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Joined: Jun 2003
Posts: 652
Columnist
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OP
Columnist
Joined: Jun 2003
Posts: 652 |
What a terrific story. I really enjoyed the humor and the touches that made the story Lois and Clark. You did a great job with the characterizations.
Perhaps Mr. Drayton will make another appearance?
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Joined: Aug 2003
Posts: 446
Beat Reporter
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Beat Reporter
Joined: Aug 2003
Posts: 446 |
THUG #6  FDK'r #2 (I mean, 'Toc)
TicAndToc :o)
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"I have six locks on my door all in a row. When I go out, I lock every other one. I figure no matter how long somebody stands there picking the locks, they are always locking three."
-Elayne Boosler
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Joined: Feb 2008
Posts: 2,823
Pulitzer
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Pulitzer
Joined: Feb 2008
Posts: 2,823 |
Freakin' hilarious! Five, who was definitely a few wontons short of a PuPu Platter, just stared at me as if I’d just made the Eiffel Tower disappear. I love that it's from the POV of a thug. (Excuse me, a Temporarily Hired Underworld Goon.)
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Joined: Aug 2007
Posts: 700
Columnist
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Columnist
Joined: Aug 2007
Posts: 700 |
This was so great! That whole Thug #6 thing actually reminded me of Rosencrantz and Guildenstern are Dead! which is one of my all-time favorite plays. You've put a bit of a different spin on it, but the basic premise is seeing what happens when you take secondary characters and make them protagonists.
This was very funny to read, and I have to agree that a sequel might be in order here. Great story!
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Joined: Aug 2005
Posts: 5,797
Nobel Peace Prize Winner
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Nobel Peace Prize Winner
Joined: Aug 2005
Posts: 5,797 |
That was really so funny! It was indeed like an episode from the old Batman and Robin TV show, if you saw it from one of the thugs' perspective. Except Joe Drayton wasn't much like a thug to me. Come to think of it, this fic was quite a bit like some of the old, very G-rated but also very sweetly absurdly Chaplinesque Silver Age Superman comic books! This has already been quoted, but I have to quote it all over again: I could see right away that he was feeding the card in the wrong direction.
“Give me that,” I said as I snatched the card from him. I flipped it over, swiped it, and the door buzzed open. Four immediately went inside. Five, who was definitely a few wontons short of a PuPu Platter, just stared at me as if I'd just made the Eiffel Tower disappear.
“It's a gift,” I said finally. “Now get in.” I would have laughed so madly that I would have spluttered my milk if I had read this when I was a kid! So funny! Welcome to the boards, Mr AlonzoMosleyFBI! Ann
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Joined: Dec 2005
Posts: 2,018
Kerth
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Kerth
Joined: Dec 2005
Posts: 2,018 |
Framework4
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Joined: Sep 2004
Posts: 1,302
Top Banana
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Top Banana
Joined: Sep 2004
Posts: 1,302 |
Oh, great fun! Nicely written - fast paced rhythm, a tap dance of a story.  c.
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Joined: Apr 2003
Posts: 2,994
Pulitzer
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Pulitzer
Joined: Apr 2003
Posts: 2,994 |
Loved this. Your husband needs to get his own login, though  It is the next step in the addiction process... 
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Joined: Jun 2004
Posts: 3,145 Likes: 3
Pulitzer
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Pulitzer
Joined: Jun 2004
Posts: 3,145 Likes: 3 |
I agree. It was funny, well-paced, and worthy of a Kerth nomination come January (or whenever). And I hadn't considered Carol's viewpoint that it was a "tap dance" of a story, but it is. It's light without being silly, revealing, and the characterizations rang true - except, perhaps, the easy acceptance of Nigel's flimsy story. But that can be excused by Drayton not knowing that Clark and Lois are building an airtight case against Luthor and didn't want to take action too soon. Of course, we expect to see Mr. Drayton pop up again in another story, perhaps assisting Bobby Bigmouth? He probably wouldn't want to be a Temporarily Hired Underworld Goon again, even if he does get his own key card.
Life isn't a support system for writing. It's the other way around.
- Stephen King, from On Writing
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Joined: Dec 2005
Posts: 2,445
Kerth
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Kerth
Joined: Dec 2005
Posts: 2,445 |
"Nobody ever thinks of the henchmen..." ;-)
Marcus L. Rowland
Forgotten Futures, The Scientific Romance Role Playing Game
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Joined: Jul 2006
Posts: 1,883
Merriwether
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Merriwether
Joined: Jul 2006
Posts: 1,883 |
(I'm AlonzoMosleyFBI, and I approve... er... wrote this message.)
Much thanks to all of you who took the time to read my story. I'm glad you enjoyed it.
As for a sequel, I rule nothing out. It's just a matter if I get a burr in my britches to do it again. Mrs. Mosley will keep you informed. :p
Thanks again, and take care.
AlonzoMosleyFBI
lisa in the sky with diamonds
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Joined: Oct 2007
Posts: 67
Freelance Reporter
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Freelance Reporter
Joined: Oct 2007
Posts: 67 |
excellent  well done
Lois: Clark, you don't have to be embarrassed. That's what friends are for. Just tell me how much.
Clark: Lois, I want you to go out with me!
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Joined: Mar 2006
Posts: 2,367
Kerth
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Kerth
Joined: Mar 2006
Posts: 2,367 |
THUG #6 is a title: Temporarily Hired Underworld Goon. I literally laughed at loud at that, causing the person who was walking past my office to stick their head in to see what was so funny.  definitely a few wontons short of a PuPu Platter <more laughter> Clearly I chose my lunch today unwisely. I should have gone out for Chinese. “You’re right,” I said to Four. “Those are nice legs.” You keep surprising, slipping in these little gems that I can't resist laughing at. This was an awesome "entrance" for Lois. 
Lois: You know, I have a funny feeling that you didn't tell me your biggest secret.
Clark: Well, just to put your little mind at ease, Lois, you're right.
Ides of Metropolis
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Joined: Jan 2004
Posts: 1,864
Merriwether
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Merriwether
Joined: Jan 2004
Posts: 1,864 |
I just love having new authors on the boards.  (especially when they write well.)  I like how you identify Lois as the brunette with the great legs. I also love how the thug that is a few wontons short is also not bright enough to know that it is pointless to shoot at Superman. Very interesting that THUG#6 never completely changes alliances but still manages to be a simultaneous "hero" (by saving Lois) and "villain" (by not telling the truth about Nigel. Such a man is to be feared. Please, don't have Lisa keep us posted. Logins are free and don't require a minimum number of uses. You can post any additional stories all by yourself.  Elisabeth P.S. Have you ever considered nanowrimo?
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Joined: Jun 2008
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Blogger
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Blogger
Joined: Jun 2008
Posts: 1 |
Hey! I have a profile now!
As for Nanowrimo, yes, I took a whack at it a couple of years back and fell behind after day six or so.
I guess it's a matter of the particular story. I've got about two dozen short stories I've half started and never went back to. With "Welcome Wagon", the original idea was strong enough, but I got stuck thinking of the exact nature of crime Joe would be involved in. Once I found a L&C episode I could follow up with this story, everything fell into place.
Joe coming back would require another generous slice of serendipity. We shall see. :p
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