Lois & Clark Forums Forums Fan Fiction Lois & Clark Fanfic Stardust (19/20)

From Part 18:

“Do you really believe me?” she asked.

“I...Lois, I....” He raked his fingers through his hair.

“You don’t,” she said flatly. “You were just saying that to be nice.”

“No! It’s not that. I do believe you, I swear. I just wish I could...make this right somehow. I want to...to...do something, but I’m not sure...what’s the right thing to do.”

She gave him a little smile. “You don’t have to do anything, Clark. None of this is your fault.”

He looked, if possible, even more miserable, and she thought it was very sweet that he was so concerned for her. It felt good to have someone on her side, even if there wasn’t much he could do except support her. She stood on tiptoe and kissed his cheek.

“Lois, could we go somewhere?” he blurted, reaching up to brush his fingers across the spot where her lips had just been. “Somewhere where we could be alone?”

“Oh, I’d love that, and I know we were supposed to have dinner tonight, but I really can’t.” She gave him a regretful look and hoped he could see how sincerely she wished they could spend some quiet time alone together. “I need to get this story written, and then I really, really want to get out of these smoky clothes and take a long bath. Could we do it tomorrow, maybe?”

“Uh, yeah,” he said, shoving his hands in his pockets and stepping back, putting distance between them. “I guess...tomorrow will be fine.”

______________________________

Part 19:


Clark hovered in the clouds over the Daily Planet building, shutting his eyes against the night-time glare of Metropolis sprawled out beneath him and imagining instead the small, disheveled woman he’d left working in the quiet newsroom.

He shouldn’t have left her. He shouldn’t have let her put him off. He should have insisted that they go somewhere where they could talk, where he could tell her the truth. But he’d let her send him away, and at the depths of his cowardly heart, he knew that he’d wanted to be sent away. Hell, he’d almost run when given the chance. Because while he’d convinced himself that rescuing her in the suit was the best solution at the time, he hadn’t convinced himself that it was going to all work out in the end. And that moment – that moment when he told her who and what he really was – was one he would never be able to take back.

He knew he had to tell her, of course, but he had no idea how he should go about it, or – and this was terrifying – what her response would be. She’d said the flying man was the biggest news story ever. How much bigger would the story be when she found out that he was an alien? That the flying was only one of his strange abilities? Would she understand his need for secrecy, or would her passion for printing the truth win out over her feelings for Clark Kent?

He wanted to believe that she’d protect him, even at the cost of a story, but she hadn’t exactly been predictable during the short time they’d known one another. And then, on the heels of that thought, came a tidal wave of guilt for doubting her. He loved her and he was fairly certain she loved him. Of course she would understand, would protect him. He should just tell her the truth. He should just go right back into that newsroom and tell her.

The very thought, however, inspired old feelings of fear – feelings so deeply ingrained that he wondered if he’d ever shake them. Flight. That was the urge those feelings inspired. Flight, which for him was both a literal and figurative concept. Whenever someone got too close, Clark Kent flew away. Started over. Began again in a new country, a new town, a new paper. A few polite excuses, a few white lies, and he was off, never to be seen again. Starting over had become his specialty, but each flight diminished him. Each flight left him a little poorer, a little more out of step with humanity. He didn’t just leave places behind; he left people, people who might have had the potential to be real friends had they ever been allowed inside the heavily-guarded perimeter of his life. Instead he’d walked among them for a short time, taking care to leave no footprints, no marks, nothing that might be remembered. And when he left, he had a few new articles in his portfolio – articles about people he didn’t really know and hadn’t really touched. He’d observed, that’s all. He’d spent his life as an observer, his nose pressed to an invisible pane of glass, searching for a place where he could be more. A place where he could belong.

But Metropolis was different. He had a feeling that if he left this time, he’d be giving up every dream he’d ever had of a normal life. Because this was the place and the life he’d been searching for. He’d known it since he first stepped off that bus and onto a busy Metropolis Street. He’d known it since he walked into the Daily Planet newsroom for the first time. He’d known it since the first moment he held Wanda Detroit in his arms. It had seemed confusing and contradictory at first, but this was the life he was meant to live. So while every instinct cried out for flight, his heart was keeping him pinned to that piece of sky just over Metropolis. His heart was telling him that his life was down there, and if he left it, if he ran away from it, there would be no starting over again for Clark Kent. There would only be an alien in a blue suit with a mysterious S on his chest – a person he wasn’t sure he even knew how to be.

He drifted, letting the wind buffet him this way and that, but always keeping the Daily Planet in sight. He pictured Lois as she’d been when he’d left. She’d been sitting at her desk, working on her story, and he’d watched as she’d reached up and brushed a strand of hair out of her eyes... watched as she shifted wearily in her chair as she checked her notes. Her brows had been knitted together in thought, and he had wanted to kiss away those lines on her forehead, to massage away the tension in her posture. Instead, he’d given a quick wave in her direction – a wave he was certain she hadn’t even seen – and escaped to the stairwell. Seconds later, he’d been up in the sky. His very own personal hiding place.

He glanced back down at the Planet building. He was farther away from it now, but it was still in view, the venerable old globe seeming to keep watch over the busy Metropolis street. It would be so easy to go back, to wait on her to finish her story, to insist that they needed to talk. He could see her home... make her a cup of tea. Take care of her. That was what he should do. And then he should tell her the truth.

She’d been so tightly bound to that pole. He had seen red marks on her wrists where the straps they’d used to tie her had bitten into her flesh. And Baines had had a gun, Lois said. She’d been held at gunpoint that night, tied up, and left to die in an explosion. And then a flying man had come out of nowhere and rescued her before disappearing into thin air, confusing her and subjecting her to ridicule in the process. He had to tell her that he was that man. He had to tell her the truth. But did it have to be right now? Did it really have to be this night, which had already been stressful enough for both them, when he told her that her new boyfriend was an alien?

Surely it didn’t. Surely he was only looking to assuage his own guilt. She was working on her story... busy. She’d had a long, hard day. He would know when the time was right to tell her, he thought, just as he’d known when the time was right to make his debut in the suit.

And whatever might come of it, he couldn’t bring himself to regret that decision. Not when the result was a living, breathing Lois Lane. He thought of how naturally she’d gone into his arms when she got back to the Planet, how right it had felt to be the one to comfort her, and he knew that this time, he wouldn’t fly away, wouldn’t go back to being a mere observer. He couldn’t. It might all end in disaster – he could think of ten such scenarios off the top of his head – but he couldn’t fly away from the promise of Metropolis. Of the Daily Planet. Of Lois Lane.

He wouldn’t give up Clark Kent’s life without a fight.

_________________________________

Lois was greeted by cheers when she walked into the newsroom the next morning, and Clark was first in line to hand her a cup of coffee and congratulate her on the story that blazed forth from the front page of the Daily Planet. It was a big story, an important story, and she had nearly died for it. She deserved every accolade, he thought, content to step back and watch her bask in the limelight.

And she wasn’t the only one: Jimmy was back, having been released into Perry’s care the night before, and he was enjoying his part in the adventure, the story growing a little each time he told it.

“No, I wasn’t scared,” he bragged, smiling at a young advertising intern. “I was just concerned about getting the truth. The colonist launch is going up today, you know, and if it wasn’t for Lois and me, all those people could have died.”

Lois glanced at Clark over the rim of her coffee cup, and he could tell that she was smothering a grin. He smiled back at her, and she sidled over to him.

“Jimmy’s enjoying this,” she murmured.

“And you’re not?” he teased. “Biggest story of the year?”

“Well...just a little,” she admitted. “But the nearly-being-killed part I could have lived without. Jimmy got to sleep through all that...not that you’d ever know it to hear him tell it.”

Clark laughed. “Thank goodness he was there.”

“Yeah...my hero. The way he laid there on that floor. It was inspiring, I tell ya.” She turned serious then. “But there was a real hero last night, Clark, and I want to know who he was. He flew straight into that helicopter explosion, though, and I’m afraid...what if he died? What if he died right after saving me, and I can never even thank him? I’ve been trying to remember...I don’t think I even said thank you. I was just so shocked, you know, but I should have thanked him.”

Clark felt his guts twisting inside him. You did thank me, he thought, but of course he couldn’t say that out loud.

He couldn’t say anything. Couldn’t reassure her at all. She thought he had died. She though her ‘hero’ had been killed, when in fact he was standing next to her, sipping coffee with cream and two sugars. But it wasn’t the time to tell her that – not with so many people around. Even a trip to the stairwell was too risky when he had no way of predicting her response. What if she yelled? Or ran away from him? What if she went straight to Perry and told him she’d been right, that Clark Kent was bad news...or good news...front page news?”

“I just spoke to ground control over at EPRAD,” Perry said, joining them. “They spent the night going back over the colonist launch vehicle with a fine tooth comb and discovered the same coolant problem in the protective bands that caused the Messenger explosion. They’ve got it fixed now, and the launch is all set for this afternoon. Good work, Lois.”

“Thanks, Chief,” she said. She was trying to play it cool, but Clark could tell that she was delighted with herself. She wasn’t actually saying, ‘I told you so,’ but she didn’t have to. Her ‘I told you so’ was splashed all over the front page of the paper.

“There’s more.” Perry looked like he was about to break into a jig. “To show their gratitude, they’re going to let you be the only reporter to board with the colonists. You’ll have to leave before the final countdown, of course, but you can get some last quotes from them for tomorrow’s edition.”

“Hey!” Clark exclaimed. “That’s incredible! Congratulations, Lois.”

“Thanks,” she said, giving him a smile so dazzling it made his heart flip-flop in his chest. “Listen, why don’t you come with me? I’ll interview the colonists, and you can work the crowd outside. We’ll write it up together.”

He froze, for a moment too surprised to answer. She wanted to work with him! She was opening that door, letting him into her professional life. And it was more than just that, he knew. She was telling him that she trusted him not to betray her as Claude had, not to break her heart. And he was both elated and devastated.

Because he didn’t deserve her trust, did he? He’d deceived her...was still deceiving her. And the rock-bottom truth was that he wanted to keep right on deceiving her. He didn’t want to throw up roadblocks of honesty, not when things were finally going so well.

She thought her mysterious hero had died. It would be so simple to let her go right on thinking that. The events of the previous night would eventually fade in her memory. The edges would soften, would blur, and the man in the blue suit and red cape would start to feel like a dream that ebbs away with the dawn.

But Clark would be right back where he started, hiding his abilities not only from the world but from the woman he loved. And he knew he couldn’t do it. Not forever; and with Lois Lane, he wanted forever. The blue suit and everything it stood for was terrifying, but it was his best hope of staying in Metropolis, of staying with Lois. He had to wear the suit again, and he had to tell Lois he was doing it.

But he didn’t have to like it.

An old longing pierced him, like a past injury flaring up, startling him with remembered pain. He’d thought he’d conquered it, thought he’d laid the futile desire for normalcy to rest, but no...it was still there, just waiting to attack him at vulnerable moments. How he wished he actually could be what he seemed. He wished he could give Lois a farmer’s son from Kansas instead of a foundling from Krypton. In the end, he was both, of course, but he knew that he would always be more defined by his differences – or maybe it was just that he would always define himself that way.

“Clark?” she said, and he saw the hurt flash across her face before she masked it with a look of indifference. It had taken a lot for her to make that offer, he knew, and his reaction had been completely wrong.

“I’d love to work with you,” he said quickly, almost tripping over the words in his haste to get them out. “That would be...incredible, Lois.”

“Sounds like a fine idea to me,” Perry boomed, clapping him on the back. “I always did think the two of you would make a good team.”

Clark smiled to himself, remembering perfectly well that Perry hadn’t thought Clark Kent would last two weeks. But it didn’t matter now. “Thanks, Chief,” he said, giving Lois a significant look. “I’ve always thought so, too.”

Lois rolled her eyes at him, but he was sure he saw the slightest tinge of a blush on her cheek. Perry laughed and shot him a wink and seemed on the verge of saying something else when Cat Grant insinuated herself into their little group.

“Well, well, well, Lois,” she said, offering her hand. “It seems congratulations are in order.”

Lois’s eyes narrowed suspiciously, and she shook the proffered hand as quickly as she could. “Thanks.”

“But I want to hear the real story,” Cat continued, threading her arm through Clark’s and leaning into his side. “I want to hear about this mysterious blue man who supposedly flew in to rescue you.”

Lois tensed and shot a reproving look at Perry.

“Don’t look at me,” he protested, holding up his hands in a gesture of innocence. “I expect that’s your leak over there.” He nodded in the direction of Jimmy, who was still holding court with several young female employees.

Lois let out a hiss of breath. “He wasn’t a blue man. He was wearing a blue suit.”

“Like Clark’s here, you mean?” She smoothed one hand down Clark’s lapel, which wasn’t even blue, he thought with irritation. It was dark grey. He didn’t even own a blue suit... well, except for the one he’d worn the night before.

As politely as he could, he removed her hand and disentangled himself from her grasp. Not only did he not appreciate her obvious attempt to needle Lois, but he didn’t much want Lois associating her hero from the night before with Clark Kent. Eventually, yes, but not right then, in the middle of the crowded newsroom.

“No, not like Clark’s. It was...tight...like a ski suit or something. And he wore a red cape over it, and....” Her brow furrowed in thought. “I just remembered! He was wearing red underwear.”

Clark closed his eyes briefly in an agony of embarrassment – he was never going to speak to his mother again, he really wasn’t – while Cat tossed her hair over her shoulder and gave a shout of throaty laughter. “You must have really hit it off if you were showing each other your underwear. Are you sure you want Clark to know about that?”

“His underwear was on the outside of his suit,” Lois snapped. “I don’t know why. Maybe it’s the custom where he comes from.”

“And just where does he come from?” Cat persisted. “Did you exchange addresses? Give him your phone number?”

“I have no idea. But he can’t be from here. I haven’t noticed a lot of the men around here flying, have you?”

“Lois, I don’t know what you’re up to with this, but you need to give it up,” Perry said sternly. “This business about the flying man isn’t going to do your credibility as a reporter a bit of good.”

Lois wheeled on him, her eyes snapping fire. “Don’t you dare question my integrity as a reporter! I’ve never knowingly printed a word that wasn’t the truth, and you know it. But I’m also not going to lie just because you don’t happen to like the truth. It happened. I can’t explain it, but it happened. And unless he died last night, somewhere out there is a man in a blue suit who can fly.”

“Ri-ight,” Cat drawled. “Well, when he sees Elvis, you should have him get Perry an autograph.”

Clark saw Lois’s cheeks flame, though whether it was from anger or embarrassment he wasn’t sure. But he hated it, whatever it was. He hated that she was being ridiculed over something he had done.

“I’ve seen him, too,” he blurted.

Three pairs of eyes stared at him.

“I’ve, uh, seen the man Lois is talking about. She’s telling the truth. He really can fly.”

“You’ve seen him,” Perry repeated.

“Uh, yeah. The other night. I was out for a walk, and....” His mind scrambled around for something to say. Something that couldn’t be proved or disproved. Something close enough to the truth that he could make it believable. “The guy Lois was talking about helped after a car accident,” he finished. It was almost the truth, he consoled himself. It would have been the truth if he’d remembered to change.

Perry gave him a look of undisguised disbelief. “He did, huh? What did he do, exactly?”

“He, um, couldn’t do very much. He pulled the door off the car and checked on the driver. That was all I could see. He, uh, left when the paramedics came.”

“And where did this happen?” Perry asked.

He couldn’t tell him that. The accident would be on record, and Clark himself was listed as the witness who had checked the driver. “I...don’t remember. I’d wandered around a lot that night. Somewhere on the South side.”

“I see. So you were somewhere you can’t remember when you saw a flying man in a blue suit help out at an accident scene. Is there some reason you didn’t think this was newsworthy?”

Cat snickered, and Clark shot her a dark look. “I, um, didn’t think you’d believe me.”

“Because it’s a load of hogwash,” Lois said impatiently. “Look, Clark, it’s not that I don’t appreciate what you’re trying to do, but I don’t need you to make up stories to protect me. I know what happened to me last night, and I don’t care if nobody else on Earth believes me.”

“I’m not making it up, and I do believe you. I already told you that. It sounds like you’re the one who doesn’t believe me.”

“No, all right? I don’t believe you. If you’d really seen this guy, why wouldn’t you have said so last night when I first mentioned him to you and Perry?”

It was a good question, and one that he had no good answer for. “I just…didn’t.”

“I rest my case.”

“Lois, why are you mad at me?” he demanded, irritated at her for making this harder on him, when he’d been trying to make things easier for her. “I’m the only one here who’s on your side.”

“Which proves what they say about love being blind,” Cat drawled.

Lois whirled on her. “Don’t you have some muck to rake somewhere?”

“I was trying to get the big story of the flying man. Is it my fault the only witness is unreliable?”

“All right, all right,” Perry said, stepping in when it was obvious that Lois was on the verge of going into orbit. “That’s enough. Cat, Lois, both of you get to work. Kent, I want to see you in my office.”

“Me?” Clark said, his voice rising embarrassingly.

Perry was already on his way to his office. “There anyone else named Kent here?” he tossed over his shoulder.

“Uh, no, sir.” Clark followed behind the editor, giving Lois a quick look before he left. She looked furious, and he sighed.

He loved her... but boy, she was difficult.

_____________________________________


He crossed to Perry’s office and was ushered inside, the door closed quickly behind him.

“Sit,” Perry said, gesturing at the chair.

Clark sat. He was reminded somehow of his dreadful first morning at the Planet, when Perry had chewed him out for something he’d known nothing about.

Perry settled into his office chair and fixed Clark with a stern look. “I know you and Lois...the two of you are...well hell. I guess I don’t know. One minute you were telling me you’d never met her, and the next you were telling me it was love at first sight. One minute she was telling me you were bad news, and the next she was kissing you on Luthor’s balcony. I gotta tell you, Kent, it’s the strangest courtship I’ve ever seen.”

Clark smiled a little at that. “It hasn’t exactly been typical, sir. I’ll grant you that. But I...we’re....”

Perry waved a dismissive hand. “It’s obvious you’re both head-over-heels, no matter how you got there. That’s not really my business. But I told you on your first day that I expected honesty from my employees. Now, I’ve been willing to overlook the fact that you lied to me that day, but I don’t want you making a habit of it. No matter how you feel about Lois, I don’t want you lying to protect her, you hear me?”

Clark stiffened. “I’ve never lied to you.”

“So when you told me you and Lois had never met...?”

“That was....” Clark licked his lips nervously. “That was a misunderstanding.”

“A misunderstanding. You want to explain how you could misunderstand a thing like that?”

He thought about it for a moment. “No, sir,” he said finally. “I don’t.”

Perry huffed and leaned back in his chair. It creaked ominously in the silence of the room. “That’s the best you can do?”

“That’s all I’m going to say about it, sir.”

The editor sighed. “Kent...you seem like a nice fellow, and from what I’ve seen so far, you’re a good reporter. I can make you a better one. Don’t throw this chance away.”

Clark felt sick. Surely he wasn’t going to lose everything now – not over this. “Perry, I’ve never knowingly lied to you. I can see why you would think that I did, but I didn’t. I can’t explain about Lois. I’m sorry – I just can’t. But I can tell you that the man she says rescued her last night does exist. I’ve seen him.”

“Blue suit, cape, underwear-on-the-outside? You’ve seen this?”

It was all Clark could do to keep from cringing, but he kept his gaze steady as he answered, “Yes, sir.”

Perry sighed again and rubbed his temples. “All right, Kent. Get outta here. Get back to work.”

____________________________________


Clark trudged out of Perry’s office and was immediately accosted by Lois, who obviously had been waiting for him.

“Conference room,” she snapped, grabbing his arm and tugging in that direction.

“Wait just a minute,” he said, pulling his arm from her grasp. “Would you like to put that in the form of a question?”

“A question? A question?” Her eyes widened. “As in,” she changed her voice to a grating simper, “Clarkie-poo, would you pwetty-pwease come with me to the conference room? You mean that kind of question?”

“I had something a little less...nauseating in mind. But, yeah. That kind of question.”

“So... I’ve asked.” She folded her arms across his chest and gave him a challenging look.

“Fine,” Clark said, gritting his teeth and gesturing her ahead of him. They were already making a scene in front of their co-workers. No need to let it get worse.

She closed the door behind them with a bang and whirled on him. “I’m a laughingstock!” she said, jabbing an accusing finger in his direction. “I broke the biggest story of the year this morning, and thanks to Jimmy and his big, fat mouth - and Cat and her bigger, fatter mouth - the whole newsroom is laughing at me.”

“Lois....”

“And you! You just had to go and make up some stupid story about seeing the flying man. And I know you meant well, Clark, but that makes me look about ten times as pathetic. And it make you look pathetic. Us...it makes us look pathetic.”

He sighed. “We’re not pathetic.”

“We’re like some crazy couple who claims they were abducted by aliens or ran into Elvis at the grocery store. Except not really, because they all think I'm the crazy one and you're the lovestruck fool who's standing by my side no matter what.”

“No, because you're not crazy and I'm not a fool," he said, really annoyed now. "Because this actually happened. We’ve both seen this guy. We know he’s real.”

“I’ve seen him,” she said. “I know he’s real.”

“And I’m just making the whole thing up, is that it?”

“Aren’t you?”

“No.”

“Then prove it,” she said. “Tell me something about this guy that you couldn’t know unless you’d seen him.”

He sighed. This had to be the most ridiculous conversation he’d ever had. Lois was demanding that he prove his own existence, which might be an interesting philosophical exercise, but he was pretty sure that wasn’t what she had in mind.

Tell her, tell her, tell her, his mind chanted at him, but the words stuck in his throat. It wasn’t an easy thing to tell, and it especially wasn’t easy when she was angry and hostile and about as approachable as a hedgehog. It wasn’t a thing he could say under the fluorescent conference room lights, with their colleagues sneaking peeks through the windows.

No, it was a thing best told under cover of quiet darkness, when he had his arms wrapped around her and could whisper it in her ear. It was a thing that would require kisses and reassurance and long explanations, not a thing he could spring on her in the middle of the workday, when none of those things was possible.

“I can’t prove it,” he said quietly. “Not right now. But I will, Lois. For now, though...I’m asking you to believe me.”

She nodded, her lips compressed in a thin line, and he knew she didn’t believe him. Couldn’t believe him. He knew he’d disappointed her... but she’d disappointed him as well.

He told himself that it was too soon to expect blind faith. And he honestly couldn’t say whether he’d have believed her had the circumstances been different – had he not had concrete proof that the man who had rescued her really existed. If he hadn’t been that man, would he have been as skeptical as their co-workers? He hoped not, but he wasn’t sure. That kind of trust came with time, and he and Lois hadn’t had much time yet. It was a journey, and he was still working up his nerve to take the first terrifying step.

So when she made a terse excuse about needing to get back to work, he let her brush by him and slip from the conference room without any further effort at conversation.

_________________________

A/N: Sorry it took so long to get this part up. Things have been a little crazy at my house, in a kids-are-keeping-me-up-all-night kind of way. It turns out that sleep is a necessary ingredient for writing. Go figure...

Anyway, thanks as always to those who are following the story and have taken the time to leave feedback. I appreciate your comments so much, and they really do encourage me to keep writing, even when what my body wants to do is fall asleep on my keyboard. I hope to have the final part up by the end of the month.