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OP
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So, what do you think? Keep in mind that the episode of Neverending Battle is just a springing board for the story. I have a lot of more "original" material coming up soon.
Both positive and negative comments are always welcome. If there's something you don't like, just tell me. I might be able to fix the problem for later chapters.
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Pulitzer
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Pulitzer
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I am glad you say that you have more original material ahead....
Have to be honest, I'm glad I know that chapter 6 is were it gets 'really good' because this first part would have turned me off, a bit, because there is so much verbatim dialogue transposed, even with twist you put on things.
I think that, IMHO, that if you were to work in the material in these first few chapter's as flashback's later on, it would grab the attention better.
James, who is looking forward to more.
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Originally posted by Mister Data:
I am glad you say that you have more original material ahead....
Have to be honest, I'm glad I know that chapter 6 is were it gets 'really good' because this first part would have turned me off, a bit, because there is so much verbatim dialogue transposed, even with twist you put on things.
I think that, IMHO, that if you were to work in the material in these first few chapter's as flashback's later on, it would grab the attention better.
James, who is looking forward to more. Honestly, I was somewhat worried about all of the verbatim dialogue. I posted the fanfic on a few different boards, and I have to say that there was somewhat of a mixed reaction. Some people, who've never seen Lois and Clark but have seen Smallville, enjoyed it. Some Lois and Clark fans enjoyed it just because of the small twist I put on things. Others shared your opinion. I will guarentee you that most of chapter 5 and everything afterwords is all new material. I could try reworking the next few chapters a bit to use flashbacks if that is what you, and others, would like to see. So, I'd really love to see more opinions on this. I'll give anybody who has read the first two chapters and wants to see more a chance to vote. Should I continue as planned, or should I try reworking chapters 3, 4, and 5?
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Merriwether
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Merriwether
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I too was a bit turned off by the verbatim dialog that was used. I'm glad to hear that the storyline begins to veer off on its own soon.
I wouldn't change what you already have, except to maybe add a bit more introspective thought which would help move it off a straight retelling of the televised L&C episode with the Smallville setting. Also, your chapters are fairly short, so we won't have too much more set-up till we get to the meat of your story.
I'll be curious to see where this goes once you let it have its own momentum.
Tank (who is conflicted as to who he is imagining as he likes Erica's Lois... but Teri is still the top)
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Pulitzer
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Pulitzer
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When I said that I would suggest that you rework the first 5 chapters into flashbacks, I meant later, when you submit it to the archive. I wouldn't do it now, as you have started posting and you don't want to break the momentum.
Tank's idea is also a good one. I personally have difficulty with introspective-ness, as Elisabeth will tell you, but if you can pull it off, that might be easier.
And when you post part 5 or 6, whenever the new stuff comes in, you might want to mention that in the subject line.
James
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Originally posted by Tank:
I too was a bit turned off by the verbatim dialog that was used. I'm glad to hear that the storyline begins to veer off on its own soon.
I wouldn't change what you already have, except to maybe add a bit more introspective thought which would help move it off a straight retelling of the televised L&C episode with the Smallville setting. Also, your chapters are fairly short, so we won't have too much more set-up till we get to the meat of your story.
I'll be curious to see where this goes once you let it have its own momentum.
Tank (who is conflicted as to who he is imagining as he likes Erica's Lois... but Teri is still the top) Originally posted by Mister Data:
When I said that I would suggest that you rework the first 5 chapters into flashbacks, I meant later, when you submit it to the archive. I wouldn't do it now, as you have started posting and you don't want to break the momentum.
Tank's idea is also a good one. I personally have difficulty with introspective-ness, as Elisabeth will tell you, but if you can pull it off, that might be easier.
And when you post part 5 or 6, whenever the new stuff comes in, you might want to mention that in the subject line.
James OK, thanks for the comments. I guess the verbatim dialog might not have been a good idea. This is the first fanfic I've written that is as long as it will be once I'm finished, so this is very much a learning process. It started as a 20 page re-writing of the episode Neverending Battle set to Smallville and became something completely different. Once I'm finished, I'll have at least 80 pages. I might try to add something extra to the next two chapters, so stay tuned. In the meantime, any more comments?
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