Chapter Twelve
Lois nearly ran into the bullpen, leaving Wells lagging behind. Clark spotted Lois coming out of the elevator and his face immediately lit up. Clark met her at the landing and gave her a hug. “Lois! Thank God you’re back already. Where’s Herb?”
“Hi, Clark! How did you know that I was with Herb?” she asked, not knowing that he had witnessed their departure mere minutes before. “And do I have any visitors?”
Herb finally made it into the bullpen. “Oh, Mr. Kent – it’s so good to see you again. I’m so happy you found your Ms. Lane. If I might say so, she’s quite the handful.”
Lois shot Wells a dirty look. “I’m not the one that dredged up Tempus, Herb, so – ditto!”
“I can see you’re never going to let me live that one down, Ms. Lane… are you?”
The trio walked down the stairs, towards Lois and Clark’s workstations. Clark found a chair for Wells, which he placed between their two neighboring desks.
Clark smiled. “You two seem to be getting along famously. Where did you go – to the alternate universe?”
Lois, still looking around for her two hoped-for guests, replied, “Yes, and we made a couple of pit stops in this world too. I still feel sick to my stomach, but I think – or at least I hope, that it was worth it. No one has come around asking for me?”
“Sorry, Lois, I just got back myself. I’m writing up the story on the dam rescue, and yes, both our names are on the byline, in case you were wondering,” Clark said.
Not really paying attention to him, Lois replied, “That’s Clark, nice!” She wore a crestfallen expression on her face. “Herb, what do you think went wrong? They should have been here,” she said quietly.
Clark sat at his desk perplexed, waiting to get more information on their voyage.
“Ms. Lane, I suggest that you go into your archives and see if history’s been changed at all. I *did* warn you about this, didn’t I?”
“This isn’t the time to gloat, Herbert George!” Lois replied sternly. She sat down at her desk and fired up her computer. While she was waiting for it to boot up, Clark persisted.
“Lois – what happened in the other world? Did you meet the other Lois and Clark?”
“Well, I met Lois first….”
~~~~~~flashback ~~~~~~~~~~the LnC Universe~~~~~~
Larger-Lois and Thin-Lois sat at the corner deli, sipping coffee and sharing life’s horror stories. Herb had decided the two might enjoy some private girl-talk time, so he had retreated to the time machine for awhile.
“So your Claude did the same thing to you, except you slept with him?” Larger Lois said. “At least I didn’t sleep with the bastard. Well, I haven’t actually slept with *anyone*,” she disclosed. “I don’t want anyone to see me naked. I’m too self-conscious.”
“Lois… really? You’ve never had sex? *Never*? Wow…” Thin-Lois was at a loss for words, which really didn’t occur too often. “Didn’t you ever have a steady boyfriend or anything?”
Larger-Lois put her hands on her cheeks, looking down at her coffee cup. “No. And Clark’s apparent interest in me has me really scared. He tells me that *I’m* his soul-mate, that I’m beautiful… he treats me like a queen. But yet, I can’t let myself believe that someone like him would really want to have … *that* kind of a relationship with *me*.” She looked up at her thin-twin. “I’m not you,” she said motioning to Thin-Lois’ figure. “He’ll be disappointed. I just know it. End of romance. Fine´.”
Thin-Lois placed her palms on Larger-Lois’ hands which were now resting on the table. “You know, for what it’s worth, I’ve always suffered from poor self-esteem with men too,” she said sympathetically. “It took the longest time for me to see how wonderful *my* Clark was. I’d get close to him and then get really scared, and I’d back off. I wasn’t afraid to let him see me naked, I was afraid to be *intimate* with someone again. Share myself completely. I was just so fearful of being hurt again. I really drove him crazy. Your Clark has had a really hard life. Give him a break and trust what he says. These guys really don’t lie,” Thin-Lois advised. “Supermen *do*tell the truth,” she added, in a soft tone so others wouldn't overhear.
“How long did you date Clark before you guys had sex? If I’m not being too nosy, that is,” Larger-Lois inquired.
“Oh, it was a *really* long time. Over two years - our wedding night,” Thin-Lois replied. “We had decided to wait. It was hard, but it was worth it. And we had a lot of roadblocks in the way before we got married. Clones, amnesia, wedding destroyers… you name it!”
“But you weren’t a vir-“
“A virgin? No. I already told you, I slept with Claude. There were a few others, college boyfriends that didn’t amount to much in the long run. You know. Oh, I guess you don’t,” Thin-Lois said.
“What about Clark? Was he a virgin?”
“Actually, yes, he was. He was always afraid to be that intimate with a woman. He didn’t even tell me he was really..." Lois made the flying sign with her hand... "until I had already figured it out. Boy, was I mad! But I got over it pretty quickly. He was trying to protect me and his parents from harm. And he wanted to make sure that I wouldn’t betray him for a page-one scoop!”
“*Your* Clark’s parents are still alive? Are you close to them?”
“Yes. They are so wonderful." Lowering her voice, she continued, "Without them, there would be no *Super*man. There would be just a man, with super powers.”
“*My* Clark lost his parents at age ten. How sad,” Larger-Lois said empathetically.
“He came over here to fill in for my husband not long ago,” Thin-Lois informed her. “He met Clark’s parents. He looked so sad when he left here. Martha – that’s my mother-in-law – was calling him ‘honey”, and I know he was envious of the love that me and *my* Clark share. He had no family of his own, and he hadn’t been able to find you. He was truly a lost soul.”
“How do I get over the feeling that I’m just a replacement for you? And I can’t imagine being naked in front of him… that frightens me. I mean, if he really loves me, and our relationship goes somewhere… he’s going to want to make love to me. Right?”
“My dear twin… you know that the man has X-ray vision, right? That he may *already* know what you look like naked? I don’t think he abuses that power or anything, but maybe if you tell yourself that he already knows what you look like naked, you may feel less self-conscious,” Thin-Lois said. “And, I’ll let you in on another secret… I’m jealous of *your* chest! I’d be proud to let a man see that!”
Larger-Lois laughed at that. “Wouldn’t it be nice if we could take *my* bust line and put it on *your* waist, hips, and legs? Talk about your *hot* woman!”
They both giggled at the imagery.
Suddenly another Clark Kent appeared, interrupting their girl-talk.
“There you are, honey… I ran into Herb in the alley when I was changing… he told me where you were.” He bent down and kissed his wife on the cheek. Noticing Larger-Lois, he made eye contact and tilted his head to indicate to his wife that he was waiting for an introduction.
“Oh! Right! Clark, this is Lois – from the other world,” Thin-Lois said. “Lois, meet my husband, Clark Kent.”
Clark shook Larger-Lois’ hand, and then kissed it. “I’m so glad that he finally found you. We were both so worried about him. Now we can both relax,” he said. “All will be well in your universe, too.”
Larger-Lois was touched by this Clark’s graciousness. He didn’t appear to be “grossed-out” to see a buxom version of his wife.
Thin-Lois broached the subject by saying, “I was just telling Lois here that I’m envious of her bust size. There are a few nightgowns that I’d buy if I looked like you,” she said, smiling at her other-world twin.
Clark laughed. “Well, sometimes my wife does border on the anorexic. I always tell her that it’s all right to gain some weight. A woman looks better with a few curves on her, after all. I’m from the Midwest, where women are corn-fed,” he said.
Larger-Lois felt relieved. “I know you’re just saying that to make me feel less self-conscious, but you know what? It worked. You’re both very sweet. I’m so glad I got the chance to meet you both. Clark, why don’t you tell me how and why you fell in love with Lois here?”
“That’s easy,” Clark said, wearing a big grin on his face. “The day of my interview with Perry, Lois came storming into the room, oblivious to that fact that Perry was in a meeting and shouldn’t have been disturbed. She started babbling away about a story, and it was right then and there that I knew she was the one!”
Thin-Lois smiled and looked a bit embarrassed by the recollection. “It’s true, I didn’t even notice that Clark was in the room until Perry interrupted me and introduced me to him. I said a quick ‘hello’, and then continued my rant until Perry shut me down. Then in typical Lane fashion, I stormed out of the room without giving Clark a second glance.”
“So in that short period of time, you fell in love with her? Why? What was it about her that attracted you to her” Larger Lois persisted.
“She was brilliant… vivacious… outspoken… and she had a fire… burning in those deep brown eyes. And, yes of course, she was beautiful. But it was her personality. I knew that for all of my inherent abilities, she’d be the one woman who would keep me on my toes. Challenge me. Keep things interesting,” Clark said, looking admiringly over at his wife.
“Hey! If it wasn’t for me, Perry would have never hired you. Don’t forgot *that* part of the story!”
“True story,” Clark admitted. “Perry was trying to push this ‘mood’ piece on Lois about a historical playhouse that was about to be torn down to make way for new townhouses. Lois wanted to work on the Messenger story – which, as it turned out, was the disaster that forced me to make my debut as ..." Clark made the flying sign with his hand. "Anyway, Lois had no intention of working on this ‘touchy-feely’ piece. She told him right in front of me that she wasn’t ‘in the mood’ to write a ‘mood’ piece, which make me smile.
“After she left the room, Perry informed me that my writing samples didn’t give him the impression I could handle hard-driving news stories in a fast-paced environment like the Daily Planet. I was disappointed, but I wasn’t about to give up. I took it upon myself to head down to that old theatre on Forty-Second Street. I interviewed an aging actress, who shared with me her memories of life on that stage, and why she felt it should be left standing. I wrote up the article, and Perry hired me on the spot. He was impressed with the fact that I didn’t take ‘no’ for an answer - a trait that my wife here has in abundance,” Clark noted.
“And ‘touchy-feely- puff pieces’ have always been right up your alley,” Lois snarked back. “That’s why we make a good writing team – he writes about the sappy stuff, I do the hard-driving investigative stuff, and when I get myself in trouble, he just swoops in and bails me out! It works out great, trust me!”
All three of them started laughing uproariously at the picture Lois had painted of their working partnership.
Larger-Lois looked right into Clark’s eyes. “Answer me this honestly, Mr. ‘I only tell the truth’. “If *I* had walked in, instead of *your* Lois, do you think you would have felt the same way?”
“I’ll answer your question with a question of my own, Lois… if you had a story you really wanted to work on, and Perry was pushing a ‘puff piece’ on you… what would you have done?”
Lois smiled. “That’s easy. I would have reacted exactly the way your wife did. I’d have harassed Perry until he saw it my way. How does that answer my question?”
“Case closed. You would have won my heart just the same. I can see the same fire burning in your eyes – I can sense how intelligent you are – you may even be more straightforward than *my* Lois, if that’s even possible! Lois, beautiful women throw themselves at me all the time.” Clark looked at Thin-Lois. “Remember Cat Grant? She tried to insinuate to the entire office that we’d slept together. And it would be hard to find a woman with a better figure than her. No offense, honey.”
Thin-Lois rolled her eyes. “It’s true, Lois. The minute she saw Clark, she asked me, ‘who’s the new tight end?’ and she set her sights on adding him to her list of conquests. And she’s tall, with a perfect body, *and* she wore slutty clothes to the office. Skirts that barely covered her *** ! She intimidated *me*. For the longest time, I believed the rumors that they had slept together. I couldn’t imagine a man throwing *her* out of bed.”
“Wow, there’s a Cat Grant in my world. I just met her today at our press conference… I’m going to steer clear of her, I guess,” Larger Lois said.
“No, Lois, don’t bother,” Clark insisted. “The Cat Grants of *any*world would never be able to attract a Clark Kent. You have to trust me on this one.”
Larger-Lois smiled. “You know, I feel like I’ve learned a lot about *my* Clark, just by listening to you,” she said, standing up and giving the other Clark a kiss on the cheek. “You Kent boys are truly irresistible, aren’t you? I still don’t get how the glasses work. Are they magic glasses or something?”
Thin-Lois smiled. “They must be. It took me like *forever* to figure out that they were the same guy!”
“Well, having said that, I think it’s time for Herb and I to go on to our next journey,” she informed them. “To meddle where no woman has meddled before.”
Thin-Lois and Clark looked at Larger-Lois quizzically. “How’s that go?” Thin-Lois asked.
“Tempus abducted me right out of my bedroom back on May 16, 1992, and threw me ahead three years into the future. I woke up in the jungles of Africa in 1995 with no recollection of what had transpired. I completely lost those years. While I was missing and assumed dead, my mother drank herself to death and my sister died in a plane crash. I’m going to try to prevent that. What happened to them might not have occurred if I had been around! And since I technically didn’t exist from May 17, 1992 to the beginning of 1995, I don’t have to worry about running into my ‘other’ self, so hopefully, my plan will work.”
“Wells always tells us that trying to change the past is very tricky business. We may inadvertently change the present negatively,” Clark informed her. “Be careful. You may fix one thing, but create a bigger disaster.”
“Well, I have to try. *You* understand, Lois. I just have to give it a shot.”
Thin-Lois nodded in agreement. “Yes, if I were you, I’d definitely want to see if I could save them somehow.”
“Well, I really hope to see you guys soon – then I’ll let you know how we made out!”
After exchanging good-bye hugs and kisses, Larger-Lois left her new friends in the coffee shop while she headed towards the alley to catch up with Wells.
Herb was getting a tad impatient. “There you are, finally, Ms. Lane. I’m so afraid that someone’s going to come by and ask what I’m doing here. My cloaking device only hides the machine, not me personally. So it looks like I’m sitting here levitating. Thank goodness the only person that saw me was Superman,” he said, with relief evident in his tone of voice.
“Ok, Mr. Herbert George Wells. Next stop: May 17, 1992. Hit it!”
Wells disengaged the cloaking device and began setting the controls to comply with Lois’ request. “If I might say so, Ms. Lane, you seem to be in a much happier state of mind than you were before. I take it your meeting with your twin went well?”
Lois smiled. “For the first time in my life, I realize that even thin people have problems. I feel like a weight has been lifted off of my shoulders, pardon the pun. This trip was fantastic. I just hope the next two will be as well.”
“I must warn you, that attempting to change the past is very tricky business, Ms. Lane. There is no guarantee that this will work,” he warned.
“My mother used to tell me, ‘nothing ventured, nothing gained!’ I’ve taken your warning ‘under advisement’, but this is something I *have* to do,” Lois relied.
“Fair enough, Ms. Lane. Here we go,” Wells said, as the machine began to shimmer again.
~~~~~~end of flashback~~~~~~~~~
“So now you finally believe me? That I’m not totally shallow and looks-conscious?” Clark said after Lois finished the first part of her story.
“Well, I’ve also learned that I need to keep you on your toes to keep things interesting… so we’ll see,” Lois replied, giving Clark a sexy smile. “Oh! The stupid computer finally came up!”
At that exact moment, Lois’ phone rang. “Is this Lois Lane?” a female voice inquired.
“Yes it is. May I ask who I’m speaking with?”
“My name is Chloe Sullivan. I’m your step-sister from California.”
TBC…. If you dare… on Tuesday….
