They walked in silence for a few minutes, and Lois watched as his back stiffened and his jaw clenched. The moment of truth was nearly upon then, and the furrowing of his brow spoke volumes about how nervous he was.
She slid her hand back into his, trying to offer support and comfort. His hand closed around hers, and she knew he liked holding her hand, but it didn’t seem to be offering him comfort or easing his nerves the way she had hoped.
She had tried again, to give him an opening, when she had slipped on the rocks and found herself cradled in his arms. It had almost worked. She had seen him crack a smile when she told him that she loved the way he carried her, and for a moment she thought he was going to say something about the dozens of times he had saved her from situations far more dangerous than slippery stones. But then the shutters closed over his eyes and he visibly withdrew from her. He told her he loved holding her, and the sincerity in his voice was clear. But it was tinged with sadness and regret, as though he feared she might not be so happy to be in his arms once she knew the truth.
She didn’t know how to help him. They had to get this out in the open, so he could see that she wasn’t angry, that she still wanted to be with him. For all her effort, the seeds of hope that she was trying to sow were failing to take root. They needed to talk.
The water was getting louder, and she assumed that meant they were approaching the waterfall where he had promised they would stop to talk. Their pace slowed, and she realized he was delaying the inevitable as long as possible.
She had seen him grin as he swallowed bombs. She had seen him laugh as he zoomed through a hail of bullets, collecting them in his hands and crushing them with glee. She had seen him face towering infernos and looming tsunami waves and threatening meteors with calm determination, never betraying so much as a moment of doubt.
But faced with telling her the truth about who he was and where he came from, his face was a map of distress and despair.
“Clark,” she said softly, and he turned to look at her. “Just talk to me. I’m not going anywhere. I’m not going to be angry.”
He nodded, but his face betrayed his inability to believe her reassurances.
“Come here,” he said, tugging her hand and pulling her off the path. “There are some rocks where we can sit by the waterfall.”
A few more steps and they were at the base of the little waterfall. It was only about three feet high, the water tumbling gently into a shallow pool at the bottom. It was charming and sweet, and so like Clark to bring her somewhere with such understated beauty.
“It’s beautiful,” she said. “Thank you for bringing me here.”
The look he gave her was full of pain, and she honestly couldn’t imagine why he was so scared. She was trying so hard to reassure him, but he just seemed so convinced that she would be angry.
“Why don’t you sit?” he said, gesturing to an outcropping of large stones that made a convenient seat to watch the falls.
She sat, and he began to pace back and forth in front of her, opening his mouth to begin and then closing it again in frustration when the words didn’t come. He ran his hand through his hair and looked at her again, regret and longing mixed together with resolve.
“Lois, I have loved you from the moment I met you. You came barging into Perry’s office during my interview, completely ignoring me, on fire about some investigation, and I was done. Completely enchanted. And the more I got to know you, the deeper I fell. And now...last night...I… This is everything I’ve ever wanted, every dream I’ve had over the last two years come true...and I’m about to detonate all of it. So just give me a minute to get this all out, okay? I know you are going to have a million questions, and I swear to you, I will answer every single one of them. But just let me get this out before you launch into them, okay?”
She nodded, a little stunned. She knew, of course, that he loved her. She had figured that much out on her own. But hearing him confess it that way was breaking her heart.
She loved him, she realized with sudden clarity.
It wasn’t a shock. She had known for a while that she was falling in love with him. She had been fighting it for months, and after their dinner on Thursday, she had stopped fighting it altogether; stopped trying to deny what it was that she felt for him. She loved him so much, and seeing him like this was killing her.
“Clark,” she said, her voice thick with emotion. “I lo-”
“Don’t say it,” he interrupted suddenly. “Please, don’t. Because if you say that to me, and then you hear what I have to say and you change your mind… I can’t… Lois, just let me do this, okay?”
She nodded silently, unsure what else to do. She waited, giving him the space to wrestle his own emotions and do this on his terms.
“I’ve been lying to you since I met you. Every day. All the time. I hate it. It seemed like such a good idea at the time. It seemed like a way to help, to do good. But I didn’t think… I didn’t realize what that meant. I didn’t understand.... I’ve been keeping this secret for years. Since I was just a kid. And I thought it would be like that. I thought it was just a matter of not telling you -- not telling anyone -- the whole truth. I didn’t think about the lies I’d have to tell to keep that secret. I didn’t think about how it could hurt you.”
He paced back and forth, his hand scrubbing at his face. He took a deep breath, and exhaled loudly.
“When I came to Metropolis, when I first met you, I never imagined we could become friends. I never dreamed that you could come to care about me. If I could go back, there are so many things I would do differently. Even if I couldn’t tell you the whole truth right in the beginning, I would still do so many things differently.”
“You can’t predict the future, Clark. All you can do is do the best you can with the information you have at the time,” she said.
He looked at her imploringly, and she remembered that she was supposed to stay quiet. She grimaced playfully.
“You had to know I couldn’t stay completely silent,” she teased. “I’m trying.”
He smiled at her despite himself, shaking his head ruefully.
“I know you’re going to be angry when I get through this and you realize how deep those lies go,” he said, returning to his explanation, his eyes on the ground. “Not just the stupid lies you’ve already figured out are lies -- the video returns and dentist appointments. But the big lies. The lie.”
He lifted his gaze to meet her eyes, his face softer, the longing back. “But I hope, maybe, you can forgive me for that. When you’re done being angry, when you understand why I did what I did, I really hope you can forgive the lies.”
She nodded encouragingly, and she felt some of the tension melt from her body. He was starting to understand, she thought, starting to feel the hope she had been trying to give him for days.
His face crumpled. “But I’ve realized that I was so focused on the lies, on telling you the truth so you could stop being mad about the disappearing, that I forgot to worry about how you’re going to react to the truth. There are reasons why I’ve kept this a secret for so long. Why I thought I would never be able to tell anyone.”
He turned his back to her and took a few breaths, his shoulders hunched. When he turned back to face her, she could see the resolve on his face. He came to her, crouching in front of her. He reached out and cupped her cheek, then slid his hand from her face.
“Lois, I’m not like you. I’m not...like anyone. I can’t give you a normal life. This weekend, the last two days, it’s been like some sort of dream. A fantasy. I want so badly to believe this is a life we can have together, but I’m not… You might not want….”
It was killing her to stay silent and watch him struggle. She didn’t even really understand what he was talking about. What couldn’t he give her? A cabin in the woods? A weekend free from interruptions? She understood that. She knew he was prone to running off at the drop of a hat. Someone, somewhere always needed him. But if she knew where he was going -- if he wasn’t just disappearing with no explanation -- she could handle that. If she knew he was running to something instead of running from her… If she knew that he would come back to her as soon as he could… She could handle that. Why did he think she couldn’t handle that?
He ran a hand through his hair, leaving it ruffled, and she longed to reach out and smooth it into place, but the agonized look on his face kept her still as she waited for him to continue.
“I think that you, of all people, could accept...the things that make me different,” he said finally. He smiled at her, the sadness and fear in his eyes momentarily replaced by a tenderness that made her breath catch in her chest. “You’ve always been my biggest defender. You’ve helped me so much, even if you didn’t know it. The things I’ve always hated about myself, the things that make me feel like a freak, you made them feel special.”
Her heart lurched, hearing him refer to himself as a freak. She was so angry at anyone who had ever made him feel that way. She started to speak, to stop him from giving those voices any credence, but he held up a hand to stop her and continued softly, his voice melancholy.
“But there’s a difference between admiring what I can do and really wanting to be with me. When you know, you might.… It’s okay, if you don’t.… Once I tell you this, it’s your secret too, and I know that’s a big responsibility, but however you feel about me...about us...I trust you. I want you to know that.” She nodded, staying quiet but trying to let him know that she understood how much trust he was putting in her by giving her the gift of this secret.
“And...I love you,” he said, cradling her face for just a moment before dropping his hand. “But it’s okay if you don’t feel the same. I don’t want you to feel obligated…. It’s okay if you want to leave....if you want to go home and think about this. And if you don’t want to be with me, I’ll accept that. If you need space, I’ll give you that. If you want me to leave the Planet -”
“Clark, stop!” she said suddenly, unable to stay silent a moment longer. “What is happening? How could you think I…”
She took a breath, and reached for him, stroking his cheek and pulling herself together. “I can’t listen to this. You’re breaking my heart. I love you, and I don’t care that you’re from another planet, and I don’t care that you’re different. I love the things that make you different. I always have. You know that. Why do you think that I’m suddenly going to stop loving those things about you just because I know it’s you?”
*****
“I don’t care that you’re from another planet…”
Her words echoed around him, shocking him into silence.
“Clark? Clark, are you listening to me?” He could hear her voice, but he couldn’t respond; couldn’t process anything else she was saying.
“Hey,” she said firmly, her hand on his cheek. “Look at me.”
He shook himself back to reality. “You know?”
“I know,” she said, nodding.
“When? How?” He couldn’t form coherent questions.
“Yesterday,” she said gently. “I’ll tell you all about how I figured it out in a little bit. But first, we need to talk about this.”
He stared at her, still in shock, his mind still racing to catch up. Her voice still echoed in his ears. “I love you...and I don’t care if you’re from another planet.”
“You know...and you love me?” he said tentatively, terrified that she was going to backpedal.
Her thumb stroked his cheek as she nodded. “I know. And I love you.”
He slumped with relief, nervous tension fleeing his body. “I had this whole speech prepared, but then I wanted to warn you about what you were going to hear. And I wanted to tell you it was okay if you needed time to process it. And then it...got away from me.”
She was quiet for a minute, watching him, and he was dying to know what she was thinking.
“I understand why you were worried that I was going to be angry about the lying,” she said finally, dropping her hand to her lap. His stomach turned as he waited for that anger to surface. “I’ve been so angry about the disappearing. And I was angry for a minute when I realized that you’ve been making me believe you were two people for the past two years. But I think I worked out why you did it, and why you couldn’t tell me until now. I get it. I’ve been trying to tell you that I wasn’t going to be angry. That we can talk about it and work through it. But this…”
She waved her hand vaguely between them, her brow furrowed in concern. “Clark, what was all this? Did you really think I…” She scrubbed a hand over her face and laughed self-consciously. “I threw myself at Superman for a year and a half, and suddenly you think I’m going to find out you’re him and…decide I’m not willing to be in a relationship with you because you aren’t from here? Help me make that make sense.”
“I don’t know,” he said, shaking his head. “I know it sounds ridiculous. But Lois, there’s a difference between having a crush on Superman and wanting to build a life with me. I told you before, I’m not just having fun here. I don’t want to just float you around your living room or whisk you off to Paris for a romantic dinner. I want a whole life with you, Lois.”
He paused, worried he was going to scare her off with his declarations. But her eyes were full of love and concern, not fear. And then, as he watched, something else creeped in. “Clark, I’m not just messing around here, either. I can understand why you would have thought that’s all I wanted from you a year ago. But after the last few months, how could you think that’s all I want?”
“I don’t! That’s not….” He buried his face in his hands, frustrated with his inability to communicate. “I’m getting this all wrong. I’m messing this up so badly.”
He heard her shift on the rock in front of him, and he braced himself for angry words or for her departure. And then he felt her hands on his neck. He looked up, into her beautiful face.
“Let’s start over,” she said softly. “Let’s try this again.”
He paused, and then nodded, his heart soaring at the opportunity to try this again. She leaned forward and kissed him gently, and then scooted back on the rock and patted the spot beside her. He smiled at her, and stood, turning to sit next to her instead of crouching in front of her.
He took a deep breath, letting her grace soothe him and give him confidence, and then he began again. “I know you’re frustrated with my ‘disappearing act’, and I don’t blame you a bit. I hate it too. And I hate lying to you. When I came to Metropolis two years ago, when I created Superman, I never realized how much I was going to have to lie. To anyone, but especially to you. I’ve been keeping so many secrets my whole life -- about where I came from and what I can do -- and I thought it would just be like that. I thought it would be easier, because He could do those things. And I could just be Clark.”
“But it wasn’t that simple,” she said.
He shook his head. “It was one lie after another. I’ve wanted to tell you the truth so many times. In the beginning I didn’t because…” He trailed off, unsure how to finish that sentence. He trusted her now. Implicitly. There was no part of him that worried she would expose him. No part of him that worried she would see him as her ticket to a Pulitzer. But in the beginning? He wasn’t so sure.
“I know you created Superman so you could help without putting yourself and your parents at risk,” she said softly. “And I understand why you couldn’t tell me in the beginning. I really, really hope I would have kept your secret and protected you even then, but I wouldn’t bet your life -- or your parents lives -- on that.”
He nodded slowly, glad she had said it so he didn’t have to.
“And then we became friends. Best friends,” she went on. “But you still couldn’t tell me, because...because of Lex.”
He took a deep breath and nodded again. She obviously hadn’t been kidding about having time to work through his logic.
“And then...since Lex...things between us have been...confusing. Hard to define. I didn’t understand at first why you didn’t tell me months ago. But now…. I think you wanted to tell me, but...you were waiting for me to choose you?” She paused, waiting for him to nod. And then she laughed a little ironic laugh. “That would have been a really good time to stop coming to me as him and confusing me.”
“I tried,” he said, heat flooding his face. “I have a hard time resisting you.”
She laughed and rested a hand on his thigh. “The past couple of months, things between us have changed,” she said softly. “After our date...after that first kiss…I knew what I wanted. I thought we were on the same page. But then things got complicated again.”
“Because of Dan,” he said, trying to keep the venom from his voice.
Her face wrinkled in confusion. “Because of Dan? No.” She laughed and waved a hand at him dismissively, confusing him.
She laughed harder at his obvious confusion, and he tried not to take offense. She must have seen the hurt in his face, because she stopped laughing and kissed his cheek.
“No, Clark. Not because of Dan.Things were confusing between us because that date, and that kiss...they were so good. And then you backed way off, and you didn’t tell me why. And anytime I tried to talk to you, you ran off to…water your plants or check your mail.”
He nodded, remembering the outrage on her face when he abandoned her mid-sentence.
“I wanted to know why. I needed to know why. And then we went out to dinner on Thursday…and you opened up. You stayed the whole night without running off. You told me it wasn’t because you were unsure of what you wanted. You told me it wasn’t because of everything that happened last year. And you asked me to come away for the whole weekend so you could explain it to me.” She took a breath, and when she began again, her voice was quiet and a little shaky. “That’s all I wanted. For you to be honest with me. For you to stay. For you to choose me.”
“I won’t always be able to stay,” he said quietly, fear building in his gut again. “I can’t promise you that. There are going to be times -- lots of times -- when we are together and I have to run off without warning.”
“Yes, Clark,” she said, her voice animated, an edge of irritation running through it for the first time since they had begun this conversation. “I know that. You’re going to have to leave to rescue people from burning buildings or runaway trains. Not to pick up your dry cleaning or check for your…cheese of the month club delivery! Can’t you see the difference?”
“And you can put up with that?” he asked tentatively.
“Yeah,” she said, reaching over to stroke his cheek. “I can definitely put up with that.”
He kissed her, without planning or thinking. His lips were just on hers, and she was sighing happily into his mouth.
“How did you figure it out,” he asked, when they pulled apart.
She smiled. “Yesterday. When you went to help out at the scene of that accident and brought me back coffee.”
“How?” he asked, baffled. He racked his mind for what he could have done differently to give himself away.
“I was already suspicious,” she said. “At dinner on Thursday, when you asked me to come here, do you remember what you said? There are things about my life…”
“...that you don’t know,” he finished.
“And do you remember what I said after that?”
He thought back, trying to recall. She had been upset. He had rushed to tell her that he wanted her to know those things. “You said something about me not wanting you to know?”
“Things I might never know,” she corrected. “At the time, I didn’t know why that popped out. It was out of my mouth before I knew what I was going to say. And you immediately contradicted me — said you did want me to know. That you wanted to tell me. And then you asked me to come here so you could do that.”
He nodded, the conversation clear in his mind now.
She sighed, and he didn’t know where she was going with this, but he could tell it was something that made her unhappy. He hesitated, and then reached out and held her hand.
“That night, when I was packing, I couldn’t stop thinking about this secret you wanted to tell me. Something so big you wanted to go away for the weekend. Something I’d need time and space and privacy to come to grips with. My mind was spinning. And then, I was standing in my living room, thinking about that conversation. And I heard you say it again, ‘There are things about my life that you don’t know....’ And I looked up and saw my living room window, and I remembered exactly where I’d heard that before.”
She stopped, and waited, and slowly the pieces fell into place for him.
“Oh my god,” he said, his stomach twisting at the memory.
“Yeah,” she whispered. “That’s why I thought the next thing you were going to say was ‘Things you might never know’.”
“Oh my god,” he repeated.
“That was pretty much my exact reaction,” she said with a wry smile. “I spent the next couple of hours trying to convince myself it was just a coincidence. That it didn’t mean what I knew it meant. In fact, I distinctly remember thinking that someday I was going to tell you that this is what I thought your secret was, and we would laugh and laugh.”
He wasn’t laughing. That day was one of the worst in his life. Pouring his heart out to her, and then having her hand it back to him and tell him she loved him like a friend. And then asking him in the same breath to tell Superman she was looking for him, so she could decide whether or not to marry Luthor. He had felt like his heart had been ripped out of his chest.
Going to her apartment that night – knowing why she wanted to see him – it had nearly killed him. And then she had been so beautiful, dressed in that nightgown. And he knew she had been waiting for him. Knew that she had wanted him – wanted Superman – to see her looking so lovely and inviting. When she turned to grab a robe, he snapped. And even a year later, shame and guilt shot through him as he thought about his response.
He forced himself to look up and meet her gaze. “Lois, what I said that night…. I should have apologized a long time ago. I would never use my powers–”
She held up a hand to stop him. When she spoke again, her voice was quiet and full of self-loathing. “I told you that if you were an ordinary man, with no powers, living an ordinary life, I would love you just the same. After I’d stood in front of you five hours earlier and told you I didn’t feel that way about you, romantically.” Her voice shook, and he could see how close she was to tears. “I think I got off pretty easy, Clark.”
He stood and pulled her up with him, tugging her close and wrapping his arms around her. She was stiff and awkward in his arms for a moment, and then she let out a little sob and melted into his embrace. He stroked her hair and took a moment to just take in the fact that she was still here, still letting him hold her. He had been so sure that this conversation was going to ruin everything.
She pulled back, out of his embrace, and smiled up at him tentatively. “I didn’t understand then why you – why Superman – was angry with me. But I never believed he would use his powers to violate my privacy. I was never worried about that.”
“And now that you know he’s just me?” he couldn’t help but ask, wondering if she resented him for knocking her idol off his pedestal.
“Now I’m even more certain,” she said softly, reaching up to stroke his cheek.
His heart clenched with happiness. Her trust meant so much to him. He bent and captured her lips with his, the gentle kiss soothing the harsh memory of that day for both of them.
“You want to walk while you tell me the rest?” he asked after he had pulled away. She nodded, and he took her hand, and they wandered back the way they had come.
“Yesterday at work,” she went on finally. “I kept looking at you, trying to see if…. I had mostly convinced myself that my theory the night before was just my imagination run wild. But then you got that look on your face.”
He couldn’t help but smile at her tone, amused with just a hint of annoyance. The way she always used to discuss his odd tendency to disappear before it started making her so angry.
“I saw you looking around for an excuse, with that trapped look you get in your eyes. And I knew it wasn’t about me. Things between us were great. And Perry and Jimmy were there just talking about photos. There was no reason you would have wanted to run from that conversation. Which meant...if you were going to run...it was because you were running to something else. And I thought...surely I was imagining it. Surely this wild theory couldn’t be right. But I had to test it. So I held up my empty coffee cup and said I was going downstairs.”
“And I took off to get it for you,” he finished, sighing. “I was so relieved. I couldn’t think of any halfway decent excuse to go.”
She nodded. “You were gone before I could even ask if you wanted me to get you something. And the second you hit that stairwell, the call came in over Eduardo’s scanner about the pile up. And I thought...no…that couldn’t be… And then...11-99. And I knew.”
A pit formed in his stomach. “Did anyone else…”
“No!” she said quickly. “They were completely oblivious. Perry was too busy teasing me about you running off to grab my coffee to even hear the call on the scanner, let alone think anything of it.”
He was quiet for a moment, castigating himself for being so obvious. One of these days, he was going to get caught and endanger all the people he loved the most.
“Hey,” she said softly, snapping him out of his thoughts. “If you hadn’t already told me about this big secret…if I hadn’t been looking for confirmation, I never would have put that together. No one else gave it a second thought.”
“Being with me...would be dangerous,” he said reluctantly. “You should know that before you decide…. There are already too many people who associate you with Superman. I’ve done a terrible job of hiding my feelings for you,” he said, thinking of all the times criminals had snatched her and used her as bait or leverage.
“Maybe it would help if I stopped throwing myself at you in public,” she teased. She hesitated, and when she spoke again her voice was more serious, more tentative. “Maybe the world would stop wondering if I was Superman’s girlfriend… if they knew I was Clark Kent’s girlfriend.”
His heart clenched, and he stopped abruptly, turning to face her. “Are you?” he asked quietly, scared of her answer. “I want that so badly.”
“Me too,” she whispered, dropping his hand and wrapping her arms around his neck. He kissed her, his mind a whirl of emotions. He still couldn’t believe this was happening. He had expected her to yell; expected her to run. He had hoped for her eventual forgiveness. But he had never even allowed himself to imagine this immediate acceptance.
He stroked her cheek, gazing at her. He loved her so much. It terrified him to think that she could be in danger because of him.
“That only keeps you safe if no one finds out,” he said, his voice shaky. “One mistake. One slip up. And everyone knows Clark Kent is Superman. And every criminal from here to Gotham City knows exactly how to get revenge; who to snatch as leverage.”
“That’s not going to happen,” she said, her voice calm and full of a confidence he didn’t share. “It will be easier with my help. I can cover for you; help you think of excuses.”
He hesitated, knowing she was right – it would be so much easier with her help. But he was still scared about a lifetime of keeping up his guard to protect her, never letting anything slip.
“Face it, Kent,” she said, her voice light and amused with a hint of arrogance. “I’m a much better liar than you.”
He laughed immediately. She wasn’t wrong.
“We’ll be careful,” she said, her voice sweet now. She reached for him, pulling him in for a kiss.
They were back at the stream crossing now, where she had slipped earlier. She started to step onto the first rock, and he stilled her with the touch of his hand on her arm. She turned back to him, waiting.
He opened his arms to her, and took a step forward to lift her.
“Clark,” she said, her voice chiding. “I’m perfectly capable-“
“Trust me,” he said softly, and she paused, voice and body quiet for a moment. Then she nodded.
He stepped forward and scooped her into his arms, and she embraced his neck in a way that was so familiar.
He waited, fear pooling in his stomach again. He had done this with her so many times, but this time was different. She looked up at him, her expression confused, unsure why he was hesitant to take the few quick steps across the trickling stream.
He smiled at her, and then rose, floating gracefully over the crossing. Her eyes widened as she realized what he was doing. He watched her face closely, looking for any hint of apprehension or unease and saw only surprise and delight.
In a matter of seconds, he was landing them gently on the other side. He held her for another moment, reluctant to release her, and then set her gently on the ground in front of him.
“Wow,” she said softly.
“That’s hardly the most exciting flight we’ve ever taken,” he said.
“I don’t know about that,” she said. “It’s one thing to know. It’s another to see it for myself.”
He smiled at her and raised himself off the ground a couple feet, then he flew quickly backward to the tree line and ricocheted back, landing in front of her.
“See, now you’re just showing off,” she said with the lopsided grin he loved so much.
He laughed, delighted by her needling. He’d had one more fear, he realized. One that he hadn’t even given voice to. And that was that once she knew, she would lose sight of who he really was. He didn’t want her to look at him in awe. He didn’t want her to be tongue-tied around him or to hero worship him. He was so tired of that pedestal. He loved her most when she was sparring with him and keeping him humble .
“You think that’s showing off, just wait. You ain’t seen nothing yet,” he said with a wink.
She laughed and reached for his hand. “I’ll keep that in mind. For now, just come hold my hand and walk with me.”
He could not remember a time he had ever received a more enticing invitation. She was quiet while they walked, but he could see her face twitching, and he suspected she was holding in a litany of questions for him.
“Go ahead,” he said. “Ask me anything.”
She brought her free hand to her mouth and smiled up at him from behind her hand. “I don’t even know where to start,” she said with a laugh.
“How about I start at the beginning?” he said, and she nodded her approval.
*****
As they wandered slowly down the trail, Clark sketched a story for her of a childhood so different from the one she had imagined for him. A story of tiny spaceships and burgeoning super powers and secrets and never quite fitting in. A story about a little boy who grew into a man wandering the globe searching for something, somewhere to truly belong.
Her heart clenched. She had always assumed Clark’s travels in his early 20s were typical wanderlust. A small town boy not ready to settle down. But his life looked so different to her now. He hadn’t just been a typical twenty something trying to find himself. He truly was alone in the world, trying to find his place.
“Did you ever find it?” she asked.
His eyes met hers, and his face softened. His hand came up to cradle her cheek. “Yeah,” he said softly. “That’s why I created Superman.”
She looked at him questioningly, not understanding the connection. He smiled at her and shrugged.
“In the past, whenever I was worried that people were getting suspicious, I just moved on,” he said. “I never stayed in one place very long. But when I got to Metropolis, when I met you, I knew I needed a way to help without making people suspicious. I needed to find a way to stay.”
“Clark,” she said, overwhelmed. “You barely knew me.”
“I know,” he said. “I can’t explain it. I just knew, this is where I was supposed to be.”
She was quiet for a minute, just taking that in.
“He was your idea,” he said.
“What? How?” she asked, sure he was teasing.
“That first week, I rescued a man trapped in a manhole. My suit was filthy. You told me to bring a change of clothes to work.” He smirked at her.
“I told you to bring a change of clothes to work, so you created a secret identity?” Her voice was full of skepticism and amusement.
“What can I say? You were the top banana. I was just following your orders,” he teased.
She laughed and shook her head.
He reached out and tucked her hair behind her ear. When he spoke again, his voice was serious again, but tender. “He’s really as much your creation as mine. You inspired me to create him. You named him. You fed him all his best lines. Truth, Justice and the American Way?”
She rolled her eyes, but flushed with pleasure.
“You have no idea how much your encouragement has meant to me over the past two years. There have been so many times I wanted to give up. So many times I wanted to retire him. So many times I didn’t know the right thing to do. You were always there, singing his praises, talking about how important he was as a symbol of hope. You were always bossing me around, telling me what he would or wouldn’t do. ‘Superman would never…’” he said, mimicking her strident lectures.
She laughed, flooded with memories of lectures she had given Clark about Superman’s virtues or values.
“Oh, god,” she said, covering her face with her hands. “That’s so embarrassing.”
He pulled her hands from her face and shook his head. “I needed those talks so much. I have no idea where I’d be today without them. I’m not kidding, Lois. You made Superman what he is. All I ever wanted to do was help...and make you proud.”
She felt the tears prick her eyes, and tried to swallow the lump in her throat. When she had figured out the truth, she had understood immediately that Clark was real in a way that Superman wasn’t; never had been. It had been relatively easy to come to grips with the fact that his actions and words belonged to Clark, and that those were memories they now shared. But it had pained her a little to realize that the man she had idolized for so long didn’t exist in the way she thought he did. This knowledge that she had helped to create him, helped to mold him into the symbol he had become, felt like a gift.
“You’ve been my partner from the beginning, Lois,” Clark said, his eyes intense and vulnerable. “In every way. Our partnership -- not just at work, but in life -- it means everything to me. I don’t know how to do any of this without you. I was so scared to tell you this. So scared you were going to walk away.”
“I’m not going anywhere,” she said, sliding her arms around his neck. He bent his head to kiss her, and she melted into him.
She had kissed him earlier as they walked – brief, chaste kisses meant to reassure him that she wasn’t going to panic and leave; that she was listening and wanted to understand. But this kiss was wholly different. It was full of passion and need, but also elation and joy.
Last night, when they had kissed and touched and loved each other, it had been an overwhelming, heady experience. But there was an undercurrent of nervousness as they both awaited their impending discussion. Although she had figured out the crux of his revelation, she still was unsure exactly what he would say. And she knew, more importantly, that he was terrified of her reaction and guarding his heart.
Now there was no wall between them. He had bared himself to her, confiding things he had never shared with anyone before, and she had accepted him entirely, even understanding and accepting the reasons he had been unable to tell her until now.
She slid her hands into his hair, holding him tight to her, as if she was afraid he would suddenly pull back and leave her. But it was clear leaving was the last thing on his mind, as he tightened his grip around her waist, pressing his body to hers.
Their mouths clasped and explored, and she gasped at the delicate whisper of his fingers on her neck. She skimmed her own hands down across his back, and reveled in the taut muscles that rippled as his hands slid over her body. They were lost in the pleasure of their touch, each of them ecstatic to be without this secret between them.
There were still things they needed to discuss back in the real world. There was still so much she didn’t know about his past. There were memories that would surface of lies he had told her; lies she would need to process. There were discussions they needed to have about their relationship, and what it meant for them personally and professionally. There were conversations they needed to have with others – Perry, Martha and Jonathan…Dan.
But all of that could wait.
Because right now there was a cabin in the woods with no interruptions. Right now there was a fridge full of delicious food he was going to cook for her and movies to watch and games to play. Right now there were conversations and words of love to be whispered and kisses to be shared on a bridge over a burbling stream…on a soft rug in front of a roaring fire…and in bed long into the night.
The real world would have to wait, because everything was perfect and beautiful, here in the right now, where there were no secrets between them anymore.
