Part 14
Clark opened the door and ushered Lois in. She shuffled in her stance, then looked him in the eye. He shut the door behind him by leaning into it. It closed with a solid thunk as the vibrations shook the pictures on the wall slightly.
"I'll put these in the kitchen until later. That is, unless you want to eat something," he asked, heading across the room.
Lois shook her head. "No, I don't think I could eat anything now. Maybe later." She flung her purse on the coffee table and began pacing.
After placing the ice cream in the freezer, Clark almost dreaded facing Lois again. Or rather, dreading to face the outcome of the evening. Where he had been so hopeful on the way back and after running into her on the street, now the stark reality of repairing or ending their friendship was about to begin.
Desperation crept into his voice as he returned to the living area. "I'm ready to hear it all. What's up with you and Luthor? I need to know. I promise I won't yell at you anymore, but..." His voice cracked, and his expression was very similar to the one he had that day in the park, right after she told him she didn't love him the way he loved her.
Lois stared at him for a moment, wanting to dance around the issue and spare his feelings, but felt it was time to lay all their cards on the table.
"To be honest, I've been thinking about accepting Lex's proposal."
Clark felt all reason to exist drain out of his heart. He couldn't answer, only turn away, but managed, "Why, Lois?"
"Because he's all I have left. Clark, I feel I've lost you because of my callous infatuation with Superman and these differences of opinion about Lex; no one is coming back to the Daily Planet, people who mattered anyway. Lex is the only relationship that hasn't changed for the worst. He's been supportive of my career choices, and I haven't seen any of the terrible behavior that you are so alarmed about. That's where I stand."
Clark sighed. He could argue with her until he was blue in the face, but the facts were simple - he didn't have any proof against the billionaire, only accusations. Unless... he told her about Superman and what Luthor had done to him.
If she didn't believe him again, he and Lois would get into another argument and would probably separate for good this time. He didn't know how many hits their friendship could take before totally disintegrating. So he decided to try another approach. It was time to stuff his feelings and try to listen to her reasoning.
"Do you love Luthor? Because if you can look me in the eye and tell me that you love him, I'll walk away and leave you alone."
"Love Lex? I don't know... Clark! I care for Lex," she frowned, trying to convince herself that it was true.
"Like you care for me?"
"Well, yeah, in a way, but it's different."
"How Lois? Please... I need to understand. Tell me what you see in him."
The look in his eyes melted her defenses. Her best friend's face was pinched and desperate, yet his concern for her still shone through.
"Um... Lex is exciting, handsome and dashing. He's very well-educated and loves all the arts... he treats me well."
"I guess I don't measure up to that..." he murmured, a bit crestfallen.
"Clark, I don't want you to measure up to him. And you do measure up to him, but you're miles apart. It's like comparing dress shoes to your favorite old sneakers. When you're wearing the dress shoes you feel different - you feel more elegant and beautiful. But when you come home, it's the sneakers that you want to put on for wearing around the house. They're the ones that make you feel at home. You miss them, just like I missed you when I was working at LLN."
"So now I'm an old pair of smelly shoes... gee thanks." His voice sounded downcast but there was a tiny twinkle in his eye. "Worn and stretched out."
"No, silly. Favorite shoes... there's a difference. They still may be nice to look at, but they can be comfortable, too."
"That's a bit better. I can handle being your favorite," he grinned, but then his expression grew serious. "Guess it's my turn to be honest. I've missed you, Lois. I miss our talks, I miss our video nights and our arguments..."
"Arguments? Clark, who would miss arguing with me, especially after the one we had this morning?"
"I would."
"No, you wouldn't." She tossed a sofa pillow at him in an attempt to keep the atmosphere a bit lighter. At least they were still on civil terms.
"Yes, I would. It's such a vital part of who you are, and I need things thrown at me." He paused after catching the pillow, and smiled at her. "I've missed my best friend."
"I've missed you too," she sighed, moving forward to hug him fiercely. As his arms wrapped around her, she felt his hand moved against her head, non-threatening.
"If I asked you a question, can you answer without getting mad? I know I said I liked arguing with you, but not this time, not now..."
He was trying so valiantly to keep himself together. His hand was trembling against her head and she felt his heart beating a mile a minute against her chest. She pulled away and looked into his face. "I'll try, but I'm not promising anything."
"Fair enough." He motioned for her to sit down on the sofa, and then followed by sitting close besides her. "Okay, here it goes... Why do you feel the need to marry someone you don't love? What's wrong with waiting for the right person to come along?"
Lois immediately glanced down into her lap and fiddled with the end of her shirt. When she looked up, there were tears in her eyes. "Because there is never going to be a right person for me. Marrying someone you don't love is safer. Clark, I'm an emotional wasteland. I've had people who I've thought had loved me but I was proven wrong - people who have told me they'd loved me and never meant a single word. Romance doesn't work, at least in my life. I used to think it was out there just waiting for me to find the right man, like some kind of fairytale, but somewhere along the way that dream disappeared. I have parents who'd married for love, then ended up hating each other for years before finally getting a divorce. It tore me up hearing them arguing night after night. Their marriage was a joke and I vowed never to find myself in that situation."
"So why the rush to marry at all?"
"I guess I'm ready to share my life with someone. Clark, I've been alone all of my life. I've had to practically raise my sister alone; I've never felt that my parents sacrificed anything for me. I've worked my way through college and have had a successful career, still have a successful career. I'm tired of being alone. I guess I've always been independent and now I'm just plain tired of it. Guess it took losing the Daily Planet and all of my friends to realize that. I want to be able to come home and have someone there who will talk to me, listen and sympathize with my problems. Even an argument over what to eat for dinner would be better than eating alone."
"Is Luthor able to provide that for you? Can you see him being there night after night discussing take-out options, or chopping vegetables?"
"We wouldn't need take-out. He has a chef..." Her voice broke off and she frowned. "I suppose arguments over dinner would be out."
"So how do you feel when we fight about things as best friends? Really fight, like the last time we saw each other? Or rather, I yelled and stomped out and didn't give you a chance to defend yourself. I'm so sorry about that."
"It's different. I believe, or I hope, that you're always going to be there. Hey you're here now in spite of my blunders! Except for the past few days, I mean, when I've been working at LLN and we've been on the outs... I've had my doubts that you and I would ever get back on track."
"Lois, I'll always be here for you."
"I'd love to believe that Clark, but if I marry Lex, I'm afraid that's going to change."
Clark felt her slipping away. It was almost as though she was convincing herself that she needed this marriage to Luthor. And she didn't even love him! He was just about to tell her what Luthor did to Superman, when another thought popped into his head.
"Then marry me, Lois! If it's a loveless marriage you're looking for, then how about me? You just said that it's the comfortable old sneakers that you want to come home to..." He smiled wistfully to himself and continued in a lower tone of voice. "I'm just an ordinary guy without a lot of wealth and power, but I do have one thing that no other man has..." He let his voice drift off.
"What, Clark?"
"Your trust. I'd like to believe I have your complete trust. Aside from dismissing my warnings about Luthor, you had your reasons; he was someone you were dating, and I was being bullheaded, but I don't want to get into that. Now is not the time."
"No, let's not go there... yet." She stared into his eyes and waited for him to continue.
He touched her cheek and gave her a tender smile. "And... I think I'm the only one you can call your best friend. Is that true?"
"Yes, I do trust you, and I love our friendship, but Clark... marriage?"
"I know you don't love me, not the way I feel about you. But I told you the truth in the park - I love you. I've loved you since the first day that you came storming into Perry's office. But there's a key difference, and that is that I've never let my feelings for you get in the way of our friendship. Have I?"
"No, I never knew... how you really felt before that day. I mean I had my suspicions, but you're right. It's never gotten in the way of our being friends."
His jaw tightened visibly before he asked, "Can you honestly make love with a man you don't love? Luthor's going to expect it."
Her face grew flushed as she remembered the time in the office at LNN. And the thought of having sex with Lex left her cold.
"You're right... I couldn't. I could never sleep with Lex. I mean, I thought I could, but... And you're telling me that you wouldn't want me, um... that, Clark?"
"Want? I will always want you, Lois. But acting on your feelings is another story. I would never want you to do anything that you weren't comfortable with. I love you too much to pressure you into something that you aren't ready for. I could dream about it, but I'd never act on it."
"What would you be getting out of this marriage, Clark? A huge liability?"
"Liability? In what sense?"
"Your chance at a relationship which could make you truly happy would be gone. Not many women, at least your type, would want to sleep with a married man."
"What do you mean, 'my type'?" he asked with an indignant grin. "Lois, you're my type."
"Well, I wouldn't sleep with a married man, so my point is made. Clark, I don't want you to be miserable. I don't think I could take it if I knew you were seeing someone else."
Clark drew in deep breath and sighed. "You make me happy... and loving you the way I do would keep me faithful. I'll be faithful to you, Lois, no matter what happens in our marriage. If it's permanence that you're looking for, then you've found it. To me, marriage is forever, and that's what I'd expect from you."
"Oh, Clark! That would be so unfair to you!"
"Unfair? I hardly think so. I'd be living with my best friend." He glanced down and picked up her hand reverently and enclosed it between his own. "Who else is going to put up with all your quirks?"
"Quirks? I don't have any quirks." She glared at him challengingly, just daring him to step over the line.
"You know, like the way everyone has to tiptoe around you like... for about the first hour or two after you wake up. Why do you think I bring you coffee in the morning? Being nice to you is only half the reason; self-defense is the other."
"You're really being chumpy, Kent," she retorted, swatting him on the shoulder.
"See, there's one reason. You can't protest it either. And here's another one; you can't bully me into letting you cheat at board games. Shall I continue?"
"Point made, but I reserve the right to a rebuttal. And I never cheat... just bend the rules a bit."
His big grin warmed her to her toes, but another thought came to her mind. "So what if you meet someone else?"
"I don't want to meet anyone else. Marriage doesn't always mean forever in this world, but Lois, my love is forever, because it just is - and our marriage would be too. For me, marriage is forever, and I would expect the same thing from you."
"You? Me? Married?" She looked at him incredulously. He wasn't kidding.
"Just because you marry someone doesn't mean that you're automatically going to fall out of love with her," he continued hopefully.
"You can't be serious, Clark! This idea is crazy! I'd be sentencing you to a lifetime of celibacy."
"It's not like I'm not used to it..." his voice wavered, and then he sighed.
"You mean... you're a... a... v... very patient man?"
"I needed to be sure. I needed to meet the one person I could share the rest of my life with."
"But Clark! I can't be that way with you, at least not now. I don't want to give you any false hope, but that wouldn't be in the cards for us, at least not for a long while." Her expression became belligerent. "I don't know that you could handle it."
"And you would be sentencing yourself to be a nun..." he said in defense of himself. "It works both ways. Could you do it?"
Her eyes widened at his challenge. "Of course I could do it," she declared. Sex was over-rated anyway. All of her experiences were lacking at best; it shouldn't be that hard to resist someone she wasn't sexually attracted to. Clark was Clark. There wasn't anything sexually alluring about him, unless you considered his chest and perhaps the rest of his body...
"So are you considering it? Marriage, not... sex," he blurted while turning a slight shade of red.
"Yes, I mean, no! I don't know what I want..."
"We could have separate bedrooms. It would be just like the time we spent at the Lexor hotel. You would have your space, and I'd have mine. I'd do all the cooking; that's my only condition."
"Ha! You may not survive our first year together if I ever cook for us."
"Call it self-preservation... and ow!" he yelped after Lois smacked his arm.
"You said you needed things thrown at you. I'm assuming smacking works the same way."
He rubbed his arm thoughtfully for a moment, then continued, "So what about it? Be my best friend for life? No expectations, just two adults caring for each other under one roof." He dropped to one knee and took her hand, the look on his face now serious. "Lois, I love you. You are the woman I want to spend the rest of my days with – unconditionally. Will you marry me?"
His expression was so imploring, so sincere and hopeful. What would it mean to be married to Clark? What would her life be like? All of the pressure would be off her to find a 'suitable' marriage partner, though her mother would hit the roof if she found out that she chose her work partner over the third richest man in the world. She'd be essentially trading power and money for friendship.
Could she really expect him to not want sex from her as his wife? Would there come a time when he would be so miserable that he would demand it from her or go to another source? She didn't think she could handle either one of those scenarios.
But this was Clark she was thinking about. He was probably the most moral and honest man on the planet besides Superman, if Superman was even around anymore. Except, she didn't need to think about the superhero; he had obviously made his choice.
And then she thought of Lex. Life with Lex would be so different. He would be whisking her off to the most exotic places and lavishly providing her with everything she could wish for and even some things that she'd never dream of. Yes, life with him would be exciting, and she would live a comfortable existence.
Existence.
In her heart, she instinctively knew that's all it would be - mere existence. Lex wouldn't make her laugh, not like Clark would. He would attempt some dry humor perhaps, but as for arguing about such things as the seventh Dwarf's name or determining if 'chumpy' was a word, he would look down upon such silliness. She did not think that he would even give her the choice to not sleep with him - he would expect sex with her as a matter of course.
And she would be lonely.
Lois Lane-Luthor. She tried that name out in her mind, and it left a very uneasy feeling in her gut. Suddenly it didn't seem quite as clear as to why she'd been contemplating marrying the tycoon. Could it be that Clark's judgment that Lex wasn't who he seemed to be was finally starting to make sense? That his softening stance against Lex was finally enabling her to see her true feelings? Clark had been right. She trusted Clark completely. He'd been there for her numerous times and had never let her down intentionally - except for those silly excuses now and again, but no one was perfect.
Lois Lane-Kent. She glanced down at her partner and best friend and saw his anxious face as he awaited her answer. Yes, she trusted him, and in that instant she knew that marrying her best friend was the only way she was going to go through life without being alone. She would have to go into this with blind faith, faith that Clark would keep his promises and not take more than she was able to give.
Would she eventually come to love him? Maybe... but that was far too dangerous a game to play. So-called love had ruined every relationship in her life so far. It was better not to even think about that prospect now.
But what about Superman? Where did he fit into all of this? There wouldn't be any question in her mind if it were he who was proposing marriage. If he were an ordinary man she would love him just the same. But wait a minute! There was that four-letter word again. Love. Why would she want to put herself in a situation where she could get herself hurt? And he had already sent her a loud and clear message that he hadn't changed his mind about a relationship between them - instead, only seeing her as a fellow comrade in the fight for truth and justice. Superman was designated to live among the clouds, to live above everyone else. Even if he came back, could she give up her dream of being with Superman for a life with her best friend?
Clark... her dear, sweet Clark. In the weeks that she'd been working at LNN, she'd missed him so much. Yes, if Superman came back from wherever, she could still see herself with Clark. The picture was so much clearer now.
Determined and resolute, she lifted her hand and stroked Clark's cheek. "Yes, Clark. I'll marry you."
She saw the love flash in his eyes, and it took her breath away. He wasn't going to be able to carry through with his honorable intentions and she was scared at the implications. He kissed the hand that he was holding and pressed it against his cheek.
After a moment, he rose from his knee and sat down beside her. The love shining from his eyes was fading, and he was looking at her through the eyes of a friend with that lop-sided grin that made the world go away. Her best friend. Even though she didn't love him in the way that he loved her, she could love him as a best friend and make him happy. Confidence rose in her, and she knew that it was the right thing to do.
Clark caught his breath as he laid his head against the cushion in shock. "Are you sure?"
"I know this is right between us." She pressed her hand to his cheek and stroked it with her thumb. "I want to marry you, Clark, and I want to make you happy. I love you in my own way, even if it's not the way you love me. It may not be a traditional marriage that we dreamed about or one that our families wanted, but who knows. Maybe in time, I'll be ready to give you what you need. Maybe I'll grow to..." she thought for a moment "...be what you want me to be."
"Lois, just being with you is all I need."
"I think I know that now, and in my own way, that's what I need too."
He captured her other hand and held it in his own, playing gently with her fingers. "I do need to know one thing, a promise from you before we commit to anything." Closing his eyes briefly, he summoned up what was still uncertain in his heart. "I want you to be totally committed to our marriage. I mean, this is not going to be a stopping point if someone better comes along. This is it, no turning back. I'm not your parents, and I don't believe in divorce. I've got to have that security."
"Oh, Clark! I want that too! I can't live without my best friend. I've tried for the past few weeks and it's something I never want to experience again."
She moved forward into his embrace. "You give me strength and hope and a feeling of belonging. I'll always need you."
His arms tightened around her slim form before he pulled back to look her in the eyes. "I don't know if you ever want to hear this again, but you have to know that I love you with all my heart and soul, and I vow never to pressure you into anything you're not ready for, or can't do. That's my wedding vow to you."
He cleared his throat and continued. "I want you to be the woman of my youth - when I look into these eyes fifty years from now, I'll see past the wrinkles and the gray hair, and the only vision I'll see will be the person in my arms now, at this moment. Can you promise that I'll be the same to you?"
Lois opened her imagination and tried to picture Clark near the end of her life. Yeah, he was certain to be there for her, and as for her...
Clark. Totally gray - no, balding and all those great muscles shriveled into flab. Could she stick to the road that would lead them there? Twin rockers and a pitcher of prune juice between them? No, she could never have shared prune juice with Lex.
Clark... it could only be Clark.
"Yes, Clark. If you want to share prune juice with me, then I'm ready to go the distance."
Tears sprang up in her eyes and for a tiny moment, a powerful wave of emotion overcame her. "My wedding vow to you, my dear hayseed, is to make you happy... forever. I'll do whatever it takes to make you happy, because knowing you mean forever makes it for me. Clark, I need you to help me believe in forever."
He stroked her cheek with the back of his fingers. "When I look at you, I can't see forever without you."
She pressed up against him once more and let his love make its mark on her soul. He would always love her. That she knew for certain.
After a while, she heard him ask, "Did we just say our vows?" His hands traced lazy circles on her back, making her feel deliciously warm inside.
"I think so. Does that mean we're married now?"
"In my heart we are, but when do you want to do this legally? In a month? Couple of weeks? Tonight?"
"I think tonight is out of the question. It's already so late, and I need to plan some things. How about in three days? Don't we need to get a license or blood tests or sign your life away on some dotted line?"
"Three days? That long, er... soon?" he asked, disbelieving that this was actually happening.
"Okay, lunkhead! Two days and that's my final offer." She smiled at his unsuccessful attempt to hide his enthusiasm.
"It's a deal!" Clark replied happily. His heart felt like it was going to burst as Lois moved in for another hug. "As an extra omen that this is real for us, my parents 35th wedding anniversary is in two days. I think that's a good sign."
Lois thought back to the conversation she'd had with Martha, and she remembered that the older woman had mentioned that she had married her best friend. Maybe it was in the stars for her and Clark... just maybe things were lining up in their favor. "Yeah, I think that's a great sign."
A few moments later, Clark grew serious again and drew away from Lois. "I need to talk to you about something else. At the risk of ruining our marriage plans, there's something you ought to know."
"What's this about?"
"Superman."
*****
