|
|
Joined: Aug 2007
Posts: 1,194 Likes: 1
Top Banana
|
OP
Top Banana
Joined: Aug 2007
Posts: 1,194 Likes: 1 |
Feedback goes here.  Many thanks to Bob and Carol for record turn-around time on the beta. I really thought I had sent it on Sunday night. Turns out not. They didn't get it until Tuesday evening. Enjoy!
This *is* my happily ever after.
|
|
|
|
Joined: Dec 2004
Posts: 326
Beat Reporter
|
|
Beat Reporter
Joined: Dec 2004
Posts: 326 |
Wonderful part. I like how this story is progressing. A great realization for each of them For Lois: "For her part, Lois was accosted by the overwhelming realization that, as powerful as he was, this man needed her help in a way that no one ever had before. He didn’t just need any friend. He needed her. She didn’t understand how other people could fail to appreciate how extraordinary and wonderful Superman was. What she did understand was that, no matter what it might cost her, she would stand by him. He needed an ally, and she was going to be it." And Clark's: "As Clark emerged from his fugue, he focused once more on Lois. She was staring at him, but not in the way he had feared. She wasn’t disgusted by his alienness. Nor was she infatuated in the way that she had first seemed to be that day he flew her back to the Planet from EPRAD. No, the look she was giving him now reminded him of Lana, or of his mom . She was looking through the costume to the man beneath it. Suddenly he wasn’t in such a rush to leave after all." I am very intrigued on how this will progress. More soon. Kathy www.chili-everyway.com
robinson
|
|
|
|
Joined: Jul 2006
Posts: 470
Beat Reporter
|
|
Beat Reporter
Joined: Jul 2006
Posts: 470 |
I love this story. 
|
|
|
|
Joined: Apr 2003
Posts: 1,597
Merriwether
|
|
Merriwether
Joined: Apr 2003
Posts: 1,597 |
Very intriguing. I like how Lois and Clark ... well, Superman ... are getting to know each other here. In this universe, it's Clark who is used to keeping people at arm's length, but Lois is breaking through his protective walls. Not as Clark (yet, I sincerely hope)), but as Superman this time. It's also an interesting twist that Clark would first believe that Lois is seeing the "real man" while he's portraying Superman. In the show, Clark sees Superman as a completely different identity because "Clark Kent" is simply who he usually is. But in this universe, Clark already sees "Clark Kent" as his alter-ego. So for him, perhaps Superman is a way to finally be himself, or at least someone closer to his real self than the millionaire playboy author is. Fascinating. I can't wait to see where you're taking them next. I'm really enjoying this story. Kathy
|
|
|
|
Joined: Jul 2003
Posts: 2,989 Likes: 11
Pulitzer
|
Pulitzer
Joined: Jul 2003
Posts: 2,989 Likes: 11 |
 This story keeps getting better and better!  So when do we get to see that da--uh, interview? 
~•~
|
|
|
|
Joined: Aug 2007
Posts: 1,194 Likes: 1
Top Banana
|
|
OP
Top Banana
Joined: Aug 2007
Posts: 1,194 Likes: 1 |
Okay, folcs, life is really nutty here, but I am reading all your lovely detailed feedback, so please know that I do appreciate it, even if I can't respond in as much detail as I'd like. I'm glad to see that all that groundwork is paying off. I.e., that it's actually believable that this Clark would let Lois befriend him as Superman first. Queenie: Interview first, young lady. We'll just have to see whether any da...anything else comes after that. There are some rewrites flying back and forth between me and my betas. Friday if it's working, Saturday if I have to rewrite more. What can I say? They're high maintenance, but they're worth it.
This *is* my happily ever after.
|
|
|
|
Joined: Apr 2003
Posts: 1,597
Merriwether
|
|
Merriwether
Joined: Apr 2003
Posts: 1,597 |
LOL, that's the annoying thing about betas. The more you grumble over their comments, the more right they turn out to be. <g> Kathy (speaking from vast experience on both sides of the grumbling relationship  )
|
|
|
|
Joined: Aug 2007
Posts: 1,194 Likes: 1
Top Banana
|
|
OP
Top Banana
Joined: Aug 2007
Posts: 1,194 Likes: 1 |
Okay, the third draft of Part 6 is off to the betas. It's getting there. Hopefully Saturday. If not, then definitely Sunday.
This *is* my happily ever after.
|
|
|
|
Joined: Apr 2003
Posts: 172
Hack from Nowheresville
|
|
Hack from Nowheresville
Joined: Apr 2003
Posts: 172 |
I'm really liking this story, cant wait to see how it unfolds
good job
|
|
|
|
Joined: Feb 2009
Posts: 153
Hack from Nowheresville
|
|
Hack from Nowheresville
Joined: Feb 2009
Posts: 153 |
Sorry, I meant to comment on this part ages ago - can't believe I haven't. A lot happens in each part, so each time there's a lot to think about. You are sowing a lot of nice plot seeds at the moment and I'm looking forward to seeing how they grow! It was curiosity, he told himself, and courtesy, not his unhealthy fascination with Lois Lane, which brought him sailing through her open window against his better judgment. You tell yourself that Clark if you want to! This Clark is possibly more guarded that the Clark in the show, because even the Clark Kent personna most people see is essentially fake. He seems in a way a little more like the Lois we know in how afraid he is to let his barriers down, something that has been instilled in him by his friends etc in creating his career. He's used to keeping women at arm's length and Lois being a reporter makes her especially dangerous. In deep trouble, and now caught staring wide-eyed at Lois Lane. This was not the impression he was going for when he invented Superman. He needed to say something. Something professional and….heroish. “I’m sorry. You said eight. I didn’t know I’d be interrupting you mid-rant . ”
Oh, yeah, real smooth . Clark strode toward a white loveseat. He was momentarily thrown off-balance by the sudden realization that his hero suit was not designed for dignified sitting. After a brief pause, he settled for draping the cape under him and spreading the corners over his lap like a stadium blanket. He desperately hoped that he didn’t look nearly as stupid as he felt. Even though I've seen him sit like this in the show, probably even because of it, it is a very funny image. It does look so odd when he sits down for a chat in the suit! “If you drink coffee, that is. Do they even have coffee…wherever you come from? Probably not. I mean, why would they? And they say it’s an acquired taste. Maybe you wouldn’t even like it. It’s really good once you get used to it, though. Some of us can’t really function without it. And there’s milk and sugar to make it less bitter, if you like that…” My goodness, she was a force of nature ! Clark felt he should say something before she passed out from lack of oxygen. Wonderful Lois babble! Meet the Press he could do in his sleep—as Clark Kent, that is. As Superman, though, it was another story. This required caution and a clear head. I like the interesting reversal. He's used to being confident and in the public eye as Clark, and is struggling as Superman, whereas in the show Superman was the public image and Clark liked to keep low-key (sort-of!) in the background. This Clark's real self is hardly seen at all beyond his family and closest friends which is sad. “I must warn you, however, that I am not prepared to give an interview at this time.” This Superman is wary of the press. He has also had it drummed into him not to say anything without Lana approving it etc, for his own good. It was much easier for Superman in the show to give Lois an interview as her knew her, and feisty as she was in the beginning, knew he could trust her. Instead, he shot her a determined look. “I’m going to find that man and stop him. That’s a promise, Lois.” Nice little drop-in of a line from the show. By sheer act of will, Clark refrained from blurting out, “I always notice you.” In the knick of time he changed it to, “I was concerned about civilians getting hurt. Someone was testing me, but he put a lot of other people in danger in the process.” This Clark has a little better control at an early stage in not making his feelings too obvious and encouraging her crush. “Will you tell me when you’re getting close? Or will you let me help? I am a trained investigator. It’s what I do. If someone’s trying to harm you, I’d gladly help bring them down.” Yes, of course she's a bit moony-eyed, he's a gorgeous superhero who's just paid her a personal visit at home, but he's yet to realise that she actually can help. She's somebody he wants on his side. This was the last thing he needed—an ace reporter with a crush on Superman. It didn’t help that she was also the one person who could make him lose all composure by her mere presence. As much as he’d like to spend more time with Lois, he couldn’t afford to encourage her fascination with his alter ego. It was time to make a graceful exit while he still could. This Clark is definitely tougher, seeing the danger of Superman getting close to Lois at the outset, doesn't take long for his resolve to wain though! Well, I just thought that maybe you could use a friend. So if you ever need one, I’m here. That’s all.” Clark wasn’t sure that *was* all, but it was a good cover for her earlier comment, so he let it go. This Clark is quite harsh in his judgement of her, much as he is drawn to her. I think this must come from him having a lot of experience with fans as 'Clark Kent.' His life to this point, compared to the Clark in the show is, of course, vastly different. No, the look she was giving him now reminded him of Lana, or of his mom . She was looking through the costume to the man beneath it. Suddenly he wasn’t in such a rush to leave after all. I like that he managed to see her genuine empathy here. He returned her smile with one of his own. “It wasn’t that I didn’t believe you wanted to be my friend,” he explained. “I just I didn’t think someone like me could have friends.” He paused for a moment, then added in a thoughtful tone, “You’ve changed my mind tonight.” Awww. Even though he does seem to have a couple of very good friends who do care about him, this Clark actually seems more lonely than the Clark in the show. Hardly ever being his true self must be very isolating. Looking forward to their next meeting! I'm very intrigued as to where this is going to go, which side of Clark Lois is going to truly fall for. Em
"There's a fine line between brilliance and lunacy" - CK to LL(Madame Ex)
|
|
|
|
Joined: Aug 2007
Posts: 1,194 Likes: 1
Top Banana
|
|
OP
Top Banana
Joined: Aug 2007
Posts: 1,194 Likes: 1 |
Seme- Ooh, a new reader! Yay! Glad you're liking it.
Smileyem - What great, detailed feedback! It's encouraging to see that what I'm aiming for is coming through. Yes, this Clark is pretty lonely. We'll see what we can do about that.
Part 6 should be up after the little ones are in bed tonight.
This *is* my happily ever after.
|
|
|
|
Joined: Apr 2007
Posts: 8,957 Likes: 28
Boards Chief Administrator Nobel Peace Prize Winner
|
|
Boards Chief Administrator Nobel Peace Prize Winner
Joined: Apr 2007
Posts: 8,957 Likes: 28 |
I figured, I'll just continue after the reply to part 4 Yeah, I'm glad too. And happy you had fun reading the FDK. After all, I had fun reading the story :p Come on, you know you want to blow off your work and catch up. Actually... No, job's too engaging for that On the plus side, this way I have a chance to leave FDK between the parts, instead of just once I get caught up What could possibly make her believe that? It was curiosity, he told himself, and courtesy, not his unhealthy fascination with Lois Lane, which brought him sailing through her open window against his better judgment. And here I thought, Superman doesn't lie. Lois was wearing the same business suit she’d had on that afternoon, and her hair was bobbing up and down in an adorable little rhythm in time to her pounding feet as she stomped back and forth in front of her kitchen island, her heavy steps punctuating a rhythmic chant of “Damn, damn, damn, damn, damn!” What went wrong? And LOL! He nearly had to bite his lip to keep from grinning as she noticed his entrance and turned an endearing shade of pink. Boy, was he in deep trouble. Uh-huh. “I’m sorry. You said eight. I didn’t know I’d be interrupting you mid-rant . ” Better ‘rant’ than ‘naked’, hmm? After a brief pause, he settled for draping the cape under him and spreading the corners over his lap like a stadium blanket. He desperately hoped that he didn’t look nearly as stupid as he felt. He should have checked in a museum, gotten advice from the ancient Roman officers. Clark felt he should say something before she passed out from lack of oxygen. But if he said nothing, he could do mouth-to-mouth on her. “I’m going to find that man and stop him. That’s a promise, Lois.” He’s getting pretty familiar, pretty fast Whoa. Lois was sounding a little too determined for Clark’s comfort. She was starting to sound dangerously like the kind of fan who swarmed over Clark Kent at every public function and wouldn’t take ‘no’ for an answer. This was the last thing he needed—an ace reporter with a crush on Superman. Hehehehe. It didn’t help that she was also the one person who could make him lose all composure by her mere presence. Could make for an interesting coupling, if both Lois and Superman stood there, babbling like love struck teenagers on Revenge Well, I just thought that maybe you could use a friend. So if you ever need one, I’m here. Actually, he already has two of them  “And it showed the Earth before you touched it. So it’s some kind of navigational device for your supply ship?” Oooh, nice idea. Might have to… appropriate this one as an explanation in my current WIPnette. Maybe. If you are so kind “It had your…” she pointed vaguely at his chest. Enrapturing chest? “You’re welcome.” She stood to walk him to the window. “Do you think you could give me a quote or two before you go? For the ‘falling from a jet plane’ story?”
“Sure.” Clark hesitated only a moment before adding, “In fact, though it’s getting a bit late for it tonight, I think I’d like to see you again soon. Maybe Thursday morning at your office? How’d you like to have the first official interview with Superman?” Hmm… Others are calling this the first date. But I’m calling it Superman perfectly stalling Lois. First, he squeezes out of an interview this night. Then he distracts her from getting quotes by offering an interview in a few days. Wonder what he’s going to do next. Michael PS: Something I forgot to mention in the part 1 FDK: The first thing I thought when you mentioned Clark Kent, famous name, rich, playboy behavior, and Gotham City was ‘Batman Begins’ 
|
|
|
|
Joined: Aug 2007
Posts: 1,194 Likes: 1
Top Banana
|
|
OP
Top Banana
Joined: Aug 2007
Posts: 1,194 Likes: 1 |
That's funny, Michael, because I have, on more than one occasion, been tempted to have someone call Clark a Bruce Wayne wannabe. :p
This *is* my happily ever after.
|
|
|
|
Joined: Apr 2007
Posts: 8,957 Likes: 28
Boards Chief Administrator Nobel Peace Prize Winner
|
|
Boards Chief Administrator Nobel Peace Prize Winner
Joined: Apr 2007
Posts: 8,957 Likes: 28 |
You want to give in to temptation. You want to give in to temptation. Michael
|
|
|
|
Joined: Aug 2007
Posts: 1,194 Likes: 1
Top Banana
|
|
OP
Top Banana
Joined: Aug 2007
Posts: 1,194 Likes: 1 |
bump
This *is* my happily ever after.
|
|
|
|
Joined: Feb 2010
Posts: 4,393 Likes: 1
Pulitzer
|
|
Pulitzer
Joined: Feb 2010
Posts: 4,393 Likes: 1 |
Another fun part. Keep them coming! I hope HB lives up to the epithet. Joy, Lynn
|
|
|
|
Joined: Apr 2003
Posts: 4,058
Pulitzer
|
|
Pulitzer
Joined: Apr 2003
Posts: 4,058 |
Nice part. More soon. Laura
Clark: “If we can be born in an instant, and die in an instant, why can’t we fall in love in an instant?”
Caroline's "Stardust"
|
|
|
|
Joined: Aug 2007
Posts: 1,194 Likes: 1
Top Banana
|
|
OP
Top Banana
Joined: Aug 2007
Posts: 1,194 Likes: 1 |
Glad to see you, Laura. More is coming right up.
This *is* my happily ever after.
|
|
|
|
