Part 21

Clark motioned for Lois to step away from his bookcase as he pulled on the tie-rack. To Lois' amazement, the bookcase swung outward on a pivot, and then disappeared into the wall. On the opposite side was a hidden closet with Superman suits hanging on a rack.

As Lois stood staring at the array of capes, tights, and blue spandex, Clark turned away and retrieved a cardboard box. He had been strangely silent ever since they had returned home. Although she suspected it had something to do with their honeymoon adventure, she couldn't pinpoint exactly what was bothering him.

They had arrived at the marina a couple hours after setting sail. Upon pulling the boat of the water, the boat's owner discovered a couple of tiny holes, probably caused by an underwater blowtorch, on the underside of the boat. Another hole was found, but it was still filled with a putty-like substance. It explained why they were able to drift out to sea and not sink right away. The person who had sabotaged the boat had obviously meant for them to be carried along with the night breeze, and once they were far away from the shore, the temporary plugs were meant to fall out from the pressure of the water. It had scared them both to realize that if the third plug had come out like the saboteur had planned, then they never would have returned.

The owner had assured them that the damage was minimal and that the boat could be repaired. But he did say that he was filing a police report because of the other bits of evidence – the cleanly sliced anchor lines, and the missing propeller. After an exchange of information for insurance purposes, the owner said he'd be in contact with them.

Clark had gone almost immediately to see Dr. Klein, who after examining him, said that other than his burned hand, there were no adverse affects from his bout with lightning and almost drowning. More than likely, the lightning had knocked him out, and his lungs hadn't had a chance to fill completely with water. Her rousing him by slapping his face and performing rescue techniques had brought him back to consciousness instead of resuscitating him from drowning.

She had insisted driving back to Metropolis. Clark had slept practically the whole way back and that had given her time to think. She had tested herself against any lingering anger from Clark's admittance that he was Superman and couldn't find any. One glance at his boyish good looks as he slept had melted any resentment might have reared its head. It was gone, nada, nothing was there.

In any case, the fact was that Clark was still alive and that she'd risk her life all over again. She felt an even greater appreciation for her new husband now that she had an inkling of what he had gone through.

He had been Superman. Her Clark, her best friend, work partner, and now husband had been the hero that she had worshipped from afar. Did she still worship the superhero? Maybe. What he stood for perhaps, but now she was in the process of piecing the two personalities into one. Clark was Superman, and Superman was Clark.

Did she love him?

What a loaded question! She had professed her love for Superman the same day she had rejected Clark's declaration. She'd been totally blind when it came to discerning the two different sides of Clark. No wonder Clark had turned her down as Superman. He had only seen the shallow, superficial side of her that had worshipped the spandex and the red cape.

Now the question was – did she really love Clark, or was she best friends with Superman? That was a question she was going to have to work out in the near future. Maybe a little bit of both, she presumed.

Superman. She had found him, and that was a huge relief to her. She imagined the man in spandex before her and sighed inwardly. So sexy, yet so unattainable. But he was attainable. He was Clark, and Clark loved her!

One thing at a time. She had to deal with one thing at a time. Clark was trying to come to grips as to who he was, and she needed to do that also. His expression was pained and taut, and her heart immediately reached out to him.

"Do you want me to do it?" she asked, placing a hand on his arm, hoping to ease his hurt just a bit.

He shrugged her hand off by moving towards the closet. "No, it's okay. This is something I need to do."

Lois took the box from him and placed it on the floor. "How about if you fold and hand it to me, and then I'll put it in the box?"

Clark shook his head confusedly, not sure how Lois fit into all this. Sharing this part of his secret life felt strange after all this time. Some part of him wanted the packing away of his suits to be private. He turned to her and shrugged his shoulders. "Maybe we should finish getting some more stuff from your jeep, or go buy some material for the loft curtain. I want to be able to give you some privacy when you need it."

Feeling a bit hurt and pushed away, Lois turned away and mumbled, "I'll take care of the jeep."

Knowing he should go after Lois, instead, he grabbed a red cape off its hanger and began folding it carefully at first, but the cape ended up in wadded heap in the box. Faster and faster, Clark began yanking the hangers off the rod and tossing them haphazardly in the box. The last couple of unfortunate garments wound up tossed in there without even being separated from the hangers.

He glared at the colorful swirl of cloth that symbolized a part of an old life and kicked it hard, knocking it over on its side.

Lois came in with her arms full and found him staring at the spilled box of Superman suits as though it was a poisonous snake, or worse.

Laying her armload down, she rushed to his side and gently guided him to the sofa. Clark leaned his head back against the cushions, staring up at the old bricks that graced the living room walls.

"I don't know who I am anymore," he whispered despondently. "Most of my life, I've struggled to appear normal. Now that I am normal, I don't know where I fit in."

"Let me ask you this, where don't you fit in? You are still a top-notch reporter, in spite of the fact that you haven't won a Kerth yet." She nudged him in the ribs with her elbow and was rewarded with a tiny grin. "Even without your super powers, you managed to keep me going in the water when I wanted to give up. I may have saved you first, but I would have drowned if it hadn't have been for you."

"I don't have a choice when it comes to saving you." He rolled his head to the side on the cushions and met her gaze, his eyes piercing through to her soul.

There was a charge to the air, a spark of energy that drew her in. "You're my best friend, Clark, before I ever knew that you were Superman. No matter what happens in the future, that's never going to change."

Silently, he picked up her hand and began playing with her fingers, caressing her palm with the pad of his thumb. A vaguely sensuous light passed between them, and she closed her eyes, letting his touch thread a strand of invisible warmth to her heart.

"Future? Are we changing, Lois?"

She caught her breath and opened her eyes. "We might be. I don't know."

He moved towards her as their eyes locked, faces inches away from each others, their breathing coming in unison. As Clark's eyes darted to her mouth, Lois unconsciously wet her lips.

"What do you know?"

She gulped and met his eyes. "I don't know anything except that I wasn't expecting this... change."

"Is this change... good?" he whispered brokenly.

Whimpering, she leaned forward to touch his face with hers. "Don't know. We had a moment, right? In the boat..."

"A moment I'll always remember, honey."

"Honey. You called me that... in the water." Her lips experimentally touched his, and she felt a tiny thrill spread through her insides.

"You are. You should know that by now." His mouth rested against hers, stealing butterfly kisses as they spoke, savoring every tiny sensation.

"One kiss... I won't know anything after one kiss, but Clark, please..."

Clark immediately carried out her wishes, pressing his soft lips questioningly against hers. Not really believing that she had asked him to kiss her, but not wanting to take the time to analyze her thoughts and expectations.

She reached out for that connection, that tiny thread of hope that was labeled love, and met his mouth, yielding and willing, allowing the swirl of emotions to have their way with her heart. His kiss wasn't demanding, feather-touching her with promise of tomorrow, leaving her quivering and never wanting it to end.

As Clark felt her mouth yield willingly under his, there was a surge of hopefulness in his heart. This was what he'd dreamed of for months, Lois kissing him willingly and without reservation. Yet, there was something nagging at his heart, reminding him of another kiss when she had enthusiastically returned his affections. That day in her apartment a few weeks ago when she'd told him she loved him - as Superman.

The soft bandage from his injured hand touched her face, ending their kiss. "That's enough. As much as I'd love to continue, I don't think I could take it if you didn't mean it."

She opened her eyes and stared into his bottomless depths. "Mean what?"

"Things are so complicated." Clark heaved a sigh. "Our kiss."

"Of course I wanted to kiss you. What's complicated about that?"

"Superman." Clark dropped the bomb on her. "I hope you understand, but I need to believe that *this* is not because I finally shared my secret. I may be shooting myself in the foot, but it's something I can't help but to think."

"Rotten timing, huh? I think I understand, especially after all I put you through." She pressed forward and kissed him again. His lips were a tiny bit more unyielding this time, his enthusiasm seemingly dampened by their bit of conversation. Lois recognized it immediately, and pulled away.

"I wish you didn't know. I wish I'd never told you."

Lois stilled, suddenly realizing the web that they had been swept up into. Clark had no idea that she was experiencing these wild, wonderful feelings for him and not just Superman. The faint hurt in his eyes spoke volumes and she could only imagine what he was thinking.

Oh, God! They had so much to work through! She was barely realizing her feelings of something more than friendship for Clark; she didn't need him thinking that she wanted him only because she had found out he'd been Superman. They were married. Surely that counted for some time before the situation got so out of hand that they twisted things way out of proportion. She couldn't let that happen.

"Oh, I wish I didn't know, either, Clark, about Superman." Calculating and deliberately, she stuffed her blossoming feelings for her husband aside. Making a firm decision, she conceded. "It's all up to you. I'm here when you want me. But Superman is getting in our way. Deal with it, Clark. Let us deal with it, and please realize that I'm beginning to want you." She punctuated her words with a firm kiss on his lips. "You. Clark Kent. My wonderful partner. Best friend... and lunkhead."

His lips stilled instantly beneath hers, and he pulled away to gaze into her eyes. He touched her face with his fingertips, stroking her cheek lightly. "Don't get mad, but honestly, I don't know if you still are in love with the idea of Superman or have finally begun to have feelings for me. I think we need to make sure, before everything is so..."

"Misconstrued," Lois finished for him. "Clark," she murmured, running her hand up his chest. "I think I'm sure... about us, but you need to realize it too. I can't blame you after the way I treated you as both Superman and Clark."

"I can't believe you're not mad," he said, cupping her cheek and then running his fingers lightly over her skin.

"I know you love me, Clark, unconditionally. But you need to be one hundred and ten percent sure that I feel the same way about you. It works both ways. I need to be one hundred percent positive, too. We need to be sure," Lois said, remembering all the federal disasters and misplaced affections she had had in the past. "Give us time. I think you need it even more than I do."

He covered her hand with his, stilling it slowly, and made a decision. "Back to our original marriage agreement?" he asked hesitantly. When she didn't answer, he filled in, "It will give us time, and when it's right, we'll know it. Please remember that I love you always."

She nodded in agreement. "I'll be waiting, Clark."

Overwhelmed by her understanding and patience, he pulled her to his chest in a fierce embrace. "Count on it, honey."

Sitting up later, she reached for the knocked-over box of wadded up suits. "I think it's time we both said goodbye to Superman. Your parents are going to be here in the morning to take them back to Smallville."

Dumping the box completely over, she held a suit up, the S emblem filling them both with melancholy and memories. Clark nodded, and she began to fold methodically, passing the folded garment to Clark so he could ceremoniously put it in the empty box.

The last cape was placed on top, and Clark stared blankly as Lois closed the box.

"I can't believe I'm never going to fly again."

Lois grabbed his hand and held it tightly. "I'm here... on earth for you, Clark. You told me once: Superman is what you can do, not who you are. Your abilities may be gone, but the man I admire is still very much here."

"Will you help me? Help me find out who I am?"

She rose from her seat and walked over to Clark's bookshelf. In her husband's very organized collection, she found the CD she was looking for and put it in the stereo. As the strains of music began filling the apartment, she held out her hand to Clark and asked, "May I have this dance?"

Clark seemed shocked at first, then rose to his feet and clutched her to his chest as a sob leaked from his throat. How did she know that this was his favorite song? How did she know this was exactly what he needed?

"You are all I long for, all I worship and adore..." Lois whispered against his ear as her arms snaked around his neck. Her tears dripped on his shirt as a strong wave of desire swept over her. Her fingers laced themselves in his hair, and at that instant, she knew she loved him. Oh, God! She loved this man, but how was she going to prove it to him after all she had put him through? Telling him wasn't enough for Clark now; she would have to prove it to him.

Clark buried his head in her hair, trembling beneath Lois' touch and the lyrics' piercing words. "Fly me, Lois. Help me fly again," he pleaded. He believed. At this moment, he believed that Lois could actually love him.

The chorus ended again, the words resounding,
'In other words, please be true. In other words, I love you.'

The verse began to repeat itself, and this time their feet began shuffling slowly at first, then a bit more in time to the music. They clung to each other as he gently rocked her back and forth. She could feel his uneven breathing on her cheek as he held her close. Locked in his embrace, she spoke with quiet, desperate firmness, "This isn't dancing; we are flying."

'Fly me to the moon, and let me play among the stars...'

*******