|
|
Joined: Jul 2006
Posts: 2,687
Pulitzer
|
OP
Pulitzer
Joined: Jul 2006
Posts: 2,687 |
 Part 3 of the story can be found right here Don't hesitate to let me know if there,s anything I'm doing wrong or if I've again managed to use idioms wrong and all that. 
Superman: Why is it that good villains never die?
Batman: Clark, what the hell are good villains?
=> Superman/Batman: Public Enemies
|
|
|
|
Joined: Jun 2006
Posts: 3,166
Pulitzer
|
|
Pulitzer
Joined: Jun 2006
Posts: 3,166 |
Blue arrow on the story, please!  I haven't seen most of the episodes in a while. Remind me what this refers to: <Remember that morning back at the Apollo?> She may have been a little oblivious, but she wasn't completely blind to his many charms! Green eyed monster attack! Lois is jealous... If she were being honest, she'd have to admit that whenever anyone of the female persuasion started gravitating around him, it made Mad Dog want to bite and... and... give them rabies! Oh, I hope so: For just this once, it would be really nice if Superman didn't get in the way of Clark's life. Just this once - if wishes were horses.... I wasn't sure how much I was going to like this story at first, but you have totally won me over with this chapter. I can hardly wait for more!!!  I didn't notice anything wrong with your idioms, but the way.
~~Even heroes have the right to dream.~~
|
|
|
|
Joined: Aug 2005
Posts: 738
Columnist
|
|
Columnist
Joined: Aug 2005
Posts: 738 |
great part. Can't wait for the big date.
|
|
|
|
Joined: Aug 2005
Posts: 5,797
Nobel Peace Prize Winner
|
|
Nobel Peace Prize Winner
Joined: Aug 2005
Posts: 5,797 |
It also hadn't escaped her that women seemed easily drawn to him. If she were being honest, she'd have to admit that whenever anyone of the female persuasion started gravitating around him, it made Mad Dog want to bite and... and... give them rabies! I know Nancy already quoted this, but I can't resist repeating it - it's priceless! And I love this: How dare they? Couldn't they see that he was with her? Oh... wait... he wasn't with her, was he? He was there and she was there, but there was no one that was with anyone else, was there? <Boy, this is giving me a migraine!> Gotta love Lois here!  Just what *was* this attachment she felt towards him? <Oh for crying out loud! Would you stop denying it, already? You sound like a politician at a Senate hearing!> This is so funny too, but... well, I'm a Swede, and the only Senate hearing this reminds me of is the questioning of Bill Clinton regarding his relationship with Monica Lewinsky (oooops). Oh, and I love this, too! Poor Clark! Lois' constant - almost manic - reflex to check the time was starting to worry Clark. He had no idea whether this meant Lois was hoping time would stop or fast forward. Hah! Okay, come back quickly now so that we can see what happens during their dinner date at the Lexor! Ann
|
|
|
|
Joined: Jul 2006
Posts: 2,687
Pulitzer
|
|
OP
Pulitzer
Joined: Jul 2006
Posts: 2,687 |
Blue arrow on the story, please! oops! See, this is what happens when I post things at 3 AM. I fixed it, thanks for the reminder! I also noticed I had an unfinished sentence ("In any event,") at the end of a paragraph that wasn't supposed to be there. D'oh! I haven't seen most of the episodes in a while. Remind me what this refers to: <Remember that morning back at the Apollo?> She may have been a little oblivious, but she wasn't completely blind to his many charms! That's in the pilot. The towel scene. I'll clarify that bit and add something about the towel so it's clearer. Oh, I hope so: For just this once, it would be really nice if Superman didn't get in the way of Clark's life. Just this once - if wishes were horses.... mmm... well... huh... we'll see... I wasn't sure how much I was going to like this story at first, but you have totally won me over with this chapter. I can hardly wait for more!!! aww! thank you SO much! that means a lot to me!! I hope you still like it after part 4. It also hadn't escaped her that women seemed easily drawn to him. If she were being honest, she'd have to admit that whenever anyone of the female persuasion started gravitating around him, it made Mad Dog want to bite and... and... give them rabies! I know Nanacy already quoted this, but I can't resist repeating it - it's priceless! I can't tell you how happy I am that you guys are liking that rabies bit! I added it as a "2AM afterthought" (lol!) and I have to say I was pretty proud of myself there, so I'm *really* glad that you all find it amusing! Just what *was* this attachment she felt towards him? <Oh for crying out loud! Would you stop denying it, already? You sound like a politician at a Senate hearing!> This is so funny too, but... well, I'm a Swede, and the only Senate hearing this reminds me of is the questioning of Bill Clinton regarding his relationship with Monica Lewinsky (oooops). hehehe! Well, that's not a bad example, really. I meant it to illustrate that politicians always deny knowledge of everything. Perhaps I should clarify it or write it differently? I'll think about it a little bit today. Okay, come back quickly now so that we can see what happens during their dinner date at the Lexor! I will! Just give me a couple days and I'll be done. I hope you all will find it worth your time!
Superman: Why is it that good villains never die?
Batman: Clark, what the hell are good villains?
=> Superman/Batman: Public Enemies
|
|
|
|
Joined: Jun 2003
Posts: 1,384
Top Banana
|
|
Top Banana
Joined: Jun 2003
Posts: 1,384 |
I'm just catching up on my fanfic reading, and I stumbled upon your story. I love it!!!!
I'm glad you had your 2-am after-thought, because the rabies line had me ROTFL.
All in all, I'm finding this story totally engrossing, and I'm anxious to read what happens on their date! You're doing a great job here. Oh, and cute title, too!
- Vicki
PS - although I can understand that Classicalla (and maybe others) might not have picked up on the Apollo line, if they haven't seen the show in awhile, I personally *liked* the fact that you didn't explain it. I don't know, I guess I've read enough fanfics which mention that towel that it is becoming a bit, I don't know, time-worn, I guess? No, maybe that's too cold, I don't mean that, exactly, just that, oh, I don't know what I'm trying to say here. Just that I liked the fact that you briefly mention the Apollo and leave it at that, leaving the rest up to the reader. Does that make any sense at all?
"Hold on, my friends, to the Constitution and to the Republic for which it stands. Miracles do not cluster and what has happened once in 6,000 years, may not happen again. Hold on to the Constitution" - Daniel Webster
|
|
|
|
Joined: Jul 2006
Posts: 1,883
Merriwether
|
|
Merriwether
Joined: Jul 2006
Posts: 1,883 |
This was a very enjoyable chapter, Lara! I like how you bring Lois from point A (Superman good, Clark ignored) to point B (Superman may not matter, Clark is a good man and HOT). Also Clark must have rubbed off on her a lot, because she seems really willing to give the idea of a relationship with him a chance. Another Superman exclusive.... For some reason, Lois didn't find this nearly as exciting as she used to. Well, yeah, Lois, that's because you get a lot them due to the fact that you work with Superman! Although to give Lois credit, I suppose it is a bit early in the relationship for her to suspect that. Oh... wait... he wasn't with her, was he? He was there and she was there, but there was no one that was with anyone else, was there? That's right, Lois. There is no "we," remember? And her being jealous of the attention other women lavished on him wasn't solely based on the fact that while he was busy with them, she was being completely ignored. At least she acknowledges that she can be an attention whore! Clark might not only be attainable, he would be well worth the effort, too. Absolutely! And the fact that Lois realizes this shows that she is looking at relationships in general in a whole new way. Not all men are bastards, Lois. she didn't remember the last time she had a *real* date. What, your interview with Lex doesn't count??  For just this once, it would be really nice if Superman didn't get in the way of Clark's life. Just this once - if wishes were horses.... I love this; it really shows how Clark is torn by what he wants and what he thinks he should do. But a person can only give and give so much; if they never have time to be happy themselves then eventually they get to the point that they can't give anymore. Then where would the world be? So, short of nuclear disaster, just stay with Lois this evening, please, Clark. although I can understand that Classicalla (and maybe others) might not have picked up on the Apollo line, if they haven't seen the show in awhile, I personally *liked* the fact that you didn't explain it. I agree, after all, Lois certainly knows what she is talking about, so it's not like she would explain it to herself! Even if the reader doesn't recall the scene, the context of the statement makes it is pretty clear that it has something to do with Clark being gorgeous.
lisa in the sky with diamonds
|
|
|
|
Joined: Jun 2006
Posts: 3,166
Pulitzer
|
|
Pulitzer
Joined: Jun 2006
Posts: 3,166 |
There are lots of senate hearings, but the Monica Bill thing was actually an impeachment hearing - much worse. I think most people will recogize senate hearings. You might reference to what, though. Was that in the show, too? If it was, I can't remember that either.
Hey, I love that you posted it at 3 am. That means I got to post feedback at 3:30 am
The rabies bit had me laughing and laughing...
Telling me about the towel definitely makes it funnier. But what's the Apollo mean? Is that where he lived? Maybe you could just refer to the time he was in a towel when she came to pick him up for work. Everyone will remember that.
I totally lost the whole intent of the Apollo statement without Lara explaining it. If she doesn't explain it, then how are most people going to get the meaning? I still don't know what the Apollo is. And the towel scene was definitely one of the best in the show. So I'm up for people mentioning away. It never fails to bring a smile to my face. I also didn't get it that it meant he was gorgeous. I just thought it meant he had a nice personality. Maybe I really do need to pull those episodes out and pay closer attention to the little things.
Nancy
~~Even heroes have the right to dream.~~
|
|
|
|
Joined: Apr 2003
Posts: 3,846
Pulitzer
|
|
Pulitzer
Joined: Apr 2003
Posts: 3,846 |
Hi, Great part. 
Maria D. Ferdez.
---
Don't like Luthor, unfinished, untitled and crossover story, and people that promises and don't deliver. I'm getting choosy with age.
MAF
|
|
|
|
Joined: Jul 2006
Posts: 2,687
Pulitzer
|
|
OP
Pulitzer
Joined: Jul 2006
Posts: 2,687 |
I'm glad you had your 2-am after-thought, because the rabies line had me ROTFL.  Yay!!! (...)Just that I liked the fact that you briefly mention the Apollo and leave it at that, leaving the rest up to the reader. Does that make any sense at all? Makes perfect sense to me, I hadn't bothered with the details on the scene because I figured just a quick mention was enough -- but for the sake of clarity, I will add a quick little "something" (not sure what yet) so that it's even more obvious which scene I'm refering to. she didn't remember the last time she had a *real* date. What, your interview with Lex doesn't count?? LOL! No... if you ask me, Lex doesn't count at all. We hatessss Lex! In fact I've had an idea for a re-write of another episode for the sole pupose of erasing Lex from it. Hehehe!  So, short of nuclear disaster, just stay with Lois this evening, please, Clark. OH! Nuclear disaster - *great* idea! Just kidding!! I can't promise that Superman won't be needed, though... I'm debating two possible alternatives here. We'll see... There are lots of senate hearings, but the Monica Bill thing was actually an impeachment hearing - much worse. I think most people will recogize senate hearings. You might reference to what, though. Was that in the show, too? If it was, I can't remember that either. I don't recall a hearing being mentioned on the show, but I could be wrong. I'll see what I can do to make this clearer - it sounded obvious to me, but I'll think of something better. Telling me about the towel definitely makes it funnier. But what's the Apollo mean? Is that where he lived? Maybe you could just refer to the time he was in a towel when she came to pick him up for work. Everyone will remember that. Yep, the name of that hotel-type place he stayed in at the beginning was the Apollo. I'll do everything I can to make this part easily understandable (and not too repetitive) for everyone. Poor Clark, he is late and Lois is going to kill him. Nah - he's not late yet. He's got half an hour to get ready and get to the suite. Good thing he has super speed, huh? lol! He won't be late. Again, thank you everyone for the wonderful feedback. (and at the risk of repeating myself one too many times, I'm SO glad you liked the 'rabies' bit - YES!!)
Superman: Why is it that good villains never die?
Batman: Clark, what the hell are good villains?
=> Superman/Batman: Public Enemies
|
|
|
|
Joined: Jun 2004
Posts: 3,145 Likes: 3
Pulitzer
|
|
Pulitzer
Joined: Jun 2004
Posts: 3,145 Likes: 3 |
This is a sweet take on the developing relationship between Lois and Clark, and some of the lines already quoted (rabies, the Apollo, Senate hearings) had me chuckling. This is a good story and I hope you keep up with it.
The only niggle I have with the way you present it (not the content, mind you, but the delivery) is that you're mixing Lois's and Clark's viewpoints in the narrative. Switching from one "brain" to the other is often called head-hopping and it can be distracting. It's also fairly easy to fix in most cases, so making that change wouldn't destroy the charm of your story.
And it is charming! I like the way Lois is thinking about Clark in that way. Back in the day when I read Superman comics regularly, it always bothered me that Superman wanted Lois to love him for himself and not for his powers but still romanced her as Superman. I understand why the writers did it that way (for dramatic effect and to extend the romantic tension), but I always thought it was dumb. I'm glad Lois is slowly putting her Superman infatuation in the bottom drawer and moving Clark to her desktop.
The date should be very interesting.
Life isn't a support system for writing. It's the other way around.
- Stephen King, from On Writing
|
|
|
|
Joined: Jul 2006
Posts: 2,687
Pulitzer
|
|
OP
Pulitzer
Joined: Jul 2006
Posts: 2,687 |
The only niggle I have with the way you present it (not the content, mind you, but the delivery) is that you're mixing Lois's and Clark's viewpoints in the narrative. Switching from one "brain" to the other is often called head-hopping and it can be distracting. It's also fairly easy to fix in most cases, so making that change wouldn't destroy the charm of your story. I hadn't thought about it like that. I appreciate you letting me know I'll have a look and see how I can fix it so it doesn't give anyone migraines. Thanks Terry!!
Superman: Why is it that good villains never die?
Batman: Clark, what the hell are good villains?
=> Superman/Batman: Public Enemies
|
|
|
|
Joined: Jul 2006
Posts: 2,687
Pulitzer
|
|
OP
Pulitzer
Joined: Jul 2006
Posts: 2,687 |
I've been trying to fix that head-popping problem, but I'm just making a mess of it...  I've tried taking them out of the paragraphs and rearranging the text but it's just not working out at all. eeep! Any help or hints or.. anything.. would be greatly appreciated.
Superman: Why is it that good villains never die?
Batman: Clark, what the hell are good villains?
=> Superman/Batman: Public Enemies
|
|
|
|
