|
|
Joined: Jun 2003
Posts: 814
Features Writer
|
OP
Features Writer
Joined: Jun 2003
Posts: 814 |
Wow. You just about blew me away with this one. The detail, the clearness....the use of language. I really liked this one.
|
|
|
|
Joined: Mar 2006
Posts: 2,367
Kerth
|
|
Kerth
Joined: Mar 2006
Posts: 2,367 |
Awwwww, Lisa! Never apologize for a banner! That was an awesome touch.  I was delighted to see that you used first person POV - there just aren't enough fics where we get to actually live in the characters' skins. And yours is a very believable Lois. Some examples: “Perhaps I just don’t care what you think of me anymore, Clark,” I said, giving him my sweetest smile. A flash of pain crossed his face, so quickly I almost missed it, and my heart jumped with twin thrills of triumph and guilt. Damn that guilt. Awesome! I was looking up the phone number of that convent – Our Lady of the Sisters of Something - as soon as I got home. LOL - love that she keeps thinking that's going to solve her problems. Oh, Lois. But ice cream is just insidious. And this is coming from a man who has seen pure evil in action.  I also loved Clark's rundown of her possible reactions and his realization that he just *has* to tell her. Nicely done!
Lois: You know, I have a funny feeling that you didn't tell me your biggest secret.
Clark: Well, just to put your little mind at ease, Lois, you're right.
Ides of Metropolis
|
|
|
|
Joined: Apr 2003
Posts: 4,058
Pulitzer
|
|
Pulitzer
Joined: Apr 2003
Posts: 4,058 |
LOVED IT! I don't have words for how much I loved it, but I am still smiling and I assume after the 50th tme I read it, I will still be smiling. Laura
Clark: “If we can be born in an instant, and die in an instant, why can’t we fall in love in an instant?”
Caroline's "Stardust"
|
|
|
|
Joined: Jul 2006
Posts: 910
Features Writer
|
|
Features Writer
Joined: Jul 2006
Posts: 910 |
My heart skipped a beat. Was this it? Was right now, when he's wearing decade-old sweatpants and we’re standing in front of a stranger’s house, the moment when everything would change? Oooooh, I really love this. Things do happen this way don't they? I hadn’t even finished processing the thought before Clark wrapped his arms around my waist and we were airborne.
For several seconds, I was frozen in shock at finding myself so suddenly above the bright lights of the city, and then my brain started to function again as the puzzle piece I’d been looking for since… well, forever, slipped into place. I dropped my head onto Clark’s shoulder and laughed until I cried, and then I really was crying because the joy ran so deep. I was euphoric.
Yeah, that had been the moment.
Stupid lunkhead of a man. Wow, this is just amazing, Lisa. I like how it flows. I can also really see the scene (well you had me since the starfish ) and just *sigh*. It's beautiful and that revelation... Clark whispered in my ear, “I moonlight in tights. I wear my underwear outside my clothes. I benchpress locomotives for exercise.” He gently grasped my chin and pushed my head off his shoulder so he could look into my eyes. Haha. Perfect, perfect, perfect! In light of the discussion of revelations this stands as an example of how the revelation depends on the overall mood and feel of the fic. This was just so *right* for this. So Lisa...anymore fics stashed around?
|
|
|
|
Joined: Apr 2006
Posts: 402
Beat Reporter
|
|
Beat Reporter
Joined: Apr 2006
Posts: 402 |
Lisa, this was beautiful! “You know, that big space on the other side of these walls with trees and the moon and all that other stuff you can’t fit in your apartment?”  I do love a smart-as*ed Clark Kent! We walked. Every few steps, we passed into the light and I steadied my nerves, adopting a carefully schooled look of indifference. But I couldn’t hold it; with every step back into the darkness, I took a deep breath, glad for the relief the night brought. Oh, I love this! You've set up the conflict Lois is feeling about Clark so beautifully. She wants him to come in, but she doesn't. She loves and hates him in equal measure. And now you give us the beautiful image of her walking in and out of the light, changing her expression when she thinks he can see it. Just wonderful. “Why did he have to take you someplace so… friendly? Why couldn’t he have been like other men and just tried to impress you? I wouldn’t have worried if he’d taken you to the opera. But ice cream is just insidious.” Hysterical! I desperately want an "ice cream is just insidious" icon now! He looked down at me pleadingly, plainly begging me to understand. Understand what? That he didn’t trust me? That his love for me wasn’t enough to overcome whatever his issue was? Oh, and this broke my heart a little. The revelation, when he finally found his nerve, was beautiful. I loved the joy and the tears and the fact that he lifted her above those lights of Metropolis they'd be walking in and out of. Beautiful, beautiful story, Lisa. C.
|
|
|
|
Joined: Oct 2003
Posts: 1,363
Top Banana
|
|
Top Banana
Joined: Oct 2003
Posts: 1,363 |
Wow...this was just so wonderful...and vivid. For a minute I though that Clark would not tell Lois but then he came through. I've always thought that Lois would have taken the revelation better had Clark just told her and not let her have to figure it out on her own.
Well done. I loved it!
~Sheila
I'm a firm believer in the fact that God doesn't put any more on us than we can bear. He does however make us come to Jesus every so often.
|
|
|
|
Joined: Dec 2005
Posts: 2,018
Kerth
|
|
Kerth
Joined: Dec 2005
Posts: 2,018 |
 Delightful, completely delightful. And I liked the banner.
Framework4
|
|
|
|
Joined: Feb 2007
Posts: 185
Hack from Nowheresville
|
|
Hack from Nowheresville
Joined: Feb 2007
Posts: 185 |
Very nice story. First, I love the First Person Lois point of view. It really added to the story. Now a few of my favorite lines: “Actually, I was hoping you would come out,” he said, finally.
“Out? As in outdoors?”
“Yes, Lois.” He smiled at me, a teasing note in his voice. “You know, that big space on the other side of these walls with trees and the moon and all that other stuff you can’t fit in your apartment?”
“Aren’t you funny,” I replied dryly. Wonderful revelation. Very creative and so WAFFY that I'm grining from ear to ear. Vonceil
Johnny was a chemist,
Now Johnny is no more,
For what he thought was H two O
Was really H two S O four.
--Lab safety limrick--
|
|
|
|
Joined: Aug 2005
Posts: 5,797
Nobel Peace Prize Winner
|
|
Nobel Peace Prize Winner
Joined: Aug 2005
Posts: 5,797 |
I felt a little handicapped reading this, because this vignette kept blinking at the show, assuming we knew what had happened when Lois and Dan were having ice cream and Clark apparently crashed the party. But I have no idea what happened then, so there are a lot of things that this vignette does not remind me of. But there is a metaphor here that I love, and which Caroline has already pointed out. Lois and Clark walk in and out of the light, like lovers and others do when they - you said it - when they play hide and seek. When they are honest with each other only intermittently, or when they aren't honest at all. I loved this: We walked. Every few steps, we passed into the light and I steadied my nerves, adopting a carefully schooled look of indifference. But I couldn't hold it; with every step back into the darkness, I took a deep breath, glad for the relief the night brought. Lois is letting her face reflect her true feelings only when she believes that Clark can't see her - i.e., she isn't being honest with him at all. Of course, Clark can see her donning and doffing her stiff-upper-lip mask every time they walk in and out of the light from the streetlights, almost as if she was doing a facial workout or having tics, and he could have told her that he can see her, but he doesn't. Anyway, there is something ironic and almost poignant about the fact that it is Lois who is "wearing a disguise" here - putting on that carefully schooled expression in the same way that Clark puts on his glasses. And then Clark bodily lifts them out of that treacherous pattern of light and dark and deceit, and takes them flying to where all lies and all pretense is left behind and forgotten. That was very beautiful, Lisa. Ann
|
|
|
|
Joined: Mar 2006
Posts: 2,667
Pulitzer
|
|
Pulitzer
Joined: Mar 2006
Posts: 2,667 |
Yay you posted!!! -- DJ
Smile and the world smiles with you ... frown and you're just giving yourself wrinkles.
|
|
|
|
Joined: Jul 2006
Posts: 2,687
Pulitzer
|
|
Pulitzer
Joined: Jul 2006
Posts: 2,687 |
awww!!! Lisa, that was so beautiful!
*sniffles*
Superman: Why is it that good villains never die?
Batman: Clark, what the hell are good villains?
=> Superman/Batman: Public Enemies
|
|
|
|
Joined: Aug 2003
Posts: 3,092 Likes: 40
Boards Chief Administrator Pulitzer
|
|
Boards Chief Administrator Pulitzer
Joined: Aug 2003
Posts: 3,092 Likes: 40 |
WHEE!!  A flash of pain crossed his face, so quickly I almost missed it, and my heart jumped with twin thrills of triumph and guilt. Ooh! I love that last bit!! “Because it’s a beautiful night, and walks are nice.” Awww!! Nuns could be reporters, right? ROTFL!!! And *so* Lois! Clark held out his arm to me, but I shook my head. I wasn’t ready to be that familiar with him again. He nodded and pushed his hands into his pockets. Awww!  We walked. Every few steps, we passed into the light and I steadied my nerves, adopting a carefully schooled look of indifference. But I couldn’t hold it; with every step back into the darkness, I took a deep breath, glad for the relief the night brought. After a few blocks I realized Clark wasn’t looking anyway, so I gave up and attempted to turn off my whirling thoughts. Love this detail - never would have thought of it, but it's such a real thing to do. When he finally spoke, I was so startled that I tripped. *giggle* Which moment, which particular sidestep, are you sorry for? Or are you just sorry that I saw a movie that made me sad?” Ooh! Nice! I bit my lip to stop the giggle in my throat from reaching the air. Was he serious? He certainly looked it. But his next comment stopped my hidden laughter cold. LOL! My giggle spewed forth. *G* “Option five: I could not tell you, and we could continue this song and dance until you become so disgusted with me that you refuse to see me outside of work ever again, make Perry assign you a new partner and marry Scardino. And that was the thought that got me off the ground and knocking on your door.” Love his options! I I love this last line! He looked down at me pleadingly, plainly begging me to understand. Understand what? That he didn’t trust me? That his love for me wasn’t enough to overcome whatever his issue was?
“But I can show you.” Oooh! I'm loving the emotions in this so far! Very real! My heart skipped a beat. Was this it? Was right now, when he's wearing decade-old sweatpants and we’re standing in front of a stranger’s house, the moment when everything would change? AWESOME line!!! Clark whispered in my ear, “I moonlight in tights. I wear my underwear outside my clothes. I benchpress locomotives for exercise.” He gently grasped my chin and pushed my head off his shoulder so he could look into my eyes. Aww! He loves me. He loves me. He loves me. And I love this repetition! Very sweet, Lisa!! Thank you!!!!  Sara
|
|
|
|
Joined: Jan 2007
Posts: 1,006
Top Banana
|
|
Top Banana
Joined: Jan 2007
Posts: 1,006 |
Oooh! A new fic??  And a DATE fic!  Okay, onto the serious business of reading. We stared at each other for ten, twenty, thirty seconds as conflicting emotions cascaded over me like a waterfall, a jumbled mess of relief, anger, hope, fear and a desire to knock him over and beat him with the baseball bat I kept by the door. Hehe. Unfortunately he wouldn't feel it. "Did you come here at eleven at night just to stare at me, Clark?"
What was he was doing here at this time of night, wearing… well, pretty much what I was wearing, actually, although his socks weren’t sporting marine life. How did he make sweats look so good? It really wasn’t fair. Ahh! This is all so good. I want to quote it all because it just makes me giggle and I haven't even gotten very far in reading. “Yes, Lois.” He smiled at me, a teasing note in his voice. “You know, that big space on the other side of these walls with trees and the moon and all that other stuff you can’t fit in your apartment?”
“Aren’t you funny,” I replied dryly. “Why would I do that?”
“Because it’s a beautiful night, and walks are nice.” Waffy squee!!! I grabbed his arm, breaking his even stride with a suddenness that made him stumble. I felt him turn toward me in the darkness. One small step was all it took to touch him, to lean my forehead on his broad chest, the KSU logo scratchy against my skin. His warmth and musky scent enveloped me and sheer relief poured through my body. He loves me, he loves me, he loves me. I chanted the words in my head again and again until they became one long nonsensical chain. Helovesmehelovesmehelovesme. Ilovehimilovehimilovehim! Clark whispered in my ear, “I moonlight in tights. I wear my underwear outside my clothes. I benchpress locomotives for exercise.” He gently grasped my chin and pushed my head off his shoulder so he could look into my eyes.
“Lois, I'm Superman.” Ee! I love it! Hehe. I wear my underwear on the outside of my clothes. I loved it Lisa! It was just so perfect. Every emotion was spot on. I loved Lois' inner musings and well... this seriously brightened my day. I was so upset earlier, I quit my job today so I could focus on school and I'll miss my coworkers. This definitely took my mind of missing my friends and I'm still smiling now. Thanks! Laura
Thanks to CapeFetish for the awesome icon.
|
|
|
|
Joined: Apr 2003
Posts: 3,627
Pulitzer
|
|
Pulitzer
Joined: Apr 2003
Posts: 3,627 |
“You know, that big space on the other side of these walls with trees and the moon and all that other stuff you can’t fit in your apartment?” <g> Love it. I was looking up the phone number of that convent – Our Lady of the Sisters of Something - as soon as I got home. LOL! I know the feeling! “I’m sorry that I was afraid.” His voice quivered a bit. Was Clark crying? That would be a first. I snuck a peek in his direction, but we were in the dark and I couldn’t tell. “That I made bad choices,” he continued. “That I screwed up -” He waved his hand in the space between us. “- this. That I’ve lost you. Mostly, I'm sorry for making you doubt that I love you.” Awww. I'd forgive him! Great, great story! AND it was a Lois POV story, quite possibly my favorite POV ever hah. JD
"Meg...who let you back in the house?" -Family Guy
|
|
|
|
Joined: Mar 2007
Posts: 748
Columnist
|
|
Columnist
Joined: Mar 2007
Posts: 748 |
Oh I love the kind of stories were we read what the characters think! This was so sweet!! I liked that Clark actualy did something and not let Dan have Lois! Marry Dan? The thought left me cold. this line made me so happy. It's always good to read something like that Helovesmehelovesmehelovesme. I'm sure that this line is gonna keep a smile on my face for the whole day. It's my first day of school so I'm gonna need that  I olso liked how he went through his options of telling her and her diferent kind of reactions before he actualy showed her he was Superman! And.. before I forget I love the banner you made for the story!!
"I have no regrets. If you regret things, then you're sort of stepping backwards.
I'm a believer in going forwards." ~Kate Winslet
|
|
|
|
Joined: Apr 2007
Posts: 251
Hack from Nowheresville
|
|
Hack from Nowheresville
Joined: Apr 2007
Posts: 251 |
*hmph* - seems as if I'm way too late - my favourite parts of the stories are already quoted and commented  . so I think there's not much left for me, except maybe saying: wonderful . I've read this story this morning at work and although I wanted to *aaaaw* and *sigh* every few minutes I was so proud of me that I could nevertheless keep my mouth shut. Unfortunately when I came to his part here my outside shown calmness was over ... Clark whispered in my ear, “I moonlight in tights. I wear my underwear outside my clothes. I benchpress locomotives for exercise.” Ok, how to tell the boss why that price-list suddenly is so funny? 
"Superman is what I can do. Clark is who I am."
|
|
|
|
Joined: May 2006
Posts: 1,065
Top Banana
|
|
Top Banana
Joined: May 2006
Posts: 1,065 |
I'm so glad to see you posting your stories Lisa! I loved this one so much.  It left me with such a smile on my face. (The banner was super cute as well). I hope this means you are going to be posting more. I'd still love to see some of those teasers finished. ^_~
Angry Clark: CLARK SMASH!
Lois: Ork!
|
|
|
|
Joined: Jul 2006
Posts: 1,883
Merriwether
|
|
Merriwether
Joined: Jul 2006
Posts: 1,883 |
Thank you all so much for taking the time to read my story and comment on it. I treasure everything you said - seriously, if you knew how often I pulled up my old FDK threads for a lift... well, you'd tell me to go get a life! Sue, Vonceil and Jen, I'm glad you liked the first person POV. That's the easiest way for me to write - just transcribing what I'm thinking. It feels like cheating sometimes! Alcyone, you had me since the starfish YAY! I'm thrilled that you liked that detail. I'm proud of those socks! anymore fics stashed around? Maybe a few. Ann, I felt a little handicapped reading this, because this vignette kept blinking at the show, assuming we knew what had happened when Lois and Dan were having ice cream and Clark apparently crashed the party. But I have no idea what happened then, so there are a lot of things that this vignette does not remind me of. Actually, the episode ends with Lois and Dan leaving to get ice cream. Clark asks her about it at the beginning of the following episode, and she says it was fine or something like that, but that's all we know. So you weren't missing anything. Did he really mean to say that out loud? Maybe not, Vonceil. Maybe not! I can always see the scene so plainly in my mind. Thank you, DJ! That's something I struggle with - how to make sure they aren't going through the story in a vacuum. I was so upset earlier, I quit my job today so I could focus on school and I'll miss my coworkers. Hugs for Laura! I'm glad this fic made your day brighter. Again, thank you to all of you. I'm so happy that this story gave you all smiles, a few chuckles and some waffs, but I'm even more thrilled that there were some lines that touched you. Maybe there's hope for me and this writing thing yet.
lisa in the sky with diamonds
|
|
|
|
Joined: Mar 2006
Posts: 2,367
Kerth
|
|
Kerth
Joined: Mar 2006
Posts: 2,367 |
Maybe there's hope for me and this writing thing yet. To quote some line I've heard before... HELLO? DUH!
Lois: You know, I have a funny feeling that you didn't tell me your biggest secret.
Clark: Well, just to put your little mind at ease, Lois, you're right.
Ides of Metropolis
|
|
|
|
Joined: Jul 2006
Posts: 2,687
Pulitzer
|
|
Pulitzer
Joined: Jul 2006
Posts: 2,687 |
eh - if Sue hadn't said it, I would have... Hello...? DUH!!!
Lisaaaaa!!!! Don't say things like that, you have *plenty* of talent. Now get back here with another story, missy! Pronto!
Superman: Why is it that good villains never die?
Batman: Clark, what the hell are good villains?
=> Superman/Batman: Public Enemies
|
|
|
|
