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Joined: Jul 2006
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Features Writer
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Features Writer
Joined: Jul 2006
Posts: 910 |
Squeee! I ADORE your first person Lois POV and have been dying to see more of it, so understandably that had my attention from the start. It always rings really genuine to me and I like how different it is (the immeadiacy like you mentioned) from the usual 3rd person narration. This to me somehow makes it more real since a 3rd person loses some of it's genuine feel simply by conveying everyone's thoughts democratically and such a thing already establishes boundaries, which a 1st person narration doesn't have. Oh and I might be the minority, but I really, really like the 1st season when they are just starting to get to know each other. Many yummy possibilities.
That said, I really liked the possibilities presented by the second ending even if it seemed slightly jarring at the end (pardon the redundancy). At the same time, I don't think there is a way for it not to be jarring (or maybe my brain is dead at this hour since I'm currently jet lagged out of my mind--so apologies if this sounds incoherent). I say this because it packs a HUGE punch for just a one-piece. I could see this working out really spectacularly (FB heights) as a longer a-plot thing. But I understand it's raison d'etre, so this is all me.
It was really great and I absolutely loved it. *sigh* More 1st person Lois? Please? Pretty please?
alcyone
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Joined: May 2006
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Top Banana
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Top Banana
Joined: May 2006
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Oh!! A new Sue story. ^_^ I liked this one a lot Sue. I don't know how I feel about the 1st person P.O.V. but it didn't really distract me much.  This was a really nice distraction for me today and I really enjoyed the little scene on the couch just because it was so darned cute. I would have loved to have seen the revelation (and being one that almost loves a good revelation more than nfic *gasp*) but I did appreciate you giving us the snippet at the end. Thanks for sharing Sue! ^_^ Very cute.
Angry Clark: CLARK SMASH!
Lois: Ork!
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Joined: Mar 2006
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Kerth
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Kerth
Joined: Mar 2006
Posts: 2,367 |
alcyone! It looks like it's just you and me who like the first person POV.  But you know I'll write *anything* for you, so I'll just send them directly to you in the future.  Jet lag? I hope you went somewhere fun! And, now that you're back, I hope you'll get back to work on that story of yours. It would be a shame never to finish it.  Thanks for the encouragement! I spent the evening ripping up the old carpet in my house and I was hoping for a pick-me-up which you have deftly provided. ETA: Thanks, Jojo! I just missed you. But I'm glad you gave the first person POV a shot. 
Lois: You know, I have a funny feeling that you didn't tell me your biggest secret.
Clark: Well, just to put your little mind at ease, Lois, you're right.
Ides of Metropolis
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Pulitzer
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Pulitzer
Joined: Jul 2006
Posts: 2,687 |
Oooh! I love your first person stuff!! (ETA: darn it, I missed you by 10 minutes? awww! sorry you came here and thought no one else liked 1st person POVs!! But, um... if you're going to mail them to Alcyone, can I possibly get on the mailing list, too? *lol*)And I really love that episode, too. (though what I love most about it would have most people in an awful fit of giggles, so I'm not saying what that is!) I snuggle a little closer to him and wonder what it would feel like to sit this close to him in a more romantic setting. Clark is solid and - though I try not to think about it too much - he's pretty ripped. I saw him in nothing but towel once and, well, let's just say he's almost as buff as Superman. I've kissed him, too. Clark, I mean. Well, okay, I've kissed Superman as well. They're both good kissers. But Superman isn't here tonight - Clark is. And, even though I'd never admit it to his face, Clark is a lot like Superman. I feel safe with him in the same way that I do around the Man of Steel. Sorry to quote the whole entire thing, here, but... how could I not? That's so spot on - just perfect. And I sit here going "come on, Lois, make the connection already!" LOL! I wish I could tell him that I feel secure for the first time today and that I want to sleep in his arms but I know how that would sound. Awwww!!! ...that's how it would sound - "aww!" hehehe! Clark lets out a smothered laugh and leans away from me. "It's just, well, you know how they say that when you save someone's life, they owe you that life? I was just wondering if that would apply to your virtue as well."
This time I slap his shoulder harder. "In your dreams, Kent." OMG! That's such excellent dialog! Had me giggling like mad. ...and I'm sure his dreams are full of just that, btw, Lois. For those of you apt to complain - would you rather I finished this or the nfics? ermm... my vote would go to "both" - hehehe! According to his alarm clock, it's just past three o'clock in the morning. Clark is forever running off on one weird errand or another - is it possible that he does that in his sleep, too?  I absolutely love that! And yeah, Lois, it's more than possible. *giggles* awww! the revelation part was sooooooo wonderful! Perfect and sweet. Darn... I'm sorry there's no real end to that. I've got an idea how it could have... definitely an idea. (and I don't mean "turn it into an nfic" as an idea how it could end, now!) Oh hum... Well it was a great read and a sweet little deleted scene. Thanks, Sue!
Superman: Why is it that good villains never die?
Batman: Clark, what the hell are good villains?
=> Superman/Batman: Public Enemies
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Top Banana
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Top Banana
Joined: Oct 2003
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I loved it! Very nicely done...better with the extended ending. ~Sheila
I'm a firm believer in the fact that God doesn't put any more on us than we can bear. He does however make us come to Jesus every so often.
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Nobel Peace Prize Winner
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Nobel Peace Prize Winner
Joined: Aug 2005
Posts: 5,797 |
Sue, I love your first person POV!
In this story, I loved how Lois felt so secure with Clark, but at the same time she was not altogether comfortable around him. I mean, she had not confessed her love for him, and she felt as if she was intruding on him. She so wanted to be close to him, and I could just feel how much she wanted him to really hold her, so that she could just snuggle into his embrace. And I felt so strongly how much she wanted to be held by him that night (not necessarily nfic stuff at all, no). I found it really moving that she wanted him and needed him so much, but she couldn't really tell him that.
And then, of course, there was the extended ending. Lois finds out that Clark is Superman, and she is ready to blow her top, but then Clark explains to her how he has been keeping watch over her, keeping her safe. And I could feel myself melt, and Lois melted, too. How could she be angry at her personal guardian angel, the world's greatest superhero who kept a very special watch over her? There is no way she could be angry at that, or at him.
I loved it, Sue.
Ann
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Joined: Mar 2006
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Pulitzer
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Pulitzer
Joined: Mar 2006
Posts: 2,667 |
It looks like it's just you and me who like the first person POV. <smack!> You know I love your first person! You could write in 4th or 5th person and I would still love it - LOL! So we'll have no more of that, young lady! Don't make me threaten to post your stories for you - LOL. There'll be no withholding - we'll have none of that. Now, back to the story... You know how much I love "Witness", right? You and I both - mmmm, there are so many Clarkillious things about that episode. And I've always wanted to see what happened after that tender embrace that Clark gave her before camera faded to black. This is an absolutely delicious inbetweenie, Sue. I loved the extension too, though, and it could turn into a longer story very easily. But I'm also completely happy with it as an inbetweenie because I just love those... scenes that could have easily happened in the series. <drool> My very favorite part was Clark's thoughts on saving someone's life and saving someone's virtue - LOL!!! Too funny! Okay, that's 4 down... one more to go to fulfill your debt to our little bet. <g> So get crackin'!  -- DJ
Smile and the world smiles with you ... frown and you're just giving yourself wrinkles.
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Joined: Jul 2003
Posts: 2,989 Likes: 11
Pulitzer
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Pulitzer
Joined: Jul 2003
Posts: 2,989 Likes: 11 |
AaaaAaAAAAaaaawwWWWwww!  ). Wonderful, Sue! 
~•~
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Pulitzer
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Pulitzer
Joined: Apr 2003
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It looks like it's just you and me who like the first person POV. Not even close! I looooove your Lois POV. If I could make a fanfic law where we all had to write in first-person Lois from now on, I'd type it up LOL! It rang very well for the first season. I mean, I've read and been sold on first-season get-togethers; it's not out of the question for me. But for the scene you picked and the way you wrote it, Clark protecting her virtue was just perfect. JD
"Meg...who let you back in the house?" -Family Guy
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Hack from Nowheresville
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Hack from Nowheresville
Joined: Apr 2003
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Hi Sue, I too, love your first person writing. You have Lois' thinking written just perfectly. It’s such fun to know what's going through her head. That's what hooked me last year when you began posting your stories. This summer has been hectic for you (and me too). Thanks for continuing to post your fantastic writing. Write on!  Anne
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Columnist
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Columnist
Joined: Aug 2005
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this screams sequel. I love the first pov but I think it's hard to write. So you did it great. Please more of it soon. 
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Pulitzer
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Pulitzer
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Sue, I don't tell you often enough, but I pretty much adore everything you write. And this is no exception. Very sweet and awkward, and Clark was perfect -- saving her virtue and then joking about it, to put her at ease again after the intense moment. I like first person POV when it's done well, which this was. But there is a curiosity to see what's happening on the other side... maybe a closing scene from Clark's POV? Go ahead, you can cheat & skim over the obligatory "I'm sorry I was horrible/No you weren't/can you ever forgive me/can you ever forgive me?" conversation and just have Clark reflecting back on what a big change this is... Much as I love happy endings, they're probably not ready to declare mutual love & get engaged, but they could make some definite progress along that road. Or whatever. But if you'd rather write something else, I'll happily read that, too. PJ
"You told me you weren't like other men," she said, shaking her head at him when the storm of laughter had passed.
He grinned at her - a goofy, Clark Kent kind of a grin. "I have a gift for understatement."
"You can say that again," she told him.
"I have a...."
"Oh, shut up."
--Stardust, Caroline K
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Merriwether
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Merriwether
Joined: Jan 2004
Posts: 1,864 |
I truly enjoyed this. The name of Lois' novel was a hoot, as was Clark grinning at the thought of owning her virtue.
But there seems to be a deleted scene, or is that an extended version, out there that I can't seem to find. You seriously need to post that again--even if LaraMoon has another ending on the way.
Elisabeth
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Merriwether
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Merriwether
Joined: Dec 2004
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How cute was that?! I'm still smiling. Just great!
Jackie
Superman: I hear you've been looking for me.
Lois: All my life.
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Pulitzer
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Pulitzer
Joined: Jul 2006
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You seriously need to post that again--even if LaraMoon has another ending on the way. An ending on the way? Moi? What could possibly make you think that? (*whistles innocently*)
Superman: Why is it that good villains never die?
Batman: Clark, what the hell are good villains?
=> Superman/Batman: Public Enemies
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Kerth
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Kerth
Joined: Mar 2006
Posts: 2,367 |
Thank you to everyone who has taken the time to comment on this story! I appreciate hearing that the first person POV didn't completely miss the target. I was rather discouraged last Friday night when I checked in after several hours and there was only one response. I figured I had finally written that one story too many.  Huge thanks also go to Lara for coming up with an ending for this story. She so rocks my world! I wish I had time to say more, but I'm meant to be working right now. Thanks again to everyone who has chimed in. Your kindness means a lot to me (probably far more than it should).
Lois: You know, I have a funny feeling that you didn't tell me your biggest secret.
Clark: Well, just to put your little mind at ease, Lois, you're right.
Ides of Metropolis
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Joined: Sep 2006
Posts: 573
Columnist
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Columnist
Joined: Sep 2006
Posts: 573 |
Adorable! I really enjoy your use of first person - I'd definitely like to see more. I snuggle a little closer to him and wonder what it would feel like to sit this close to him in a more romantic setting. Clark is solid and - though I try not to think about it too much - he's pretty ripped. I saw him in nothing but towel once and, well, let's just say he's almost as buff as Superman. I've kissed him, too. Clark, I mean. Well, okay, I've kissed Superman as well. They're both good kissers. But Superman isn't here tonight - Clark is. And, even though I'd never admit it to his face, Clark is a lot like Superman. I feel safe with him in the same way that I do around the Man of Steel. There's so much I'd like to quote, but I adore Lois' inner-monologue babble here. His lips part and there's a warm sensation against my mouth as he sighs. His fingers are still tangled with mine and he squeezes them. For a frightening second I think he's about to politely move away. But then his head tips so that the softness of his mouth is slanted over mine and his free hand cups my cheek, tilting my head back just the tiniest bit so that he can kiss me more fully. The gentle pressure of his mouth against mine increases and I swear the world starts spinning faster when he moans deep in his throat. *waffy sigh* Keep them coming, Sue!
"Lois Lane is Clark Kent's Superman." - Brian Miller
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