++
Kal *did* spend what was left of the journey inside his quarters or the communications room so that he wouldn’t have to see Lois. He was angry and hurt by the things she’d insinuated. He’d spent the night with Lois because he’d wanted to. It was as simple as that. He could have had sex with her months ago, but he hadn’t because of the way he’d felt about her. She’d moved him the very first time he’d met her and it had only gotten worse each time he'd seen her after that.
They'd shared more than just their bodies; they'd shared their very souls. He'd felt it, though he wasn't fully aware at the time. He'd also felt the agonizing pain to follow.
The pain of loss. Loss of what could never be. Lois had been right, he reluctantly admitted. There was too much between them. And he didn't want her to live in his chamber as his concubine... as his whore. She was more than that. She was completion, closing a hole he hadn't known existed in his frozen heart. First, she'd melted that heart, shaped it, reformed it. Then she'd molded it into perfection. All within the span of just weeks.
He'd been unable to stop the fall when he'd looked into her eyes. It was as if her soul had been calling to his, guiding him... home. That's exactly the way he'd felt when they'd come together- like he had found his way home. Home from a journey he'd been unaware he was on. Kal didn't understand why this woman had the power to make him feel the things he did, but he'd felt them nonetheless, and he'd felt so strongly it had taken his breath away.
But nothing could ever come of those feelings. He couldn't share his life with her, not the way he wanted to. So, maybe things had happened as they should. He was First Lord, with worlds to oversee, duties to perform. And Lois Lane was not a woman to be second best to anyone. His world would insist she be, would insist she be just a mistress.
Their time together had shown him that was not what he wanted. He wanted Lois to be his mate, beside him in all things. Yet more thoughts that were foreign on his world. Women held no rights, no privileges. They were there for the pleasure of the men and to ensure survival of their race. And that's something Kal found intolerable for the woman that moved him.
Inside his chambers the last night aboard the transport vessel, the First Lord made several very difficult decisions. One being that his uncle had been right. There was no place for emotion for the ruler of the world. Duty came before anything else, and one had to do what was logical. It was illogical for him to place such value in a woman. Or at least that's the excuse he used to mask the incredible sorrow he felt.
He'd tasted the sweet fruits of emotion, making his decision to sever ties with Lois Lane even more excruciating. Slowly, painfully, he hardened his heart once more. Anything to allow him solace from the overwhelming ache he now felt.
He might not have known it at the time, but amongst all the decisions, a young man came to grips with the loss of his first love.
++
Along with the many decisions Kal made, he also quelled any thoughts of compassion, attraction, or desire. He'd let his infatuation with a small earth woman go, proclaiming to himself that he was Lord of all and had a world to run-- two worlds. He didn’t have time for feelings and especially the feelings of others. To cope, he'd have to push Lois Lane from his mind, an action he couldn't quite convince his heart of.
But when he stepped off his ship on Earth, the ruthless ruler emerged in force.
Kal stood at the end of the platform leading up to his ship carefully surveying his surroundings. They'd landed in Washington, DC, one of the cities that had sustained considerable damage during the attacks leading up to Earth's surrender. To Kal, it looked almost like it did the day he left years ago.
The streets were littered with debris, people scurried about as if they were afraid, and Kryptonians barked orders continuously. The First Lord's anger flared instantly as he realized the work he'd ordered hadn't been done.
One of the Lords in charge realized who Kal was and immediately called the other men to attention. As they fell to their knees, so did the Earthlings.
"Who is in charge of this detail?" Kal asked as he approached the small guard.
"I am, Milord. Commander Von at your service." The man bowed his head.
"Where is Lord Ran?"
"I believe he is in Metropolis, Milord."
Kal's gaze roamed for several moments while he noted the insufferable conditions of his other world. Lois had been right. Things on Earth were not as they should be. These people had endured hardships they never should have because he'd put trust in the Council and their choice of provisionary ruler.
He should have come back before now. This was his world...
As he thought that, he was reminded of another who'd argued that fact with him. She'd insisted that the people of Earth had something Kryptonians never would. They had heart and desire to rise up again, take their world back. For a moment, he considered turning power back over to Earth's various leaders. Then he remembered exactly who it had been that made that impassioned plea.
Once again, he shoved Lois from his mind and refocused on what needed to be done. He gave orders to one of his commanders and reentered his transport. He'd correct this insubordination at once, but he'd do it *his* way.
++
Kal was even more curt than he’d been before. He began to spend less time speaking and more time ordering. He quickly dismissed Lord Ran and had him sent to the ship in orbit above Earth to be held for questioning on charges of dereliction of duty.
The conditions on Earth were worse than the worst day ever on Krypton. None of the work had been completed as ordered, supplies had not been delivered, people were not being allowed to serve in positions they should have. Others were forced into service for Lord Ran. Before his night with Lois, Kal might have surrendered control of Earth back to its leaders; he'd even considered it. But because she’d left her mark and he was determined to rid his mind of her, he appointed Lord Sar to provisionary ruler and set in motion the original plans that had been developed for reconstruction.
He met with several world leaders, who’d been allowed to retain their positions to help keep stability. It was rather pointless, but the Kryptonians felt it would keep tensions at bay if the population still had a leader to call their own.
Once satisfied that things were in order, Kal concentrated his time on discovering why Lord Ran hadn’t fulfilled his duties. The only thing he could gather from the man was because ‘it suited a purpose’. Those who had been loyal to do that which Lord Ran had ordered, were quickly scared back into proper service for their First Lord. There was a great many who had been reprimanded, but most returned to regular duty, thankful the Lord had spared their lives.
++
Lois spent the month that Kal-El was on Earth with her father in his lab, even though her guard was not far from her side. Kal hadn’t asked if she wanted protection this time, just ordered it and hadn’t waited for disapproval.
And that was the way he’d become with her-- Lord to his subject. He rarely spoke while still aboard the space ship and hadn’t seen her after they arrived on Earth. She couldn’t decide whether she was grateful or hurt. She’d known it was pointless to develop feelings for the First Lord, but she’d been unable to stop herself. The attraction she felt for the man was overwhelming and in a moment of weakness, she'd given in. She had seen the kind of person Kal was deep inside--or at least the person he could be. She alone was privy to him at his best, and no matter the price she'd have to pay now, it was an experience she wouldn’t trade for any world.
What bothered her the most was after having seen that small fire of selflessness, watching Kal extinguish it. Lois may have been very young, but growing up the way she had, she’d grown wise beyond her years. In that wisdom, she knew Kal pulled so far away because for the first time in his life, he’d developed feelings for someone other than himself. She would always carry the knowledge that she was the one to move the First Lord.
She would also carry much more of Kal than she’d ever intended. Hormones and unrequited love lead people to do foolish things. Making love to the Lord without taking precautions had been one of those things. Lois learned that she was pregnant the very day that Kal planned to depart Earth.
Neither had been thinking clearly the night they spent on the observation deck together. They had just been feeling and in doing so, had created another life. Lois knew the law, and knew that now she would be bound to Kal and Krypton forever... if she wanted to be with her child. Kryptonian law clearly stated that even children born of concubines would be raised on Krypton, properly trained and educated. It also stated that this would be done with or without the cooperation of the mother. Men held all the rights on the planet surrounded by the red sun, including custodial rights concerning children. Of course, there were no known births of Earthling/ Kryptonian origin. Earthling women were sterilized when they agreed to serve on Krypton, and Kryptonians assigned to Earth were rendered infertile because of the inoculations they underwent to protect them from the effects of the yellow sun. Those precautions had been taken specifically to keep procreation between the two races from happening at all. How would a child conceived of both worlds be viewed? Treated? Would he or she be studied? Or just simply treated as any other Kryptonian born child? Those unanswered questions was what she feared. And hers was no ordinary child. This child belonged to the First Lord. This child would certainly be treated quite differently.
Before their disagreement, Lois wouldn't have been as scared of Kal's reaction as she was now. She dreaded standing before him and telling him she was carrying his child. What would he do? Would he be angry? Disappointed? His heir hadn't even been conceived with his wife yet, and his... whatever she was, had gotten pregnant.
She was ironically reminded of Ti-El. The same exact situation had occurred with Zor and his concubine. Zor had taken very good care of the woman and his son, although Jor would later be born and ultimately become heir.
What discontent that must have bred, Lois thought. Is that why Ti was such an *** ?
Suddenly another thought entered her mind. Did Ti's birth order cause him to do other things? Like... order a little destruction on Earth and blame it on his brother? Was it possible? It would have been ingenuous, that's for sure. Kill off your brother, raise his children to do your bidding. Truly ironic.
Now she was filled with even more fear. What if it was true? What if that was the kind of person Ti was? She already knew his influence was the reason Kal was the man he'd become. And how much worse would it get should Ti's influence continue? Especially now that Kal was reacting to being hurt? Or would Ti decide that he would get rid of Kal, too? Had he already attempted to?
Or was she simply seeing too much into nothing? Lois had always had an overactive imagination, not to mention her insatiable curiosity. She had nothing but suspicions. Should she relate them to Kal? Even if he denied his uncle could do anything like that, it would give him something to think about. He'd obviously had reason to think ill of Ti before, if their conversation in the garden that time was anything to go on. And maybe he'd be careful where the older Lord was concerned if he had reason to be. As much as she hated the thought of spending her life on that wretched planet, she'd hate more for something to happen to Kal. No matter how hurt she was, no matter that they could never have more between them, in their short time together she'd fallen hard for the First Lord and loved him deeply. There was no way she'd ever want him to come to any harm.
++
Lois was still deep in thought, torn over what she should do, when Kal entered the lab.
“Miss Lane, come with me.”
Her thoughts raced to her pregnancy. How would she tell him? And what about Ti? How did she bring that up? She just had to tell him. Before their argument she would have just blurted it out, all of it. But now...
Kal led Lois into a small room right off the lab and closed the door, sealing out both their guards. “I leave for Krypton tonight,” he told her without looking at her.
“I will be ready.”
Kal took a deep breath before speaking again. “You will remain here.”
“What?” She couldn't hide her surprise. She'd harbored a little hope that he'd leave her on Earth, but that was before...
Before what? she asked herself. Before she'd spent the night sharing her body, her soul with this man? Before she'd watched the pain in his eyes wash over him? Before she'd learned she was pregnant with his child?
Oh, God, and it was before she saw the horrible pain in his eyes now.
“I have decided that it would be more beneficial for you to stay and continue to work with your father. I have given him an assignment and he could use your help.” Kal's voice was low, soft, and full of pain.
Lois was stunned to say the least. Her one year contract was no where near being over. She'd fully expected him to make her return to live up to her obligations. So, why the change?
That was easy to answer. It seemed their time together had changed everything. This was his way of getting past his pain. And it was a good plan. Away from one another they wouldn't be reminded of their loss, of what could never be.
But what about the baby? Should she tell him? He'd take her back then.
Don't you want to stay home? she asked herself.
She did... really.
Still...
And what about Ti?
“I will sign the necessary documents to release you from the House of El,” Kal interrupted her racing mind. He bowed fully to Lois, as his subjects did to him. When he straightened, his eyes bore into hers.
++
This had to hurt worse than anything he'd ever felt. Making the decision to leave Lois on Earth in his chamber had been one thing. Standing before her now was completely another thing. How could he do this? How could he walk away?
How could he not? If he ever hoped to live any kind of life at all, he *had* to do this. There was no way he could wake up each morning knowing he'd see this woman, knowing he'd never be able to share with her what they had on that transport.
His years of education and training pointed out that he *could* have this woman. He could have her in his house, his life, and his bed. But a part of him she'd forced him to recognize wanted much more than that. He wanted Lois by his side and... in his heart.
Illogical. The idea was completely illogical. He was Kryptonian and Kryptonians did not *share* their lives with women. They simply... used them, for their pleasure and their gain. None had ever called his wife his equal. Yet, that's what Kal wanted to do. He wanted to come to this woman each day, share his hopes, his ideas. He wanted to listen as she shared hers. And yes, he even wanted her to bring his children into the world, both worlds.
She could share those Earthling principles with him that she'd spoken of. Tell him what sets her world apart from his. Together, they could affect great change.
If only...
If only he'd been born someone else.
He blinked quickly, staring down at his shaking hands. This was probably some of the best news she'd ever received. She was home, where she belonged. He'd listened and now Earth would be better taken care of. She'd accomplished what her trip to Krypton had been meant to.
She's already affected great change, a soft voice inside his head pointed out.
Kal lifted his head with determination he didn't feel. One night with an incredible woman had shaken him to his very foundation. Fear of the unknown... fear that he wasn't strong enough to handle the changes having her near would make, had made... fear of never sharing with her more than the taste he'd been allowed, and fear that living on Krypton would some day change her, turn her into an unemotional, logical subject, drove him to take a steadying breath. Reaching as deeply into his resolve as he could, he found the voice of his uncle antagonizing him, rebuking him for being so weak. He latched onto that, shoved his feelings for this woman to the farthest corner of his hardened heart, then willed himself to turn and walk away. He paused for a split second with his hand on the door before allowing his Kryptonian training to command his feet.
A second later, he was gone.
