Thanks to LaraMoon, my amazing beta
From Part 13
“Talk to Becca,” Martha interrupted his thoughts softly. “And tell Lois how you feel about her. You will see that everything will just fall into place.”
“When you say it, it sounds so easy, Mom.” Clark sighed. “But I don’t think I really have the heart to tell Becca.”
“You can’t expect her to accept this easily. Of course she will cry and fight. She will tell you that she hates you and that she would rather run off than to share you with Lois. She will need time, Clark. But in the end she will see that accepting Lois is best for both of you.”
Serendipitous Infinity
Part 14
The rest of the evening went on without any noticeable events. The four Kents had dinner together with their guest. Lois enjoyed the company of Clark’s parents immensely. She now understood how Clark had come to be the man that he was. In Smallville, he was even more relaxed than she had ever seen him in Metropolis. His smile was a little bit broader and the twinkling in his eyes a bit brighter. His mother told some tales of his childhood, which seemed to embarrass him, but it didn’t suffice to make him lose his good humor.
Lois learned that Clark had taken his stuffed animal to bed until the age of twelve and how crushed he had been when the animal had dissolved into a thousand pieces because of old age. She heard more about Lily and the time they had spent in Clark’s fortress of solitude, a tree house where he found refuge whenever he had needed to be alone. Lois got the strange impression that Clark hid from the world more often than a regular teenager. She couldn’t really understand why. Clark didn’t seem to be a solitary person. He made friends easily.
Clark Kent was surely the most fascinating person she had ever had the pleasure to know. Had she actually called him a Hack from Nowheresville? That had been in another life, said by another Lois. He was anything but boring. Whenever she thought that she had finally figured him out, she learnt something about Clark that didn’t match up to her view of him. She hadn’t known about the more serious sides of him.
It was a nice evening and Lois couldn’t remember when she had ever felt so comfortable with a family. Clark’s parents were almost too good to be true, but even the great investigative reporter Lois Lane couldn’t sense any dark secrets in this idyllic family. They shared a lighthearted conversation in which all of them were involved. Even Becca didn’t stay out of it like it happened to so many children. Lois remembered the times she had been sitting at the table with her parents. Lucy and she had to stay quiet whenever her dad invited someone for dinner. They would talk about subjects that Lois wasn’t able to understand, anyway.
After dinner, Becca desperately tried to stifle her yawns. Clark suggested that she should go to bed. Whenever they stayed in Smallville, Becca slept on a daybed in his bedroom. They had agreed on Becca sharing his room with Lois. She could as well have moved over to her grandparents, but Jonathan was a terrible snorer. Martha had gotten accustomed to it over the years. But for the little girl it would have been pure torture. Becca protested but gave up quickly as both her grandparents offered to take her to bed. She started to smile at the prospect and got up quickly. Becca rushed over to her father, kissed him good night and then went up with her grand parents. Suddenly Lois and Clark were alone in the living room.
“Would… would you like to go for a walk, Lois?” Clark asked shyly. His face was slightly flushed and he didn’t really look at her. The whole situation was incredibly awkward. They hadn’t been on their own since the previous evening back in the Daily Planet. Though they had sort of made up again, there were still unresolved issues between them. Lois agreed willingly to Clark’s suggestion and went to fetch her coat.
She felt they needed to define what their relationship was. The kiss hadn’t left her mind; she kept reliving it over and over again. Was she going crazy? Never before had she felt this attracted to a man. She hardly knew Clark, but she had the strange impression that she had known him for a long time. It was confusing and oddly comforting to be with him. But while she was thinking about the kind man next to her, Superman’s face never left her thoughts. She had seen his loneliness. He needed someone, a friend and someone to love him, someone who was able to make him feel at ease on this earth. He was so distant when he did all the things to save people, but Lois had seen his longing to belong. He desperately tried to hide it, didn’t stay anywhere long enough for others to see it, but Lois had had the chance to see this side of him. He needed someone; he needed her.
Lois and Clark left the farmhouse and stepped out into the cold winter night. Snow was covering the fields and scrunched under their feet as they walked. For a while, neither of them said anything and Lois used the time to have a look at the impressively cloudless sky that was littered with a myriad of stars. Even the misty band of the Milky Way was visible. Lois wasn’t sure she had ever seen it before, maybe she had but it had never been this beautiful. Sharing the view with a man that she deeply cared for was increasing the pleasure.
“Clark, can we please talk about the other night?” Lois asked, surprised by her own nerve to actually discuss this. She was afraid that Clark might say something that she didn’t want to hear. That he would either be angry or apologize, or even worse, say that it had been a mistake.
He answered with a careful “Yes.”
What she could see of his face conveyed a jumble of different emotions. His voice was hoarse and she could hear him swallowing. Lois assumed that Clark was afraid as well. That eased her mind a bit, though not completely. She didn’t know yet what he was afraid of.
“Did you want to kiss me?” Lois had been thinking about this for quite some time. It had worried her, caused her a sleepless night and had left her unable to eat anything for breakfast this morning. Clark stopped walking and stared at her. He looked at her uneasily and mostly like he didn’t know the answer. He opened his mouth and closed it again. He ran his hand through his hair in a nervous gesture and took a few deep breaths, before he said something.
“I… I didn’t plan it, Lois, if it’s that what you thinking. But… but I guess you can say that I wanted to,” he muttered self-consciously.
Lois felt her heart rate increase though he hadn’t actually said anything that gave her a clue as to how he interpreted this. Had it been just a kiss or had it been the beginning of more? It sent jolts of hope through her that he might feel for her what she felt for him. On the other hand, this was a rather ridiculous idea, since Lois wasn’t so sure what it actually was that she felt for him. A huge lump built up in her throat, reminding her of the fact that Clark wasn’t the only man in her life. Oh, this was just plain crazy. Lois tried to swallow the lump, but it remained stubbornly in place.
“Good, I mean… I wasn’t sure, I…” she started babbling. Sensing it was taking her nowhere, Lois fell silent for a moment and gathered all her courage to ask the question that was really bugging her. “Clark, what is going on between us?”
Her voice was barely above a whisper, she was flustered by her own nerve to ask something like that. What kind of answer was she expecting? Did she really believe that Clark had the right answers? He didn’t even know about her inner conflict. He probably had conflicts of his own. Lois already regretted having asked. She looked down to her feet and noticed with astonishment that this Clark Kent was doing strange things to her. She behaved out of character, she felt insecure, there was barely anything left of Lois Lane - the award-winning journalist. Right now, she felt like a teenager. For Heaven’s sake, it wasn’t the first time in her life that she was talking to a guy, but why did it feel like that? She looked up into Clark’s deep brown eyes, as if she was going to find the answer there.
“I… I’m not sure, Lois,” he replied hoarsely. “This is confusing me as well, because I don’t know how to deal with this. But I think you are right. We should talk about it instead of beating around the bush. I don’t know what is going on, but there is one thing I know for sure.” He stopped speaking and looked at her somewhat helplessly as if he lacked the words to tell her what he knew. Lois could tell from the expression on his face, that he was terribly afraid. His lower lip trembled and he swallowed once more before he finally continued. “I… I’m in love with you, Lois,” he muttered and met her gaze briefly, before he looked away.
Lois mouth fell open and she stared at him, disbelievingly. She was completely unable to speak. Lois had most definitely not bargained for that answer. His confession invited a whole slew of different opinions to raise their voice. One of them was happily pleading Lois to reply *I love you, too.* Another one was asking * What about Superman?* A third begged her to forget about the flashy hero, because the man in front of her wouldn’t fly away. A voice that was almost identical to her mother’s warned her that she hardly knew Clark and that she couldn’t trust men. Old memories of Paul and Claude surfaced. They had taught her that her mother’s view wasn’t all that wrong.
“But you… you hardly know me,” Lois protested weakly against the growing need to press herself against him. She wanted to kiss him again, to fall in his arms, oblivious of the problems this might cause.
“I don’t know why I feel this way. I’ve tried to deny it; I kept telling myself that this isn’t a good idea for various reasons. But I can help it, Lois.” He reached towards her and brushed away a strand of her hair that had fallen into her face. Then he cupped her cheek in such a comforting gesture that Lois could only hold her breath. The warmth of his soft palm was setting her face on fire and slowly spread heat throughout her entire body. When she finally remembered that breathing might be a good idea, it was shallow and erratic.
As soon as Clark noticed what he was doing he withdrew his hand as if he had burnt himself and looked at her apologetically.
“I’m sorry,” he muttered shyly. His face had to have a deep shade of red, but Lois couldn’t tell for sure. It was too dark.
“Don’t be,” she said softly and took his hand in hers. “Clark, I want to be honest with you. I… don’t know where this comes from, but I’ve never felt more comfortable with any man. You mean a whole lot to me, you’re my friend. My best friend, I should say. And I… I feel very attracted to you.” Lois breathed heavily. Had she really said that? Was she still the same Lois she had been in the last twenty-six years?
Clark stared at her, dumbfounded. That was some admission for his partner. What had Jimmy said, seemingly ages ago? It really had been just a month, but for Clark it was like another lifetime. *Lois doesn’t date at all, forget about her.* Those weren’t his exact words, but it was close. She looked incredibly vulnerable as she said this, as if lighting was going to strike her, punishing her because she dared give that away. Lois shivered in the cold air and Clark wanted nothing more than to hold her. He wanted to soothe her, tell her that whatever trouble she feared to have invited wasn’t going to come.
“But I’m not sure what to think of this, Clark. I know that you hide things from me. For some reason you don’t tell me what’s really bothering you. You give me weak excuses and you obviously think that there are things that I don’t deserve to know. You keep shying away all of the sudden when it comes to topics that might be painful.” Lois voiced her doubts.
Clark could tell that she was speaking of Lily’s death. But he was hardly able to think about it, much less discuss it. However, he was aware that if he was planning to start anything serious with Lois, he should tell her the truth. And that meant the whole truth, not only what Lois already suspected that he was hiding. He bit his lips. *Lois, I’m Superman* Oh, yeah, this way it would definitely work just fine. *Lois, I knew the whole time who has saved you from that fire, I just thought that I’d rather keep that knowledge to myself. You see, I liked watching you chase after shadows.* That was definitely going to make her say the favored words: *Clark Kent, I love you.* He sighed unhappily.
“And… and there is this other man.” Lois added as he didn’t say anything. “I feel attracted to him as well.”
Clark’s world fell apart. His heart missed several beats and his blood ran cold as he heard her say the words. Cold sweat stood on his forehead. How was Clark “my-life’s-a-mess” Kent going to compete with whomever it was that Lois liked as well? Assumingly it was Mr. Perfect, a guy with no family and problems. Whoever it was, Clark didn’t stand a chance, so much was certain. But who could Lois have met? They had been working together closely. He had never even heard her mention another man. Or was it… could it be?
“There is?” he asked breathlessly.
“Superman,” she admitted hoarsely, obviously embarrassed by her own boldness to consider herself as a worthy partner for a Superhero.
Clark stared at her, his mind completely blank. He didn’t have a rival, given that he could hardly compete with himself. But how was he going to explain to her that there wasn’t another man? He would either destroy Clark Kent or Superman when he told her. Had he really ever thought that putting on that Suit was going to solve any problems? This whole situation was ridiculous and he needed to tell Lois the truth. But he was afraid; it was not like he had actually done that before. Becca had found out on her own and Clark didn’t want to relive that nightmare with Lois. Through the haze of his mind, he heard Lois’ voice. She had obviously seen his shock, but her interpretation was naturally wrong.
“It’s not his powers, Clark,” she assured him, maybe in an attempt to make him see that he had a chance against the hero. “He seems so lonely, so lost. He needs a friend, Clark and I feel that I’d be able to help him. He helps people but asks for nothing in return. This is eating him inside, Clark. He needs someone to talk to, someone who loves him, who sees the human being beneath the cape. A soul can get hurt despite all this invulnerability. You’ve got a family and an amazing daughter, but he is alone. I think he needs me more than you probably do. And I don’t know which of you is dearer to me, Clark.”
“Oh, Lois, my dear Lois,” Clark whispered helplessly and pulled her into an embrace. He didn’t know what to say, he could just inhale the scent of her hair. He tried to imprint this moment into the depth of his memory, to make sure he still had it just in case that he wasn’t able to do this ever again.
“Clark!” Lois muttered in protest. By the sound of her voice, he could tell that tears were filling her eyes. Her hands were pressed against his chest, as if she was trying to get away from him, but she didn’t actually push, obviously indecisive.
He had to end her struggle. He knew that this was probably going to be painful for her, but it surely couldn’t be as bad as having to decide between two men. He loosened his embrace and stepped back until she was at arm’s length.
Lois felt Clark’s withdrawal. She knew that this must have hurt him incredibly. He had confessed his love for her and she told him right away that there was another man. He surely deserved to know that, but she could have been gentler. It surely hadn’t been easy for him to say that and Lois felt flattered and unbelievably excited.
“I appreciate that you were so honest with me,” he said hoarsely. His voice was low, trembling really, overwhelmed with emotion. “There… there is something I need to tell you. I…” he stopped and ran his fingers through his hair while he seemed to be trying to find the right words. His gaze met hers for a moment, before he looked away again with an almost embarrassed expression on his face. Lois was getting scared. What was he going to tell her that had him so flustered? Could there be anything even bigger than*Lois, I love you* For a guy, anyway?
“Oh, this shouldn’t be so hard,” he muttered. “I wish I had tried this in front of the mirror, though.” He bit his lip and cracked a weak smile. Lois was beginning to freeze in the cold air. Particularly since he had robbed her of his body heat. She shivered.
“Clark?” she asked as she saw him struggling with his fate. “Come on, spit it out, it can’t be that bad.” She tried to encourage him.
“Well, maybe it isn’t. That’s your decision anyway. Before I say this, I need your word that you are never going to tell anyone. It’s important that this stays a secret, for your own sake as well as mine and Becca’s, too.” Clark’s voice was firm now, revealing how serious he was. Lois nodded her consent. He nodded as well and took a deep breath. “Lois, I’m Superman.”
She could only stare at him, flabbergasted. This couldn’t be true. He was leading her on, figuring that this as the only way to make sure she chose Clark over his rival. Hadn’t he understood that though he was very human, Clark stood a chance against the hero? That the powers didn’t matter to her? They looked a bit alike. Both had dark hair and about the same stature. Clark’s body was rather muscular, though he kept hiding that underneath his dark suits. But it was nevertheless impossible. Superman had arrived on earth a few weeks ago, while Clark Kent had been born here.
Lois shook her head. Superman hadn’t actually told her when he had arrived exactly. She just assumed that it had been only recently. And Clark wouldn’t have wanted it to be public knowledge that he wasn’t born on earth, assuming that this was really true. Clark being Superman would explain some things. Superman couldn’t easily fly out to do rescues in the middle of the night, if he had to care for a seven-year-old girl. It could be a reason why Clark disappeared now and again and why he had no good excuses for it.
Clark’s heart was beating so loud that he feared people in Wichita might hear it. Lois’ silence was deafening; the tension it provoked unbearable. Clark wanted her to say something, no matter if he was going to like it or not. He couldn’t stand it anymore, but he forced himself to be patient. Lois had every right to be shocked. She needed time to come to terms with this.
“Clark, don’t lie to me,” Lois whispered hoarsely. She didn’t believe him, maybe didn’t want to.
“I wouldn’t lie to you, Lois,” he replied weakly. “Do you remember your last encounter with Superman? You kissed his cheek… you kissed my cheek,” he corrected himself. “And I wanted to kiss you back, so badly. But you stepped away. I heard you singing this wonderful lullaby when I was floating above my terrace. You were singing it to yourself.”
Lois was silent for a while, but Clark was pretty sure that the truth of his words had sunk in. Again, he waited for her to speak. It was killing him slowly. His life was in her hands, she had the power to decide whether to crush him or to make him the happiest man alive. Waiting for his sentence was one of the most difficult tasks that he had ever had to face.
“It was you,” she said suddenly, still not giving him the answer that he longed for. The glance he gave her in return was obviously puzzled enough for her to explain herself. “You saved me from that fire, even though you told me you didn’t.”
“Yes, I saved you,” he admitted. “Clark saved you. I wasn’t Superman then. I couldn’t tell you the truth. I had only known you for a couple of days. I wasn’t sure whether I could trust you. If I had told you it was Superman, this would have gotten me in trouble. Why didn’t Superman extinguish the fire? And why did a normal man claim to be the savior when he really wasn’t? I begged the police to remain anonymous. Becca and I had just moved to Metropolis the day before. I have been moving around a lot, because I kept doing such rescues and Becca was the one who suffered. I can’t let my girl suffer just because I am an alien, or whatever it is that I actually am. I’m sorry, Lois.” He said softly. “I never meant to hurt you.”
She just kept on staring at him. Telling her his secret was supposed to solve Lois’ problems, since there weren’t two men anymore, only one. But he couldn’t expect her to accept this so easily. He had deceived her and all he could do was hope that she would forgive him eventually. He had to go through this now. He would have the patience to wait or the strength to let her go, whatever was necessary to make Lois happy.
“How can I be sure that I know you, Clark?” Lois whispered.
“You got to know Clark Kent minus the powers. I’ve been hiding them all my life, only when I came to Metropolis did I find a way to reveal them without losing my private life. I should have known that the number of crimes in a city is so incredibly high. The sirens kept me up all night; they still do sometimes. But Superman allows me to help; he is what I can do, not who I really am.” He paused briefly to look at her again. “I understand that you have to think about this first. And I see that you’re cold so we should probably go back inside now. I will accept whatever decision you make. If you ask me to never see you again, then I will leave. I can’t promise however, that I wouldn’t save you as Superman, I love you too much to let you suffer if you got in trouble.”
“I wouldn’t ask you to go, Clark. Just give me some time, please. Do Becca and your parents know about this?” Lois asked.
“Yes, they do. And I will tell them that I’ve told you as well,” Clark replied.
They wandered back to the farmhouse in silence, both of them lost in thought.
to be continued...
