Thanks, as always, to Alisha, Beth and Nancy.
Since I haven't heard from Michael yet about my offer made in Nancy's Breaking Up thread, I'll post
.
I know there's some redundancies between HDHTB and some of the dialogue in 51 [and probably here too] but I really liked having the paper in there and seeing 4-5yo Clark's perspective on things etc.
Last time:
Lois
"The first time I went out with Jonathan, he asked Clark to go with us. I cried when he did. I knew that I'd found someone who was willing to be a father to another man's child. It wasn't long before he asked me to marry him. Chris had been my best friend since we were old enough to remember. We'd dated in high school. I moved off to college and instead of getting married as soon as I finished, we waited." She brushed a tear off her cheek. "I don't regret that he died saving Josh, but I do wish that we'd had six months together first instead of only a few hours. After I accepted Jonathan's proposal, I had to tell him about Clark. He knew that Clark was adopted, but I couldn't let him think that raising Clark would be just like raising any other child. I was so afraid that he'd decide he couldn’t do it. That it would be too much."
"Clark was worried about that, too," I said quietly. "More about telling Lana than me, I think. Not that he doesn't care what I think or whatever, but from everything the two of them ever said, it was more like you and Chris – inseparable since childhood. He cares about me and what I think and all that, but he doesn't care about me the same way he did Lana." I had taken my hand back and both were wrapped around my coffee mug.
"That can't be easy for you."
I shrugged. "I knew when we got married that he was only doing it out of a sense of obligation to me and the baby. And I know there are worse reasons to get married than a baby and we're friends. That's better than enemies, I guess. And I think we both hope that things are different someday." *That* was the understatement of the year. The decade. The millennium. But not for the reasons Martha would think. "But for right now..." I sighed. "We both love the baby and that's enough for the moment."
*~*52*~*
~~~~~
Clark
~~~~~
I took the rope from Dad and stretched it across the mattress and box springs, threaded it through the hole and tossed it back. A few minutes later, it was tied off and we were back in the cab.
"You guys didn't have to do this," I told him again.
He rolled his eyes. "I know you and Lois aren't exactly conventional newlyweds, but there's no point in the two of you sleeping in separate beds when your mom and I have been talking about this for a couple months anyway. We were really just waiting for you to be home so you can do all the heavy lifting." His eyes twinkled at that.
I groaned. "Fine."
He finally broached the topic we'd been avoiding during the whole trip to Hutchinson. "How'd Lois take it?"
I shrugged. "She didn't really say a whole lot. She just asked me to tell her whatever I thought she should know. I didn't really know what to tell her so I told her about all the things I can do and she started yawning. I dried her hair for her and warmed up her back muscles where they were bothering her and then I flew her home."
"Where were you?"
"We went west along the tree line then to that clearing."
"Nice place for a talk. Your mom and I have had a talk or two out there."
I groaned again. Knowing my parents, they'd probably done a bit more than talk at least once or twice.
"What'd she say about the flying?"
"'Wow' was about the extent of her conversational skills at that point." I wanted to grin at that, but I wasn't quite sure why I couldn't make myself.
Dad chuckled. "That was about the extent of your mom's and mine the first time we flew with you."
"Still, you didn't need to go get a new bed just for us."
"We didn't. When we got married, we used the double bed that was already mine. A few years ago, we decided it was past time to get something new and we went all out with a king. We've realized that, while the double was too small, the king is too big, so we got a queen. We'll put the king in your room. I have a feeling that – for now at least – you two will appreciate it more than we do."
I looked doubtful. "Is it going to fit in my room?"
"It should. You may have to rearrange some stuff and you won't have as much open floor space, but it should fit. It's not like you're going to be using the room very often."
"True." I sighed. It looked like I wasn't going to have an excuse for not sharing a bed with Lois anymore. At least this one was about eight times bigger than the one in the apartment and neither one of us would feel we had to hug the edge of the bed to avoid each other. The night at the hotel, putting on the front for Lana, had been hard enough.
"Do you love her?" Dad asked quietly.
I rested my head against the window. "She's my friend and she's having my baby." That was getting easier to say. Saying it to Navance had been easy. Saying it to everyone else had been hard. Saying to Lana a couple days earlier... 'Hard' didn't begin to describe it.
"But do you love her?"
"Am I in love with her? Am I like you and Mom or Chris and Mom were when you got married? No, I'm not, but we both thought – we both *think* - that it's best for the baby if we're married." That was the God's honest truth.
"What about Lana?"
I stared at the fields we were driving past. "I broke her heart." I cringed at the next part, but I knew it would be around Smallville before long, and my parents needed to hear it from me. "When I told her we'd gotten married, I told her it wasn't my baby but I couldn't explain any more than that, but that I had to stay married to Lois and if she told anyone I'd deny it. That we'd gotten married to get Lois out of Europe since she didn't have her passport with her and we'd thought we'd be able to get the marriage annulled when we got back but we couldn't. I didn't explain *why* that was, but..." I ran a hand through my hair – the one with that golden band on it again. "I probably shouldn't have told her that, but I did, hoping that she wouldn't think I'd cheated on her on top of everything else."
"Probably not the smartest thing you've ever done."
"You're the master of the understatement, Dad." I fiddled with my wedding band. "Then when we were in Illinois on the way home, she muttered something under her breath about Lois, something horrible that absolutely wasn't true. I kind of lost it a little bit and we had it out in a parking lot while Lois went to the bathroom. I told her why I'd said what I did..." Or the official version anyway. "...and that if she had a problem with the whole thing to take it out on me, not Lois and not the baby. She and Lois already got into it once on campus. Well," I amended, "she said some stuff to Lois a couple months ago that wasn't entirely true. I know she's only lashing out at Lois because I hurt her but I never told her to back off until the other day and I should have told her that a lot sooner."
"Lana can be a bit spiteful."
I snorted. "There's your understatement thing again. But she's only that way when she's hurt or threatened. She and Lois have never gotten along, in part because Lois *is* a really pretty girl and she felt threatened by that, by the time Lois and I spent together when Lana was already in bed or whatever. We'd watch TV or something or talk about homework, things like that – nothing even remotely... romantic-y or relationship-y, but it still threatened her."
"Seems like there might have been a reason for that," he commented.
"It wasn't intentional. Neither one of us really remember what happened, just that it did."
"What exactly did happen?"
"I don't know. Not really." I sighed. "Lois said I was burning up in the car and once we made it to the cabin, she managed to get all my clothes off because they were soaked. All of her clothes were soaked and the power was out and she got under the blankets next to me in front of the fire. I remember waking up with her next to me and I think I remember kissing her or her kissing me or something – I'm not really sure and..." I was sure I was turning bright red. "Well, you know. Neither one of us really remembers it at all." At least that meant he wouldn’t want details that I couldn’t give – not *details* but anything beyond 'we kissed and had sex'. "And then I insinuated to Lana that that wasn't the only time while we were there that Lois and I..." I let out a long, slow breath. "I know I shouldn't have and I didn't actually *tell* her that it had happened more than the one time, but some of what I said could have been construed that way. We *didn't* have sex any of the other nights. We did – technically – sleep together, but it was *just* sleeping and I implied it was more." I sighed. "That I hadn't just been with Lois in some hypothermic induced stupor but that it had happened another time or two when we were rational."
He 'harumphed' and thought for a minute. He kept one hand on the wheel and the other elbow out the window. I was glad he let that thread of conversation die. "So how do you see this marriage playing out? Is it going to work or are you two going to get a couple years in and decide that you made a mistake and trying to make it work for the sake of the baby just isn't worth it?"
I propped a foot up on the dash. "Jor-El said Kryptonians mate for life, but I'm not sure this is exactly what he had in mind. I *want* it to work as long as possible."
"Does that mean 'till death do us part'?"
"I hope so." Navance's death anyway. And soon would be good. I sighed.
"Then things are going to have to change between you two at some point." He turned off US-169 onto Twentieth Road.
I thought about that for a minute. We didn't have much time before we got home. "I know that I need to do a better job at a lot of things, but which one exactly are you talking about?"
He sighed. "Well, for starters, I know you told your mom that you two aren't having sex because of how Lois has been feeling and that's good that you take how she's been feeling into account and aren't pressuring her."
"I wouldn't want to make her do something or guilt her into doing something or whatever when she's been so sick and tired." I should have known this was where he was going with this. I should have kept my mouth shut.
"Good. But at some point, she's not going to be pregnant or she's not going to be tired and sick all the time. And I'm guessing those aren't the only reasons you're not making love to your wife."
I didn't respond.
"She's not Lana," Dad said quietly.
"No, she's not." I didn't look at him.
"And, if you want this to work, at some point you're going to have to get over that."
"I know, Dad. I'm just not sure how. I'm sure time will take care of some of that, but..."
"Court her. Take her flying and show her things only you can. Spend time with her and get to know her. You've known Lana your whole life. You two were inseparable as kids and even more so after you started dating. You know just about everything about her and she knew just about everything about you, except for the whole Kryptonian thing. That's something that you and Lois have that you and Lana never did. Build on that."
He had a point, but I wasn't sure I'd be able to go through with all that. Not like he wanted me to. But he didn't know the whole story, I reminded myself. He didn't know how much I still loved Lana, why Lois and I were married, that the baby wasn't really mine.
I closed my eyes and let my head fall back on the window behind me.
><I fell and scraped my shoulder near my collar bone.><The dream I had of Lois or Lana or whoever it was from the cabin came back to me and I remembered that scar on the mystery amalgam woman. Nestled in the hollow between her collar bone and where her shoulder and neck met. Why was I superimposing her statement onto the dream woman and what exactly did that mean?
~~~~~
Lois
~~~~~
"Did you say Clark's birthday is February 28?" I asked.
Martha nodded. "Yes. Why?"
I stared into my coffee cup. "I never asked him when it was and he never told me. I didn't even know..."
"Sounds like you two still have a lot of getting to know each other to do," she said quietly.
"Yeah." I looked around and changed the subject. "Where'd they go anyway?"
"To Hutchinson to get a new mattress for me and Jonathan. We'll put the one we have now in Clark's room for the two of you. It really is a good mattress, but a king size is just too big for us. We like being a bit closer together while we sleep."
Maybe I shouldn’t have changed the subject. "You didn't have to do that. Really."
"We've been meaning to anyway and since Clark's here, he can do all the heavy lifting and we won't have to worry about Jonathan's back or anything."
"Ah." I guessed that made sense. Clark had said something the night before about being extra strong. I thought. I couldn't remember a whole lot of it. It was all kind of a blur.
We heard the crunch of tires on the road. A minute later, Clark and Jonathan walked in.
Clark pointed up the stairs with his thumb. "I'm going to go clear out my room. I'll be right back."
There was a whooshing sound as he disappeared. A second later there was his twin mattress leaning against the wall, followed a second later by the box and frame. A second after that, Clark stood there, brushing his hands off. "All moved."
I just gaped at him.
"Show off," Martha muttered with a roll of her eyes.
He just grinned at her. "Is the other one ready to move out of your room?"
She sighed. "No. Why don't you come help me with that?"
Jonathan sat down across the table from me after they left. "My back's not what it used to be. Getting better though."
"Clark told me you had surgery on it."
He nodded. "In fact, after sitting in the truck so much, I need to stretch it. Why don't you and I take a walk?"
I hesitated. "Okay."
A few minutes later, he'd called up to his wife and son that what we were doing and we were heading out the door. We wandered the same direction Clark and I had the night before.
"It's a lot to take in, isn't it?" he asked without looking at me.
I nodded.
"He said it doesn't seem to be affecting the baby."
It wouldn't, but I couldn't tell him that. "No. The baby seems perfectly normal."
"I hadn't noticed anything odd about Clark when Martha first told me. I'd proposed to her a couple days earlier and she'd said yes. It was the happiest moment of my life." His hands were in his pockets as we walked down the narrow road. "But the next few days... We hardly spoke and she was acting weird and then Wayne dropped this crate off. She came over that night and told me how she and Chris found Clark in a space ship. Even though I was staring right at the ship, I had a very hard time believing it."
I paused for a long minute as I tried to assimilate it all. "I guess I'm still just trying to process it all." To tell the truth, I wasn't sure it bothered me or affected me or whatever as it might have if it had been Joe, for instance. If Joe and I had gotten serious and he'd told me he was a strange visitor from another planet... I thought I would have been hurt that he hadn't trusted me for so long, but he'd still be *Joe*, my best friend. Or he was. I wasn't sure he was still my best friend or not. I hadn't really talked to him since I'd... broken up with him or whatever it was technically called after he got back from Europe.
"Well, now that you know, you two can come visit more often if you want to. You won't have to take commercial flights or drive if you don't want to."
I shook my head and gave a half chuckle. "That's why he didn't say anything."
"What?"
"When we were in... Illinois, I think, I said something about how I wished we could fly the rest of the way and he didn't say anything."
Jonathan chuckled. "He told me a little bit about the trip. I bet he wishes you two had flown."
"Probably. It wasn't easy for him or Lana," I said quietly.
"That's awfully generous of you."
"What?"
"To notice what it was like for your husband's ex-girlfriend."
I shrugged. "None of this is her fault." That much was true. "I'm not sure why she decided to come with us."
He hesitated. "Probably to see how solid you and Clark are."
I just shrugged again.
"Knowing Lana, she probably wanted to see how committed the two of you are to making it work and if she saw any cracks..."
He didn't finish the thought, but I knew what he meant. "It wouldn’t surprise me. She never liked me and I never liked her. I know Clark loves her but I never..." I stopped when I realized what I said.
"That's got to be hard on you," he said after a long moment. "Knowing your husband still loves someone else but wants to try to make things work with you."
I shrugged and tried to keep the tears in. "It's hard. I was getting ready to try again with my sometimes-boyfriend when all this happened. We've been friends since we were little and have dated casually off and on for couple years but on the way to Europe he asked if we could try again to have a serious relationship and I wanted to." I took a deep breath. "Then Clark and I got stuck in Europe and found out I was pregnant and... We both remembered just enough to realize this is his baby, but both of us thought we'd been hallucinating about that night or something."
I swiped at my eyes again. "I know Clark and Lana would probably be engaged right now if it wasn't for all this – if she could accept the stuff he told me last night anyway. I know he's promised me that he's never alone with her, that he doesn't see her outside of class or random accidental meetings around campus, but I know that he still loves her. And while Joe's been one of my best friends for as long as I can remember, it's not the same as Clark and Lana."
I didn't know when I'd stopped walking, but I had and a minute later, Jonathan was holding me and letting me cry.
*****
TBC
