A huge thank you to Beth, Carol, and Kelly for all their help betaing.
From Chapter 20
“No rent?” I asked.
“Nope. They don't need the money and Chad isn't going to stay there long, probably. Right?” he asked.
“Right,” Chad said, giving me a squeeze.
“So, it's not like the place is going to need a ton of work after he leaves, so they don't really care,” Clark said.
“So, they're really okay with that?” Chad asked.
Clark smiled. “Well, when I first said something about a boarder, my Mom thought I was moving home, so I think they may have been a little disappointed, but…”
“I'm sorry, Clark,” I said and I was. I worried that he thought he was letting them down.
“Don't be,” Clark smiled. “Mom was about to give me a lecture on being strong and sticking it out here. They want me to be happy. I think Dad would love it if what made me happy was running the farm, but he's not upset that it doesn't.”
I smiled. “You're lucky.”
“I know,” Clark smiled back. “Oh, and Mom gave me the name and number of that doctor,” Clark said, pulling the top piece of paper off the pad we kept near the phone. “Dr. Skeptel,” he said as he passed the paper to Chad.
“Great,” Chad said. “I'll call him tomorrow.”
Chapter 21
September 1994
“How are you?” Martha asked me as we took a walk around the property. Clark had finished fixing up the cottage a few weekends ago and we had taken Labor Day weekend as a good opportunity to move Chad. It was an easy move as he wasn't bringing any furniture – Martha had taken us to the K-Mart in town to pick up some things he could use while he was here since we didn't want to sink a lot of money into things we already owned in Metropolis.
Chad took the car since I didn't really need it in Metropolis, and by filling it up with his stuff and a few extra trips from Clark, we had gotten all his stuff here pretty quickly. While I had taken extra days off to account for the drive to Smallville, Clark was working, so he had left the unpacking to us. Which was only fair, I guess, since he wasn't moving. He was coming back tomorrow night to fly me back to Metropolis.
“I think I'm okay,” I told Martha. This was my first chance to talk to her. Chad had called her several times – to thank her for giving Clark Dr. Skeptel's name and to coordinate logistics about the move. I had wanted to call her – I felt I owed her a thank you or something, but I had spent most of the time before this weekend in denial. It felt like it all came together so suddenly.
“You can't really be okay,” Martha said. “I've seen the way you two are together. There's no question that you'd rather be together than apart.”
I gave her a wan smile. Unlike my mother, Martha was incredibly perceptive. I wasn't sure I wanted someone like that around right now. While I knew they both knew better, both Clark and Chad were playing along with my pretending that everything was fine. It didn't really surprise me that Martha was much blunter than her son.
“I still think it will all work out,” I said as unbidden tears came to my eyes.
“Of course it will,” Martha said, drawing me into her embrace. “What ever happens, Chad loves you. He wouldn't make any decisions without having you in mind,” she reminded me. “But that doesn't mean it's not painful right now.”
“But Clark and Rachel…” I started, but Martha pulled me closer, stroking my hair.
“I'll tell you a secret,” Martha said. “I love Rachel. I think she was wonderful for Clark and I was not one bit surprised that she was not bothered by his origins. Rachel is a good soul and I would have been lucky to have her as a daughter-in-law. But I never thought I would. No matter how much they loved each other, I never once thought that they would go the distance.”
I sniffled as I pulled back to look at her. “Why not?”
“They were too different. And because I know they love each other so much, I knew they wouldn't ask the other person to settle for them,” Martha said. “I don't see that with you and Chad. I see you both wanting to settle for each other – because being together is better than being apart. You see each other as worth making compromises for.”
“So you think we'll be together at the end of this?” I asked. “In Metropolis?”
“I don't know,” Martha said. “But I think you will make the decision that is right for you as a couple and not two individuals. Remember that as long as they were together, Clark and Rachel never stopped being individuals - individuals that cared about each other, but still individuals. You and Chad are more than the sum of your parts – you're a family.”
I nodded, wanting to thank her for her words, but not knowing how. Maybe I had needed someone to do that rather than ignore what I was really thinking.
“Thank you for doing this for us,” I said softly as we turned back to the cottage. “For letting Chad stay here.”
“It will be fun to have a young man around again,” Martha smiled. “Trust me. Jonathan and I have a list a mile long with ways for Chad to earn his keep.”
For the first time since we left Metropolis two days before, I laughed.
************************
“You wouldn't last a day here,” Chad teased me as he put the last of dinner on the table. “Martha said no one delivers to the farm. Not even pizza.”
“Very funny,” I said as I started putting things on my plate. “There's always take-out you know.”
Chad laughed, leaning over to kiss me softly. “I guess you are pretty resourceful.”
“I can't believe we're doing this,” I said softly.
“Hey,” Chad chided me. “I thought we said none of that tonight.”
“I know,” I said as a tear fell down my cheek. “But still…”
Chad came over and picked me up to sit down on my chair with me in his lap. “I know,” he said, burying his head in my hair. “This is the hardest thing I've ever done. But I do really think it will be good for us in the long run,” he said.
I nodded to show I understood. “I love you,” I said softly.
“I love you,” Chad said, pulling away to look me in the eyes. “So much, Lois. So much. And you'll see. This won't be anything like when I was with Grandma and Grandpa. We'll see each other all the time. As often as Clark is willing to take us.”
“What happens if things don't work out here?” I asked him. “I mean, Ken made it sound like…”
“I know what Ken said,” Chad interrupted. “But I'm not sure I believe him. They need more people working in pedes there. I think he said that just so I wouldn't leave, but he'll take me back. And if not, there are lots of other hospitals in Metropolis. Worst case, I stay here for a little longer than we planned and finish my residency and then apply for fellowships in Metropolis. It will work out, Lois. We'll make it work.”
I nodded. We would make it work. We had to.
************************
I heard a whoosh outside the cottage door and realized Clark had arrived. He didn't knock, though, and when I went to the window, I saw him walking towards the farmhouse. I guess he thought we'd come to him when we were ready to say goodbye.
“Clark's here?” Chad asked me softly.
I nodded. “I'm not ready yet,” I whispered. I wasn't sure Chad would even be able to hear me, but he had moved behind me at the window to wrap his arms around me.
“There is nothing in this world that is as important to me as you are,” Chad said softly.
“Then why are we here?” I asked. I hated myself for asking the question, for being that selfish. But I couldn't help it. As much as I understood Chad's need to be here, some small part of me was still sort of angry about it. I didn't want to be apart from my husband. Why did he want to be away from me?
Chad's hands turned me towards him. “I just need to do this, Lois. Just to see. You see that, don't you? If there was anyway to try this without being away from you, I'd do it in an instant.”
I nodded. “I do understand,” I told him. “I just… I just don't want to be away from you.”
“I don't want to be away from you either,” he said. “You can't know how much this decision has torn me up. I didn't want to mention it to you for so long, but…”
“Chad, I don't think…” I stopped to take a breath through my tears. “I don't think I ever thanked you for living in Metropolis all of these years. For choosing to be with me when you could have gone directly to a small town.”
Chad pulled me close to him. “It wasn't a sacrifice. Being near you is a blessing. I…” Chad pulled away to look at me. “I love you, Lois. And nothing is going to change that. I've loved you since we were sixteen years old. It's as much a part of me as this annoying cowlick,” he said, pointing to his hair.
I smiled slightly.
“I got you something,” he said as he let me go. He walked over to one of the drawers in the small bookcase we had gotten at K-Mart yesterday. Perched on top of it was a small television set, the only luxury Chad had decided to give in and buy.
He handed me a small box and I opened it slowly. Inside was a small pendant on a box chain. The pendant was an oval shape – an opal surrounded by gold in the shape of a daisy. My eyes teared up as I looked at it.
“I got the opal as it's your favorite,” Chad said softly as he removed the necklace from the box. “And the lady at the story said this chain was really strong so I thought it would be good for you. I know you try not to take chances, but…” Chad grinned at me and I smiled back. It was true. I did have a tendency to be a bit reckless sometimes.
“Thank you,” I said to him as he clasped the necklace around my neck.
“It's for you to remember me by. When ever you feel lonely, just look at it and remember I'm thinking of you. It will always be true, Lois. You're never far from my thoughts.”
I nodded my head, tears falling down my cheeks for the third time that day.
“One more thing,” Chad said and I giggled through my tears.
“Here,” he said, handing me a small, oddly shaped package. I looked at him quizzically. Inside was a stuffed Winnie-the-Pooh.
“It's for at night,” Chad blushed. “When you're sleeping without me, Pooh can be a replacement.”
“You think a stuffed animal could replace you?” I asked him.
“No,” he said. “I hope not. But maybe he can help?”
I nodded. “Thank you,” I said again.
“I'm going to miss you so much,” he said as he held me close.
“Me, too,” I said. I thought about Clark waiting in his parents' house for us. How was I supposed to do this? How was I supposed to decide I was ready to say goodbye to my husband? I just wanted to hold him forever.
I pulled away a moment later knowing my face was a mess. “I should go wash my face before we go over to the Kent's,” I said softly.
“Me, too,” Chad smiled at me and I realized he had been crying too. For a second, I wanted to point that out to him. What were we doing? If being apart was making us both so miserable, why were we bothering?
But I knew why he needed to do this and I needed to stop asking him about it and making him feel even more guilty than he obviously already did.
************************
“Hi,” Martha said quietly as we entered the farmhouse. I knew my eyes were still red and a fast glance at Chad showed that his were, too, although I suspected Martha would have used that tone regardless.
“Hi,” Chad replied and I nodded in response.
“I didn't want to disturb you,” Clark said and he was looking at me with… pity? Empathy maybe? He did sort of know what this was like. Although, maybe it was selfish of me, but I thought it could never have been this hard for him and Rachel. As close as they were, they had never made the commitment to each other Chad and I had. As Martha had said, they never really made a family together.
“Thanks,” I said, smiling to show my appreciation. I could tell it didn't reach my eyes, though.
“I think we're ready,” Chad said. “Or at least as much as we can be.”
I moved to give Martha a hug. “I don't expect to see you every time you visit,” she said as she hugged me back, “but stop by next weekend to let me know how you're doing?”
I nodded. It was nice to have Martha as a surrogate mother and I was happy once again that if we had to do this, Chad was able to stay with the Kents.
“Thank you again for letting Chad stay here,” I said as I moved away from Martha, including Jonathan in my comment.
“It's our pleasure,” Jonathan said, giving me a hug as well. “We'll take care of your young man for you,” he grinned at me and I found myself smiling back.
Clark gave his parents fast hugs as well and then did that weird guy thing where he and Chad shook hands that ended in a hug.
“Do you guys want another minute?” he asked us.
I shook my head. No more goodbyes. We needed to just do it.
“Okay then,” he said softly. “Ready?” he asked me.
I moved over to Chad and wrapped my arms tightly around him. “I'll see you this weekend?”
He nodded against me. “And you'll call me tonight right after Clark drops you off.”
I nodded as well and then we shared a fast… well maybe not so fast kiss.
I clutched Pooh to me tightly while Clark held me in his arms. I looked down as we took off, took in the form of my husband getting smaller and smaller as we gained altitude until I couldn't see him anymore.
************************
“Hi,” I said softly when the phone rang just moments after Clark dropped me off.
“I miss you,” Chad said into the receiver sounding sad. “Maybe Clark could bring you back and you could go back in the morning?”
I laughed a little. It felt good to know he was already missing me as much as I missed him. “How is this going to work if we can't spend a night apart?” I asked.
“It's not going to work,” Chad said. “This was a stupid idea. I don't work without you.”
I smiled even more. I felt badly for feeling sort of happy when Chad was so sad, but maybe I needed this – a reminder that Martha was right. Chad and I would come through this together in the end.
“Honey,” I said soothingly. “You need to try this. Just try it. And you're not doing it without me. I'm right here, supporting you, the way I always do. You just need to listen a little harder to hear me.”
Chad chuckled softly. “Thanks, baby. I needed that.”
He sighed and we settled into silence on the phone.
“Maybe we can fall asleep like this?” he suggested.
I yawned. “I'm not ready for bed yet.”
“Well, get ready. Go get into your comfy pajamas and get under the covers,” he suggested.
“And then call you back?”
“Call me back?” Chad asked. “No, stay on the phone with me while you get ready.”
“Are you ready for bed?” I asked. “It's only ten o'clock there.”
“I'm still on Metropolis time,” Chad reminded me.
I made sure the door was locked and headed upstairs.
“Where are you?” Chad asked.
“I'm making my way upstairs,” I giggled.
A few moments later, I was in bed, Pooh snuggled up to my side. “He's a poor replacement,” I said to Chad.
“Sh… Don't let him hear that!” he admonished me and I laughed. We settled into silence once more.
I awoke a half hour later to hear Chad's even breathing on the other end of the line.
“Honey?” I asked quietly.
“Hmmm…” he asked sleepily.
“We should probably get off,” I said.
“Off?” he mumbled. “Lois, move closer,” he said and I giggled.
“Chad, I'm not there.”
There was silence for a second and then sounding more awake, Chad said, “Oh, I forgot.”
“We should go,” I repeated.
“Yeah,” he said. “I love you, Lois.”
“I love you, too.”
I hung up the phone, turned out the light, and held Pooh as tightly as I could until I fell back asleep.
