Stubbornanian" -- chelo.
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Kerth
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Kerth
Joined: Jun 2011
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Nothing spoils a good story like the arrival of an eye witness.
--Mark Twain
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Joined: May 2011
Posts: 6,142 Likes: 2
Nobel Peace Prize Winner
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Nobel Peace Prize Winner
Joined: May 2011
Posts: 6,142 Likes: 2 |
“Superman accident over in Queensland Park.”
“Superman?” Lois gasped, suddenly interested. “Is he okay?”  I love the way Lois is thinking... Jimmy leaned forward and stared at the note, squinting. “I don’t know. Looks kind of like CK’s handwriting.” Hmmm....will this be a double revelation story?? “This is mine. By the time you come in tomorrow I want a detailed account on why you thought Superman would be at my place in the middle of the night.” “Oh. Right.” She sighed. Then a smile came to her lips. “Hey, Smallville. You don’t lie either, do you?”  I kinda like this unusually perspective Lois! “I don’t have slumber parties with superheroes. Well, I guess I do. I mean I did, last weekend when Superman was blind. But that was a one shot deal. It’s not like he spends the night on a regular basis. Or at all. Ever. He slept on the couch. A perfect gentleman.” LOL! So fun when Lois rambles! Um, post more soon please!
Battle On,
Deadly Chakram
"Being with you is stronger than me alone." ~ Clark Kent
"One little spark of inspiration is at the heart of all creation." ~ Figment the Dragon
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Joined: May 2011
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Nobel Peace Prize Winner
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Nobel Peace Prize Winner
Joined: May 2011
Posts: 6,142 Likes: 2 |
PS - I LOVE that you've gone ahead and used the challenge as a starting point for a story! 
Battle On,
Deadly Chakram
"Being with you is stronger than me alone." ~ Clark Kent
"One little spark of inspiration is at the heart of all creation." ~ Figment the Dragon
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Joined: Jul 2003
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Pulitzer
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Pulitzer
Joined: Jul 2003
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 Poor Jimmy. So is Lois going to tell Clark her feelings? Will Clark be willing to listen? (He sounds pretty miffed at her right now O_O)
~•~
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Kerth
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Kerth
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Delightful, great fun. Looking forward to more.
Framework4
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Pulitzer
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Pulitzer
Joined: Feb 2010
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Thank you for that much needed stress break. I love what you did with the conversation. I'm too tired to write much, but I did want to say that the idea of Lois keeping a Clark-excuse list was fun, and I liked Jimmy's asking whether he was a diabetic. (No surprise there -- that I would enjoy the word play.) Joy, Lynn p.s., So what *is* the name of Lois' conditioner, anyway? 
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Beat Reporter
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Beat Reporter
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Really enjoyed the first part  and can't wait to see what you do with the rest.
EvelynC
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Top Banana
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Top Banana
Joined: Aug 2007
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Terrific beginning. Looking forward to seeing where you take it. It's interesting that this Lois is talking herself out of her intuitive leap of logic that CK=S. But now that she's noticed how often Clark gives non-answers, I wonder whether she'll figure him out after all. Her persistent yet unsuccessful attempts to find a sample of Superman's handwriting were hilarious. I also like the way you portrayed Mayson. That poor woman gets a lot of grief because she's in Lois' way romantically, but it's really Clark's fault. You can't blame Mayson for liking Clark, and I blame Clark for sending her mixed messages. The whole thing has to be confusing and frustrating for Mayson. She's so desperate and hopeless that I feel sorry for her. Anyway, looking forward to part 2. 
This *is* my happily ever after.
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Top Banana
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Top Banana
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This was great! There were so many good parts: “Say, am I diabetic?” … ‘Stay away from Candy and apologize to Lois.’ And this one… “Okay. Fine. It’s my conditioner. If I give you the name of my conditioner, can I please see the file? Five minutes, that’s all I ask.”
“Your conditioner?” Detective Reed looked over at Lois’s bouncy bob with envy and then she grimaced. “No,” she murmured more to herself than to Lois. I just watched that episode last week. Based on what I remember of Reed's hair, that offer had to be very tempting. But I’m waiting to see Jimmy answer this one: Why did you think Superman would be at my apartment in the middle of the night while I’m asleep in bed?”  Bob
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Features Writer
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Features Writer
Joined: Jan 2011
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Great beginning, and I love the length of the part--leaves lots for me to read without having to wait!
I, too, really liked the idea of the list of excuses, though from her manner toward him there at the beginning, I was putting it sometime in the first season or very early second season, so I was surprised to hear it was later.
I love that Clark is so careful with his handwriting--it was amazing the way you wove in all the ways she thought of getting a sample only to be blocked before hand. It shows that Clark really is smart, something I think is often ignored and that I love seeing brought out.
The byplay between Mayson and Lois was very well played. I've never liked Mayson (to me, if a guy never actually goes out on a date with you unless dragged and keeps looking at his partner uncomfortably when you're around, you're just asking to be disappointed), but I like how you brought out their differences and, even though Mayson is even blinder than Lois as regards Superman, she was able to shed a bit of light on Lois's relationship with Clark, which was very cool.
I felt bad for Clark--especially after the terror he must be feeling to have found her list of excuses. It's nice that she called him--that surely went a long way toward reassuring him, though she asked some questions that might make him continue to wonder if she knows his Secret.
Really great story--I'm looking forward to the next part!
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Nobel Peace Prize Winner
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OP
Nobel Peace Prize Winner
Joined: Apr 2011
Posts: 9,509 |
Wow, everyone, thank you for the great feedback. Mouserocks: I hope you have recovered from your  stitches. Deadly Chakram: Thank you. No double reveal. Jimmy is perpetually obvlious. Queen of Capes: Clark never stays miffed at Lois for long. Framework, EvelynC: Thank you. More posting after I finish this reply. Lynn: I'm sorry, Lynn, the conditioner is a trade secret. You have to trade covert Superman information for the name. HappyGirl Thank you and I hope your enjoy Mayson's part in Part 2. Bobbart: Yep, Jimmy's in deep doo-doo. AntiKryptonite: Lois didn't really start to complain about Clark's disappearances until S2. But you caught me. I didn't know when I was going to set it when I started writing.  Hope it feels more mid-S2 in this next part. Yes, I love irony. And poor Mayson has drawn the short straw this fic. She would be the one to open Lois's eyes. How would Clark feel if he saw Lois's Clark Excuse List? Hmmm. I picture him rolling his eyes, shaking his head and groaning "Lo-is!" to himself. One of the reasons this story is all from Lois's POV. Thank you all for the great feedback. I hope Part 2 doesn't disappoint.
VirginiaR.
"On the long road, take small steps." -- Jor-el, "The Foundling"
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"clearly there is a lack of understanding between those two... he speaks Lunkheadanian and she Stubbornanian" -- chelo.
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Pulitzer
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Pulitzer
Joined: Feb 2010
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I'm sorry, Lynn, the conditioner is a trade secret. You have to trade covert Superman information for the name. Pssst... Superman's name is Clark Kent. His original name was Kal El. (Sometimes hyphenated.) What's the conditioner's name? Hey, I gave you *two* names, and I'm only asking for one. Fair's fair! Joy, Lynn
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Boards Chief Administrator Nobel Peace Prize Winner
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Boards Chief Administrator Nobel Peace Prize Winner
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Now what do have here...? “Superman accident over in Queensland Park.”
“Superman?” Lois gasped, suddenly interested. “Is he okay?”  Michael
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Nobel Peace Prize Winner
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OP
Nobel Peace Prize Winner
Joined: Apr 2011
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Lynn: Michael: You once again have me No, I was kidnapped by those goons and just as I was kicking the butt of one of them, Superman came in and helped me reign them up for the police. And as he carried me in his arms to my apartment, he told me, he was certain I'd get a Pulitzer for the story. And then he started to ki- Never mind. Apparently, it was that kind of dream. Or would have been, if I hadn't been woken up by... Jimmy!
VirginiaR.
"On the long road, take small steps." -- Jor-el, "The Foundling"
---
"clearly there is a lack of understanding between those two... he speaks Lunkheadanian and she Stubbornanian" -- chelo.
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Joined: Apr 2007
Posts: 8,948 Likes: 28
Boards Chief Administrator Nobel Peace Prize Winner
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Boards Chief Administrator Nobel Peace Prize Winner
Joined: Apr 2007
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Or a second epilogue to my story! 12 months later... Oooooooo   What do you mean plants don't survive on caffine? Reporters do! Ummm... just because most plants have a greater nose for a story than *some* reporters /cough/ Ralph /cough/ doesn't mean they can survive on the same slosh. Also, They'd at least need some donuts, too. For nutrients and vitamin D and stuff. Michael
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