Okay, I'm back again.

It seems you can never shake L&C out of your system.

Here's something I started a couple of years ago, thanks to Avia for BRing this for me- she's been a great encourager over the years!!!

Hope this is not too depressing or disjointed.

Here goes nothing!!!


One Last Goodbye

A tall, muscular figure stood against the thick glass of his window, once again staring blankly into the night. Blinking lights, neon signs and the busyness of the city seemed oblivious to the emptiness inside his heart. Another day, another month, another year had slipped by into the sameness that had become his life.

He had moved into the small, but elegant apartment about two years ago. Tastefully and comfortably decorated, it was his only solace in a crazy, double-identity life - a very public life. Soon after he'd moved away from Metropolis, he had purchased a house on the outskirts of New York city, but had sold it in favor of a smaller, higher security high rise that overlooked the city and Central Park. A custom made skylight had been installed, and it allowed him the freedom to come and go as he pleased.

Security. It was always about security. Security that allowed him the freedom to come and go in a huge city that never slept.

Superman needed the super security for privacy, or rather Clark Kent needed it in order to be his spandexed alter ego. It was one and the same. He was a prisoner in both his identities.

The outer suburbs hadn't been the sanctuary that he'd hoped for. It seemed that the calm life outside the city hadn't met his expectations - his hopes and dreams of being able to live a quiet existence of living a two-dimensional life. Reporters, his former colleagues, had been continually camped out on his front lawn. He'd had no peace.

He had loved his house. It had been nurtured with loving hands into a haven from his demanding career - two conflicting careers that he'd embraced with all his heart and all he was. In spite of all the scrutiny that had laid his life bare before the public's eye, he'd learned to cope quite well with a high profile standing in the New York suburbs.

Then it had become too much. The invasions of privacy, inspite of his willingness to share his life with the public was never enough. Simple lasered hair-cut droppings had become fodder for the token hunters. Anything he touched had been a gold mine for the money hungry mongers who wished to capitalize on his celebrity. Private trash had been ransacked. Flash bulbs going off outside his windows while engaging in a everyday events as watching television had been laid bare before the world. His world-known fame had already cost him his one true desire in life - he couldn't let them win his whole soul.

Little did they know that his heart and soul had been ripped into pieces... and he was only just barely hanging on to a single strand of hope that she might come back to him.

The corner of his mouth twitched in remembrance of the more innocent time in his life - a time when he had the world on a string and his bright future laid out before him like a golden path of promises - including the promise of a dream of love that he had held onto for all his adult life. He had tasted it for a while, but now the hope of ever loving someone, especially her, had ironically been snatched away by the very path which he had been born.

It was now officially over. The tiny thread of hope that he had clung to had been shattered into a millions shards of fragile pieces the same way his heart had been crushed three years ago. Two nights ago, it had ended forever. Let the vultures descend...

~*~*~*~

Two nights earlier...

With shaking hands and a pounding heart, he opened the door to his apartment, but he could not help the sharp intake of breath involuntarily rushing into his lungs at the sight before him. He had been prepared, or thought he had been, from her urgent call the night before telling him that she wanted to see him. But it had been too long of a time, and too many restless dreams in the night had passed since he last saw her. His heart was out of control.

A petite, slender woman shuffled uneasily before him, her face bent down as her eyes concentrated on some insignificant speck on the carpet.

"Lois..." he gasped, overcome by the rush of emotion that swirled in the pit of his stomach.

A familiar, beautiful face lifted her brown eyes to meet his gaze. "Clark. It's been a while."

He immediately noticed that she had cut her shoulder length hair into a short, flattering style that exposed her long, graceful neck and delicate features. He filed it away in his mind to contemplate later when he was alone. This was not a time to be distracted. He'd been dreaming of this moment for a very long time; and at last, his Lois Lane was here, past the multiple security guards, and waiting to be let inside his apartment.

"You look great. I mean, you always have. Looks like you've gained a teeny bit of weight," he sputtered. "Looks good on you." She had been so thin after she'd come back from the Congo - he'd often had to tempt her to eat during those first few months. Picky as a bird eating habits caused from the trauma she'd been through, any pound gained had been a celebratory milestone. Lois had been so fragile and in many ways still was.

"Thanks," was all she could manage to say.

"Your career. You're doing so well." Her brown eyes flashed their approval at him as she attempted an awkward smile. "I've been keeping up with you. Both of you."

Clark closed his eyes briefly to command his renegade heart to stop from taking her in his arms right then and there and kissing her senseless. No, there were too many questions to be answered first, and the way they had left it between them, he had to maintain a semblance of sanity. Yet, a twinge of resentment bubbled its way out of his mouth.

"That's one advantage you've had. I wish I had the choice," he retorted before he could weigh his words carefully. He could have visited her incognito, but his respect for her privatcy and his mental well-being had taken precedence. Besides, he'd told he'd stay away and not use his powers to invade her privacy.

"Well, you could have, if you hadn't abandoned Metropolis. Clark, maybe this isn't the right time. I'll just..." She turned to go, but a large hand gently halted her retreat.

"I'm sorry. That was uncalled for." Exhaling deeply, he stepped aside and waved his hand to invite her inside. "Come in. I'm glad you came."

Forcing a nervous laugh, Lois questioned, "But what about you? Are you all by yourself here?"

His head snapped sharply up to meet her eyes. "That wasn't my idea. I've been waiting for three years, Lois. Has it taken you this long to decide, or am I just an afterthought?"

"Clark. Not yet. Please..."

His face softened at her words as he moved a step towards her in apology. She always had had him wrapped around her little finger. Nothing had changed. "You look so beautiful, even more so than when we were..."

Giving up all pretenses, she moved into his arms for a lingering hug. His arms wrapped instinctively around her and he held her small form close. He could feel the whisper of her breath through the fabric of his cotton shirt, and it caused his heart to beat even faster. It had been too long - way too long.

Gently pushing her away to arms length, he softly asked, "So why have you decided to see me after all this time? What gives, Lois?"

Pushing against his chest, she turned around and walked to the large window, laying her palms against the cool glass. After a moment, she murmured, "I wish..."

Sideling up behind her, he tentatively placed his hands on her shoulders, and she instinctively leaned her head back against his chest. His face buried in her hair; Clark breathed in the scent that was uniquely her own, reminding him of a time when love had bloomed so magically between them. "Wish what, Lois?"

She covered a large, masculine hand on her shoulder with one of her own, and turned in his arms. A tear glistened in the corner of her eye, and Clark smoothed it away with the pad of his thumb. "It's okay, honey. Don't cry."

"Clark, I had so much to say to you, but now that I'm here, I just can't find the words..."

Her hands crept up his chest until they were loosely resting against his shoulders, her fingertips instinctively played with the fine hairs on the back of his neck.

"Maybe," he answered, his voice an octave lower, "We should talk before I do something stupid." He lowered his forehead against hers and waited for her answer. "I've missed you so much."

"I've missed you, too. More than you'll ever know."

"Then why haven't you called?" Sighing once more, he continued, "I adored you with all my heart. Still do."

Ignoring his last remark, she said, "Your latest book - it's so beautifully written. It reminded me of us. That's why I'm here. I was hoping you'd moved on."

"Why would I do that, Lois? That book was us - can still be. I told you I'd wait forever for you. I'm willing to give you as much time as you need, another three years if you need it."

Lois pressed her face against his chest again and let out a tiny sob. "Nothing's changed, Clark. As much as I love you, I couldn't help wishing you were somebody other than the biggest superhero around. That night in the warehouse was the scariest night of my life. When I think about being held by those thugs, being held there as bait for Superman, it scares me just like it happened yesterday. I've tried to get over it, but I can't live with the fear. As much as I know you care, I can't live like that. I always thought I could live with the danger; after all, that was my career. But ever since I've come back from... that place, it's just more than I can bear. Being a journalist isn't always holding down a nine-to-five job."

"You don't have to go into all this again, Lois. Telling me once three years ago was enough - enough for a lifetime. But I'll still wait for you - as long as I have to."

"My mind's made up, Clark. I can't live tucked away in some corner of the world away from people, my job, just living."

Raking his hand through his hair, Clark said desperately, "I know. I told you I'd chunk it all, and we could live life as a normal couple."

"And I still stand on the ground that you'd end up resenting me for it in the end. The world knows about Clark Superman Kent now. Maybe if we'd met when you were an ordinary man, before that interloper exposed you. Maybe if this were another time and place - another universe. Now that the world knows, we'd never be in peace."

"So what are you saying, Lois?" Clark asked as the knot in his stomach grew to the size of a melon.

"It's over, Clark," she whispered hoarsely. "I've come to say goodbye."

He swallowed hard, trying to find his voice. After a moment, he managed to whisper huskily. "I guess I've always known that for quite some time. It's just so hard to let go."

"What we shared was so beautiful, Clark. You're a very giving and loving man. Find someone who'll make you happy, who can accept everything about your life. Someone who can live tucked away from the rest of the world. She'll have to be happy with just you and nothing else."

Her hands tightened around his neck, drawing them even closer as she tried to comfort him, her lips drawing dangerously close to his, wishing she could only want only him.

"So how do we say goodbye?" Clark asked as his hands moved up her arms to mesh themselves in her hair. "How do I say goodbye to the only woman I've ever loved? Ever will love?"

Tears pooled in her brown eyes as she searched his face for some kind of answer. "It's all still here, the Kent/Lane magic - just like we never left."

"We can still make it work, honey," he said desperately, cradling her face in his hands. "But I do understand - I did give you the choice."

She shook her head at him. "I can't go through that again. I'd only end up hurting you. Being hounded by the press all the time because I'm Superman's girlfriend. I wasn't Lois Lane anymore."

"I know. You can't be kept in a cage, and my life was doing that to you."

His answer was the tears freely flowing down her face.

"Dance with me," he commanded chokingly. "I need this one last thing from you."

"Just like we used to," she whispered as the memories came flooding back in force.

Lois moved into his arms and buried her head into the safe haven of his chest. They moved in tiny circles on the floor, each remembering the love and joy of years ago, saying goodbye to what could have been.

Several minutes later, their movements stopped, and they pulled apart to lovingly commit to memory the face before them. She reached up on her toes to kiss him lightly on the lips and held his gaze steadily as their breath rushed over each other's mouths. Giving into the nearness of the woman he loved, he kissed her with all the love and pent up emotions of three years without her. Her back pressed up against the glass as he tenderly explored her mouth as he had done so many times in the past. Releasing her once they were lacking for air, he pulled away to look her in the eyes. "I'm sorry. I didn't mean to do that. It just hap..."

Gasping for breath and equilibrium, she managed to mutter. "I'm willing to let things happen just for one more night, Clark. Do you have it in your heart to make love to me one more time?"

He searched her brown pleading eyes and knew that it wasn't just some pre-meditated plot. She meant it. The love for him was still in her eyes just like it had been three years ago. Did he have it in him to make love to her just once more and let her go forever? Did he dare hope that she still had doubts about letting him go after all this time? If he accepted her offer of just one more night, would it set him back to the heart break that he'd suffered years ago? But if he turned her down, rejected her offer, wouldn't he regret it even more?

"Oh, Lois!" he nearly cried. "I don't know. It just might be too painful to let you walk out the door again if we made love."

She turned from him starting to walk away but stopped at his next words. "It's a chance I think I'm going to have to take." With a half smile, she asked, "Can you?'

His breath escaping in a quick whoosh, he lifted his hands up to rest on her shoulders. Breathing in the soft lavender smell of her hair, he countered, "Are you going to be able to walk away a second time?"

"I'm going to have to, Clark. Nothing's changed." Except that she wanted him more than she'd ever had. Maybe this was her one last chance to make sure what she was throwing away was worth it. So far life had just been so-so - until recently, but she had to know.

The look on Clark's face told her the answer. He'd never survive giving her up again. She had to make the break like she had originally planned. His intoxicating present could not sway her mind for what she had first come here to finish. Besides, a three year old memory of making love was easier to stuff away than a fresh one. He was waiting. Her common everyday guy that had only shown her friendship and kindness was standing confused and bewildered in the background. She had to do this for him. She had to exorsice these years old memories of a love that could never be.

Closure. It was all about closure and moving on.

"I've met someone else, Clark," she said a bit too quickly, avoiding his eyes. "That's the real reason I'm here. I have to let you go. He doesn't know I care yet, but I couldn't tell him until I saw you one last time."

Staring at her in final defeat, he could barely hear her words as Lois Lane walked out of his door and his life forever.

Standing in the doorway, her last words stung even deeper. "Be happy, Clark Kent. That's all I ever wanted for you."

Lois pulled out her cell phone and with shaky hands dialed an increasingly familiar number. "Hello, I'd like to speak to John Tempus, please."

~*~*~*~*~