Those Darn Space Rats…
Summary: A different version of "Seaons Greedings" when Superman falls victim to the Atomic Space Rats. How mean is he going to be to Lois?
PG
A/N- this is just a quick little fic, two parts only. I was watching Seasons Greedings (and laughing my *ss off, per usual) and this just spewed from my brain. It starts right after Clark gets busted by his mom and the stuff has worn off.
Chapter 1
Feeling decidedly embarrassed about the serious scolding he’d just had to endure from his mother, Clark was determined to set things right. He hadn’t seen his mother that mad at him since he’d been ten years old and he’d been busted for using his x-ray vision to peek under the Christmas tree to check out the contents of his presents. He still had no idea how she knew that he’d been inspecting his gifts, but boy, had she been mad at him.
For such a small woman, his mom could be truly frightening.
Even though this current situation wasn’t entirely his fault, Clark knew he had crossed the line. He had used his powers in a very public way to pick on Lois. He couldn’t help the snicker at the memory of Lois falling on her thieving ass when he’d used his heat vision to melt her boot heel. Even though he knew it had been the wrong thing to do, it didn’t make it any less funny.
“I think we’re looking at a job for Superman,” he told his parents seriously, hoping that would be enough to get him out of the dog house. Luckily, his parents didn’t challenge him, although he had no idea what he could do as Superman to help this situation that he couldn’t do as Clark. In truth, he really just wanted to see how Lois reacted to his alter ego - if she treated him different as Superman than she had Clark.
Moments later, Clark landed with a caped flourish in front of her desk, watching as Lois and Angela played their grade school games. Ok, so maybe he had overdone the entrance, but he couldn’t help it. Drawing himself up, he crossed his arms and attempted to look official.
“Cool! Superman!” Lois gushed when she saw him. Holding up her yarn-laden hands, she asked, “Do you want to play?”
Oh, he wanted to play alright. “Sure…” A burst of hysterical laughter coming from Perry office side-tracked him. He grimaced and added, “Just a sec.”
He could feel Lois’ eyes on him as he marched determinedly into Perry’s office, only to appear moments later with an armful of the toys that had gotten them all into this mess. He continued to have trouble believing that whatever drug these ridiculous toys were laced with had affected him in such a profound manner. Seeing his boss in such a state of giggles made him realize how lucky he had been that it had worn off so quickly. He shuddered to think what would be happening if he’d received more than the squirt that Lois had sprayed his way. Obviously, the more of the compound was ingested, the longer the affects lasted.
Giving Lois his best Superman-knows-best look, Clark stood before her desk once more. “Lois, I think we ought to wash your hands,” he told her firmly, hoping that his face wasn‘t giving away his true thoughts. This was yet another side of Lois that he couldn’t help but fall in love with. She was adorable.
Thanks to the multiple pieces of Bubble Yum bubblegum that Lois had shoved into her mouth, her response to his suggestion was to blow a bubble that far surpassed her previous attempts at blowing bigger bubbles than her new friend, Angela.
Clark watched with morbid fascination as Lois’ mouth formed a perfect “O” and he found himself incapable of tearing his eyes away from the pink gum that appeared between her lips.
Oh god. Who knew bubble blowing could be so…erotic?
When the bubble popped all over Lois’ face, Clark had to take a steadying deep breath. Was she trying to torture him?
He knew the answer to that when her lips parted and her tongue darted out to recapture the gum that had stuck to her lips.
Clark’s eyes were riveted on that tongue. God, he was a sick, sick man. That shouldn’t be such a turn on, but obviously his body hadn’t gotten that memo. Another flick of her tongue and he tensed, his whole body jerking.
He felt something squish in his hands and looked down, grimacing as he realized he had squished the Space Rats he’d rescued from Perry mere moments before.
Oh crap.
The familiar horrendous odor permeated his senses before quickly turning into an odor he had to have more of. He loved Space Rats. And they were his and nobody was going to take them away from him.
Not even Lois.
*****
When Martha and Jonathan returned to the Daily Planet, they were exhausted. Their Christmas shopping was finished but Martha didn’t feel the joy she usually did when she shopped for her loved ones. The city had gone nuts and Martha hoped that her son would get to the bottom of it before something really bad happened. She felt fortunate that they’d manage to avoid the same curse her son had fell victim to. Those Space Rats seemed to be everywhere.
Martha looked around the newsroom hoping to find that sanity had returned during their absence.
It hadn’t.
The employees were still running around like children without any apparent adult supervision. It had been quite some time since she’d had to go into full blown mother-mode, but desperate times called for desperate measures.
She whistled loudly and was pleased to see that she had shocked the newsroom into attention. There was a brief moment of silence.
It didn’t last long, however, as each affected person went back to what they were doing. No shouting from Martha Kent was going to stop them. They hadn’t just reverted to a child-like state - they had reverted to spoiled children who had no respect for authority. This was worse than Lois had previously thought.
Turning to her husband, Martha asked, “Oh, Jonathan! What are we going to do?”
It was clear that Jonathan had no answers as he shrugged helplessly. “I don’t know, Martha.”
Martha pursed her lips as she contemplated their next course of action. She hoped that Clark had some answers. She looked around the newsroom for any sign of her son.
Her jaw dropped as she caught sight of the familiar red, blue and yellow entering the newsroom.
***
“You can’t get them….” Clark taunted, floating just out of Lois’ reach as she leapt as high as she could to snatch her beloved Space Rats from his grasp.
“You…. cheater!” Lois screeched, grabbing a hold of the red cape that dangled in front of her and jerked on it. “Give me those!”
“No way,” Clark informed her smugly. With a mischievous grin, he appeared to have second thoughts. “Ok, Lois, you can have them.”
She eyed him warily.
He floated to the ground to give them to her. “Here you go, Lois.” When she reached out to take them from his hands, Clark jerked back into the air, just out of her reach. “Psyche!!” he crowed, thoroughly pleased with himself.
Lois looked like she was going to cry. “I hate you, Stupidman.”
He glared at her. “It’s Superman.”
She smiled sweetly. “That’s what I said - Stupidman.”
“I’m not stupid,” Clark bit out, eyes narrowing.
“Are too,” Lois countered, glaring at him. “And you’re mean.”
“You’re meaner.”
“Am not!”
“Are too!”
Furious, Lois stuck her tongue out at Clark and stomped away. She hated him. He was the meanest person that ever lived. He thought he was so cool just because he got to wear a costume all the time and could fly. It wasn’t fair.
Pouting, Lois threw herself into a chair, drawing her legs up and wrapping her arms around her knees, not caring that her skirt was way too short to sit in such a fashion.
“I see London, I see France, I see your underpants,” Clark taunted, floating over to her desk.
“Go away, Stupidman,” she ground out. Ooooh! He just made her so mad! She gave him a scathing look. “I see London, I see France, I always see your underpants,” she countered proudly.
Clark looked down at his suit. “These aren’t underpants!”
“They look like underpants,” Lois announced, looking unimpressed.
“Well they’re not! They have a belt!” Clark was indignant. He pointed to his waist. “See?”
“So?”
“So… they aren’t underpants!” He floated down to stand in front of her, the Space Rats still in his hands.
“Then why do they look like underpants?”
“They are part of my disguise, dummy,” Clark scoffed. Girls could be so stupid.
“What do you need a disguise for?” Lois was eyeing the rats and wondering if she could snatch them away if she could distract him long enough.
Clark rolled his eyes. “So you don’t know who I really am. Duh.”
Before Lois could make her move, they were interrupted.
“Superman!” Martha hissed, grabbing hold of Clark’s arm and spinning him around.
“Ooooooh…. you’re busted…” Lois gloated. Served the big dummy right.
“What? What did I do?” Clark attempted to look innocent. “I didn’t do anything!”
“You know exactly what you’ve done, Superman,” Martha informed him, not quite sure how she should handle this. It was apparent that this was a much stickier situation than before, when it had been just Clark under the influence. Superman under the influence had the potential for more serious repercussions; the very least they had to worry about him sharing his true identity.
Lois came to stand next to Clark. “You’re not the boss of him, you know,” she announced, clearly switching sides. He may be a meanie, but he was still her friend. Besides, if anybody was going to be mean to Stupidman, it was going to be her. “He’s Superman. He can do anything he wants.”
“Yeah. Listen to Lois. I can do anything I want.” Clark crossed his arms over his chest and mimicked Lois’ pose.
“That’s what we’re afraid of, son,” Jonathan commented, standing next to his wife. “Why don’t you start by giving me those toys?”
Clark gasped, gathering the Space Rats more securely in his arms. “No way! These are mine!”
“And mine!” Lois added.
“Superman, I really think you need to give those to me. I’ll give them back to you later,” Martha tried to reason. She knew without a doubt, that she needed to get those infected toys away from her son before he did something he really regretted. Something that would damage them all.
“You’re just jealous that I have them and you don’t,” Clark informed his mother petulantly.
Martha took a step in her son’s direction. “I need you to give them to me, Superman.”
“Superman! No! don’t let her take them!” Lois cried.
Martha recognized the stubborn look that transformed her son’s face. It was one he’d often worn as a child, but Clark’s innate sense of responsibility for authority had always kept things from escalating. After witnessing the abnormal behavior around her, Martha wasn’t hopeful that Clark had retained that parental respect. He had hardly ever back talked her as a child - and nothing like he was doing now.
“Don’t worry, Lois, I won’t let her take them from us,” Clark announced determinedly, glaring at his parents.
“Let’s get out of here,” Lois whispered loudly.
“Ok,” Clark agreed. “You’re going to have to hold them though, I can‘t fly and hold them at the same time” he informed her, reluctantly handing over his precious toys. “They are still mine though. I can take them back anytime I want.”
“Superman, no!” Martha cried, her heart sinking as she watched her son hand Lois the cursed toys and gather her in his arms. “You can’t leave the building!”
“Oh yes, I can. Just watch,” Clark retorted smugly, defying gravity with Lois in his arms. “I can do anything I want.”
“Yeah, cos he’s Stupidman!” Lois added unhelpfully.
Martha and Jonathan watched as their son flew out the window with the girl of his dreams, throwing a ‘haha you can’t catch me’ look over his shoulder.
“Oh Martha, this isn’t good,” Jonathan announced heavily. He knew it had been a bad idea to go to the city. Next time he’d listen to himself and not let his wife bully him into doing something he didn‘t want to.
Martha turned to her husband and burst into tears. “I’m so worried about him, Jonathan.”
He drew his wife into his arms. “It’ll be ok. He’s still Clark.”
Sniffing loudly, Martha retorted, “I just hope that is enough.”
***
“Boy, Clark’s parents are bossy,” Lois announced loudly, watching the scenery go by. “I never knew they were so bossy.”
Clark snorted but didn’t respond, intent on keeping them in the air.
“Where are we going?”
“That‘s for me to know and you to find out,” Clark taunted, enjoying getting Lois riled up again.
“Superman! That’s not fair!”
“Look Lois,” Clark started in a patronizing manner, “when you are the superhero, then maybe you get to call the shots. But you’re not. I am.”
“Just because you are a superhero doesn’t make you the boss of me.”
“No, but I can drop you any time I want. That makes me the boss.”
Lois gasped and tightened her hold around his neck. “You wouldn’t dare!”
“Ha ha, scared you.”
“You’re mean.”
“I know you are, but what am I?”
With a loud huff, Lois refused to respond. Boys were just so immature sometimes.
***
Clark landed a short time later, not able to help himself from pretending to drop Lois before his feet hit the ground. He felt bad when he saw the tears that welled up in her eyes.
“That was mean,” she sniffed.
“I was just kidding,” he muttered. She was probably right. That had been kinda mean. Funny, but mean.
“Superman, why are we at Clark’s parents house?”
Clark snorted. “It’s not his house, it’s my house.” He grabbed the key under the mat and opened the door. “See?”
“We’re going to get in trouble,” Lois cautioned. “Clark’s parents are going to be mad.”
“No, they won’t.” Clark beckoned her in and Lois took tentative steps through the front door. “Come on, let’s see what Mom has to eat in here.” He headed into the kitchen leaving Lois to follow.
Watching Superman rummage through the Kents refrigerator, Lois giggled.
“What’s so funny?” Clark asked, jerking up from his perusal of the refrigerator contents. She better not be laughing at him. He didn’t like it when she did that.
“You’re funny.” Lois threw herself into a kitchen chair and smiled at him. “I didn’t know that you ate food.”
Clark narrowed his eyes in her direction. “You’re dumb.”
Hurt appeared in her eyes. “Hey!”
Clark ducked his head and studied the floor. Maybe he had been mean. She wasn’t really that dumb. “I eat food,” he informed her stiffly.
“Ok, ok! You don’t have to get so huffy about it, Mr. H.R. HuffnStuf.” She got up to join him in front of the open fridge. “Anything good?”
Clark opened the freezer. “Ice cream!” they both yelled at the same time, grinning.
“Come on, Superman,” Lois said, grabbing a gallon of her favorite from the freezer. “I bet I can eat more than you.”
Clark snorted. “No, you can’t.”
“Oh, yes I can.”
A short time later, Lois looked over at her friend and groaned. “Ok, you were right. You can eat more than I can.”
“You should never question a superhero, Lois.” He looked smug.
She managed a weak glare. “My tummy hurts.”
“That’s because you ate a gallon of ice cream,” Clark informed her smugly.
“Well, you ate two gallons,” she pointed out.
“Lois, what part of Super do you not understand?” he taunted, taking another bite of ice cream. Lois may be finished but he sure wasn’t.
“Don’t be mean to me when my tummy hurts,” Lois whined, crossing her arms over her abdomen. “Superman, I really don’t feel good.”
Clark let out a belch and pushed the now empty container of ice cream to the side. “Don’t worry, Lois. I’ll save you.” His attempt at a serious look was ruined when he burst into giggles.
“Superman!” she cried. “It’s not funny!”
“Sorry.” He attempted to look sincere. “Come on, let’s go see what mom has in her medicine cabinet.”
Lois followed behind him as Clark made his way through the house. “How do you know where everything is, Superman?”
Clark rolled his eyes. “I grew up here. Duh.”
Lois looked confused. “You grew up with Clark?”
He shook his head. “You know, for being such a hot shot reporter, you’re not very smart sometimes.”
“Hey!” Lois cried. “I told you not to be mean to me when my tummy hurts.”
They reached the bathroom and Clark rummaged through the contents of the medicine cabinet. “I think there is some of that pink stuff around here,” he muttered. “I hear that is good for upset tummies.”
“What, you don’t know?”
Clark shook his head. “Nope. Never needed it.”
“Oh. That‘s not really fair, you know. You have super powers and you don‘t get sick. Oh, my tummy hurts…”
Clark heard her heart beat escalate and turned around to regard the girl in his bathroom. She didn’t look very good. Maybe he shouldn’t have been so mean to her.
“Superman, I really feel sick.”
Clark watched her face turn pale and when she clapped her hand over mouth with a look of horror, he used his superspeed to direct her over to the toilet. He was just in time as Lois proceeded to empty the contents of her stomach.
“Eww, that’s really gross, Lois.”
Lois turned miserable eyes in his direction and burst into tears. “I don’t feel good,” she announced unhappily.
A burst of compassion stuck Clark and his face changed from a look of disgust to one of worry. “Are you ok?”
Lois shook her head, tears streaming down her face.
“Come on.” He helped her to her feet and led her over to the sink, grabbing a toothbrush from under the sink where his mom always stocked extras. “Brush your teeth and wash your face,” Clark directed, watching as she followed his orders. He didn’t like seeing his friend looking so sick. It bothered him. A lot.
“I’m sleepy, Superman” Lois mumbled when she’d dried her face with the towel Clark had given her.
“I am sleepy too,” Clark admitted. “I think we need to take a nap.” He wasn’t used to being this tired. “Come on, we can sleep in my room.”
“Don’t you mean Clark’s room?” Lois yawned, rubbing her tummy. She didn’t feel sick anymore and she was happy about that. She didn’t like being sick, especially when she got sick because she ate too much. She did that more often than she cared to think about. “Superman, I’m too tired to walk.”
When Superman picked her up and carried her down the hall, she didn’t protest. She liked it when he carried her. And she also liked it when he picked on her - it made her feel special. Not that she’d ever tell Superman that, of course.
Ok fine, she’d admit it to herself. She had a crush on Superman.
“Do you like me, Superman?” she found herself asking before she could stop herself. She waited for him to make fun of her.
But he surprised her. Instead of mocking her and her feelings, Superman mumbled, “Yes Lois, I like you.”
She gave him a sappy grin. Superman was blushing. She was making Superman blush. That had to mean something! “I like you too, Superman.”
Clark set Lois down on his bed and pulled off her boots. Drawing his cape around him, he flung himself down next to her with a cheesy grin. They laid facing each other on the narrow twin bed. “I’m sorry I was mean to you today, Lois.”
Lois yawned. “I’m sorry I was mean to you also, Superman.” Her eyes drifted closed as she flipped herself over and snuggled against the superhero behind her. She was asleep by the time Clark draped his cape over her slight form and wrapped his arms around her. She missed the contented sigh as Superman followed her into slumber.
TBC..
