OK
so this is my first attempt at any sort of fiction in years, so just be kind. It is a little short piece of fluff based on something which really happened to me when I was babysittig a friend of mine's two year old...
enjoy
The sory so far: Jimmy and his fiance Becky had taken L+C's three kids to the zoo and are on the way home
Oliver=7yrs
Xavier=5yrs
Elizabeth=2yrs
here it comes, brace yourselves and remember it was meant as fluff, so dont take it too seriously
EIEIO:
Old Macdonald had a farm, E.I.E.I.O. And On that Farm he had a…”
“Dow!”
“Ok! Cow. E.I.E.I.O”
“Oh Crap!” called Jimmy as he missed the exit to the freeway. “Please guys, I know you’re excited but I need it just a little quieter, OK?”
“Crap! Crap! Ere, anna, Crap! Crap! Der”
“What was that Elizabeth?” asked Becky.
“Dow say Crap! Crap!”
The boys sitting either side of their sister burst out laughing and Jimmy missed another exit, which apparently made the situation even more funny. Jimmy looked as sternly as he could at the boys and exhaled very slowly, before quickly looking back at the road.
“Unci Jimmy, you know you cant do Mad-Dog Lane. It’s like Lilly’s teddy trying to be a grizzly bear.” Oliver laughed some more, his seven year old witty humour taking full advantage of the pet name Uncle Jimmy had for his mother.
“I know Oli. I’m not gonna shout at you, just please let me drive OK!”
“Dow say Crap! Crap!” giggled Elizabeth, who knew enough to know they laughed because of her and was feeling the attention begin to drift away.
“No, Lilly-Bee, Cows say moo-moo!” Becky corrected in her overly floral, flute-like voice.
“Crap! Crap! Dow say Crap! Crap!” The Toddler was adamant.
It had been a long day. The group had been visiting Wayne Industries’ new wild life reserve. This one had a small zoo attached for visitors. Jimmy had been asked as Metropolis’ finest photographer to do a series of photos which would be used in the promotion of the park and help raise awareness of the conservation issues concerning endangered species. Of course he couldn't resist the chance of using his favourite "neice and nefews as models in the shots. They had been at the zoo for several hours, and Elizabeth missed her midday sleep, a factor influencing her current mood and one of the major reasons Becky was trying desperately to distract the girl from her absent parents.
After noting Becky’s silent plea for help, Jimmy suddenly burst into laughter again. “Lilly-Bee, Unci Jimmy was Joking, sweetie. Cows don’t say Quack-Quack. Duckies say Quack-Quack.”
“Thank you... my hero” Whispered Becky
“Duckie, Crap! Crap?”
“Yes baby, a duckie says quack-quack! Cows say MOO-MOO!”
“Moo-Moo?”
“Yeah! That’s it, cows say MOO-MOO!”
“OK! Moo-Moo ere, adda Moo-Moo der…”
“Hey Lilly! Horsy say Crap-Crap!” Giggled 5yr old Xavier. But Oliver gave his brother a look that could have rivalled any of Mad-Dog Lane’s. They were minutes from home, and he was looking forward to his favourite cartoon, knowing full well, if Mamma thought they had taught “Crap-Crap!” to Lilly, there wouldn’t be much hope of watching that particular show for a fair while.
“Lilly dink Xavi doking. Horsy no say Crap-crap! Ducky say crap-crap! Lilly not dupid! Horsy say nee-nee!”
Jimmy just laughed even harder as he turned into Hyperion Ave. Beside him Becky buried her head in her hands, muttering something about boys, language and soap, and something about the general state of society going down some sort of drain. When they finally pulled up to the curb, Jimmy just put his head on the wheal and his whole body shook with laughter.
The boys did not wait to be asked. They raced up-to the house and pressed the doorbell. When Jimmy looked up the boys were no-where in sight. Clark was standing by the car, accepting a squirming two-year old from a grateful Becky. “Thanks Jim” Clark called.
“No problems CK, you have three angles there.” Neither man noticed Becky’s subtle cough.
“Hey, Beck thanks heaps.”
“My pleasure Clark. This one is such a sweetie, I could eat her!”
“Nooooo! Don ead me! Lilly no wanna de eaden!” Lilly hid her face in her fathers chest.
“Lilly Baby, Becky was joking, remember?” Clark laughed internally, thinking of how funny it is when kids take things so litterally.
“ Yeah, umm, doking. Daddy, Arnou Dimmy say dow say Crap-Crap! Bud Lilly keva, Lilly know dows don say Crap-crap!, ducky say Crap-crap! Dimmy supid, is doking”
“James Olsen, what have you been teaching my princess?” Clark laughed. Becky hid her face in the boot, trying to “find” all the kid’s gear. “Baby, don’t say stupid. That’s a Yucky word. ‘K Baby! hmm?”
“K Daddy, Dimmy siwwy???”
“That’s better, not perfect” Clark muttered but the girl payed no attention. She was curled up once again in her father’s arms.
“Clark I can explain about the “crap-crap” stuff…”
“ No worries Beck, I sort of understand. We can get around this, huh Baby? Your brothers have taught you much worse. And you my precious are totally ignorant of the meaning of what you just said, which helps us enormously.” Clark cooed the last phrase, while stroking the girl’s hair. “Jim I love the quack-quack save, pure genius, whatever the original reason behind this superlative, this more than makes up for it. This will surely be one to come out at her wedding day."
Jimmy had finally come out of the jeep, and was exchanging keys with Clark. "Beck was singing CK, and I wasn't listening then when i missed the turn off....
" You should be happy you didn’t have to explain away to her some other cuss words. Hey you guys come in for coffee, I’ll tell you what she says when she hears the LNN announcer’s intro music, you know the 7 O’clock bulletin, which starts with the opening bars of Mozart’s 40th. This one was much easier to fix…”
end
this really did happen, (the crap-crap stuff) but i have elaborated a little, being my literary licence etc.
hope you had as much fun as I did on the day... when I told the mother, she said that her boy says f*&k every time he hears the news music.... perhaps (she said) they swore due to the bad news anounced by the broadcaster...???
