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Joined: Aug 2003
Posts: 1,168
Top Banana
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OP
Top Banana
Joined: Aug 2003
Posts: 1,168 |
Saneak preview, and maybe I can get some constructive critisizm? here it is:
To everyone else in Metropolis, that day had been one of the sunniest, most beautiful days of the year. Everybody seemed to be outside rather than in their homes, offices, and classrooms, basking in the sunlight and enjoying the warmth that was so unusual for a November day. Not to say that anyone was complaining; children may have been waiting anxiously for the snow to arrive to build snowmen and have snowball fights, but the grown-ups were only too familiar with the traffic, the cold, and the wetness the snow would bring to be looking forward for its arrival.
The silver Jeep Cherokee parking near the river contained one of the only people who were immune to the beauty of the day. Even though Lois did ask to have the day off, no one suspected the reason to be depression, on a day like this. But sitting in her car, not wanting to be alone in her apartment but longing for solitude still, Lois was anything but enjoying the day. Re-reading the document that was in her hands time and again, she was desperately trying to find a mistake in it. But no matter how many times she read it, she could not find any evidence of a mistake. Being the investigative reporter that she was, it probably meant there was none, and she knew it.
“Oh, my God, please let there be a mistake! Please don’t let this be true…” She was muttering to herself.
Mulder: Imagine if you could come back and take out five people who had caused you to suffer. Who would they be?
Scully: I only get five?
Mulder: I remembered your birthday this year, didn't I, Scully?
(The X-Files)
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Joined: Apr 2003
Posts: 3,644
Pulitzer
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Pulitzer
Joined: Apr 2003
Posts: 3,644 |
Well, that's certainly an intriguing beginning!  Good writing, too. Poor Lois... what year is it, and where might Clark be? You can't just leave me hanging there like that! <g> PJ
"You told me you weren't like other men," she said, shaking her head at him when the storm of laughter had passed.
He grinned at her - a goofy, Clark Kent kind of a grin. "I have a gift for understatement."
"You can say that again," she told him.
"I have a...."
"Oh, shut up."
--Stardust, Caroline K
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Joined: Apr 2003
Posts: 4,058
Pulitzer
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Pulitzer
Joined: Apr 2003
Posts: 4,058 |
Ditto to what Pam said. That is not enough to go on. Laura
Clark: “If we can be born in an instant, and die in an instant, why can’t we fall in love in an instant?”
Caroline's "Stardust"
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Joined: Apr 2003
Posts: 9,362
Boards Chief Administrator Emeritus Nobel Peace Prize Winner
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Boards Chief Administrator Emeritus Nobel Peace Prize Winner
Joined: Apr 2003
Posts: 9,362 |
Awk! Okay, why is it that all new authors seem to instinctively know the basics of evil cliffhangers and just how best to torture their readers before they even start? Is it genetic or something? Is there some secret instruction somewhere I've missed?  This is a good one, Julie. You're killing me here. Seriously, this is a good hook and you've left plenty of questions for your readers to want answers to. Now - get that Muse of yours kicked into gear and post more! Soon as you like.  LabRat 
Athos: If you'd told us what you were doing, we might have been able to plan this properly.
Aramis: Yes, sorry.
Athos: No, no, by all means, let's keep things suicidal.
The Musketeers
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Joined: Apr 2003
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Blogger
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Blogger
Joined: Apr 2003
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A-okay Labby. More!!!
Phil
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Posts: 2,217
Kerth
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Kerth
Joined: Apr 2003
Posts: 2,217 |
Okay, why is it that all new authors seem to instinctively know the basics of evil cliffhangers and just how best to torture their readers before they even start? With some masters of evil cliffhangers out there? /me glares the author of certain cliffhanger this week... where's the new part? 
"Practice up your shielding spells...and remember to duck if you see green light coming your way." Harry Potter to Wizengamot in OotP trial A Bad Week in the Wizengamot
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