Since I have it done, I'll just go ahead and post two parts a day until they're all posted.
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Part 10/20
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Where was she?
As near as Clark could tell, she hadn't come home from work at all. He took a quick peek through her door after his third knock had gone unanswered. Her lights were off. The first little stab of apprehension shot through him. Had she even come home tonight?
So where was she? Had she lost track of time? Had she gone back to the Planet? He rushed out of her building and headed back to the Planet, watching for her the entire way without success.
He looked around the newsroom but didn't see her. Her computer was turned off. He felt the top of her monitor. It was cold - she had apparently turned it off long ago. He asked around but no one remembered seeing her for at least a few hours.
Clark stood by her desk, telling himself it was too soon to panic. Think like Lois, he told himself. Or, try to think like Lois. The workings of her mind were still a mystery to him. You left work early today - why? Had she decided to go shopping for something to wear on their date? No, she still would have been home by seven o'clock.
So where else might she go?
It had to be a story. Something had come up. Something so urgent she didn't wait for him to come back. He looked at her desk again, trying to see if there were any hastily scribbled notes or some other clue. Had she gone to meet someone? If so, did she write down an address? There were notes about STAR Labs and a list of the Johnson's who worked in electrical engineering that had been shoved to the side of her keyboard. Had she gone back to STAR Labs? Had she decided to pay one of the Johnson's a visit?
She wouldn't be that foolish, would she?
Clark grimaced. Of course she would. But surely she would have left him a note before she did something that potentially dangerous?
The television behind him announced that Ken Randall was about to report another exclusive in the search for Bad Brain. Clark turned to watch. The video was grainy, the same poor quality as the video of Dr. Gatenby's meeting with Superman. It showed a man strapped to a table. It was hard to tell if he was dead or only unconscious.
Then he heard a whisper off-camera, so soft that it was barely audible. "Oh my god, that's how he's electrocuting them."
Lois! He stepped closer to the television, scanning the image frantically while he listened for her voice again. Another man, tall and thin, came into view and set a clear sarcophagus over the man strapped to the table. The image shook and he heard Lois whisper again. "We have to…"
The screen went dark for half a second and then Ken appeared, sitting in a television studio and speaking gravely into the camera. Clark didn't understand a word he said, his mind was racing. Lois had been with Ken in the tunnel when that clip was filmed. So why was Ken sitting in the studio and Lois was nowhere to be found? Clark picked up the phone and called WMET. He used his Superman voice and demanded that they put Ken on the phone.
Calm down, he told himself as he waited through several long seconds on hold. Ken will tell you what they were doing. Maybe she told him where she was going next.
"This is Ken Randall," Ken said in a cheerfully pompous voice.
"Where is she?" Clark demanded with preamble.
"Where is who? Who is this?"
"This is Clark Kent. Where is Lois?"
Ken laughed, "What makes you think I know?"
"I saw your story, Ken. I heard her, at the end of the tape. We were supposed to meet tonight and she's not here."
"Gee, Clark, I don't know what to say. Maybe she stood you up?"
"Where is she?"
"How would I know?" There was the slightest hint of strain in Ken's voice and it made Clark certain he was lying.
"Ken, I swear to God, I'll come over there and shake the answer out of you. Where is she?"
There was a pause and then Ken sighed. "She was down in the maze the last time I saw her."
"The maze? Do you mean the tunnels? Which tunnel?"
Ken sighed again. "Underneath Haines Street. About Seventh Avenue, I'd guess."
"If I don't find her, I'm coming looking for you."
"Temper, temper." Ken hung up.
Clark slammed the phone down, splintering the plastic handset.
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He flew to his apartment at supersonic speed, picking up his flashlight and then headed to Haines and Seventh Avenue. Once he got in the tunnel he turned, looking both ways. He couldn't hear her. Couldn't hear anything, really, except the frantic beat of his own heart and the taunting voice in his head whispering that it was too late. Someday you're going to be too late. What if today is that day?
He opened his mouth to call her name and then realized that would be folly. If Bad Brain was down here she couldn't answer him. Clark turned to the right and ran. After several blocks the tunnel diverged. He looked down both new shafts, but there was no sign that anyone had been there. Clenching his jaw in frustration, he raced back to where he had started.
Would it be quicker to search from above? X-ray the streets and see if he could find her that way? What if she was in a lead-lined room? He had noticed several of those on their trek through the sewer the night before.
What if the tunnels had flooded again? For a moment he relived seeing her swept away from him and his breath caught in his throat. He looked down; the muck underfoot was damp, but not muddy. So there had been no flood today.
Not in this tunnel, his mind whispered. But maybe she's not in this tunnel. If Ken had anything to do with her disappearance, do you really think he'd tell you where to look for her?
Clark kept moving. After a two more dead ends he found himself in a large chamber. It looked like the room with the table from Ken's video, only the equipment was gone now. He looked at the floor, zooming in to see the outlines of the racks and table that had stood there. Ken was such an idiot. Wherever Bad Brain was now, he certainly wasn't coming back here. Clark listened, straining to hear her. Was she here?
He couldn't hear her. But she had been here, or near here. He turned, picking out the tunnel that seemed to correspond to the view in the video. He went to it and shone his light on the ground. He could see the impressions made by two sets of hands and knees. They had crawled to here and filmed Bad Brain. Then where did they go?
Think, he told himself. You're Lois. You came down into the tunnels with Ken… why? Why had she come here with Ken? Had Ken called her to meet him here? Or had they met up by coincidence? Concentrate! You're Lois and you're here with Ken. You see a man strapped to the table. Lois had said, "We have to…" before the clip stopped.
They had to… what? Help the man? Get the police? Get closer? Get out of there?
Help, he decided. Lois would want to help. Had Ken refused to help? Had Lois left without him? Was she lost? Maybe she was only wandering around in the tunnels disoriented right now. Maybe Bad Brain had heard them and followed? Had he strapped Lois to that table as well? Was her body going to be found in a back alley tomorrow morning? His dark thoughts spiraled and another one occurred to him. Had Ken, thinking he was going to lose the story, followed her? What would he have done with her?
"She was down in the maze the last time I saw her."
What did he mean by that? The maze? Was he referring to the tunnels as a maze? Or did he mean a particular section of the tunnels? Clark followed their tracks back up the tunnel and then his foot brushed past something. He shone his light down on it. It was another flashlight. It was Lois' flashlight. He looked closer at the ground and saw that the tracks changed abruptly - looking more like someone had been dragged. He followed the drag marks further along the tunnel until they ended in front of a metal door.
He heard a faint shaky sigh on the other side of the door. He tried the door but the handle was jammed. He pulled it off its hinges and shone the light inside. "Lois?"
Lois had shrunk away from the door when it suddenly opened, not wanting to reveal herself until she knew who was there. Then she heard her name and stumbled towards him. For half a second she thought he was Clark until she touched his arm and felt the smooth spandex of Superman's costume. That's twice now you've thought he was Clark, she chided herself.
"Superman!" she said weakly, swaying a little on her feet as the realization set in that the ordeal was over and she was safe now. Clark felt her sway and he bent to carry her in his arms.
"What happened? Are you all right?" he asked.
"It was Ken," she said, her voice shaky. "I went to go get help and he locked me in here." She cleared her throat and pushed back the urge to cry. Not here. You can't fall apart here. I don't care how nice he is, just hold it together until you get home.
As they emerged from the sewers Clark looked at her face. Was that a bruise? Or was it just a trick of the dim lighting and the fact that she was covered in mud? "Did he hurt you?" he asked her.
"I just want to go home now." Lois buried her face in his neck. "Would you please just take me home?"
As he flew them to her apartment Lois began shaking. You're just cold, she told herself. It's the fact that you're wet and flying that's making you shake. It has nothing to do with that dark place or that man's screams. You're just cold.
"Right here," she told Superman when they reached her building. "You can just leave me out here, I'll be okay."
"Let me at least walk you to your door," he said as he set her down in front of the building. "I can't just leave you like this."
Lois hurried up the steps into her building and he followed her. She kept her head down and he couldn't see her eyes. He had to see her eyes, to know if she was really okay before he left her. His heart ached for her as he watched her hands trembling as she unlocked her door. She hurried inside and he followed, his worry increasing the longer she went without looking at him.
"Thanks," she said softly, her head bowed. "I'll be okay now."
"Lois?" He reached out and tilted her chin up. It wasn't just the dim lighting, he could clearly make out a bruise along her left cheek. "Who did this?" he asked, his own voice starting to shake as a blinding white-hot anger coursed through him.
Lois ducked her head again. Why couldn't he just leave? Couldn't he see she just wanted to be alone now? She shrugged. "We fought and I think he got me with his flashlight. Really, Superman, with everything else that's happened tonight, that's not the worst part."
"What's the worst part?"
Lois looked at his face. She had never seen Superman look so… angry. See, he does care, her mind whispered. Of course he does, she retorted. But just as a friend. And don't you need a friend right now? I do. But not him. I have to start making boundaries. With him and with Clark.
"Superman, will you do me a favor?"
Please, let her ask him to track down Ken. I'll kill him, he thought. I'll gladly kill Ken Randall.
"Yes, anything," he said.
"Will you find Clark and let him know that I'm okay? I think he might still be out there looking for me."
Superman hesitated and then nodded. "Sure."
"Tell him I'm sorry about dinner. Tell him I'll talk to him tomorrow. Would you do that for me, please?"
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Lois stood in her shower and cried. She could almost hear the dying man's screams still echoing in her ears. Mostly she could still feel the damp cold air of the room she had been locked in. No amount of hot water and steam could erase the chill inside her. If her eyes were closed she wasn't sure whether she was home or still trapped. When her eyes were open all she could see was how dark it was outside. It was like the dark was creeping in around her.
She almost wished she had asked Superman to beat Ken senseless on her behalf. The look on Superman's face when he saw the bruise made her believe he might actually do it if she asked.
No, it would be so much more satisfying to do it herself.
After her shower she laid on her bed but felt too restless to sleep. She tossed and turned. She tried to watch television but couldn't understand any of the shows. The night seemed so dark and there were far too many hours left until daylight. She rose and dressed quickly, slipping out into the night in the direction of Clinton Street. There was a still a light on inside his apartment when she got there. Feeling heartened, she knocked on Clark's door.
When Clark opened the door his eyes went immediately to her bruised cheek. He looked at it with almost the same horrified and angry expression that Superman had. Lois put a hand up to her face, feeling self-conscious. "Superman told you about Ken?"
He nodded.
"Is it too late to come over?"
"No, come on in." He stepped back to open the door wide.
"Thanks," she told him and went down the stairs into his living room.
Clark came down the stairs and stood in front of her, watching her with worry in his eyes.
"Did he tell you where he found me?" she asked, her voice starting to waver.
"Yes."
Lois closed her eyes, willing herself not to cry. "I kept telling myself that one of you would find me. That you would know I was missing." She opened her eyes and whispered, "It was really dark in there. And I just couldn't be in the dark anymore tonight. Especially not if I had to be alone."
"You can always come here, Lois."
She nodded, her chin beginning to quiver. She stepped forward blindly and put her arms around him, the fear now overriding everything else. She just wanted to feel as safe as she had last night when he held her. Clark brought his arms around her, his hand stroking her hair.
"What if I said I just wanted to be held tonight?"
"Then I would hold you," his breath ruffled her hair.
"Can I stay here again tonight? The whole night? Would that be okay?"
"Yes," he told her, tightening his arms around her. "Anything you want."
"I didn't bring pajamas. Can I borrow your shirt again?"
Clark smiled. "Sure."
Lois pulled away, realizing for the first time that he was only wearing boxers and a t-shirt. He was obviously headed to bed when she showed up. "I know it's late, I'm sorry if I'm keeping you awake."
"I couldn't sleep either. I was worried about you. Come on, I'll get you a shirt."
She followed him into his bedroom and took the t-shirt that he gave her. Then she went into his bathroom and stripped down to her panties, pulling his shirt on. She nervously folded her clothes and brought them back out with her, setting them down on his window seat. Clark stood by the side of his bed, watching her quietly.
Lois gave him a tremulous smile and walked over to him, putting her arms loosely around his waist. He did the same and she leaned forward, resting her cheek against his chest as he enfolded her in his arms. She hiccupped and then began to cry. For several minutes he held her, rocking them slightly, and smoothed his hands slowly along her back as she cried.
Once her tears subsided she thought about pulling away from him to crawl into bed. She didn't want to leave his arms, not even for the scant amount of time it would take for them both to get in bed. What if she fell asleep here? Would he put her in the bed with him? Lois smiled at the thought and kissed his chest. Then his shoulder. She kissed the skin just above the neck of his t-shirt. Then the underside of his chin. Clark made no move to kiss her, his hands continuing to soothe over her shoulders and back.
Lois tipped her head back to look up at him. "You said anything I wanted, right?"
"Right."
"Touch me, Clark. Make me forget, please."
"Forget?"
"Today. Last night in the tunnels. All of it. Just make me forget, just for a while, that anything bad has happened. I could hear him, Clark. I could hear him screaming as Bad Brain killed him. It was…" She shuddered and buried her face in his chest again. "I can still hear him. Please, can you take that away?"
Clark sat on the bed and tugged on her hand so that she sat down next to him. "Come here." He wrapped his arms around her and laid down, bringing her along with him.
"Just relax, honey," he whispered. "I've got you."
Lois did as he asked, snuggling up next to him. His hands smoothed over her arms, her shoulders and her back. His touch was light, soothing all the tension and fear from her. Her head rested against his shoulder, her forehead against his chin. Had he just called her 'honey'?
"I know you were scared tonight, so was I. But we're here now and you're okay."
"…honey…"
Her mind raced, trying to pin down what he had meant by that. Was it just a term of endearment that didn't have to mean anything? He knew she was scared - he was just comforting her. Did he love her? Not just as a friend, but as more? Had any other friend ever made her feel so safe, so loved?
"You can turn off the light," she said quietly. "I'll be okay as long as you're here."
"You're sure?"
"Yes."
He reached over, turning the light out and she felt a moment of vertigo as the room went dark. His arms tightened around her and he asked, "Do you want me to turn it back on?"
"No," she said in an unsteady whisper. "I can't go the rest of my life sleeping with the lights on." But, her mind continued, you can't spend the rest of your life sleeping in his arms, either. Can you?
Boundaries, she reminded herself. You need to set some boundaries.
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Lois woke up in the bright light of morning and fought a wave of nausea. Clark was cooking eggs and it wasn't a pleasant smell. Her stomach rebelled and she ran for the bathroom. She was never going in those tunnels again. If there was any justice in the world Ken Randall was also bent over a toilet right now.
"Are you okay?" Clark asked from outside the door.
"I'm going to use your toothbrush again," she said.
He listened to the sound of her brushing her teeth and then he said, "Lois, what if we kept a toothbrush here for you?"
She paused, drooling toothpaste as his meaning sank in. She spat into the sink, rinsed her mouth and then straightened up. Her reflection looked panicky in the mirror.
"Oh," she finally said. "I, uh, I don't know."
Clark winced. He should have known she wasn't ready. "It was just a thought," he said, feeling awkward. "It doesn't have to mean anything."
"Oh," she said again, feeling trapped and nauseated. She tugged the hem of his t-shirt lower, wishing she had never come over the night before.
"Would you like some breakfast?" he asked, hoping to change the subject.
She opened the door, wishing he wasn't standing there. She pushed past him into the bedroom. "I'm not really hungry. I think I'm just going to go home and get ready for work."
"Maybe you should take the day off, get some rest." Clark turned and followed her into the bedroom.
"Are you my mother now?" Lois looked around frantically for her clothes. Where had she left them?
"What? No, I'm just worried about you."
There! She had left them neatly folded on the window seat. She rushed over and picked them up. "I hope you're not trying to work up to a lecture about the dangers of going into the tunnels without you."
Clark blinked in surprise. "No, I…"
She cut him off, pushing past him again to go back in the bathroom. "Just because we're sleeping together doesn't give you the right to run my life. You have no say over where I spend my time."
Anger flared in him. She wouldn't even look at him as she rushed past. How could one casual little question be so offensive? "A toothbrush, Lois! All I did was suggest that maybe you'd want to have a toothbrush here. I didn't ask you to move in with me."
Lois slammed the bathroom door shut. Her hands were shaking. Logically she knew it was just a toothbrush. But it meant more than that and he knew it. Having a toothbrush here meant this was a more permanent arrangement, not a fling. It would mean giving up Superman. It would mean giving up everyone else, for that matter. It would mean commitment, and commitments didn't last. Look at her parents, there was prime example number one.
Sure, the sex was great but what if it turned into something more? What was going to happen after two kids and a mortgage? Would the lure of Cat, or his college girlfriend, or some cute little intern turn his head? If she loved him it would mean giving up some of herself, her life, to him. He would be entitled to an opinion on where she spent her days and nights.
"Okay, so let's say for the sake of argument that I did have a toothbrush here. Would you keep one at my place? What about a razor? And then why not keep a change of clothes? You see how it starts? One little thing and everything else just falls into place!" She yelled all this at the door as she hastily got dressed.
When she threw the door open he noticed that her shirt was on inside-out. But she was far too angry for him to want to mention it. Hell, he was far too upset with her to mention it. "Falls into place? What's that supposed to mean?"
"Tell me the truth, Clark. Did you agree to our bargain just for sex?"
There was no good way to answer that. If he said it was just sex, she would think he was using her. If he admitted what he really wanted, she was going to freak out even more.
"This was your idea. You said just sex. All I did was suggest that you keep a toothbrush here. That's not a commitment, Lois. It's a toothbrush."
"But it's not just a toothbrush, is it? If I have a toothbrush here it's because I'm sleeping here. And if I'm sleeping here it's not just sex! Or are you trying to make me feel better about it just being sex? Are you trying to give it the appearance of respectability?"
"What? No! Lois, I wasn't implying that you were being promiscuous!"
"There! That's the word! You used it - you must be thinking it!"
"I have never thought you were promiscuous! I know you better than that."
"Oh yeah, you know me, don't you! Do you brag about it? Would you give Joe a glowing recommendation for me? How about Superman? Are you going to tell him?"
For a moment he gaped at her. Then he decided to tell her the truth and to hell with the consequences. "You know what? You're right! I didn't do this for sex. I did it because I wanted to be with you!"
She stared at him with an expression of shock and horror. "Be with me? You knew from the beginning that I was in love with someone else!"
"Someone who told you that he can't be with you!"
She gasped. "You knew about that? "
He closed his eyes, now he had really put his foot in it. "Yes."
She was furious. He could only know that if Superman had told him. That explained Superman's uneasiness around her. He knew! He absolutely knew. He and Clark had been swapping Lois stories all this time. Superman already knew.
"Did he tell you that?" she asked, feeling a different kind of nausea roll through her.
"He didn't have to," Clark admitted. "Lois, there's something you should know."
"No! There's nothing I want to know! How could you? You promised me you would never tell! Or did he tell you he didn't want me first, is that how it happened?"
"No! Lois, you don't understand!"
"Did you think that maybe I'd learn to love you instead?" She shook with anger at his presumptuousness.
"I… yes," he admitted softly. "I love you. And I hoped you might feel the same way."
"What were you going to do if I didn't? Keep sleeping with me? Play subliminal tapes to make me fall in love with you? I've already told you, Clark, I just don't see you that way. Not then. Not now. Not ever." That last bit had been pure spite - she knew all too well how much those particular words could hurt.
For a few seconds they stared at each other, neither of them quite believing it had all fallen apart so fast. Lois waited, hoping he would say he would still love her, no matter what. If he'd say that, she'd tell him that it did mean more to her than just sex. Clark was still reeling from the words, "not ever". He remembered the hurt look in her eyes when he said those words to her as Superman. So this was how it felt.
Finally, Lois spoke. "I wish it had never happened."
She really meant it. Worse, he shared her feelings on that subject. He wished it had never happened as well, but he wasn't about to voice that thought.
"Then it never happened," he said quietly. "We were able to carry it off before, we can just go back to that. We'll pretend it never happened."
She nodded sadly. He wasn't even going to fight for her. "Okay," she whispered.
"So… we're still friends, right?"
"I don't think so. Not right now. It's just too weird."
She saw his expression flicker and had to fight the urge to take it all back. You're doing the right thing, she told herself. It's better to end it now than after two kids and a mortgage. You should never have crossed that boundary to begin with.
"What about work?"
"Work is work." She headed for the front door, wanting to get away from there before she started crying. "Maybe we should ask Perry to reassign us. If you're still going to cling to the idea that this could be more, I mean. If you can let go of that, then I don't see why we can't still work together. It was just sex, Clark. It never meant anything more to me."
He stood in the center of his living room after she left, staring in disbelief at the door. She was gone. It was over. He had blown it. At least, he comforted himself, you never told her about Superman. At least you can still be friends with her through him.
He went through the motions of getting ready for work. The numbness inside him insulated him against thinking too hard about what he had just lost. He was doing okay - until he went to brush his teeth. He held up the toothbrush to put paste on it and then froze. For a moment he stared at his toothbrush, then he snapped it in two and threw it in the garbage can.
He stormed back into his bedroom and looked at the unmade bed. For a moment he wavered, almost able to tamp down the anguish he felt inside. But then it was too much for him and he sank onto the bed, feeling as though his heart had been broken. He thought she had broken his heart when she turned him down to marry Luthor, but this was even worse.
It was ironic, he thought. The most powerful man in the world had just been laid low by a toothbrush.
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End 10/20
