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Pulitzer
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Pulitzer
Joined: Apr 2003
Posts: 3,846 |
Hi, Great story! 
Maria D. Ferdez.
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Don't like Luthor, unfinished, untitled and crossover story, and people that promises and don't deliver. I'm getting choosy with age.
MAF
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Kerth
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Kerth
Joined: Dec 2005
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Excellent ending - and leaves plenty of scope for sequels.
Marcus L. Rowland
Forgotten Futures, The Scientific Romance Role Playing Game
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Posts: 3,145 Likes: 3
Pulitzer
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Pulitzer
Joined: Jun 2004
Posts: 3,145 Likes: 3 |
That is what a good story looks like. I like it a lot! And the ending was wonderful. Kinetic *Girl* indeed! And yeah, I thought Lois was going to go off on them, too.
I really liked the way you described Lois's progress throughout the story. She went from emotionally abandoned and lonely and isolated to "Mellow Mad Dog" very smoothly. That last step, her mature confidence in not only her own powers and her assesment of the situation, including Clark's very real debt to her, was so perfect! You got inside her head and her heart so beautifully and let us see a wonderful young woman coming of age. She's Lois, not just Kinetic (Girl! Ha!), not just Clark's wife, not just a great reporter, but a well-rounded person in her own right. She's really wonderful, and I'm glad you decided to share her with us.
As Marcus mentioned, there is room for some sequel-type stuff here. Are you planning anything along those lines? If so, we want to read it.
Life isn't a support system for writing. It's the other way around.
- Stephen King, from On Writing
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Merriwether
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Merriwether
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“Do you know what I see when I look at you?” he asked her seriously.
She smiled softly and shook her head. “Mad Dog Lane?”
He shook his head solemnly. “I see a woman, not only grown up and capable, respected at what she does, but a woman fulfilled as well. Able to use all of her unique talents – those of brain and of body – and self-confident with it. An equal to Superman, Lois. And an equal to me, Clark.” He smiled sweetly at her. “I saw you like this long ago, but now –“
He turned her gently so that they both faced the mirror on the wall near the door, and stood behind her, his hands on her shoulders. She looked back at him out of the mirror.
“I see someone who finally believes it, too,” he finished simply. This is so touching. “Clark… Will you marry me?” I wasn't expecting this, but for this story, it is perfect. This story was beyond wonderful, Janet. I truly loved it!
lisa in the sky with diamonds
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Pulitzer
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Pulitzer
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/me peeks in cautiously... um... I know I haven't commented on any of the previous sections, and for most of them I had a good excuse, in that I only just read them all this week.  But when you posted part 38 I thought I'd check it out (sometimes I like to read the ending first), and, well, I came in on the middle of the hostage-crisis so I wasn't quite exactly sure what was going on, but a Lois with heat-vision talking telepathically to Clark was something I really wanted to know more about, so I went looking for the story's table of contents. I'm glad I did. This was a really good story, Janet! In no particular order: I loved that she recognized Superman just as soon as he touched her. This Lois certainly vanquished Claude. Making it look like Kryptonite was radioactive enough to melt lead was *brilliant* and should certainly cut down on future problems. The dialog sparkled throughout. You gave Lois a very sweet Mama -- and don't think I didn't notice when she slipped up later, in a panic about Clark, and said Mama instead of Martha. Very smooth. Very creative move of yours to set Lois up as a superhero who's *not* related to Superman, and who has different powers. Kinetic was a great name... and Kinetic Girl had me giggling helplessly. I guess she should have known she couldn't use an adjective without a noun!  But then there were the really sweet and waffy parts, like the *first* half of this last post... /me sighs contentedly. I just really enjoyed the way you set up and developed their relationship -- even the "crap, we're related?!!?!" side-trip  -- and brought us to a Lois secure enough with herself to ask Clark to marry her. Shades of Ultrawoman there, and very fitting. Overall... it was just the best! And any similiarities of compliments to the name of a certain Kerth award are *entirely* non-coincidental.  Now hurry up and get this on the archive, so I can re-read it! PJ
"You told me you weren't like other men," she said, shaking her head at him when the storm of laughter had passed.
He grinned at her - a goofy, Clark Kent kind of a grin. "I have a gift for understatement."
"You can say that again," she told him.
"I have a...."
"Oh, shut up."
--Stardust, Caroline K
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Hack from Nowheresville
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Hack from Nowheresville
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I've been following the story, though tardy with my feedback... :p But I loved it. I would have liked a dialogue with Perry, just because his interactions with Lois were all very nice, and the scene when they worked together was gripping. But I supposed some things do not have to be said, and perhaps Perry is also the kind of person who prefers to know things unofficially? Loved it.   metwin1
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Kerth
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Kerth
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 I can just picture a Q & A session with “Kinetic". Lois points a one of the sea of hands; Reporter: "Linda King, GBC, Kinetic Girl do you plan to ..." Kinetic: "Since I am not Kinetic girl I have no idea what she would answer. Next!" Point to a male reporter. Reporter: "Paul Bender LNN, Kinetic Girl is it True you are dating Superman?" Kinetic: "Since I am not Kinetic girl I have no idea if she is dating Superman. Perhaps you should ask one of them. If no one has any questions for me I'll be going." Reporter: "Kinetic, Karen Starr, Daily Planet, I gather you strongly object to being called Kinetic Girl, so should we go with Kinetic woman? Or Kinetic person Or ?" Kinetic: "Lets put it this way when I hear Kinetic girl I look around for a stacked Blonde in a skintight skimpy white suit with a large oval cut out displaying her assets. " Starr: "Right, I'll take that as a yes." ..........
Framework4
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Pulitzer
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Pulitzer
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NIce job, can't wait for your next one. Laura
Clark: “If we can be born in an instant, and die in an instant, why can’t we fall in love in an instant?”
Caroline's "Stardust"
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Nobel Peace Prize Winner
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Nobel Peace Prize Winner
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They’d opted to walk back to Clark’s place, knowing that they could fly if they changed their minds, but happy for now to just amble along together.
It was pretty late – or maybe a better term was that it was pretty early, since it was now well after midnight. It was the time of night where, even in a city as big as Metropolis, the streets were almost deserted.
So they didn’t really have to worry that someone might overhear them.
They were using telepathy anyway – mostly, simply because they could. Having made the breakthrough, they were finding that they could turn the telepathy on and off without any more effort than it took to speak. And it felt… more intimate, somehow, to be conversing this way in an otherwise silent night. I love this image, how Lois and Clark are walking home through the mostly deserted streets in the small hours of a Metropolis night, wrapped in the cocoon of their togetherness and their telepathy. The natural intimacy of it is wonderful. I very much liked how they talked about what had happened, how they had defeated Trask and saved the hostages together, but how it had been Lois who had done most of the heroics. Now, after this, she really is a hero, a slayer of dragons. No, wait, she is a stabler of dragons. She slipped her own arm around his waist, under his tuxedo jacket where he was warm and solid. I totally, completely love this sentence. The warmth, the intimacy, the safety, the wonderful, wonderful reassurance of this little scene, with Lois wrapping her arm around Clark's waist, inside his tuxedo. <I was afraid for… for the people I care about. Perry. Alice. Jimmy.> Her thoughts softened to the merest whisper of a touch inside his head. <And for you, Clark. I was… so afraid for you. I’d already seen what that green rock did to you. I was afraid it might… kill you. Or... that he would, as soon as you were vulnerable. And that…> She stopped, unable to go on.
He tipped his cheek to rest it on her head for a moment, slowing almost to a halt. <I know, love,> his thoughts washed over her gently. <I felt it. I felt what you were feeling.>
<I wasn’t really afraid for me,> she continued. <Not much, anyway… although I knew if Trask opened that box, I’d be affected. But even if I was affected, I was… anonymous. You know? He didn’t know about me.> I love how she tells him that she had been so afraid for Perry, Alice, Jimmy and Clark, but not much for herself, even though Trask could certainly have killed her. And Clark knows her fears, because due to their telepathy, he truly felt what she was feeling. They had reached his building, and he stopped on the doorstep and turned to face her, taking both of her hands in his and bringing them to his lips. He kissed the backs of her fingers before bringing their joined hands to rest over his heart. She could feel the steady rhythm of his heartbeat against her palms.
“Do you really understand what you did tonight, Lois?” he asked very softly. “*You* saved all those people. You saved me. And you did it using your super powers, like I do every time I put on the suit. But you also used… *you*, Lois. You, who you are – your brain, your wits. Your courage, your heart.” The last was breathed onto her lips as he kissed her almost reverently, still holding her hands against his heart. Incredibly beautiful. “I think I understand what you’ve been trying to tell me,” she said after a moment. “What you’ve been trying to tell me for a while now.”
“About who you are?” he asked softly. “That you’re already a superhero?”
“Yes. You said… that I already chose to do this, when I decided I would grow up to fight dragons. You said it wasn’t just super powers… and it wasn’t just words as a reporter. That it was me; my brain, my abilities – all of them, super and not.”
“And do you believe that now?”
She smiled softly at him. “Yes. I think… I think this was the last little bit of growing up I needed to do, Clark. The last little bit of growing into… me.” Wonderful. And he had helped, with his support, his friendship, and his love. She’d been so lucky to find him. She smiled at that thought. And he thought that *he* was the lucky one. She stretched up and kissed him, trying to convey everything she felt. I'm running out of adjectives, but - well, I just love all of this, Janet. “Lois…” He looked into her eyes. “You were… like a small island I saw once, in the middle of the Amazon River. It was like a sparkling jewel, all lush and green and just teeming with life - in the middle of that wide, brown, muddy water. Beautiful, intriguing, but so, so isolated. So unreachable by ordinary means, because it was in one of the deepest and widest parts of the river, where there are very strong currents.”
He lifted one hand and stroked a finger softly down her cheek. “That was how I saw you. So isolated and alone, but so, so appealing… And I knew I wanted to get to know you better. To find a raft, build a bridge - to somehow reach you. Because almost immediately upon meeting you, I could see flashes of who you really were behind those protective walls… And I loved what I saw.” This is an absolutely lovely image. And as she kissed him back, she realized what was different about this kiss.
It was her – and the changes he’d wrought in her. There was no more hesitation. No more holding back. She’d faced the possibility that she could lose him - really lose him, to death. She’d been reminded that neither she nor he were immortal.
And having faced that, the risks of offering him her heart paled in comparison. Perfect. “Lois?”
“Clark…” Her voice, husky with all she was feeling, was barely above a whisper. “I love you.”
“And I love you.” He searched her face. “I *love* you, Lois,” he repeated, and it sounded like a vow.
She smiled at him. “I know.” She reached out, and he grasped her hand firmly in his. “I do know it, Clark,” she repeated.
She tightened her grip on his hand, and he meshed their fingers together. She raised their joined hands, palm to palm, and pressed them against her heart. It was time to tell him what she’d learned. What she knew; what she wanted.
She took a deep breath. “Clark… Will you marry me?” Oh, I love this! I love that fact that she is the one who proposes. How perfect. Clark has been in love with her for so long, and he has been longing for marriage with her for so long. Now Lois finally knows that she wants to be married to him as much as he wants to be married to her. What could be more perfect than her proposal? I'm so glad, too, that Clark isn't the sort of man who feels that it is a man's prerogative to pop the question. He stared at her for a millisecond before she saw the wonder and joy *bloom* across his face.
“*Yes*.” He smiled at her, a smile of such blinding love that she felt herself lose touch with gravity at the power of it. And even as she left the couch, even before her super reflexes could engage, he was on his feet and lifting her to twirl her around.
As she laughed down at him, hands on his shoulders, he laughed back up at her. “Yes! Yes. YesYesYes!” Oh, so wonderful! And ever since, it had been… like their unconstrained flight, the carefree and joyful dance in and among the clouds that night in the Kansas twilight.
This life dance – the joyful rhythm of their time together - was just as exciting, with its own swoops and dips and rolls, just as glorious as they rode the currents of their days.
Just as breathtaking; just as quiet.
Just as laughter-filled and just as solemn.
And their other dance – their dance in the night – it was just as exhilarating, the connection between them strong and deep and true. She hadn’t known how it could be - moving as one, slow and intense - full of passion and heat, soaring toward rapture without flight. They were two souls perfectly in tandem - two as one, their minds as entangled as their bodies. Clark with her and her with Clark, grounded only in their bodies - their minds and hearts and souls in flight. To me, this is the part that I love most of all in this fused final part and epilogue. Definitely one of the most memorable images of your entire story was the scene in Smallville, where Lois and Clark were flying and dancing in the sky like glorious birds together. Here, you show us that their married life, and not least their physical intimacy, is like that sort of ecstatic flight without actual flying. I find it exquisitely beautiful. It was also great to see Lois make her debut as an "official" superhero, Kinetic. Ehhh... Kinetic *Girl*? “This is the dramatic appearance and rescue of scores of rail commuters by what appears to be the city’s newest superhero, Kinetic Girl,” the LNN anchor’s voice said as the camera shakily followed the black and pink form.
Lois choked, turning it into a cough at the last moment. “What –“ she began indignantly.
<Lois…> Clark began warningly.
“What did they just call her?” she demanded. <Kinetic *Girl*, Clark?>
Jimmy looked at her curiously. “Uh… you guys talked to her,” he said. “Didn’t your article say that she said her name is Kinetic Girl…?” He trailed off, looking back at the TV screen.
“I think it’s just Kinetic, Jim,” Clark said mildly as Lois growled under her breath.
“Yeah…” Jimmy said, obviously distracted by the short video, which LNN was replaying again as the anchor kept talking about the rescue. “..that’s what I said. Kinetic Girl.” He sighed almost dreamily. Irresistible! Clark tells Jimmy that the new superhero is named just Kinetic, and Jimmy agrees, adding that that is what he had just said... Kinetic Girl! And so adorable that Jimmy is so starstruck that he couldn't really process what Clark told him! Perry’s bellow rang out again. “Awright, people! News! I want news!”
He shook a handful of newspapers - some of their competitors’ current editions - in emphasis. “I want our headlines to be bigger and better than our competition’s!” He flapped the papers again for emphasis. “Bigger! Better! This is the Daily Planet, folks, not the Hoboken Gazette!”
Grinning, Lois raised an eyebrow at Clark, who grinned back. Perry in full news-hunt-mode was a one-man show.
“Now let’s get out there and get stories!” Perry continued. “And pictures! Pictures *and* stories! This newspaper is on the leading edge for Superman stories – so let’s get out there and make it happen with Kinetic Girl, too!” Loved that image of Perry! The Hoboken Gazette, indeed. And even Perry, who almost certainly knows that Lois is the new superhero, and who almost certainly knows that Lois won't like the name Kinetic *Girl*, even he insists on the *Girl*! Oh, give up, girl! You have to know when you are outnumbered and give in gracefully. I had a thought here... given that Lois and Clark are both Kryptonian in this story, chances are that they are most certainly physically compatible. So if they want to have a child there is nothing to stop them. However, Kinetic Girl can't very well fly around obviously pregnant while Lois is visibly expecting, too. So I guess Kinetic Girl will have to go on a sabbatical while Lois is pregnant. Even that might possibly raise some people's suspicions. Oh, well - maybe your Lois and Clark share Tank's preference for a life without children! This has been a wonderful and beautifully original story, Janet, told in what has at times been a positively poetic style. Ann
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Beat Reporter
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Beat Reporter
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Janet, congratulations on finishing one of the most beautiful stories I've ever read. I wish I were a better writer so that I could praise it with the eloquence it deserves. I loved the delicate, fairy-tale quality that ran through the entire piece. I loved the tenderness of Lois and Clark's love, which was sweet and true and never seemed cloying. I loved the care with which you crafted your heroine - how her loneliness and her fear and her isolation were gradually overcome, so that by the end, she could be the person she was born to be, the person her Mama knew all along she could be. I loved that you gave her a real dragon to fight, and I love that she won!
Of course I will line up to read if you write a sequel. But I finished the story with such a feeling of satisfaction, knowing that Lois and Clark were together, and happy, and that that "Kinetic Girl" (Hee!) had made her debut, that I can rest easy in my mind over these characters, even if you don't bless us with sequels.
It is no small thing to devote a year of your life to a story like this. Thank you for all the time you've invested and for letting your Lois and your Clark walk out of your imagination and into ours. And again, congratulations on a magnificent story!
Best,
Caroline
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Beat Reporter
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Beat Reporter
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Sequels?? Plural?? Considering how long this story already is, I'm flattered that you want more. I won't rule a sequel out, of course, since my Muse isn't any more predictable than anyone else's, but there isn't one in the works at the moment. Of course, having said that, I'll probably be struck with an idea at the most inconvenient time... :rolleyes: Terry, thank you for your eloquent words - and for the ones I lost on part 39. Your comments throughout this story helped me direct it, keep it on track, and just generally make it better. I'm glad the story as a whole worked for you. Pam, thank you for all of your comments, too. I'm glad you liked the story - and it's such a long story, isn't it? LabRat (who BR'd this for me) and I think it's in the running for longest story on the Archive (once I submit it, that is). The original idea for pitching Lois as having different powers than Superman, and the whole 'tactile telekinetic' thing, was my husband's. I bounced a lot of ideas off of him during the time (more than a year) that I was writing this. I'm glad you all liked the 'Kinetic Girl' thing, too. That was LabRat's idea. When she was BR'ing the suit-creating scenes, I mentioned that I was thinking of 'Kinetic' for Lois's superhero personna, and she said something along the lines of "wouldn't it be funny if everybody kept calling her Kinetic Girl or something like that?" I loved the idea, so I took it and ran with it. Metwin1, thank you for commenting. Yeah, Perry's pretty cagey. Lois tried, sort of, to bring it all up afterwards, but he wasn't biting. She's pretty sure he knows, but you're right - Perry knows a lot of stuff unofficially. He likes it that way. Kinetic: "Lets put it this way when I hear Kinetic girl I look around for a stacked Blonde in a skintight skimpy white suit with a large oval cut out displaying her assets. " Thank you, Caroline, for your kind words. I'm so glad you liked it. Having read some of your stories, I feel that your comments on my writing skills pack even more power, because you are a very eloquent writer yourself. Thank you. Thank you all for your comments - they've made my day - week - probably month . Yes, I will be submitting this to the Archive shortly. There are a couple of sections in my current master copy that are different from the version you've read here on the boards. They are not huge differences - just 'fixes' (in continuity, for instance) that I did when I was proofing an earlier section again. One was the result of Marcus's comment about how heavy a box made entirely of lead would be. One was inspired by something ML Thompson mentioned in her story 'Escape From New Krypton', which I GE'd. (Thanks, ML, and I did credit you with that idea in the author's notes for this story). And one - well, I realized that in this story, nobody but Lois and the Kents know Superman is from Krypton, so Trask calling the green rock kryptonite opens a whole 'how did he know that?' can of worms I didn't want to touch. So... well, read it again on the Archive (I'll submit it soon!) and see if my 'fixes' work... 'Toc
TicAndToc :o)
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"I have six locks on my door all in a row. When I go out, I lock every other one. I figure no matter how long somebody stands there picking the locks, they are always locking three."
-Elayne Boosler
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Boards Chief Administrator Emeritus Nobel Peace Prize Winner
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Boards Chief Administrator Emeritus Nobel Peace Prize Winner
Joined: Apr 2003
Posts: 9,362 |
I'm glad you all liked the 'Kinetic Girl' thing, too. That was LabRat's idea. When she was BR'ing the suit-creating scenes, I mentioned that I was thinking of 'Kinetic' for Lois's superhero personna, and she said something along the lines of "wouldn't it be funny if everybody kept calling her Kinetic Girl or something like that?" I loved the idea, so I took it and ran with it. LOL - yes, I thought it would be amusing to note Lois's reaction if she picked up the paper the following morning after her debut and they'd called her Kinetic Girl. And I love what you did with that throwaway line in my beta file, Janet. This story has been a real joy to beta all the way through. It's definitely going to be on my Kerth list for next year. LabRat
Athos: If you'd told us what you were doing, we might have been able to plan this properly.
Aramis: Yes, sorry.
Athos: No, no, by all means, let's keep things suicidal.
The Musketeers
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Freelance Reporter
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Freelance Reporter
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Was this story ever submitted to the archive?
"But my experience is that as soon as people are old enough to know better, they don't know anything at all."
-Oscar Wilde, "Lady Windermere's Fan"
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Beat Reporter
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Beat Reporter
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Well. Hee. About that. Er, no. Not yet. I meant to submit it, and I got caught up in editing it, but then lost my Muse for a few months and stepped away from all writing. I knew I wanted to go back over the story a couple of times, because parts of it were a bit too... I don't know. Wordy. Too many "he said's" and "she said's" in it. Then there were a couple of Word crashes. The document I was working on was saved automatically, but even looking at creation dates couldn't tell me which version was "the" version - and the story is so long, I've ended up with two versions open side-by-side and I'm going through it line-by-line. I'm happy with what it's becoming, though - parts I thought were kind of clunky flow more smoothly now. They're all small fixes, really - not so much continuity issues any more as much as removal of repetition and, as I said earlier, getting rid of some of the "he said" and "she said" stuff and just... showing the conversation. (That was a common fixer for me in each beta'd part, too, so I'm not real surprised I'm still fixing parts of it.) I've wondered if I should repost it somewhere, to see if the fixes I've made make it better or worse. (I don't really want some poor beta (LabRat) to have to read it all again, though.) The good news (I hope) is that finally, after more than a year of the story being in "editing," I'm almost done with it. Then it goes to LabRat for the Archive... and it really should be GE'd. That's another whole... how did I have Lois put it? Treeful of cats. 'Toc
TicAndToc :o)
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"I have six locks on my door all in a row. When I go out, I lock every other one. I figure no matter how long somebody stands there picking the locks, they are always locking three."
-Elayne Boosler
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Pulitzer
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Pulitzer
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Fabulous Story!
There are just so many things that I liked about this story that I can't possibley mention them all here.
Loved the Admantium.
Loved the using of heat vision to melt the lead, (duh, why didn't anybody else think of that, and yes I read your notes and I agree that it is really stupid that Superman couldn't melt lead...)
Loved the telepathic stuff.
Loved how you made Trask looked really unhinged.
Loved how you made Kryptonite even more of a health hazard.
Would love to see more of this universe.
James
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Beat Reporter
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Beat Reporter
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I'm sorry for the delay in replying - I just found this tonight (um, morning). I'm so glad you liked it. I know I said it in the author's notes already, but it's worth repeating - my husband came up with both the Adamantium and the melt-the-box trick, and I reacted the same way to the box-melting. "I can't believe I never thought of that!"
I always thought someone like Trask was at least border-line mentally ill in some way due to his casual dismissal of the value of others' lives. And I thought, how much scarier would he be if he was transparently and increasingly psychotic rather than just without a conscience?
I haven't really thought about revisiting this universe... But maybe I should. Hmmmmm...
TicAndToc :o)
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"I have six locks on my door all in a row. When I go out, I lock every other one. I figure no matter how long somebody stands there picking the locks, they are always locking three."
-Elayne Boosler
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Posts: 3,660 Likes: 10
Pulitzer
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Pulitzer
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Posts: 3,660 Likes: 10 |
Oh my goodness!
For years I had wanted to write something about reading this story and now I FINALLY get a chance.
This particular fic is one of my favorite LnC stories. Every once in a while I sit down to read it and have to smile. Beautifully written. Lois starts out as lonely and rather isolated, which is understandable considering she has a whale of a secret. Mama was a character whose presence was felt throughout the story long after she was gone. But her calmy taught lessons about 'noisy' ears and powerful eyes kept a little girl from being frightened. I loved how Lois trained herself to handle each aspect of her powers as they emerged. The scenes with her hair and nails had me laughing! Especially with the short haircut! Hello Tank!
Years go by, she takes out Claude in a very satisfying manner! Eduardo and his wife become nice acquaintances and of course Perry is always at the helm. Despite that she is still alone, not only in the newsroom, but also in life. It takes a certain good looking man with the sunrise-in-the-sky smile to make her life slowly change.
For those of you new to FoLC, if you get a chance, go to the archives, find and read this amazing story. I promise you it will not disappoint.
Morgana
A writer's job is to think of new plots and create characters who stay with you long after the final page has been read. If that mission is accomplished than we have done what we set out to do, which is to entertain and hopefully educate.
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