Hmmmm, Rachel. You got me a little irritated here. Like I've told you before, I'm 51 years old, and I've been a "Lois and Superman" fan for 37 years. You bet I have had time to pick up various hangups and pet likes and dislikes about my favorite couple. My number one hate when it comes to Lois and Clark are stories that kill Lois, followed by stories that kill Clark. Number three on my hate list would be stories where Clark leaves Lois for another woman, followed by stories where Lois leaves Clark for another man. Number five on my list are stories where Clark treats Lois generally badly, particularly when he refuses to tell her his secret in situations where she clearly deserves to know.
So I don't need to tell you what I think about Clark's decision to do whatever he can to keep Lois in the dark about his secret identity, do I? I know there are other ways to look at Clark's reaction and decision in your story - Jeff Brogden defended Clark quite eloquently in the previous feedback thread - but I can't get over more than twenty years of frustration at that lunkhead's lies to Lois in the comics, in the movies and even in the beginning of the LNC TV show.
Ah, well, let's look at a few more details of your story:
He went and showered as she moved about the kitchen to fix a small lunch, glad for the millionth time this last week that Clark kept his kitchen well stocked despite the fact that he needn’t eat…that he got his energy from the sun. Martha wasn’t sure what to think of that, but she decided she really didn’t care. He was her son, and nothing else mattered, whether he ate frogs or soaked up sunlight like a tree.
I love Martha's musings about Clark.
She smiled slightly. There had been a time when he really had shot up like a tree. For a few months there she and Jonathan had worried that he might grow so tall so as to stand out as abnormal.
And yet he didn't grow that tall in the end. Reminds me of the way my mother used to lie awake and cry over me when I was five years old, because I was growing so furiously. She thought I would grow up to become some abnormally tall monstrosity. It turned out that my height is very average, and I am actually slightly shorter than my mother.
He looked back at the mirror, with its haunted staring eyes looking back at him, and stopped.
He started to shake.
Lois.
Oh, this sounds very bad. I'm already getting really irritated.
She knew that he was back, now, and knowing her, she would be all fire and ice to storm over here and demand his part of the story. She would be here—probably soon, now that Perry knew that he was there. That kind of news just didn’t stay secret, especially at the Daily Planet.
And he couldn’t see how in the world a little pair of glasses could hide from her the man that she’d spent the last week of her life with, saving his life a thousand times over.
Yes! She saved you life a thousand times over, so now you have to hide from her at any cost?
Clark’s breathing quickened. He could tell her. He had wanted to, in the white room, and only the safety of his parents had stopped him.
Now there was no reason not for her to find out. He knew that no matter what, she wouldn’t sell him out. She’d proved that already.
Yes!!! Tell her!!!
But…Lois. Oh, Lois. Lois, Lois, Lois.
He was shaking so badly that he had to grab onto the counter to stabilize himself. The walls of his bathroom were white—too white. And for right now, there was nothing but hot, stuffy air and the sound of his lonely breath around him.
Lois!
He is working up the justification not to tell her.
He couldn’t. She had done so much for him already. That was why he had left her in the first place. It wasn’t safe. The last week had proved that more than ever. He couldn’t risk getting close to anyone—especially her—because if something happened to her because of him, he knew it would kill him.
He has to lie to her for her own good. <groan>
Besides, he was an alien.
Yes, and it was Lois who told you about how you get your energy from the sun.
He knew Lois. She’d throw everything to the wind, forgetting herself in a frenzy. Who knows—she might never recover, be able to live a normal life, if she realized her coworker was none other than Superman. He would have to move on, never see her again…
She might never recover...? Clark, what are you mind-babbling about? He would have to move on...? My store of sympathy for you is quickly running out, because you are being a liar and a coward.
Better Lois’s coworker, maybe even something approaching a friend, than never see her again.
And you'll stay her friend by lying to her?
Idiot!
The second option made his blood run cold. What if—oh, what if…
What if she turned him away?
Well, the more you lie to her, the more justified she would be in turning you away.
Part of himself laughed at the thought. This was Lois. She had stuck through with him through this darkest part of his life. She had saved him, in more ways than one.
Yes, unless you start treating her shamefully, lying through your teeth to her, she would never turn you away.
But if she rejected him now…he couldn’t bear it. The very thought made his knees weak, and he leaned over the basin as if he were going to be ill.
No. He couldn’t risk it. Not now. Not when he was so close to breaking already.
No, because he is so desperately dependent on Lois, he is going to deceive her so shamelessly.
Later, he told himself in a last attempt to save his breakfast from the toilet bowl. Later he would think about this. Later he would decide, but right now the very thought of telling her sent up a wave of panic that froze him stone-still. So, along with everything these last weeks, he pushed it back and away, lurking just beyond his thoughts. Slowly his shaking calmed and he stood straight, looking back at the ghostly man in the mirror before him.
Do you honestly think it will be easier to tell her the truth
later? Don't you realize that the longer you keep lying to her, the more difficult and terrifying it will be to confess what you have done?
He took off his glasses, sticking them back on the shelf carefully, then reached farther back. He lifted some other frames—his old, thicker glasses. The ones with the heavy frames that had dominated his face since the beginning of high school, and were only replaced after graduation. The ones that had made him the geek of the school, the outcast of the “in” crowd. The ones that had made him normal.
He ran his fingers around the frames, then sat them on the cupboard. He reached up, pulling his hair down from its usual style, letting it hang more fully around his face, covering his brow. Then, carefully, he lifted his old glasses to his face and placed them on his nose.
Dark, haunted eyes vanished behind a thick pane of glass.
His window. His window to the outside, where he could hide and see them, but no one could see him.
So he can hide from Lois. <sigh>
“C-Clark Kent,” he said, testing it out, lifting his eyebrows. He projected his voice slightly higher, even than his usual Clark voice. “Hi.”
He looked just like a nerd. A complete, utter, hopeless small-town boy. A hick from Smallville, just like Lois had said. The kind of guy you asked for ten bucks on the street because you know they’ll give it to you with the slightest pity story, whether it was true or not. A pushover.
It was perfect.
Gaaah.
Martha stared at her son. “Where are your glasses? And wha—why are you wearing your hair like that?”
“Is it that obvious?” Clark asked, reaching up to push his glasses farther up on his nose. He didn’t want to make it blatantly clear that he was changing—to his mom, perhaps, but not to others. Especially not Lois. Sure, they might see the differences, but if it was too much they might get suspicious. And a suspicious Lois was the last thing he wanted.
“It’s just…a step back, I think,” Martha said. “Did you break your other glasses?”
I'm glad that Martha doesn't approve.
Clark shook his head. “It…no. Just…a change.” His mother waited. “To…to hide. Lois—you know, she saw…she saw more of me. I—I can’t let her know.”
“Why not?” Martha asked, putting her hands on her hips and looking at him in consternation. “I may not know the woman very well, but I liked what I saw of her, and seeing as she chose to stay with you, I think I like her even more.” Her eyes suddenly narrowed. “What did she do?”
“N-nothing,” Clark said, not meeting her eyes. “I…I just…don’t want her to know. N-not yet.”
Clark’s mother looked at him sadly. “That’s your choice, Clark.” She wanted to pressure him, but he was clearly not in a state to be pressured—about anything.
I wish she had pressured him more.
Jimmy stood there, holding a sunken cake and looking at him out of bright eyes despite the dark circles under them from the stress of the last few days. The young man blinked at the sight of Clark, but nevertheless managed to give off a huge grin.
“Hey, CK! I brought you a little something I cooked up. You know, to say ‘welcome back,’ and all. The chief said you weren’t coming in, but even though you’ve only been at the Planet a few months…you’re already family, you know?”
Clark blinked at the sudden rush of nervous words. He adjusted his glasses again, then slowly reached out to take the offering from the young man, who was near bouncing with suppressed energy. The cake was still warm—almost hot, as if it were fresh out of the oven and perhaps pulled out a little too soon. Written in sloppy, melting frosting were the bold words: ‘GLAD YOU’RE OKAY, CK.” Clark wondered if the terrible rhyming job was intentional.
Thi is so sweet. Jimmy is adorable.
“You look awful, CK. Lois doesn’t even look as bad as you, and she looks like a hurricane on a bad hair day. Don’t tell her I said that, though. And probably don’t mention to her or Perry I stopped by, either. The Chief sent me home to get some sleep, but since you’re back and all, I just thought to say…well…I’m glad you’re all right, and all.” He trailed off awkwardly, fidgeting. “Yeah, well, I hope your dad is doing better…”
Poor Jimmy, it's not easy to say the right thing.
Martha stepped to the door, then reached forward and gave the young man a big hug. He had helped them out a lot the past few days, and she had taken the young man under her wing as best she could in the chaos of the happenings. Jimmy cut off, blushing as Martha stepped back.
You've got to love Martha.
“I’m sorry,” Jimmy said, strangely somber for his character. “It must be rough, to have to come back to something like that.”
I love how Jimmy suddenly grows up here.
“Oh. Sorry. I should have figured...I guess I was lucky to catch you here at all,” the copyboy stuttered. “I’ll just be going then. See you later, CK. Ma Kent.”
I agree that Jimmy wouldn't call Martha Ma Kent.
And now I just want Lois to understand that Clark is Superman. And I have to tell you that if Clark insists on keeping on lying to Lois and she finds out about it, then I'm going to cheer her on if she decides to leave him. A woman shouldn't have to put up with any number of lies from a guy!
Ann
