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Nan
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Kerth
Kerth
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Hi, everybody:

I'm pleased that so many people wanted to see the first offering for my story, but you should know that this is an early draft. I am not so conceited that I think anything i write is above reproach ( heaven forbid) but I would really appreciate some constructive criticism so I can bring this story up to the level of some of the others I have written. I know the readers and writers on this board are both intelligent and creative, having written here for a number of years. I have not written for some time, so I am counting on you to help me achieve what I need to do with the story.

So, can anyone here help me out with some thoughts?

Nan

Last edited by Nan; 09/25/26 03:32 PM.

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Boards Chief Administrator
Nobel Peace Prize Winner
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Hi Nan!

So great to see you’re back to posting stories!

(since you’ve asked: please add “FDK: Sequel to Degrees of Separation” to the topic title. It helps the FoLCs find the FDK thread smile And unrelated, I hope my FDK is helpful. I’m going mainly with positive gut-reactions and funny asides these days so you can see what landed. Those are most densely accumulated for funny bits. Fast-paced action gets fewer quips because, well, it’s action and not a laughing matter.)

/digs in the Archive for the previous story/
https://www.lcfanfic.com/stories/2009/html/degrees.html
Let’s see, we got CJ and his mentally bonded girlfriend Linda. There’s also perky Marta who had her own set of bully-school adventures.

FoLCs, this is one of the great series on the Archive!

One more bit of feedback: it would help a lot for newer FoLCs (and those who can’t get to re-reading the Archive on a yearly basis – aside from the Home series that is) to have a short summary of the universe you got set up. You can even use the handy ‘spoiler’ tag to make it expand only when clicked on, if that’s needed. We do recommend the Dagger series in the set of should-reads for newly discovered FoLCs who ask for recommendations, but you never know how quickly one catches up on all the should-reads mentioned laugh

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I can't guarantee a regular posting schedule, as life has gotten pretty hectic, but I promise to do my best not to take too long between segments.

hyper For me, that’s just fine. I got so much stuff going on, too! Getting updates with enough time in between to catch up works great! So, I’m guess we will be nominating this one in the 2028 Kerth Awards, just in time for the big Three-Oh?

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"Don't wiggle!" Martha Kent admonished CJ Kent firmly. "I'm almost done."

What’s gandma doing? /scrunches face/ Oh, a costume! His first one that’s not a jumper!

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There won't be a teenage girl in the world looking at your face."

rotflol
LINDA: mad

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"Linda ought to like it, too."

And he goes from flaming red cheeks to white hot cheeks.

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That, of course, was a big plus, but Linda liked the way he looked no matter how he dressed.

Yes, and Lois likes the way Clark dresses in jeans and tight t-shirts no matter the brand. Doesn’t change the fact that there’s a Superman suit in their bedroom that’s modified with ...let’s call them quick remove snaps.

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Linda prefers you to look smart. No baggy pants, no sweatshirts with holes in them."

They never got to be friends with young master Tommy Wayne, did they? For smart dress advice, I mean.

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"I don't wear stuff like that anyway," CJ objected. "Mom won't let me. Except for some of my jeans that have holes in the knees."

Lois not a fan of her son dressing like a skater punk?

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"I'm beginning to realize that I was lucky no other girl snapped Clark up before I met him," she said in an aside to Martha. "How did you ever keep them away?"

Lana. She was a good way to keep other girls away while also having a fixed shelf life.

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His mother laughed. "At least CJ won't have that problem with Linda running interference," she said.

With Linda being a girl and just a couple of months behind, how long until Supergirl will make an appearance to swat the groupies away?

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"Nice," was her verdict. "I want one like it, only for a girl.

shock I had no idea what to expect. This matter of fact appreciation is just wonderful!

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Ultragirl!" She made a face. "Only I can't wear pink! It makes me look all washed out! And my hair is black, not blond."

Well… /points at the other roleplay costume in their parent’s special closet in their bedroom/ And I think Rhonda’s wearing it in reverse, isn’t she?

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"That's because you have your father's complexion," her mother said. "He looks good in pink, but not Ultrawoman's shade of pink."

Did Lois wash one of Clark’s capes with too hot water?

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"I guess," Marta said, "but I decided that I'm going to be Supergirl, and someday Superwoman.

So, that leaves Powergirl for Linda? I’m sure CJ will appreciate the style. It might not help distinguish his face from his cape, but he will appreciate it.

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And unless somebody shows up with a red Kryptonite laser, or a convenient bolt of lightning hits me, i

/points at Supercop/
Also, is Linda the adoptive daughter of Henderson? Something of the sort is in the back of my mind but I’m not sure if I’m in the correct series with that memory.

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CJ's mother smiled. "Not for another four months. But I actually think it's not a bad idea. You kids seem to have a knack for getting involved in unusual situations.

So, it’s genetic predisposition. Also, Clark’s gonna have a fit when he learns just how much of a bird mama his wife is, what with kicking her chicks out of the nest and hoping they’ll fly and all that.

LOIS: What is the reader talking about? There’s no hope involved. They’ll fly. Or they’ll bounce. Either way, they’re gonna be just fine. Martha told me so.

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His baby sister was even beginning to develop a figure! When had that happened?

Sometime in the past eighteen years, I’d say laugh

Also, will the media think she’s Superboy’s girlfriend?

CJ: blush
LINDA: rotflol

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"Can I come in?" It was Linda Lennox's voice.

hyper

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"Sure," CJ said quickly. Accordingly, Linda stepped through the door. She stopped when she saw him in the Suit and her eyebrows flew up. "Wow!" she said. "That's great!"

Awww, he likes to show off for his girlfriend clap

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Wait 'til you see my outfit. I finished making it last weekend.

Wheeeeee!

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It's green, and all one piece, except for the mask. I still don't know what I'm going to call myself, though."

So, she got to do her own sewing and design? Oh dear, what are we in for?

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"I thought Clark said you weren't to go public until you're eighteen," Lois said.

Oh?

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He didn't see how Superman could claim all of them were his children!

He could tell people about the professional caregiver system they have set up back home huh

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Martha Kent winked at her. "When you kids come, I'm the one who gets a vacation," she said. "I only get my dishes washed at super speed when Clark or you children visit. That's when Jonathan gets his heavy equipment fixed, too."

Awww… they’re super thoughtful.

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and his mother had been giggling. CJ had quickly turned off his super-hearing. When Mom and Dad started kidding that way it could get embarrassing fast, and CJ had learned to tune out.

rotflol That’s one way to have ‘the talk’ laugh

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I don't expect you'll be doing that much, but you never know."

Yes, which means Superboy, Supergirl, and the Green Powerpuff are going to be making their debut by the time this story is halfway over.

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It was Wyatt.

"Come on in," Marta called.

Oh, right. Marta’s boyfriend male person she hangs out with a lot.

CLARK: And this, Wyatt, is how I can use my heatvision to roast the Christmas turkey.
WYATT: shock
…
MARTA: So, Wyatt, why are you walking almost at two feet distance from me all of a sudden?

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"Since I'm giving Wyatt a lift, why don't you go put them on and we'll fly home. You might as well get in the practice."

Awww… Of course, it’s the farm country… kids learn to drive sooner.

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CJ looked skeptically at his father. "What does Mom say?"

Marta heard her grandmother smother a laugh. Superman grinned.

"You know I wouldn't do something like this without talking to her about it. She thinks it's a good idea. Go on, now. We've got places to go."

She probably suggested it.

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Superman was the strongest, fastest man in the world, and nobody bossed him around, except Mom. What did that say about her mother?

/points at line of formerly alive criminals/

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She made sure her mask was straight, took one last look at herself in the mirror, straightened her shoulders and marched out into the yard to join her father, brother, Wyatt and grandparents.

Marta’s so adorably serious about this clap

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Clark lifted his head. “Oops,” he said. “I guess I have to return a library book.”

laugh

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You know, when we start doing super stuff, we’re going to have to work at making sure people trust us, too.”

“CJ doesn’t lie very well, either,” Marta said bluntly. “I’ve noticed.”

So, not getting busted drinking and flying. No spraying. And absolutely no sneaking into r-rated movies. Also, isn’t that the most cute thing about CJ?

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Linda snorted. “That’s okay,” she said, as Marta watched CJ’s ears turn red. “Having a boyfriend who doesn’t tell lies isn’t exactly a bad thing.”

rotflol

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Eduardo Montez put down his math paper and glanced at the floor of his room for the fourth time in five minutes, looking at the scene on the other side.

Do we know him? Also, another kid from the invasion.

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“Where is it?” Rory’s voice, slurred with booze, or something, came clearly to him. Eddie switched off the earphones and laid them on his bed. “Hand it over, bitch!”

That’s not how you are supposed to talk to your mother. Also, given how ‘Rory’ is forever ‘Rory Gilmore’ that’s just shock rotflol

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Rory must be in need of another fix, Eddie thought. He did look a little ragged around the edges. He must be coming down off his latest and didn’t have enough to get himself more of whatever he was on.

Oops, I totally thought ‘Rory’ was Eddie’s older sister. Then older brother. But no, it’s her mother’s boyfriend/’protector’ shock (yes, I missed the ‘he’ in the first sentence).

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He’d wanted a spot where he could avoid the noise from the tenants of the next door apartment when the couple who occupied it started screaming at each other, which they all too frequently did. “Sit down.”

Oh boy. So, somewhere in Suicide Slum?

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He walked to the door, looking through it, watching the man walking unsteadily away, and locked the heavy wooden panel. Then he started up the stairs. Time to get Sally back inside before the snow got any heavier.

/marks him down for ‘probably a good guy’/

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Resolutely, he ignored the sounds of nightlife in the section of the city bordering on Suicide Slum and took a seat at the table.

/points up/

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He didn’t understand why the librarian had looked at him so strangely when he had returned the first Mandarin textbook after a week and had checked out the next one. It wasn’t as if it was really that hard, after all.

cat laugh This is gold!

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Then the day had come whan he had found himself looking through the wall into the girl’s locker room and stared, shocked, until his mother’s warning voice had risen in his memory and he’d quickly turned away.

rotflol

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That one had been loud and clear, a man’s voice, he thought. And then again, the barely audible whisper: *I didn't think it was going to work. I've been trying for a couple of minutes. Your voice isn't too loud, but I can hear you.*

Ooops? T-band communication is broadband, apparently.

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Then the man’s voice again: *Okay. Thanks. I guess the test worked, all right. Good night. We'll talk more about this tomorrow.*

The boy’s whisper replied: *Good night.”*

It’s cute how they’re still being careful, aware that there could be listeners so having CJ call Superman ‘dad’ wouldn’t be helpful.

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*Who are you? Who said that?*

The silence that followed had had a startled quality, then a cautious voice, the man’s voice: *Who are you?*

Oh, wait, did this take place at the end of ‘Degrees’? It does feel familiar.

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That conversation had stayed with him for nearly three years.

Oh, so, it did happen some stories ago in the Dagger series.

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What was he going to do?

Talk to the empty air about it. Someone might show up.

This is a very intriguing start, Nan! So glad you’re back at it. And you haven’t lost your touch at all! I’m sorry I couldn’t find stuff that doesn’t work. I mean, if I’m trying to find stuff, I still don’t know how I missed the ‘when’ of Wyatt mentioning the teep’ing superbeings he listened in on. But that might just be my mind and I cleared it up a few sentences later. It’s crisp. It’s structured. It’s engaging. Once we got a title, we can start bugging CarrieRene about getting started with the Kerth certificate for 2028 peep I’m a fan. What can I say peep

wave Michael


Join us on the #loisclark Discord server! We talk about fanfic, our favorite show, life, and more! (It’s almost like the IRC days of old again!)

I go by Michael on the Archives.
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Nan
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Kerth
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Hi, Michael, thanks for the feedback. In answer to your questions, Linda appears first in "Unforeseen Consequences". Valerie Henderson is the super powered daughter of Henderson's wife. He has another daughter that is biologically his as well as his adopted son (also super powered), Alex, who was Arianna Carlin's special clone project. The telepathic conversation occurs in "Mother's Day", not long after CJ figured out how to "talk" via telepathy. Being that this is part of the Dagger series, and I'm trying to tie up a number of loose ends, there will be some other references appearing here and there, as well. Also the question of how Sally, who is obviously fairly well educated, wound up where she is will be addressed, at least peripherally.

Hopefully, a few more people will pass along their perspectives as we go because I do genuinely need them. I'm not just fishing for compliments. Our move to Texas and all the complications that ensued, as well as a terrible case of writer's block, took up a lot more time and attention than I expected and I had almost no time to keep in practice writing, which was very frustrating, as I am basically a story-teller at heart.

Nan


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Hi Nan, and welcome back! Your Dagger series is my favorite series, and I’ve read it more than once. I’m really excited that you are continuing this series. I loved your introduction to this sequel. Since it’s been awhile, it did take me a while to remember or figure out the details of Linda and Ally. All I remembered about Linda was she was CJ’s girlfriend, and I wasn’t sure about Ally until you mentioned Ben.

My initial thoughts about how to address this are, have you considered a prequel to the story? Possibilities could include a flashback, reminiscence, or even a discussion. The need for more costumes could trigger the discussion. Martha could be thinking about the similarities and differences in making a costume for adults and teens, and even male and female costumes. Would Linda and her mom and others need help in designing and making costumes?

With Martha and Linda making costumes, I wondered if maybe Martha, Lois, Linda’s mom, with or without CJ, Marta, Linda, and other parents or the children have a discussion about the children they know about and who they are. Maybe even how they came into the super secret and family. And that could lead to concerns about helping what—if any—children may be out there but not yet found, e.g. Eduardo.

Possibilities could include Martha wanting to share her experiences about discovering what works and what doesn’t. She certainly seems to be the type that would want to share that, not only to make their lives easier but also to help them have their dream costume brought to life the first try. Then I flashed to Martha showing the costumes Clark didn’t choose, and the group's reactions.

There could even be concerns with Martha aging, who will make the costumes in the future—even if it’s not in the next few years—if she can’t? I can see her wanting to share her knowledge with those making the costumes. Maybe Martha writes a manual and/or holds classes? I can see her doing both, and the manual being printed by home computer.

Anyway, I hope these ideas help, even if you don’t use any of them. Looking forward to what you come up with next.

Last edited by cuidadora; 09/26/26 09:41 AM. Reason: typo

Cuidadora

"Honey, we didn't care if you were a Russian or a Martian... You were ours... and we weren't giving you to anybody." ~ Martha in Strange Visitor

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Hi! It’s been a long time since I commented on the forum, but today I really felt the urge to do so.

It’s a pleasure to read your work again, Nan! notworthy

You don’t know me—I’m relatively new to this forum and I hardly ever write anything other than the occasional comment—but I read a lot. Your stories are the kind I find myself reading over and over again (yes, that's how addicted I've become; reading is truly an obsession for me).

Here are my non-expert observations:

I feel that, for anyone who hasn't read the previous stories in a while, it might be a bit confusing to recognize the characters without rereading them. Perhaps there could be some sort of summary?

I love that the kids are already considering uniforms for themselves; you never know when they might be needed.

I loved finally finding out whose voice they heard in their minds. For a while, I thought it belonged to Alex, but then I realized there was still at least one more super-kid left to meet.

I know the story has shifted its focus toward Clark and Lois’s children and all the super-kids left behind after the visit from the New Kryptonians, but... could we see a bit more Superman? I’d love for the kids to be able to help him at some point—maybe as a team?

Right now, I feel just like Po when he met the Furious Five. Sorry, I couldn't help but mention that. smile

Two more things before I go: my husband just found out about you; I shouted, "Nan is back!" at him, and he replied, "Who?" rotflol

Spanish is my native language, so I apologize if anything is misspelled; I’m learning English through Duolingo, but English isn't really my strong suit.

Signing off now—sending you a huge hello!

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Hi Nan! So glad to see you back and excited for another entry into the Dagger series!!

My thoughts reading this first section are in agreement with the other comments so far. I'd love a little reminder of all the characters and where we are in the story. The series is now on my 'to re-read really soon list', but right now I'm kinda lost about who all the kids are, where they came from, etc.

The biggest thing I noticed is that the way you're referencing characters is kinda odd, and I found it a little difficult to follow. Maybe if you solidify your point of view, that would clear up? There's a lot of 'his mom, his grandpa, that person over there,' especially in the first section and I was wondering why names weren't being used. For a while I was even starting to think Clark was *gone*, as in dead or something, just because of how the focus was on CJ. Glad that's not true!

There's also a little disconnect in the first section. One instant CJ is getting his costume done and Martha is promising to make him more, and the next instant the exact same situation is happening to Marta.

In the second section the viewpoint was more solidified, but it was weird for Eddie's viewpoint to be referring to his mom by her name. Unless he actually thinks of her as 'Sally' instead of 'Mom'?

On the whole though, nice draft! The characters come across nicely and the scene is set for what looks like an interesting time!


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Nan
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This is exactly what I was talking about when I asked for constructive criticism. I'll take it all into account when I edit the story for the Archive. I appreciate all of your comments, believe me.

Thanks to all of you who replied.

All of the kids are accounted for (except Eddie) in the previous stories. I'll try to make a list, but if you look they're all there. Linda is Linda Lennox, the first of the half-Kryptonian kids to appear, Nor's daughter and CJ's soulmate. Wyatt is CJ's best friend from school, a normal human boy who learned to talk on the telepathic channel, because he turned out to be Marta's soul mate. Valerie Henderson is one of the superkids, Jen Mai's daughter and the child of Henderson's wife. Ally (Allynda Myers) and her twin brother, Ben are also superkids, Nor's children. Alex is the special project of Arianna Carlin, half Superman's, half Lex Luthor's DNA, adopted by Henderson after CJ and Wyatt saved him from being killed when she thought he was not going to develop super powers. Jonny, Jimmy and the triplets are all CJ and Marta's younger siblings. If you want more details, you'll have to get them from the previous stories.<g>. Just my shameless plug to get you to read the series. I plan on going back and re-doing Dagger's Edge because somehow when it got posted to the Archive it came out badly and needs to be fixed. I'll get to that after I'm done with this one.

And yes, Eddie does refer to Sally as Sally. Just a thing with them. I once knew a family that did just that, and I decided to adopt it for this story. I'll be going back and adding Clark and Lois into other parts later where I need them, after I get the story completely written as a rough draft. As I said, this is my first attempt at writing after several years, and my old technique, getting comments such as those above worked very well before. They help tremendously. You have no idea.

Nan

Last edited by Nan; 09/28/26 02:23 PM.

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You are very welcome, Nan! I understand not using a skill for a while and needing to spend some effort remembering it. I'm glad to try and help!


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