PREVIOUSLY...
“I’ll just leave it here and...” He gestured towards the door. “...get out of your hair.”
“No!” She seemed to startle both of them with the vehemence of her response. “I mean,” she corrected quickly, “I’d like you to stay.” She finally met his eyes. “I think we need to talk.” She cursed the slight tremor in her voice.
He nodded.
“Good,” she said. “Okay... well...” She padded across the cabin to the bedroom door. “I’ll just...” She didn’t finish her thought even as she arrived at the door and ducked inside, quickly closing it before leaning against it and taking a deep breath.
Well, that was awkward. She gave herself a moment to pull herself together before turning her attention to getting dressed. She might not be looking forward to this talk, but she owed it to Clark not to keep him waiting.
AND NOW - PART 11
‘Well, that was awkward,’ Clark thought despondently. Still, she was right. They did need to talk. She needed to be back in Metropolis; and he needed to face the music for his actions. He thought Lois would probably back him up on his reasons for kidnapping her. And to tell the truth, he couldn’t regret his decision to do it even if she didn’t. After all, it had gotten her away from Deter and allowed her to realize the truth about him. And that was all that Clark had really wanted.
Still...
He sighed. He’d lain on the couch last night, all of this circling in his head. He didn’t need to do it anymore today.
Today was for owning up to his actions.
He was so lost in his thoughts that he jumped slightly when the door to Lois’ room opened and she stepped outside. She seemed to hesitate for a moment before coming over and taking a seat at the table. Without a word, he set her coffee in front of her along with a bowl of fresh cut fruit, whole grain toast and honey.
“Thanks,” she said softly before picking up her spoon and beginning to push the fruit around in the bowl.
He took a seat at the table with his own bowl of fruit and began doing pretty much the same thing.
The silence that fell between them as they sat there not eating their breakfasts seemed to fill the room, penetrating every corner and making the atmosphere almost suffocating. And if he who could hold his breath for twenty minutes was having difficulty breathing, what was this doing to her?
He snuck a quick peek at her out of the corner of his eye only to discover that she had chosen that exact same moment to do the same to him. Their eyes met for the briefest of instances before she snatched her gaze away and a faint blush rose in her cheeks.
“I’m not really very hungry,” Lois finally said, putting down her spoon.
“Me either,” he responded, following suit.
They both sat in silence for another moment.
“Lois...”
“Clark...”
They had both chosen the same moment to speak. They smiled awkwardly at each other.
“You first,” Clark said.
“I was just going to suggest we go for a walk,” Lois responded. “It’s a little...”
“...stifling?” Clark supplied.
“Yeah... in here.”
Clark nodded and together, they both rose from the table and, ignoring the dishes, headed for the door.
* * * * * * * * *
By tacit consent, they walked together on the trodden path towards the waterfalls. Side by side. Neither talking. Irrelevantly, it occurred to Lois that her feet had really toughened up during her time on the island. As a city girl, she’d rarely gone without shoes. But there was something about this place... As a result, other than their early morning jogs, she had rarely worn shoes and her feet were now becoming tough enough that, for the most part, she didn’t notice.
She glanced at Clark’s feet to see that he, too, was shoeless. She guessed the same thing must be true for him. Growing up in the country, this had probably been a yearly occurrence for him. She quickly diverted her eyes, fixing her gaze on the path in front of her. There was something almost too intimate about looking at his bare feet.
When they arrived at the waterfalls, they both stopped, staring at the water as it left the cliff above to plunge down into the pool beneath, as if it by doing so all the mysteries of the universe would be revealed. She wondered if Clark was thinking about the water as little as she was.
“I really like it here,” Clark said.
She took in his words even as she looked around at the serene atmosphere. “So do I,” she said after a moment. Then she took a step closer to the pond, stepping carefully over the rocks until her bare feet were once again in the water. With a sigh, she sat down on a nearby rock.
Glancing over, she watched as Clark settled himself cross-legged a little further from the shore.
“So...” she finally said.
“So...” he responded.
In the silence that followed, Lois pulled all her courage together and then, once she was ready, opened her mouth, determined to address the big pink elephant that seemed to be at the pool with them.
“Lois,” Clark began. “I’m sorry that...”
“No, Clark, please. Let me go first?” She had no idea what he why he was apologizing; after all he wasn’t the one who had done anything wrong. But if she didn’t get this off her chest now, she was afraid her nerve would fail her.
Like the polite country gentleman that he was, Clark shut his mouth and nodded.
“Clark, I had a few flashes of memory last night.”
She saw him tense and couldn’t blame him. After all, the last time she’d told him about her memory flashes, she’d seduced him. Still, she forced herself to continue.
“Well, a couple anyway. In one we were having a conversation about...” Her voice faltered for a moment. “...beds and I got the distinct impression that we had... Well, that we had decided to wait until we were married to... you know.”
Clark nodded briefly but otherwise didn’t respond as he kept his eyes focused on the waterfalls.
Okay, that was the easy part. “The other flash was about a conversation where you told me that you were a v... a v...” Why was that word so difficult to say? “A very patient man,” she finished lamely, shooting a look at him to see if he understood. He finally looked down and sighed.
Satisfied that he’d understood, she continued. “Now, I still can’t quite figure out what the memory of us on my bed was about. The one that convinced me that we had... crossed that particular intimacy threshold. I mean, I guess maybe one night we... A lot of couples who are trying to hold out until they’re married don’t quite make it, after all. So it’s not as if we would be the first couple who didn’t exactly... make it to our wedding night, but...” She quickly shut her mouth on the flood of words she could feel threatening to fall from her lips to cover her nervousness. ‘Focus, girl,’ she told herself silently. “Clark, was the other night...” Her voice trailed off and she swallowed hard, trying to find a way to ask the question. If only Clark weren’t acting quite so distant.
“Yes.”
His soft reply startled her.
“Yes?” she asked, wondering exactly what he was saying yes to.
“It was our first time.”
“The other night when we...?” Her voice trailed off.
“Yes.”
“So then it was... your very first time.”
When he didn’t respond, she looked over at him. He was staring at the waterfalls, but he must have seen her out of the corner of his eye because he nodded.
“Oh god,” she whispered, as all the little pangs of guilt she’d had since sleeping with him collided together in her heart. “I’m so sorry.”
He did look at her then, his eyebrows knit together in confusion. “Sorry?” he asked.
“I mean, if you were still... You’re a good looking guy. I’m sure you’ve had plenty of opportunities. So if you were still... You must have been waiting for that perfect time and that perfect woman. And I took that from you. I’m so sorry.”
He was silent for a long moment, his eyes leaving her to fix again on the water as it flowed over the edge of the cliff. “I was with the perfect woman,” he finally said softly.
Her breath caught in her throat and tears instantly sprang to her eyes. “Still...”
“Lois, the only thing I regret about the other night is that you say you didn’t mean it. Otherwise... I wouldn’t change a single thing that happened between us.” His voice dropped until she had to strain to hear his final thought. “It was the most incredible night of my life.”
Damn him. How dare he be so sweet and understanding? No wonder she had fallen in love with him. How could she not? Suddenly, she stilled. Was that what was happening been them? Even without her memories, was she falling in love with him all over again? After all, it had been the most incredible night of her life, too. And she definitely didn’t need her memories to know that.
She glanced at him through her eye lashes. He was still sitting silently, staring up at the waterfalls, yet suddenly he looked different to her somehow. She wasn’t entirely sure what had changed, but something had.
But how could this wonderful man love her? It made no sense. Especially after...
“Did you really love me, Clark?” she asked abruptly.
That got his attention. Instantly, intense eyes were riveted on her. She couldn’t have looked away if she wanted to - and she couldn’t say that she wanted to. In fact, she unexpectedly found herself wanting nothing more than to drown in those eyes.
“There’s no ‘did’ about it, Lois. I do love you. More than I thought it was possible to love anyone.”
“But...” Her mind was a swirl. She suddenly felt the need to look away. Her eyes focused on her nervously fiddling hands as she said her next words. “...maybe you just thought you loved me because... maybe you didn’t really know me.”
He didn’t argue. Didn’t say anything, in fact. Instead, he just looked at her for a long moment, as if instinctively understanding that she had more to say.
“I remembered this before we... anyway... I think I cheated on you, Clark,” she finally said, finding one of her cuticles suddenly fascinating. Why had she said that? She hadn’t meant to. After all, the illusion of them as the happy couple was so appealing. What had compelled her to destroy the fantasy?
Still, he had to know. And she had to know, too. Because if he were going to walk away from her, she’d rather that he do it now when she had a chance of recovering. Because if things kept going as they were... No. She didn’t even want to speculate about what he could do to her heart if she allowed these newly realized feelings to grow and then she lost him when the truth came out, because the truth always had a way of coming out.
“Cheated on me?”
His tone of voice told her that he didn’t believe her.
She shifted uncomfortably. “I remembered it a little while ago and... I’m not quite sure how it all fits, but I can remember that I cheated on you.”
“You didn’t.”
“Clark, please. I know what I did.”
Suddenly he appeared next to her, lowering himself to the rock to sit beside her. “Look at me,” he said softly, his hand coming up to her chin so that he could gently move her face around to look at him. Although he exerted almost no pressure, she couldn’t seem to prevent him from his task. When their eyes met, she instinctively tried to look away but he wouldn’t let her. “I don’t know what you’re remembering, but you never cheated on me, Lois.”
Finally, their closeness was too much for her. The temptation to just forget about her memory and believe him was too great when he was this close.
She moved quickly, rising from the rock and stepping out further into the water, glad she’d chosen a sun dress when getting dressed this morning. After all, he couldn’t follow her into the deeper water without getting his jeans wet. And she desperately needed the distance if she was going to be able to tell him this.
“I don’t know the exact circumstances, but it happened a while ago. I think I must have been kidnapped or maybe you were held hostage. Or... I don’t know. Maybe I was being blackmailed or something. He had a slight build and short dark hair. He looked a little bit like Kyle Griffin, I guess, but I know it wasn’t Griffin. I can remember what he was wearing, but I don’t remember his name. What I do remember is what I said to him.”
“What did you say to him?” Clark asked when she didn’t continue.
“I told him that I’d keep my promise. That for that night my body belonged to him, but that my heart beat only for one man. Who else could that have been but you?” She could hear the tremor in her voice, but couldn’t seem to control it.
Clark rose to his feet. “So what happened then?”
“I don’t remember. But come on, Clark. What else could have happened?”
“Assuming you were being held hostage, and this is really a memory of something you said, lots of thing could have happened then. You could have found a way to escape. Superman could have saved you. You could have given him a kick to the unmentionables and left him walking funny for the rest of his natural life. But, Lois, one thing I know is that you didn’t cheat on me with this phantom man.”
“You don’t know that.”
“I do.”
The conviction in his voice was unmistakable. But...
“Clark, I slept with you in my effort to get back to Max so...” She hesitated slightly as the import of what she’d just said finally sank into her consciousness. “God, what type of woman am I, anyway?” she exclaimed, wondering why that question had never occurred to her before. “I cheated on Max with you. Or well, not technically maybe, but... What does that make me, Clark? And if I could do that... How can you know I didn’t cheat on you?”
He ignored the water, instantly walking through it to where she was standing. He reached out, gently taking hold of her shoulders and forcing her to look at him again. “That was different.”
“Really? And how exactly was it any different than what I did to you?”
He sighed. “Lois, on some level, I think there is a part of you that remembers you love me. What happened between us the other night... Can you honestly tell me that the only thing on your mind was getting back to Deter? You were already free. I’d already offered to take you back to Metropolis. So can you still honestly tell me that what happened was all about Deter?”
She broke eye contact. “No,” she said softly, her mind flashing back to that night. Honestly, she couldn’t say that she’d thought about Max even once. The only thought in her mind had been Clark, and the burning need to get as close to him as she possibly could. “I guess not. But... what does that have to do with anything? How does that prove I never cheated on you?”
“Because if you had cheated on me, you would have told me.”
Her eyebrows rose in disbelief.
“Lois, long before we fell in love... or rather, before you fell in love with me because I think I fell in love with you about two minutes after we first met ...we were best friends. And after we got involved... romantically... we decided that no matter what, we would always tell each other the truth. Sometimes it’s hard. Sometimes it takes us some time. So although I don’t know for certain that something like what you’ve described could never happen... although I sincerely doubt it could... that you might sleep with someone to save your own life... or mine... I do know that you’d never be able to look me in the eye afterwards until you confessed what happened. The guilt of it would eat you alive until you did.”
“But I didn’t feel guilty about sleeping with you when I thought I loved Max. So why would I feel guilty if I cheated on you?” she asked skeptically, knowing that she had to be brutally honest about this, but still terrified about what it said about her.
“You didn’t feel guilty about ‘cheating on Max’ because, deep down, in your heart, you knew that you hadn’t cheated on him. If you had cheated on me... it would have torn you apart. I know you, Lois. And I know that without any doubt whatsoever.” He paused, gently stroking her cheek with the backs of his fingers.
“It never happened,” he repeated, keeping his eyes firmly locked on hers.
And she believed him. How could she not when he was so certain? And when he was looking at her like that - as if he was seeing into the very depths of her soul. She was lost in his eyes and felt herself subconsciously leaning closer when...
Clark suddenly backed away. “Uhh... listen...” Clark said, as he began walking quickly towards the shore.
Lois’ heart dropped. In spite of his claim that he still loved her, he obviously only truly loved the woman with the memories of his beloved Lois. And that wasn’t her.
* * * * * * * * *
“Look,” Clark said when he finally got to shore, “I’ve been doing some thinking.” He’d almost kissed her. What exactly had possessed him to even think about doing such a thing? She was still vulnerable. She’d just confessed something that had to be hard for her, looking for reassurance, and he’d almost used it to make a pass at her.
Maybe realizing what Deter had done to her had killed her feelings for Deter, but he knew with certainty that it hadn’t brought back her feelings for him. He’d heard her dismissals to Star more than enough over the past couple of days.
It would be all too easy to just let himself pretend. To let himself kiss her. To let himself make love to her. To let himself believe that she loved him back and wasn’t just grateful to him for reassuring her that she was not the woman she’d come to believe she was.
It was definitely time for them to go home, where she could heal and reestablish her life. And where she might possibly come to him because she loved him and not because she was grateful for his assistance. He didn’t want her gratitude, no matter how tempting it might be, he wanted her love.
“Maybe it’s time for us to go back to Metropolis,” he told her before he could change his mind and sweep her up in his arms and carry her back to the cabin.
Lois looked slightly crestfallen. “Back to Metropolis,” she repeated.
He swallowed hard. This was for the best - for both of them. “Lois, you were right that the chances of you getting your memories back is more likely if you’re surrounded by places and people you know. I only brought you here because I believed that Deter was a danger to you...”
“I know that, Clark.”
“Well, since that doesn’t seem to be a problem anymore...” He took a step further back. “...I’ll contact Superman and see if he can... come and pick you up.”
Having finished his speech, he turned and practically fled back to the cabin, not daring to look back at Lois lest he lose his self control and give in to the desire to kiss her, touch her and spend the rest of his life making love to her. He would have to wait a little while before going back to get her as Superman. After all, in theory he still had to contact the superhero and then the man had to fly out from Metropolis. Maybe that would be enough time for him to beat his raging libido back into submission.
Who was he kidding?
Still, all he really needed was time to compose himself enough to make her believe he was the stoic superhero.
* * * * * * * * *
Lois stared in stunned disbelief at the last place she had seen Clark. What had just happened? One minute, it had seemed as if he was about to kiss her and the next... he’d hardly been able to get out of there fast enough.
It hurt. There was no denying that - this realization that he’d needed to get away from her. Still, maybe it was better that she’d realized now that he wasn’t interested in a repeat of the other night, before she committed any more of her heart to the man. Or maybe she would understand his actions, if only she had her memories. Maybe she would know him the way he seemed to know her. Besides, there was something almost... familiar about him running off on her.
She tried to probe that memory for a moment before giving up. No. She didn’t understand. So maybe, instead of worrying about what hadn’t happened in that pool... Maybe she should reserve judgement, at least for now, about the motivation behind Clark’s action.
In the meantime... she directed her mind to other matters as she slowly stepped from the water and took a seat on the shore.
Clark had certainly been convincing in his reassurance... not only about her not cheating on him and about what had happened between them the other night, but about why she it hadn’t even occurred to her to feel guilty about cheating on Max. And now that she wasn’t desperately trying to convince herself that she loved only Max, she knew he was right. The other night, her conscious mind might have given her permission to make love to Clark by telling her that she was trying to get back to Max, but her heart... her heart had been making love to Clark.
And if he was right about that... It still didn’t explain her memory of the man she could remember telling that for the night her body belonged to him. But maybe she had jumped to conclusions about that, too. After all, she’d jumped to a lot of other conclusions in the past few days that had turned out to be wrong. Maybe she should give herself a break, reserve judgement, at least until she had a better grip on her memories.
Not that that was exactly easy. The desire to berate herself was all too tempting. But she trusted Clark. So until she knew more, maybe, just maybe, she should trust him on this. There would be time enough for recriminations if it turned out that he hadn’t known her as well as he thought he did. So she forcibly pushed what doubts still remained to the back of her mind - to be brought out and dealt with again should the time come where her fears turned out to be justified.
So... she was going back to Metropolis. Funny. Given how determined she’d been a week ago to do exactly that, she wasn’t entirely sure how she felt about it now.
And Superman. Now that had been a surprise. So that was Clark’s secret way off this island. He had to have some means to contact the superhero, however. Maybe he just yelled, ‘Help, Superman.’ Maybe the superhero’s ears were that good. Which brought up another point. Superman must have been the one who brought them to the island.
Shaking off the water still clinging to her legs, she slowly rose and began her walk back to the cabin, still lost in thought.
Would the superhero really have participated in her kidnapping? It seemed a little out of character for a man who stood for truth and justice. On the other hand, she knew that he was friends with her and Clark. And since Clark had been certain that Max was somehow controlling her actions... Maybe Superman had been convinced of that, too. And they had been right. She was grateful to both of them actually, since if they hadn’t done what they did, she would probably be in a villa in the south of France right now with Max where he would no doubt continue his deception for as long as it amused him.
Which brought up another point. Had Max fallen so in love with her that he’d leave Metropolis and jeopardize his professional career to be with her? That made no sense. Did it? Or maybe he was just a psychopath who liked the challenge of convincing a happily engaged woman that she loved only him. Either way, the very thought of how close she’d come to life as his mistress caused her to break out in a cold sweat. Even now, even knowing what he’d done, there was still, in the back of her mind the niggling little concern about how she would react the next time she saw him. Was the post hypnotic suggestion truly broken just because she remembered what he had done?
She had just stepped off the path from the waterfalls and onto the sand in front of the cabin when something in the corner of her eye caught her notice. She looked out towards the ocean and gasped. A boat! In fact, it appeared a luxury yacht was anchored in the harbor.
TO BE CONTINUED...
ML
