table of contents Martha stared down into her coffee cup, her thoughts whirling wildly. Lois had told her and Jonathan earlier about Clark being alive. They were shocked. It was almost time for dinner and he would be here any moment. Martha was actually nervous about seeing her son again.
She knew enough to know that he wouldn't be the same tender-hearted man he once was. She wasn't sure if she could face seeing what had been done to him for so long. Part of her had died the day they were told Clark had been executed. She didn't think she could go through something like that again. And if she were feeling apprehensive, how much worse this must be for Clark. She had had to suffer his loss, but he'd spent these last 10 years in something which sounded a lot like hell. The fact that he'd survived it all to return to her was like a miracle.
Jonathan was pacing the den, too anxious to sit himself. He believed what Lois had told them, but he'd be so much happier to finally see for himself that Clark was alive.
"And he was sitting right there with us the other night?" Martha finally asked Lois as the younger woman scrambled to get dinner finished.
"Yes." She stopped to look at her surrogate mother with a smile. "He's not the same, Martha, but he '*is* Clark. And he needs us… all of us."
"That I don't doubt, honey. It's just… I didn't sense a thing. Why didn't I know my own son?" The older woman's shoulders sagged in distressn that her only son should be so close and she hadn't realised!
Lois placed a comforting hand on Martha's shoulder. "Mom, it'll be all right. You'll see."
Martha let the tears that had been pooling in her eyes fall. "I know it will. He's alive and he's come back to us. That's all that matters now."
"That and the fact that we have to help him heal."
"We will," Martha assured her with a teary smile. Both ladies' heads snapped in the direction of the other room when they heard the commotion as both Clarks entered the condo.
Clark's laughter died when he and his son stepped into the entryway of Lois' elegant condo. His eyes had fallen on an older gentleman waiting patiently for the duo to come all the way inside. Jonathan Kent may look a little older, but Clark would know his father anywhere. His feet seemed frozen to the floor. Clark Jr. urged him to set the packages down and pushed him toward the older man waiting to speak with him.
Jonathan's eyes were glued to the young man before him. In the span of just a few moments, he could clearly see his son's *hard* life etched in that tense, yet much loved face. Finally he smiled. "This old man sure is glad to see you, son." He took a step in the direction of the son he thought he'd lost so long ago.
"And, ah, and I'm glad to see you." Clark hesitantly closed more of the distance to his father.
Yet the older man needed no such caution. "My boy," Jonathan whispered as he reached his son. His hand lifted to grasp the back of Clark's dark head. "Why didn't I see it the other night?"
"I'm sorry."
"Hush, boy." Jonathan lifted his other hand and held Clark's face as he leaned forward and kissed his son's forehead. He pulled him into a powerful embrace, reveling in the fact that he could hold him again after so long.
Clark gripped his father's shirt and held on for dear life. His face was buried in the warmth of the familiar neck that had always been able to offer him comfort and this time was no exception. He could feel more pain seep from his body and soul as he held tight.
"I remember," Clark started softly as he continued to hold his father. "When I was about sixteen and Grandpa Kent died. You held me while I cried that day… And you never even told Mom."
"I'll always hold you when you need to cry. That's what Daddies do, boy." Jonathan held fast, allowing Clark the comfort he needed and wanting the young man to pull away in his own time.
Clark reluctantly released his father, but still kept the contact. "I'm a Daddy now." His voice was low, but he couldn't disguise his pride in that simple statment.
"And I'll bet you've been holding that boy all day," Jonathan said with a smile.
Clark glanced back at his son with a grin. "Every chance I got," he confirmed, then looked back up at his father. "Thank you for taking care of him. He told me you and Mom moved here to be close to him."
"We did. We couldn't let Lois do all this alone. She's our daughter."
"I'm glad she had you guys." Through his smiles, Clark was trying to choke back tears. It felt like his emotions were on a rollercoaster ride and he wasn't sure he could handle it, but he wasn't about to give up. Being with his father after so long was like some sort of miracle.
"Always." Jonathan grasped Clark's head and pulled him over to place another kiss on his son's forehead. He pulled the younger man against his side, wrapping an arm around his shoulder, then looked down at Clark Jr. "Don't you ever think you're too old to kiss your Daddy, champ. You hear?"
"Not a chance, Grandpa." He walked over and took his father's hand. "We better go see Grandma before she skins us all."
At his son's words, Clark felt like the floor moved beneath him.... His mother! He was about to see his mother again. He forced himself to join in Jonathan's chuckling, but his feet wouldn't quite cooperate with his brain as they made their way into the den. He was sure he was going to stumble. Yet, on either side of him, his father's arm and his son's smaller hand steadied him, lending him the strength to go on.
Jonathan let his arm fall as Clark pulled away. He approached his mother slowly, his eyes conveying *years of sorrow.* But a mother doesn't need for her child to say a word when things have happened he doesn't understand. Martha closed the distance to Clark and wrapped him in her embrace.
Until now, Clark had buried the knowledge that he needed his mother's comfort. It felt so good to be in her arms again. He gently held her and let himself melt into her body, his soft sobs muffled against her shoulder as she rubbed his head.
He turned his head and kissed her face. "I… I didn't know how much I missed you until just now," he whispered. He kissed her again and drew back to see her face. "How I ever thought I couldn't come back to you I'll never understand."
Martha lifted her hand to caress his face, her eyes sparkling with tears. "I am so glad you're here."
"Me, too, Mama. Me, too." Clark covered her hand on his face and turned his head to kiss her palm. He couldn't resist one last hug before pulling back and looking around for Clark Jr. He had to keep reminding himself that the boy was real. He hadn't been able to go more than ten minutes all day without touching him and he hugged him at least a hundred times.
"I'm right here." Clark Jr. came to take his hand. The boy seemed to understand his father's insecurity and had taken his actions in stride, even somewhat enthusiastically. He, too, was enjoying being able to touch and hug his father any time he wanted to.
Clark squeezed the small hand that had taken his. "I told him he'd get tired of me hovering before long."
"Never," young Clark said with a smile. "But I would like to eat. I'm starved."
Clark laughed softly. "This kid eats more than I did when I was little."
Martha smiled up at her son. "Now you know how we felt."
Clark pulled her against him with one arm. "And it feels great." He placed a soft kiss on her head before turning to face Clark Jr. "Hey, do you think your mom would mind if I took a quick shower?"
"No way. Come on. You can use my bathroom."
Clark shot his parents an apologetic smile before following Clark out of the room.
The younger Clark left his father to shower after a few minutes of waiting patiently in the other room and went in search of his mother. She was getting the last of their dinner ready when he entered the kitchen.
"Hey, kiddo," she said when she looked up at him.
"Hey. My daddy's great," he said as he climbed onto a stool. "I know why you liked him."
"He's the best," she told him. She leaned forward for a quick kiss before continuing her task. "Mom said he's showering."
"Yeah. He's taken at least four showers since last night."
"Really?" Lois stopped to look at him.
"Says after not being able to do it for so long, it helps him to feel clean."
Lois' heart ached for Clark. What kind of existence had he led? And would he ever be able to make it through his days with peace of mind again?
"Mom, he suffered so badly."
"I know, baby."
Clark eased from the stool and took the bread basket from his mother. "Think it would be okay if I stayed with him at his place for a while?"
Lois thought for a few moments, feeling a bit relieved that Clark Jr had suggested spening time with his father. She'd been thinking of asking him if he'd like that, in an effort to try and ease some of Clark's pain and confusion. Though she'd also miss her son's boistrous presence, she couldn't think of herself here. She'd had Clark Jr to herself for all this time, she couldn't begrudge Clark the company of their son. Besides, she was pretty certain there would be time for Clark and her to renew their relationship later... she just hoped it wouldn't take too long. The restraint was killing her!
"I think that would be wonderful. He needs you, but we have to make sure he's ready for that kind of responsibility. He's been through a lot and he might not be up to taking care of another person all the time."
"Yeah." Clark hadn't thought about that. "But I can help him out a lot. It's not like I need anyone to take care of me," he said in exasperation. Didn't his mom realize he wasn't a baby anymore?
"I know you can, honey. I just want you to realize how stressful things are for your dad right now."
Clark Jr. sighed. "I do know, Mom. And I'll talk to him."
"If he doesn't think it would be too much to have you around, I think it would be wonderful for you to spend as much time with him as you can."
The boy smiled brightly up at his mother. "Thanks, Mom."
"You're welcome," she offered along with a smile of her own. "Now, how about taking those rolls out to the table?"
"Yes, ma'am." He took up the basket, pushed the door open to the dining room and sat the bread on the table. His father had made it downstairs and was talking to Jonathan at the other end of the room. When Clark Jr. saw him there, he flashed him a smile. The older Clark returned it with the same enthusiasm.
"Feel better?" Clark Jr. asked his father.
"A little."
Jonathan clapped his son's shoulder. "In time things will get better, son. Just don't try to rush it." His father seemed to understand what his answer had implied. Jonathan had always seemed to understand what was on Clark's mind and what it was he needed, even when he was little.
"I won't." His head snapped up when Lois entered the room. His heart flipped as their eyes met and she smiled brightly, sending a rush of excitement through his body.
<<Damn! She is still the most beautiful woman I've ever seen.>>
He let his lips spread slowly, the grin reaching out to add a little twinkle to his eyes. Lois offered him a wink before she disappeared back into the kitchen, causing Clark to almost have to reach out and grasp a chair to keep from falling down. Lois was flirting with him and… he liked it.
<<Correction. I love it!>>
"Let's eat," Martha announced and everyone started to settle at the table.
~^~^~^~^~^~^~
Conversation over dinner evolved around things going on at Port Royal. Martha and Jonathan told Clark about the family that had leased the farm and he listened to Lois talk about her novels. He'd told them that after dinner he would talk to them a little about what happened to him. They didn't push for more, everyone was just happy to have him here.
A hush fell on the room when they heard the door open and the soft whistle of a man echoed through the house.
"Hey, honey, I'm…" The newcomer's voice died when he stepped into the dining room and saw they had company. "Conner Devon," he said in awe. "Wow! Guess Lois is getting everyone's attention these days."
Lois rose from her chair and moved around to the man; Clark had also risen. "Dan, this is…" She looked back up at Clark to gage his reaction. She wanted Dan to know the truth, but didn't want to do it without *his* (*Clark's*) approval.
He looked at her, seeing the trust she had in this man, and wishing he could feel as confident. Yet, he'd always put a lot of faith in Lois' judgement, so he nodded, if a little reluctantly. She gave him a soft smile before turning back to Dan.
"Dan, this is Clark Kent."
Dan's jaw dropped in shock. He looked at the man, then back to Lois. "What?"
"It's a long story that he intends to relate after dinner. But this *is* Clark."
Dan's gaze shifted back to the stranger, studying him closely, then allowing a smile to spread across his face. He was witnessing the downfall of Lex Luthor in the dark eyes before him and it was better than he'd imagined. He stepped forward and thrust out his hand in greeting.
"You're probably the best damn thing that could have ever happened around here."
Clark smiled awkwardly, but took the offered hand in a firm grip. "I am glad my presence is appreciated."
"You better believe it's appreciated. These people have missed you more than you'll ever know."
Clark's smile faded as he let his hand drop back to his side. "I think I know a little of how much they've missed me."
Dan's expression grew compassionate. He'd come to know this man through Lois and the Kents over the years. Heck, he'd actually missed him. "Yeah. I'd imagine you know only too well," he replied softly.
Clark was surprised at the understanding he heard in Dan's voice. He'd been uncertain how he'd view this man. He'd known at some point he'd probably meet him, but hadn't been looking forward to it. He could see why the man had gained Lois' trust and decided it was all right to like him. He nodded, unable and unwilling to let his thoughts drift to darker things before he'd finished his dinner. There would a trip into that area in a bit. Right now he wanted to enjoy a little normalcy with his family and hoped Dan would understand that from his silence.
The DEA agent understood Clark's unspoken request perfectly. He pasted his wide smile back on and said, "I just have to say that I'm looking forward to the rise of the house of Kent." Dan grinned down at Clark Jr. who was smiling brightly. "This is great, huh, kid?"
"This is the best day of my life, Uncle Dan." He reached out to touch his father's side. Clark immediately looked down with a smile.
Clark eased back into the chair beside his son. "Mine, too," he whispered, then ruffled the dark locks on the small head.
Dan threw an arm around Lois' shoulder and guided her back around the table. Clark tried not to let the action bother him as he continued his meal. Dan and Lois settled as Dan related some information to her that he'd learned over the last day or two.
It was some time later, when everyone finally got up to go settle in the den so they could listen to Clark tell something of his long stay in Purgatory. He shoved a last bite of cake into his mouth -- almost comfort food-- before turning to follow the group.
"Clark, if you want something else to eat, you're more than welcome," Lois told him as he caught up to her.
"I'm fine… for now." He grinned widely. "But I do eat a lot. Even more now than I did before."
"If you want something, just say so. I'll be glad to get you something, or send Clark… but of course, you're welcome to raid the fridge yourself."
"You may regret that."
She stopped and reached out to touch his arm. He stopped and looked down at her. "Clark, you're home," she said softly.
His gaze moved from her eyes to the hand still lying on his arm. Slowly he lifted a shaking hand to cover the small one that was squeezing his arm. The contact was better than he could have imagined. Once again the heat was roaring through his body. Without realizing it, he took a half step toward her and looked up to meet her eyes.
"What would you say if I told you I wanted to come all the way home?"
<<Where did that come from?!>>
"I'd say…" Lois swallowed, her mouth suddenly very dry. "Welcome home." This time it was she who stepped toward him, putting them just inches apart.
Clark's hands moved to her face, gentle thumbs caressing her cheeks. Her hands lifted to grasp his waist, her whole body trembling in anticipation. He was going to kiss her… she hoped. And every fiber in her body was screaming in excitement.
"I haven't felt emotions like these in years," Clark whispered.
She could feel his soft breath on her face and it only served to further inflame her roaring desire for this man. "Clark," she breathed, unable to stop her heart from racing in her chest.
He should stop. He shouldn't be doing this. He was such a mess. How could he possibly offer her any kind of life? How could he stop what he was feeling either?
He leaned forward and gently touched her lips with his own. When he pulled away to look at her, she closed the distance and crushed her lips to his. The flame was stoked and Clark wrapped his arms around her and gave as good as he got. The world faded for the two lovers. They were both coming home again and it felt wonderful.
Clark groaned when Lois shoved her tongue into his mouth. Reluctantly he became aware that they had an audience and broke the kiss to hug her.
"If we keep this up, there won't be a talk tonight," he whispered in her ear. He was shocked to realize where his thoughts had drifted. Is *that* what he wanted? Was it what she wanted?
"Talking is overrated."
It seemed that maybe she did want the same things he did. Clark held her just a little tighter as he laughed, his hands rubbing up and down her back. "God, lady, I missed you so much."
"Oh, honey, I missed you, too." She squeezed him again before she pulled back to look at him. "I'm really, really glad you're here."
"Me, too." He leaned down and kissed her nose before pulling away. She wouldn't let him go completely, holding tightly to his hand as they faced their audience.
"Way to go!" Clark Jr. yelled at his parents.
Clark could feel his face burning in embarrassment as Lois pulled him a little closer and grinned. He gave into the smile that tugged at he corners of his mouth, unable to bring himself to stay embarrassed over the way he felt about Lois. The years apart, the vow to stay away, all of it was washing away. Only an overwhelming love remained. He loved this woman and he wanted to express it. That's all there was to it!
They settled on the sofa, under the approving smiles of their family, so Clark could talk to them. They all waited patiently for him to start.
~^~^~^~^~^~^~
Clark Jr. eased over onto his father's lap, huge tears threatening to spill from his eyes. He'd listened as his dad related some of the terrible things that had happened to him, although he knew he'd only heard a small portion because he was too young to know all the horrors and all of his dad's fears. He listened to him talk about the pain, the solitude, the cold that became part of his very soul. He might only be nine, but he was smart enough to know his dad could have died in that cell. He suddenly knew the incredible strength that lay beneath the surface of the man who, until now, he'd only known through his mother's story telling.
Clark's own tears fell as he continued talking. His hand gripped Clark's hip, pulling him a little closer to his body.
"So… needless to say when Lois introduced this little guy as Clark Kent…" Clark rubbed a hand up the boy's back. "I was stunned. I don't know why I didn't think he could be mine." He glanced around the room, everyone, including Dan, had been incredibly affected by his story. His mom and Lois were wiping the tears from their cheeks. His dad had his head lowered to avoid anyone seeing him out of control of his emotions, and Dan sat in silence. The agent looked horrified and angry at the same time. Clark could see the wheels turning in the man's head- he realised that Dan was now even more determined to bring about the fall of the house of Luthor.
Clark Jr. put his arm around his father's neck. "Are you glad?"
"Clark, I am overjoyed. Don't you ever doubt that."
Clark looked at his father for a long moment before he spoke again. "Do you love me?"
Clark's brows rose into his hair. "What?"
"Do you love me?"
"Of course. Why would you ask me that?"
"Well, I had to ask if you were glad I'm yours and you haven't told me that you love me." The child couldn't hide his bruised feelings at his father's lack of communication. He knew it was a little selfish of him to feel this way. After all, his dad had been through a lot. But he still felt incredibly hurt over the situation and felt he should voice his opinion.
"Clark, your father just told you some of things he's been through. Give him time…"
"It's okay, Lois," Clark stopped her. "He's right. I haven't said it. Truth is until just now I didn't really know what I felt. Sure, I knew I had feelings for you and that it was love, but at the same time…" He shoved a frustrated hand through his hair. "This is hard to explain." He shifted Clark to see his face more fully. "Clark, you're my son. I would love you no matter what. At the same time I was scared to death. I had decided that I couldn't ever come home again. Yet, here you were and you being here forced me to realise that I *had* to be with you. There was a time when I could say 'I love you'. I said it often to my parents and I finally worked up the courage to tell your mother before I was arrested. I've written it so many times in those notebooks. But…" He took a breath. "So much happened... I think I stopped being able to talk to people." He lifted his hand to hold Clark's face. "I do love you."
"I'm sorry. I just wanted to hear it once. I'll wait on you to hear it again… until you're ready."
Clark leaned forward and kissed his forehead. "Your mother did one heck of a job with you."
"Good genes," the boy reminded him again. He grinned up at his father before turning to settle against his chest. Strong arms were wrapped around his small body, content to stay that way forever.
"I made some calls today," Dan spoke up. "We should have a search warrant by the end of the week."
"Oh, I almost forgot to tell you, Clark. Edward called and said Devon International was ready to move forward."
Clark nodded at Lois. "I'll call him and tell him to go ahead."
"With what?"
"Hostile take-over of LexCorp. I've been taking over or shutting down his businesses one by one. I wanted enough picked away so he couldn't fight the take-over." He saw the look in Lois' eyes. "Don't say it. I know what I was doing wasn't very healthy, but I had to do something."
"I wasn't going to say a word." She reached out to rub his arm. "Clark, we can sit here and tell you all day that we know what happened and that we understand, but we'd be wrong. We can't ever know. You have to find your way. Besides, taking his assets isn't so bad."
"Yeah, but seeing his face when he realizes Clark Kent is alive…" Dan started. "Now *that* I can't wait to see." He chuckled as he rose to his feet. "I'm going downtown to see about moving these warrants along."
"Thanks, Dan."
Dan smiled at Lois and said his goodbyes to the rest of the group before leaving them alone.
Soft snoring made Clark look down at the boy in his arms. "I think someone was worn out."
"Seems so."
"So are we," Martha told them as she and Jonathan rose. To tell the truth, tonight Martha was feeling every one of her years. She'd listened in silence to Clark recounting his time spent in that awful prison and she'd felt her heart break. Yet for her son's sake, she'd choked back her tears. Telling his story must have been a hard enough task for him without having his mother break down in a flood of tears. And one glance at Jonathan had told her that he was feeling just as broken. Now she just wanted the privacy of her room and the shelter of her husband's arms, but for a few more moments she would stay strong for Clark. So she smiled warmly on him as she made her excuses to retire. "Us old folks can't stay awake long any more." She leaned to kiss Clark. "We'll see you tomorrow?"
"Absolutely." He reached out to take his dad's hand. "Night."
"Goodnight, son." Jonathan clapped his shoulder, needing one last contact with his boy before following Martha out.
Lois smiled as she watched Clark shift his son to look down at him. "Would you like to stay with him tonight? Or you could take him with you?"
Clark looked over at Lois, his hand coming up to hold her face. He'd been fighting the demons in his head long enough… ten long years. And he'd been alone long enough. "What if I said I want to stay… with you?"
tbc...
