From last time:

Lois shivered and tried to blot out the images. She tried to forget what it was like to hold her hands vainly against the wound, warm dark blood covering her fingers in an instant. She tried to forget the sounds of Luc’s strangled cries, and the piercing look of agony that haunted his eyes.

She brushed away fresh tears as she walked back to Clark’s room. She crawled into bed, curling up under the covers. She sobbed to the point of exhaustion and finally succumbed to sleep.

********

New stuff:


Clark walked briskly down the corridors within the administrative compound. The High Council of Elders meeting had run longer than expected and he’d had to preside over it alone as Zara was busy meeting with the heads of the guilds and trade syndicates. In the last few months, each of the guilds had held their leadership elections and results had been almost uniformly positive. The new leadership representing each trade and profession in the Guild Council were loyal to the main colony and supportive of Kal El and Zara. Politically, the tide had turned, but Nor was still at large and his band of warlords still terrorized the outer settlements, each of which was vital to the survival of the colony as a whole. The mining and farming settlements were particularly frequent targets for attacks.

Large numbers of troops had been deployed to the Belaar to reintegrate the forces and to help in the efforts to rebuild the area, which had been ravaged by war. More troops had been sent to the other settlements to increase patrols and protect civilians.

The mood within their administration was cautiously optimistic. Even Ching seemed upbeat. It was the closet thing to a respite that Clark had had since leaving Earth. And yet, he was still uneasy. He didn’t sleep well, his dreams still haunted by Nor. He tried not to dwell on the past, on things he couldn’t change and was tired of reliving. But the mental images, the unbidden thoughts couldn’t be dispelled just because he wanted them gone.

He made his way back to the First Ministers’ residence and slipped quietly into the quarters he shared with Zara. Within the large room, he turned on the communications screen. Right on time, Talan appeared for the military briefing.

“Good tidings, sir,” she said crisply.

“Hello, Commander,” he replied. “I hope all is still going well.”

“Everything is proceeding according to the implementation protocols,” she assured him. “We have begun joint patrols and will commence with joint exercises soon, but I do not want to use the Belaar’s forces in anything other than a defensive capacity until I am certain they will perform up to our standards in the field.”

“I agree.”

“And how are you, sir?” she ventured. He knew that was about as probing a question as his commander was going to ask. It was her invitation to him to either unburden himself or to politely demur.

“Tired,” he replied truthfully. “I haven’t been sleeping much.”

“Is it the same dreams, sir?”

“Yes.” He scrubbed a hand absently through his hair. “I know they don’t make any sense, but they’re just so vivid.”

“Are they about your wife?” She frowned and suddenly backpedaled. “What I mean to ask is are they still about Nor harming the people you care about?”

Clark nodded. “The place, the circumstances change, but it’s always Nor and it’s always Lois.”

She hesitated for a moment before speaking. “You mention her so often when we talk, but you rarely say her name and you have never said very much about her.”

Clark chewed his lip, deep in thought. It was true that he did everything he could to keep this world separated from his life on Earth, especially from Lois. “I guess I haven’t.”

“If you’d rather not talk about her, sir, I understand,” Talan hurried to respond.

“No, it’s all right,” he began. He started to tell the commander all about Lois, how they’d met, how he’d fallen in love with her instantly, how much it meant to him to work with her.

“She’s the most brilliant person I’ve ever known and she can be so stubborn sometimes,” he said with a slight smile.

“It must have been very difficult for you to leave her behind,” Talan said.

“I’m not exactly sure how I did it,” he replied. “Because sometimes it seems like the dumbest thing I’ve ever done. Not everyone has what I had and I walked away from it.”

“Sometimes we are asked to sacrifice much more than is just or reasonable,” she said thoughtfully. “But if fortune is with us, we will win this war soon and you will be able to return home.”

“That’s the thought that keeps me going,” he admitted.

********

Feeling sheepishly like a fugitive or criminal, Zara stood outside of Ching’s quarters, waiting for him to open the door. The corridors running in either direction away from his quarters were generally quiet and deserted, especially at night; senior officers were afforded at least some degree of privacy. But she felt like she did at twenty-two, sneaking off to see Ching at the Bachelor Officers Quarters, or in her own small apartment in the middle of the busy administrative compound. That was ten years ago and this business of sneaking about seemed more and more absurd now. At last, Ching opened the door, wearing only a towel, still dripping wet.

“I’m sorry for keeping you waiting,” he said as she stepped into his quarters. He closed the door. She wrapped her arms around his neck as he placed his hands on her waist.

“I missed you,” she murmured before kissing him. After negotiating peace with the Belaar Valley, Ching had been tasked with drawing up the articles of re-integration along with the region’s leaders. His absence had stretched out for weeks.

He touched her face gently, his eyes soft, a tender smile played at the corners of his lips. “I love you,” he said and he kissed her again.

“And I you,” she whispered, her lips inches from his.

He stepped back to regard her, still wearing her formal robes. “I am either underdressed or you overdressed for the circumstances.”

She shrugged out of her greatcoat. “I am rather certain I am wearing a little too much clothing,” she said suggestively. Zara closed the distance between them and slipped her arms around Ching’s lean waist. She stood on her toes to kiss him. With gentle fingers, Ching began to undo the delicate robe, removing the silken garment reverently. His expression intent, he silently undressed her.

********

Clark stared up at the ceiling above his bed. He picked up the watch that lay on the small table beside him. It was almost seven in the evening in Metropolis, on the seventeenth of June. He’d been gone two years and a month. He wondered what Lois was doing. Was she still sitting at her desk, typing away to make a deadline? Maybe she was meeting a source in some shady dive bar near Hobbs’ Bay. Perhaps she was at a rescue, or even flying back to Kansas to have dinner with his folks. He hoped that they spent a lot of time together. He knew how much his parents adored Lois and he trusted that she kept them company when things were tough.

He wondered what she was going through. Did she still believe he was alive? Had she started to think of living the rest of her life without him? He knew that she’d insisted on marrying him before he left to dispel just that doubt. She told him that she would wait as long as it took for him to return. But did he honestly want her waiting, alone for him for years? Decades? He didn’t want her life to pass her by while she waited patiently for his return. It was beyond unfair. He hated the idea of causing her pain. He wanted her to be happy. Above all else, that was what he wanted in life. Maybe it had been selfish of him to agree to get married before he left. Maybe by doing so, he’d denied her a chance to be happy. To be with someone who would actually *be* there with her. And yet, he couldn’t imagine trying to live a life without her. She anchored him; she gave him someplace to belong. He didn’t make any sense without her.

The only thing he could hope for was a quick resolution to this war. And it was what he wished for constantly. For now, despite the relative quiet, things were too tense, too precarious for him to leave. He had a coalition to hold together. Perhaps once that coalition grew stronger, as the bonds between its members cemented, they wouldn’t need him any longer. They could find someone else to step into his role. Someone who belonged here, whose life and fate were tied to this world, not another.

He sighed and closed his eyes, trying to calm his restless mind. Clark breathed deeply, hoping to lull his body to sleep. In the silence, he swore he could almost hear her heartbeat and the slow steady sounds of her breathing. He could almost hear her murmur ‘goodnight, sweetheart,’ to him and fall asleep curled up beside him, her hand on his chest. He could almost feel her warm skin against his and smell the lavender of her shampoo. He smiled wistfully as he began to doze. “Goodnight, Lois,” he whispered, more asleep than awake.

His arm around her tightened just a bit, pulling her closer to him. He placed his hand on top of hers and held it against his chest. He heard her sigh contentedly. “I love you,” she whispered.

“I love you,” he replied sleepily. He felt her shift in his embrace and opened his eyes as she touched his cheek gently. He looked up to see her leaning over him, smiling peacefully, a look of tenderness in her eyes. She bent to kiss him and he drew her into his arms. She went willingly, settling her slight weight against his chest. He held her tightly, knowing he couldn’t let go of her, not again.

They made love. This world and its problems faded away, until there was nothing left. There was nothing in the universe besides her. Her quiet whispers in the dark, her hands, her lips, her body pressed against his.

Afterward, they lay together, his arm draped over her, unwilling to let her go. She looked up at him with those dark, luminous eyes that could convince him of anything, and touched his face. “Go to sleep, sweetheart,” she whispered.

“When I wake up, you’ll be gone,” he replied.

“I will always be with you,” she insisted gently.

“It’s not enough,” he replied, shaking his head. “I need you here, with me. I can’t do this alone. I’m not strong enough, I never was.”

“You are, Clark.” The tone of her voice was gentle, yet firm. “I know how hard it is, but you are strong enough.”

“It just, it hurts so much,” he confessed. “And I don’t know how to make it stop.”

“You can’t,” she replied. “It hurts because you care. Compassion is your burden, but it’s also your gift. You are the most compassionate person I’ve ever known. It’s why I love you so much. And it’s why you’re going to be able to help these people.”

She drew him into her arms and kissed his lips softly before kissing his forehead. His head pillowed on her chest, she ran her fingers gently through his hair. He felt her heart beating beneath him; her body rose and fell ever so slightly with each breath. “Sleep,” she whispered. His heavy eyelids began to droop, he was just so tired and for the first time in ages, he felt safe. The rhythmic beat of her heart soothed him, lulling him into a place of warmth and contentedness. He stopped fighting, allowing sleep to claim him at last.

********

Ching pressed his lips against the bare skin of Zara’s shoulder as he slipped his arm around her waist. He felt his fingers brush against the long scar on her stomach and pulled back hesitantly. He was unsure if the scar still caused her discomfort, or if the careless touch evoked unwanted memories. She placed her hand on top of his, intertwining their fingers.

“Do you ever wish you were with someone who could give you more?” she asked him quietly. “Someone who could marry you? Give you children?”

He closed his eyes as his arm around her tightened, drawing her body closer to his. He had never told her before, but he had imagined having children with her. Her marriage to another man, sham though it may have been, ensured that the thoughts were idle ones. But he knew that Zara would have been an excellent mother. On occasion, he’d wondered what it would have been like, Zara carrying their child, her body nourishing, protecting, and sustaining it. She’d lost that power, that ability to create life, because of her loyalty to her duty. Bleeding on a battlefield, that chance at happiness had been snatched from her and he knew it pained her deeply. And though he never said anything, it had also shaken him to the core.

“In a perfect world, we would have been married years ago, and we would have children – dark haired little ones with their mother’s eyes and their father’s stubbornness,” he said, feeling the corners of his mouth turn upward in a smile. “But in this world, if my choice is between playing whatever small role in your life I’m afforded and having my own family with another woman, the answer is perfectly obvious. I would rather steal a few rare moments like this with you than spend a lifetime with anyone else.”

She turned around in his arms to face him. “How can I ask you to give up so much for me?” she asked.

“A lot of men have given up much more in exchange for much less,” he said before leaning forward to kiss her gently. “You are right that I want more, because I want to wake up with you every morning, and be able to walk with you on my arm, and call you my wife. But I only want these things with you. I will love you, and you only, every day for the rest of my life.”

He could see the fear and hesitation dissipate from her expression as she finally relaxed. “I love you so much,” she whispered. Their lips met in a soft kiss that grew deeper. He felt passion and desire stir to life deep within him. But this wasn’t simply about want, it was about need. They might have lost the ability to create life, but their lovemaking sustained him.

********

Martha looked up as her daughter-in-law descended the steps into the living room. Her complexion was still ashen, her face expressionless. For the last two days, she’d barely come out of her room. “Honey, are you okay?” she asked.

Lois merely nodded. Jon looked up at his mother from where he was sitting in Martha’s lap. He held his arms outstretched to her. “Mommy!” he exclaimed.

There was no doubt that he missed his mother, who, as busy as she was, always made time to play with him, to get him ready for bed, and to sing him to sleep. For the last two days, mother and son hadn’t performed their nightly ritual, making Jon rather fussy at bedtime. Lois walked over toward Martha and easily picked her little boy up. She sat down in the rocking chair with him, dropping a kiss on the top of his head. Jon yawned mightily. It was almost his naptime and he and Martha had had a busy morning.

Lois held him securely in her arms and rocked the chair gently back and forth. Eventually, his little eyelids proved too heavy and they closed as he drifted to sleep. Martha watched her grandson as he slept peacefully in his mother’s arms. It wasn’t until she looked up that she noticed Lois was crying silently. She didn’t move, her expression was still blank, but tears rolled down her cheeks. After a long moment, she looked at Martha. “I’m so afraid,” she confessed in a small whisper. “Of what I’m turning into.”

“Lois, you didn’t harm those men,” Martha replied, using the little she knew of what happened in hopes of getting her daughter-in-law to finally talk to her about it. “Even though they deserved it and even though anyone in your position would have wanted to, you didn’t lash out at them.”

“I wanted to,” Lois admitted. “I was tempted to. I think the only reason I didn’t, is Jon. I wouldn’t have been able to let myself come back here, to go anywhere near him, if I had.”

Martha felt her heart break. “I will be the first person to tell you that motherhood changes you. But that goodness in you, it’s a part of who you are and it always has been. You have to trust in that.”

“I don’t know if I can go back there,” Lois said.

A part of Martha thought it would be for the best. Lois had already done so much, sacrificed so much. It was more than anyone had any right to ask of her. And yet, she knew that her daughter-in-law wasn’t much different from her son in this regard. When people asked for their help, they never turned away, no matter the cost to themselves. It could be a brutalizing way to live, but that selflessness was a part of them. “No one can make that choice for you. But whatever you decide, you should talk to someone. Someone who can help you more than Jonathan or I can.”

“Who can I talk to?” Lois asked despondently. “It’s not like there’s a superhero support group out there. I’m supposed to be able to handle this. It’s what I do. I’m supposed to be strong enough.”

“Needing to talk to someone doesn’t make you weak. You might be invulnerable, but that’s only on the outside. You can’t expect yourself to not to be affected by what you see out there, everyday.”

Lois merely closed her eyes, still rocking gently back and forth, Jon sleeping soundly in her arms.

********

Ultrawoman touched down outside the refugee camp at Galani, fairly certain her presence was unwelcome. Putting the suit on had been all but impossible. The only thing she’d wanted was to lie in bed and pretend the world wasn’t there anymore. Instead, she’d gotten up hours before dawn to fly back to a place she’d never wanted to see again. She wasn’t sure what she was going to do there, but she knew that she’d left her work unfinished. It gave her that nagging, unsettled feeling she despised. Whatever it was, it kept her from sleeping and so she made her way back to Kinwara, perhaps hoping to exorcise her soul of its demons.

She walked silently into the camp, drawing the curious stares of aid workers and refugees. A pall had settled over this place in the last few days, it thickened the air and weighed heavily on everyone. She made her way toward the lone trailer in the sea of tents. Luc sat on the steps of the trailer, his expression blank, his eyes red rimmed and vacant. He didn’t look up at her as she approached, heart in throat, trying to form her apologies.

“I cannot begin to say how sorry I am for your loss,” she said, her voice thick with emotion. Tears began to well up in her eyes.

He stood up stiffly, like an arthritic man twice his age, climbed the steps, and entered the trailer, leaving the door open behind him. He tossed a duffel bag out of the trailer onto the dusty ground and emerged with a backpack slung over one shoulder.

“You’re leaving,” she said. It was a statement, not a question.

“I’m going to Parumbara,” he said, his voice wavering. He picked up the duffel bag. “To fill out paperwork, and wait, and pay bribes to every petty, crooked sonofa…” the invective was swallowed up by a sob. He drew in a shaking breath, his eyes filling with tears.

She felt dense and stupid, but she had no idea what he was talking about. “I don’t under…” she began.

“They won’t release her,” he snapped angrily. “They won’t release her body to me,” he finished more quietly. “I’m not family. And they won’t give me authorization to transport human remains out of the country. It’s not like there are any flights leaving the country anyway. And a corpse is no one’s priority right now.” The word ‘corpse’ was extracted from his lips by torture. His agony radiated from his body, poisoning the air around him.

Luc dragged a trembling hand through his hair. “This godforsaken country took her life, I won’t let it keep her body, too.” He looked away. “I have to take her back to Heidelberg. Her parents have a right to bury their daughter,” he whispered.

“Let me take you there,” she said.

“I don’t need your help,” he said coldly. She knew that he had every right to be angry, but the words still cut deep.

“You said it yourself, there are no flights out of the country. I can take you to Parumbara, and when you get her back, I can help you take her home,” she said gently, trying to keep her voice from cracking. Suddenly, she desperately needed him to let her help. If she couldn’t make amends, if she couldn’t make things right, the least she could do was help him in this one unbearable task. It hardly qualified as an act of contrition. It was too small, in the face of an evil too great. But at the moment, even this one task was daunting, and she couldn’t be sure there was strength enough within her to complete it. “Please.”

He nodded ever so slightly, acquiescing more than agreeing to her request. He seemed too tired to put up a fight and he was in no condition to make the long, treacherous drive to the provincial capital. She placed her arm around his waist and lifted off from the ground. They passed the flight in absolute silence, broken only when Luc pointed out the bureaucratic building where he’d been told to go with his inquiry.

As they entered, the clerk in the small, dilapidated office regarded them curiously. He instructed them to wait, which they did, for what seemed like forever. Luc said nothing the entire time. He merely leaned against the wall, staring down at the ground. Eventually, a man in worn khaki slacks and a short sleeved button down shirt that used to be white but was now a dull gray, came out to see them. The weathered lines on his face made him look about fifty, but Lois guessed he was about ten years younger. She hung back while Luc showed the man the forms he’d been given and explained his dilemma. “I’m sorry, sir, there is nothing I can do for you,” Lois heard the bureaucrat say. “We no longer have the remains in our custody.”

“What?” Luc demanded. “What do you mean?”

“We have turned them over to the UN, as instructed,” the bureaucrat replied apologetically. “You must take your issue up with them.”

Lois stepped forward to place a hand on Luc’s shoulder. “Let’s go,” she said gently. Dejectedly, he followed her out of the office. They made the short flight to the UN base, where they were greeted by one of Rapin’s officers, a Dutch captain named Van Eick.

“Ultrawoman, we have not seen you in a while,” Van Eick said in flawless, if accented English. She ignored the comment, uncertain whether it was meant to be an accusation or merely an observation. Either way, she didn’t much care at the moment.

“We’re here about Dr. Heller,” Lois said in low tones.

Van Eick frowned for a long moment. “Oh, you mean the body we recovered,” he said at last.

Lois winced inwardly, knowing the casual comment must have cut Luc far more deeply. “I’d like to talk with General Rapin,” she said, hoping to short circuit the conversation.

“Certainly,” the captain replied. “But I’m afraid there is nothing we can do for you at the moment. We cannot release the body without national authorization and proper transport…” he trailed off as he turned to follow her toward Rapin’s office. Lois glanced over her shoulder to see Luc trailing behind them, seemingly lost and disoriented. She was amazed that he was even functioning, though.

She knocked on the door to Rapin’s office and heard him bellow for her to come in. Lois turned to Luc, completely ignoring Van Eick. “I’ll be back in a few minutes,” she said gently.

He bristled, just as she expected he would. If she had been in his position, and the mere thought of trading places with Luc was enough to drain the life out of her, she would have fought like hell against being handled, especially by her, the person who’d failed Ingrid. “I want to talk to him,” Luc said, an edge to his voice.

“Please, just give me a moment with him,” Lois replied, the words sounded unconvincing to her. She didn’t wait for him to respond and stepped into the office, closing the door behind her.

Rapin looked up from his desk as she entered. “Ultrawoman, I wasn’t expecting…”

“I’m here about Dr. Heller’s remains,” she interrupted him.

“Yes, we’re all very sorry about what happened to her,” he said sympathetically. “She was a wonderful person.”

“I want you to release her body to me,” Lois said abruptly, her patience, if such a thing existed these days, had worn thin.

“I’m afraid I can’t…”

“…do that. I know. I don’t really care. I know that you have procedures you’re supposed to follow and forms you’re supposed to fill out and authorizations you need to get, but I don’t care. I want to take her home to her family. It’s the absolute least I can do, so I’m asking for your help.”

“I can try to get a variance from the Directorate of Operations,” he said sympathetically.

“Dammit, Jean, this is the absolute wrong day to screw with me!” she shouted. Misdirected anger flared up within her. It wasn’t Rapin’s fault she’d failed. That was going to weigh on her conscience and hers alone. She couldn’t unload that burden on anyone else.

He didn’t take the bait and lash out in kind. “I’ll call the German ambassador to the UN, and let him know that I’m releasing the body into your charge, to deliver to Dr. Heller’s family,” he said calmly as he lifted the phone receiver.

“Thank you,” she managed. She realized that her heart had been pounding wildly against her ribcage. She exhaled deeply as she willed her pulse to slow.

Dimly, she was aware of the general speaking politely in diplomat-ese into the phone. After sending his regards to the ambassador’s wife and children, he hung up and dialed another number. He spoke this time with none of the cordial fluff of his exchange with the ambassador. “Prepare Dr. Heller’s remains for immediate transport,” he said curtly. Rapin hung up the phone. “It is done.”

“Thank you,” she said in a voice barely above a whisper. She knew that Rapin had disobeyed orders yet again to do her this favor.

“I will take you to the body,” he said as he stood up.

“Dr. Arnault came with me,” she said. “I know he wants to say his goodbyes.”

Rapin merely nodded. He led her out of his office, where Van Eick and Luc were still waiting. Lois nodded sympathetically to Luc. “We’re going to take her home,” she whispered softly. She watched him bite his lip as he tried to check his emotions.

Rapin cleared his throat unobtrusively. He led them past the infirmary to the morgue, where a man in a lab coat waited for them. A soldier posted outside the door saluted smartly as the general approached. Rapin conversed quietly with the man in the lab coat.

After a long moment, he looked back at Ultrawoman and Dr. Arnault. “Dr. Arnault?” he asked, holding the door open for Luc. All alone, Luc Arnault walked into morgue, looking like a man condemned. Lois concentrated hard on tuning out her superhearing, willing herself to focus on what was going on around her – the hum of the fluorescent lights overhead, the sounds of the heartbeats of all the people in the room, the ticking of the second hand on Rapin’s watch. She and the general remained in awkward silence, avoiding eye contact. There was nothing left to say, she reasoned.

Luc was inside for only a few minutes, but they seemed to stretch into an eternity. Eventually, the door opened again and he stepped out. His expression was grim, but determined. His eyes were red from crying, but he now kept his emotions at bay. “I’ll take you to Heidelberg first,” Lois told him quietly. “And then I’ll bring Ingrid to you.” Luc closed his eyes and nodded weakly.

Their flight to Germany was as silent and miserable as every other flight they’d taken that day, only longer. Nonetheless, it did nothing to prepare her for the difficulty of the trip that followed. She returned to the UN compound and made the long walk to the morgue. Within, she found her precious cargo – a simple wooden box. She placed her hand on top of the coffin’s rough, unfinished surface. “I’m sorry,” she whispered, her voice breaking on the words. “I’m sorry I couldn’t save you.” Lois swallowed hard around the lump in her throat. The silent room seemed heavy with recrimination. It had been such a horrible death. She’d been left in the tall weeds to bleed out. Alone. Forgotten. Discarded by a world she’d given everything to.

The doctor’s clothing had been torn. Lois hadn’t been able to bring herself to find out whether or not she’d been raped. But whatever had happened, Ingrid had suffered. Her death had been neither quick nor easy.

It was a world gone much worse than mad, Lois thought darkly. It was a world in desperate need of Dr. Heller and yet it had cast her aside. It took everything she had and destroyed what was left, leaving behind nothing but a lifeless body. Drawing in a deep, shaky breath, Lois tried to screw up her courage, whatever was left of it. She’d need every bit of strength she’d ever possessed in order to do this.

Somehow, of everything she’d ever carried, that coffin was by far the heaviest burden. She lifted it gently, feeling crushed by its immense emotional weight. Lois willed her body not to tremble as she carried it down the long hallway. Outside the building, peacekeepers had formed two straight lines. They stood at attention, their hands held in a stiff salute, and waited in respectful silence. The general stood at the head of one of those lines, his hawk-like eyes unblinking, his body ramrod straight. Dr. Heller wasn’t a peacekeeper, and she wasn’t a UN official. But in every way that mattered, she was one of them. She fell in their fight. Lois walked between the silent rows of soldiers, lifted off the ground, and began an unbearably long journey.

********

She set the coffin down in the coroner’s office, thankful that the task didn’t require her to interact at all with the efficient looking men and women in lab coats. She didn’t know a word of German and she didn’t much feel like talking to anyone anyways. The medical examiner directed her out to the lobby in a series of gestures, apparently indicating that Luc was waiting for her. An older couple that had to be Ingrid’s parents was waiting with Luc in the lobby of the coroner’s office. Her heart sunk. She had desperately hoped to get out of here without having to face them. It was cowardice, she knew, but she was certain she’d used up whatever courage and strength she might have had on the journey over here. There was just nothing left. They looked up with tear-filled eyes as she entered and Lois was struck by how much Ingrid’s mother looked like her daughter. She felt ridiculous in her bright uniform; the idea of performing so somber and mournful a duty in such cheerful colors was obscene.

All three of them stood as she approached. Ingrid’s father placed his arm around his wife’s shoulders. They leaned toward each other, both looking like they might drown if they let go. “Ultrawoman, the Drs. Heller,” Luc said. He acted as their translator, saying nothing except to translate the German and English.

“Thank you for bringing our daughter home,” Ingrid’s father said, his voice wavering.

Lois merely nodded, feeling tears prick her eyes. The gratitude stung. She should have saved Ingrid. None of them should have been in that horrible waiting room. If she’d only gotten there sooner. “I am so deeply sorry for your loss,” she managed. “Ingrid was one of the kindest and most selfless people I’ve ever known.”

“We are very proud of her,” her father said gruffly.

Tears slipped down Ingrid’s mother’s face. Her blue eyes glimmered brightly. She asked something plaintively, a quiver in her voice.

Lois looked helplessly at Luc for the translation. “She wants to know if Ingrid suffered,” he explained quietly.

A thousand thoughts raced through Lois’s mind. What comfort could she give them by telling them what she knew? Did the truth really set you free? Or was it okay sometimes to take refuge in a comforting lie? How the hell was she supposed to know this? Why didn’t she have the answers? Why wasn’t there some kind of manual that told you what to say in instances like this? She wished, for about the millionth time, that Clark were here. He would have known what to say. He always did. He always knew how to comfort her and she knew he did the same for the entire world. She swallowed, her throat dry as sand. “She died bravely,” she replied, her voice hardly more than a whisper.

Ingrid’s mother bit her lip and nodded, fresh tears falling from her eyes. They were all silent for a long moment.

“I am so sorry,” Lois said at last. She took Ingrid’s mother’s outstretched hand and gave it a gentle squeeze. She shook Ingrid’s father’s hand before retreating from the cramped, confining space of the waiting room. Once she was finally outside, she gulped in a deep breath and exhaled in a shudder. She started to take off, but heard footsteps behind her. She glanced over her shoulder. It was Luc.

“Her last thoughts were of you,” she said, hoping the knowledge would give him some comfort. “I wish there was something more I could say, something to make it hurt less, because I know how much you love her.”

“You can’t understand,” he replied sadly.

She drew in a deep breath. “You’re right,” she admitted.

“Three days ago, I saved the life of a genocidal monster. And it cost the woman I loved her life,” he said in a disaffected monotone. “I don’t remember the difference between right and wrong. I don’t understand this world. Where everything good turns to dust. I used to believe in what I was doing. I’ve lost that.”

********

She forced herself to fly straight back to Metropolis from Germany, when all she’d wanted to do once the terrible task had been completed was to collapse in a heap somewhere, alone and unbothered. Tears blurred her vision, forcing her to stop often mid-flight and brush them away. She still hated crying with that stupid mask.

She touched down on a brownstone-lined street on the city’s elegant Upper East Side, not far from Centennial Park. She remembered the building by the ornate knocker on its heavy door. She walked up the steps into the lobby and headed for the elevator. It was still before business hours in Metropolis, even though the day seemed like it had dragged on for decades. She crossed the hallway to the suite at its very end and opened the door into the well appointed reception area. The primly dressed middle aged woman looked up from the calendar spread in front of her receptionist.

“Ultrawoman! What can I do for you?” she asked as she put on her glasses.

Lois opened her mouth to speak but had trouble forming the words. “Dr. Friskin, I need help,” she said in a voice so small and scared she didn’t recognize it.