Lois & Clark Forums Forums Fan Fiction Lois & Clark Fanfic Ten Years in the Making (5/?)

Author's note at the end…


Lois Lane was back on her game. The Superman story, penned by Clark, had been a huge success. Lois had arrived at the Trib the next morning to find her fellow reporters cheering her on, other members of the investigative writing team glad to have her on board. To be fair, the joy on that first day had been short-lived. John called her into his office shortly after she had gotten settled.

Lois had walked in beaming – certain that he was about to drop a juicy story in her lap. John had thought so, too, but clearly, they had different ideas on what made a juicy story.

“The Superman piece was wonderful, Lois,” John opened with.

Lois smiled, “Thank you.” She had felt a little guilty taking credit for something Clark had written, but then she figured he deserved it, he offered it, and it moved her past her indecision on what to do about it.

“I can already see it as a series of articles,” John continued. Lois' eyes widened slightly, but she didn't say anything as she felt her heartbeat quicken. The last thing she wanted to do was delve deeper into this story. “People are going to be wondering,” John began, “Heck – I'm wondering. Just what did he do? And what does this mean for his image? Is he evil – was it something illegal or morally bankrupt? Or is he an angel – feeling grief when he hurt someone who wasn't really all that hurt? We need to find out.”

When Lois said nothing, John finished off with, “You need to find out.”

Lois felt like she was back at the beginning. She was unsure what to do. What she did not want to do was to be faced with Clark again. She knew she had trouble seeing him hurt and she knew she would never be able to forgive herself if she forgave him. So, for the first day, she did nothing. She knew she was burying her head in the sand, but she was sort of hoping it would blow over.

Besides, Abby Winters had asked her for help on one of her stories. While the old Lois Lane would have said no – she hated working with a partner and in general, Lois was not the type of person to get along well with other women, she was eager to sink her teeth into something aside from the Superman story. Abby's story was exactly what she wanted – political corruption, criminal activity.

The two women worked well together. Lois found that her working style was different than it used to be and that helped. Abby's interest in working with her led Abby to take Lois' suggestions seriously, and Lois had softened as a partner. Gone was the sparring Lois from her partnership with Clark. This Lois was insightful, but a bit more cautious and more interested in what Abby had to say. The years away from the game made Lois feel a bit unsure of herself and she started to think that was actually a good thing. She was a better partner when she did not think she was light years ahead of her colleagues.

Given the legwork Abby had done and the ease with which the two women worked together, the case was broken open within the first two days. Two front page stories within a week was not bad work for Lois (although admittedly her byline came after Abby's on the second one).

Still, her hope that the Superman story would fall by the wayside did not work out. Her article, or Clark's article, had been picked up by the Associated Press and spread like wildfire. And John was right on – there were speculations a-plenty about what Superman had done, ranging the gamut from staunch supporters who were pitying the superhero, to those who were willing to burn him at the stake without the faintest idea what he had done wrong.

Lois was again at odds with herself. This was the precisely the sort of story she would have wanted to get to the bottom of before – and she would want the credit as the reporter who did so; but not this time, not this story. Given her feelings, she could not expunge Clark from guilt, but nor could she be the reporter who left him to be torn apart by the press. Not only did she have a problem doing that professionally, but she also felt that this was too private. She had never thought of this before – that maybe Superman's private life was no one's business but his. She had always thought that if he chose to live in the spotlight, these were the dues he had to pay. But now she felt differently. This issue, however large it might be in her life, was between her and Clark. She was not interested in seeing it discussed by all the talking heads.

However, the longer she waited to write the follow-up, the bigger the story became. More and more reporters were jumping on the Superman did something illegal bandwagon and his reputation was going down in flames. While Lois cared little for his reputation, she knew something needed to be done. At a fire in Seattle about a week after the first article, people had booed at Clark when he arrived and had thrown things at him as he tried to pull people from the building. Not only was it hurting his ability to help others, but just as she had not wanted, others were discussing her private argument with Clark, even if they did not know what it was.

So, she decided to tell the truth about what happened. She contemplated the issue of not wanting to see Clark again, and then decided it was a non-issue. She did not need to see Clark to write this story. Clark made decisions about her life without telling her – such as the “By the way, I'm sorry you're devastated by my death. As it happens, I'm not dead.” Or the “I'm guessing you're in a tight spot, so I got you out of it. Here's the article you wrote.” And okay, he was right about the last one, but still… The fact is that Clark made a habit of making decisions for her. She could make this one for him.

In order to keep the secret identity issue a secret identity and not harm the Kents, she did not mention what the lie was based on. She just said that she had tracked down the wronged party. That person, who wished to remain anonymous, felt that Superman had lied to her. However, this was not an illegal lie. The problem was simply that she trusted Superman to always be honest and it turned out he was not.

As expected, there were several days of people speculating what this lie was, and John pushed her to write another article. But now that the actual nature of the grievance was better known, it died down slightly. Staunch supporters of Superman claimed it was okay for heroes to make mistakes, particularly when they felt remorse. Those that had been all for burning him at the stake found themselves with fewer supporters – even those who were disappointed to hear that Superman had lied (and there were many) no longer thought that throwing things at him while he performed rescues was appropriate.

While there was also some support for the aggrieved person to forgive Superman, eventually the topic blew over. There were still some speculations about it and it would come up on occasion, but eventually the news had moved on.

The main outcome of this, for Lois, though, was that the second story, too, was picked up by the Associated Press. Given Clark's reluctance to talk to the press anymore, any quotes from or about the superhero were big news right now. Lois Lane, once again, became the reporter tied to Superman.

John, and as it happened, other papers, too, expected to see pieces from Lois after any major rescues. The first time, after a monsoon in southeast Asia, Lois had asked John if he was willing to fly her there and when the answer was no, had asked what he expected her to do. John had smiled, saying, “Why work your Lane magic, again, of course.”

And so Lois had once again called out to Clark. She watched on LNN to see him flying away from the scene and started calling then. When he reached her a few moments later, he was filthy and looked exhausted. But Lois had a story to write and decided she cared little for Clark's comfort.

Since then, it had become a habit. She and Abby had become a writing team to rival any other at the Union Tribune, but on top of that Lois had the exclusive on Superman. She would call to him after every rescue and it seemed no matter where he had been or how long he had been there, he always came when she called.

For her part, Lois was a little disappointed – it was like Superman was a trained puppy. But as long as it kept getting her Associated Press stories, she was fine with it.

This arrangement had been working quite well for her for six months now and Lois was feeling settled in her new life. She had a permanent and well-respected position at the Trib now and a month ago, Mrs. Wilkins next door had decided to move back east to be near her family. She had a small one-bedroom apartment that she sold to Lois at a very good rate. So, Lois was still close enough to be involved in Sammy's life, but she finally felt like she had her own life again. Plus, this apartment had an exterior entrance, allowing Superman easy entrance and exit when he came to give her his stories.

It was during an earthquake in Australia that things changed, or rather change started. While the news was still showing shots of Superman at the site, the shots looked recycled from earlier, so Lois started calling for him about three hours after the earliest reports. But that night, about eight hours after it had started, he still had not shown up. The news was only covering the earthquake sporadically so she knew little about what was going on.

Finally at 10, she decided to make sure he was not ignoring her. She called directory assistance and got the number for the Kents. When Martha answered, Lois felt nervous. She had not considered the fact that Clark was unlikely to answer given that he was supposed to be dead.

“Hi, Martha,” she started, tentatively. “This is Lois… Lois Lane.”

There was a pause before finally, Martha responded, her tone detached, “Hi Lois,” she replied, “How are you?”

“Okay,” Lois said tentatively. “How are you and Jonathan?”

“We're doing well, dear,” Martha replied, her tone a bit friendlier. “If you are looking for Clark, he's still in Australia.”

“Oh,” Lois said, suddenly lost for words. “Well, could you ask him to call me when he gets back?” she finished lamely.

“Of course, Lois.”

When the two women hung up, Lois sat on the edge of her bed feeling slightly ill.

**********************************************************************

Clark still had not shown up the following night, and Lois was sure it was him when someone knocked on her door at nine that night.

She was surprised when she saw Martha Kent standing in her doorway. “Good evening, Lois,” the older woman opened with.

For a minute, Lois was certain that Clark really was dead this time. As much as she hated it, she felt her heart constrict at the thought. As though she could read the look on her face, Martha assured her, “He's still in Australia.”

Stuttering slightly, Lois asked more than stated, “But they are barely reporting anything on LNN anymore?”

“I know and I was worried, too, but Jonathan reminded me that if someone found a way to bring down Superman, it would be public knowledge – they would want credit.”

Lois nodded, agreeing with the thought. Almost absently, she took a step back and motioned for Martha to come in. “Would you like some tea?” she offered.

“That would be nice,” Martha replied.

When Lois came back into her living room, Martha was seated on the couch, staring out the window with a blank look on her face.

As she prepared her tea, Martha took a deep breath, “Lois, we need to talk.”

Lois nodded her head, unsure of the appropriate reply.

“You need to know a few things,” Martha continued. “First off, I'm here because I love my son very much. I know he is hurting right now and I'd like to help ease that. However, you should also know that I think what he did to you was wrong and hurtful. I am not here to defend his actions. But I am hoping I can explain them a little, because while I think it was wrong, I know why he did it. And I'm hoping that if you do, too, both of you can stop hurting so much.”

Lois nodded again, still unsure what to say.

Martha took a deep breath before beginning, “When Clark was a child we had no idea he was special. Jonathan and I had some suspicions – I mean, we found him on a spaceship. But we never imagined… We thought he was something from some government experiment gone wrong. And for the first few years he was a normal little boy. He got hurt just like other little boys and threw tantrums like them, too. Although, our neighbors assured us that Clark threw less of those than other children,” Martha chuckled a little.

“The Rogers lived next door and they had a little boy Clark's age. Given that "next door' in Smallville is sort of far away and Jonathan and I were concerned about people taking Clark away, Adam and Clark didn't meet until they were about four. But they were fast friends. By the time they started school a year later, they were inseparable. In fact, when they were placed in different kindergarten classrooms, they asked us for help writing up letters to the school board to change one of their classes to the other's. The school was so impressed with this show of initiative, they got their request.

“They met Lana sometime later – maybe fourth grade. Clark was immediately smitten. He would come home and talk about her for hours. But unfortunately, Lana was unaware there was even a boy named Clark in her class.

“When the boys were nine, they were helping Jonathan repair a shelf in the barn. It was easy work, and it required being up in the hayloft, one of their favorite places, so the boys were happy to help. Jonathan came back to the house to get something and Adam and Clark got to roughhousing. I'm sure it was an accident, but somehow Clark fell out of the hayloft.

“When Jonathan returned a few moments later, Adam was screaming and Clark was motionless on the floor. But when he approached Clark, Clark was fine. He had had the wind knocked out of him, but was unhurt.

“Adam and Clark thought this was very cool and for the next year they would joke about the time Clark survived the fall. Of course in their stories, the fall was much larger than the seven feet it actually is.

“By the end of that year, though, other things had started to happen. Clark heard a conversation Jonathan and I had even though we were whispering and were on the other side of the house. Clark had decided to help me make dinner and casually put his hand on a burner I had accidentally left on, but was fine.

“We were scared – all of us, but no one more than Jonathan. He began to have nightmares of people coming to take Clark away to find out what made him special. He started telling these stories to Clark about what he feared, instilling in Clark the fear that no one could know. His favorite phrase was, "they'll dissect you like a frog'.

“I was against these stories as I knew Clark was afraid in a way he had not been before. But Jonathan got the message across – no one was to know. Clark fought for several days, said he should be able to tell Adam, but Jonathan was firm and I agreed with him. I knew it was a tough secret to ask a ten year old to keep, but one ten year old knowing was probably too many.

“Eventually, although Clark insisted it was his secret to tell and we shouldn't be able to tell him what to do, he did as we asked.

“They were eleven when it happened. They were playing in the hayloft again, talking about girls, I suspect. Clark tapped Adam playfully and things escalated. This time when Adam pushed Clark out of the hayloft, he didn't fall. Just before he hit the ground, he lifted himself up and flew right back into the hayloft. It was the first time he had flown and he hadn't meant to do it.

“And, Adam, well, he was just a little boy. He didn't mean to react the way he did. He screamed and shoved past Clark to climb down the stairs. He didn't say anything to Clark, just kept screaming and ran all the way back home.

“He wasn't overtly cruel to Clark, ever, which I think says something about his character. But Clark was eleven. It was easy to hurt him. Adam never said anything about what he'd seen to anyone, but he refused to talk to Clark again and asked Clark to leave him alone when Clark tried.

“Clark was miserable for months after the thing with Adam. That was when he built his "Fortress of Solitude'. And he stopped arguing with us about telling anyone his secret. Eventually, he moved on, but he was different. He was shy and unsure of himself.

“He had friends, but no one he was close to. He dated, but not very often. He still had this awful crush on Lana, and they were friends, but Lana saw Clark as a great guy for studying algebra with or for calling up to cry when her latest boyfriend dumped her, but not the boy she would go to the movies with on a Friday night.

“So, when Clark went to college, he almost seemed relieved to be leaving Smallville. I think he hoped that out of the town he grew up in, he would be able to rebuild himself into someone else.

“He met Becky during his second year at college. She was sweet and very taken with Clark. Jonathan thought she was the one when we met her, but I was less sure – mother's instinct, maybe.

“Clark and Becky dated for nearly two years when he decided it was time to tell her. They were in love and were talking about getting married when they graduated.

“I'm sure that at heart, she didn't mean it, I mean she wasn't a monster. But when Clark told her, she screamed at him, called him all sorts of names. When Clark told us, it was hard to make out exactly what she said to him. What I remember, what it's hard to forget, is that she called him a freak, an alien, and asked how he could think anyone would want to marry him.” Martha's voice grew soft.

Taking a deep breath, she continued, “Jonathan and I were worried that she would tell someone, and I'm not convinced she wouldn't have, but she refused to let Clark walk her back to her dorm that night. Any other night, he likely would have flown out of sight to watch her get home safely. But he was so beaten down, that when she said no, he let her go and flew home to us a few minutes later. She was hit by a car on her way back and died the next day.

“Given how he felt, it's hard to imagine how Clark finished the semester. He was a zombie. When we talked to him on the phone, his voice was so quiet it was hard to hear him. When he came home to visit, he barely spoke.

“Over the following summer, Clark was withdrawn and quiet. It was hard to determine how much was over the things Becky had said and how much was guilt and anguish over her death. But we couldn't draw him out.

“Goodness knows, Lana tried. She spent a lot of time with Clark during college when they were both home from school, and she was disappointed in how little interest Clark seemed to have in spending time with her that summer. I think Clark's crush on Lana was still there even while he was with Becky and Lana was used to Clark sort of doting on her. But that summer he didn't have the energy or the interest it seemed.

“I thought this may be the end of their friendship – that once Clark was no longer paying attention to her, Lana would lose interest. But she was better than I gave her credit for. She pushed hard to maintain her friendship with Clark. I think she was upset as she could tell Clark was holding back on her. He had told her about Becky's accident, but had decided not to tell her about their fight. Lana could tell there was something else going on, but was never pushy.

“Still, she showed up nearly everyday to try to get Clark outdoors and when that failed, to sit with him, holding his hand. At the time, I was really impressed and wondered if Clark had been right in high school and Lana was the person he would spend his life with. Now, I sort of wish she had been a little less nice. Maybe the friendship would have ended then.

“Clark remained quiet when he went back to school, but he talked to Lana often. By Christmas break they had made plans to travel around the world for a year or two after college. Jonathan and I were concerned about this – we suspected that Clark and Lana, while still purely platonic, were going to spend a substantial amount of time living together when they traveled, and weren't sure how he'd keep his secret from her then.

“As it happened, Clark had the same concerns. Shortly after they graduated Lana had come over to discuss plans for their trip. She was concerned about his lackadaisical attitude towards making plane reservations and confused by it, since he was perfectly willing to make other arrangements.

“They were arguing about it loudly. It was clear to Jonathan and me that Clark intended to fly them places, but had yet to tell Lana that this was a possibility. I'm not sure what happened, but in the middle of this argument, Lana kissed him. She told him that she had loved him for a long time and was hurt that he was holding back on this one detail, this important detail of their trip.

Clark was thrilled. He couldn't stop grinning long enough to answer her which had Lana giggling. Then finally, he told her exactly how he intended for them to travel. Lana thought he was joking at first, but then he showed her. He picked her up and carried her to the front door and then lifted them both above the porch.

“I am still impressed with Lana's composure. As opposed to Adam and Becky, Lana did not scream. She very calmly asked Clark to put her down. Then without a word she walked to her car and drove away.

“It was an awful night. Clark was sure that once again he had been rejected and Jonathan and I felt that he was right so were not much help in reassuring him.

“The next morning, Lana knocked on the door. She looked awful – about as bad as Clark, with dark circles under her eyes. I've never been so glad to see anyone in my life. I was certain that she had thought it over and decided it didn't matter to her.

“I was partly right. She and Clark had a long, serious discussion. She apologized for her reaction the previous day, explaining that she had been surprised and she hoped she hadn't hurt him.

“Then she explained what she was thinking, which was neither as bad as we had feared nor as reassuring as we had hoped. Unlike Becky, she wasn't repulsed by him, but wasn't sure she could be romantically involved with someone like that. Her words were gentle and kind and while I was hurt for Clark, I had to respect Lana's honesty and sensitivity in telling him.

“It was a long morning and at the end of it, Lana and Clark agreed to think about their plan to travel some more and meet again the next morning.

“When Lana came back the next day, she only looked slightly better. Clark actually looked worse. He needs less sleep than the rest of us, so the previous day he looked awful, but it was all emotional. He didn't sleep the next night either, he was so terrified of what Lana would say and the lack of sleep was catching up with him.

“Lana was cautious in her choice of words when she came back and we were all so happy to hear them. As soon as she came in, before Jonathan and I could beat a hasty retreat, she told Clark that she wasn't sure why the news that he had special abilities should change the fact that he was the gentle, kind, Smallville farm boy she had fallen in love with. Clark beamed when she said that; it was like all his dreams were coming true.

“Lana clarified that she still wanted to spend time with him and travel with him, but she wanted to take the romantic aspect of their relationship slowly while she came to grips with the little "extras' Clark came with. To that end, she asked that they meet places. She understood that Clark could not afford to travel all over the world, and he didn't need to, but her parents were still willing to pay for her airfare.

“So, for three months Lana and Clark traveled throughout Europe – Clark would meet Lana at the airport for each stop. He came home often during that time – maybe once a week. For the first month of the trip, he came home with his eyes alight with the things he was seeing and experiencing. But there were also changes taking place. Clark had never spent time in large cities before. When he was in Smallville, he had not really had much opportunity to share his gifts with others except to help Jonathan on the farm.

“But as he traveled, he realized how much he could do to help people. He started going out at night, dressed in black so as not to be seen, saving people and diverting small natural disasters. He was really enjoying it; he felt like he had finally determined what he was here for. But, slowly the joy he felt was slipping away.

“At the end of three months, Clark came home with his things. Lana had never gotten to the point of wanting to progress their romantic relationship. As Clark started going out in his black outfit more and more she got increasingly agitated with him.

“Finally, they both decided it wasn't working. Lana said she couldn't share him with the world. Clark asked how she expected him to stand by when he could do so much, and Lana said she understood the dilemma, she just thought she deserved more than he could give her.

“Additionally, Clark was constantly feeling the need to move on when he felt like others were starting to link him to the help he was providing. This was fine while they were traveling, but understandably, Lana felt that this was no way to live a life.

“Clark stayed home for two weeks feeling depressed, before he started traveling again. While he got over the blow from Lana, it had taken its toll. Clark became convinced that he would never get the opportunity to settle down and have a life unless he gave up helping others.

“Over time, Clark moved on, but never seemed as happy as we would have liked him to be.

“And then he met you.

“In the first week he met you, we knew he was in love. His whole face lit up when he spoke about you in away we hadn't seen since Lana. And the things he said were so much more realistic. While I know Clark adored Lana, I never felt like his crush moved on from the silly schoolyard one it started out as. But from the beginning, Clark spoke of your faults as well as your strengths. And he beamed regardless of which he talked about.

“And then when you met Superman, he let himself hope again. You seemed so taken with the superhero, Clark thought you might be the one person who could accept that part of him. The only sticking point was that you seemed less than taken with Clark.

“Which brings us to the main point of this – understanding what went through Clark's mind the day he died. And I know you think the whole thing is a fallacy, but the truth is, Lois, Clark Kent died that day, regardless of whether the body that held Clark Kent did. One thing you need to know about Clark – he always said that Clark is who he was, Superman is what he could do.

“Clark was crushed when he was shot. When he reached us, he looked so lost. Jonathan immediately pointed out that he could just go back to Metropolis and be Superman, but Clark quickly responded that that wasn't enough – Superman's relationship with Jimmy and Perry was cordial, but they weren't friends. And even his relationship with you was not the same as Clark's.

“Honestly, we only talked about you briefly the first night. Maybe this was selfish, or maybe it wasn't, but Clark really didn't think you'd be that upset. He said he thought it was better not to talk to you – he thought you'd be upset that night, but move on fast and seeing Superman may just depress you, reminding you that Superman and Clark were friends.

“But the next day, Perry called. He mentioned that you were devastated. Clark was stunned to hear it and immediately began talking about going back to Metropolis to tell you that he was alright. He had even flown above the farmhouse when Lana showed up, calling to him.

“Lana married Adam a few years ago and they live a few towns over from Smallville. Clark hadn't talked to her since they came back from Europe years ago, so you can imagine his surprise when she showed up.

“Lana had heard the news about Clark's death and had come over to say how sorry she was. She knew how important "Clark' was to Clark. I think…, no, I know, that she really was just trying to help. I need to keep reminding myself that Lana is a good person – she really is. She didn't mean to keep breaking my boy's heart.” Martha's voice broke. She took a few ragged breaths before continuing.

“Clark said hello and then asked if she could wait around for an hour or so as he had an errand to run. Lana asked where he was going and he told her how upset you were and how he was going back to tell you that there was no need to be upset.

“Lana looked sad and looked at Clark with pitying eyes. I can't get her "Oh, Clark' out of my mind. She reached over the table and grabbed his hand asking if he really wanted to do that.

“He was firm when he said he did, that you were hurting and this was the only way to help you. But Lana talked him out of it. She convinced him that it wouldn't make you feel better, that no matter how much you may have seemed taken with Superman no one would want to be in a relationship with him.” Martha's voice cracked again and she cried silently for a minute before taking a deep breath and talking again.

“Maybe Clark should have known better, but it was so deeply ingrained in him – he had learned only too well that no one could want him for who he really was. He was left feeling like without Clark he had nothing to offer you and you were better off thinking he had died than knowing he hadn't but was nothing more than a freak now. His words, Becky's words, not mine,” Martha said to Lois' look of surprise.

“He rethought about telling you every few months for the first two years. But each time he'd come back to those hurtful thoughts – that he had nothing to offer you. Jonathan and I tried to tell him that this wasn't true, that you were different. Even Jonathan who had never wanted Clark to tell anyone. But each time Clark would say that this was true, you wouldn't want him to feel like you didn't want him as Superman, but in reality, like Becky and Lana, you wouldn't want him like that. And it wasn't fair to you – you deserved better than to be with a freak.”

Martha paused, and Lois still sat in silence not sure what to say. Both women were startled by a knock at the door. Lois, on shaky legs, walked over to open it. And then gasped.

Clark leaned on her doorway, dirty and worn looking. There were multiple tears in his suit, circles under his eyes (which Lois had never seen before), and cuts on his arms and face. He said nothing, just looked at her silently. Lois grabbed his hand and pulled him inside.

He showed no surprise, or even recognition, of his mother being there and said nothing for a moment. Then, without a word, he crumbled to the ground.


Note: I hope this answers some questions and makes Clark look a little less like a cad. Please let me know if you still think he's pond scum. (Not that I know what I'll do to dig him out, I'm just really hoping this does it.) That doesn't mean I would expect a happy ending is coming immediately following this and that's certainly not what I've written, but I do hope we're on the upward trend of the story now.