Title: Terms of Endearment (4/5)
Author: angelic_editor
Rating: PG for mild language
Summary: This is a sequel to "Terms of Estrangement," which can be found
here . It's probably best if you read "Terms of Estrangement" first, as this takes place directly after the events depicted. Now, Clark and Lois deal with the repercussions of his revelation.
Feedback: Better than chocolate, especially since I'm so new at this. Be brutal; I welcome comments and criticism of all kinds.
Disclaimer: The characters aren't mine; the words are. Please don't take legal action, as poor college students aren't worth suing, anyway.
Miscellaneous: What started out as a short vignette has turned into a multi-part story, thanks to the amazing feedback from readers! At first I was worried I couldn't do justice to the story I wanted to tell, but you've all been so wonderful and supportive that I find I can't stop writing! It's not always as fast as I'd like, but it's still evolving nonetheless. Seriously, guys, I can't thank you enough for your kind words of encouragement; I hope you enjoy. Also, like all my posts, this is unbeated, so all mistakes are my own — point and laugh at will.
Prequel - Part One Prequel - Part Two Part One Part Two Part Three ---------------------------------------
I pull you from your tower
I take away your pain
I show you all the beauty you possess
If you’d only let yourself believe ...
— “Adia,” Sarah McLachlan “So, tell me — why’d you run away today?”
Clark looked down at his hands. Throughout a quiet dinner at a tucked-away Italian restaurant, he’d managed to answer all of Lois’ questions about his past and his abilities. But now, sitting in Centennial Park, this inquiry somehow cut deeper than the rest.
Because I was upset. Because it was easier. Because I was afraid.
He met her penetrating honey-brown gaze and realized how heart-breakingly beautiful she looked sitting there, her features lit by the glow of a nearby streetlamp.
“I’m sorry, Lois.”
She tentatively placed a hand on his.
“I didn’t ask for an apology,” she said gently, inching closer to him on the concrete bench, the site of so many raw memories for both of them. “I asked for an explanation.”
Clark set his jaw, and for a moment, Lois was afraid she’d gone too far. After all they’d covered tonight — after learning more about this man than she’d ever hoped to know — this was the question that had pushed Clark too hard.
Careful, she warned herself.
Even Superman has his limits.
“Wait, Clark — ” she began to backpedal.
“No, it’s all right,” he cut in. “I just — Lois, I don’t know, really. It was a lot of things.”
He paused, eyes riveted on Lois’ hand on his.
Whatever you do, don’t mess this up. When he spoke again, his voice was no more than a hoarse whisper.
“Seeing how terrified Adam’s mom was, and finding the little guy covered in blood on the sidewalk — barely getting him to the hospital in time ... ” He trailed off, wishing he could stop the deluge of painful images flooding his mind’s eye. “And then, just when I was about to leave, you showed up with Jimmy, and I — I panicked, I guess.” Clark willed his voice to remain steady. “Because you saw
me — for the first time, you saw behind the cape and the spandex.”
Lois’ fingers tightened on the back of his hand — for the moment, it was all she could do to lend Clark this unspoken support; she didn’t trust her vocal cords.
Her silence terrified Clark, but her grip on his hand gave him the courage to meet her eyes, which were liquid in the soft semi-darkness.
“I’d never felt so — so exposed,” he confessed, dropping his gaze. “And I’ve never been so ashamed.”
Lois furrowed her brow in confusion. “Why?”
Because I let you down. Because I’m a poor excuse for a hero.
It was too hot. The mild evening air was suddenly heavy and cloying. Lois was too close. Clark couldn’t draw a deep breath. His skin was crawling and his throat was tight.
“Because I acted like an idiot,” he answered quietly after a long minute. “All this time, you’ve thought Superman was more than — than just a man. He’s this ... this almost god-like figure who never makes mistakes. Who never hesitates, never gets scared.”
When Clark’s gaze touched hers, Lois was horrified by the naked self-loathing she saw there. But before she could say anything, Clark continued.
“But I’m hardly any of those things. I’m just me — not even close to perfect. I’m so far from the ideal that Superman represents.” He swallowed hard.
Go ahead. Admit how much of a failure you are — it’s not like her opinion of you could get any lower now. “I make mistakes every day, Lois. Most of the time, when I’m in the Suit, I’m terrified. Not for myself, but for everyone else. The decisions I make usually affect this entire city. And, more often than I’d like, the whole world. And today, all that responsibility and all my shortcomings magnified when I saw you and Jimmy — and I didn't know what else to do, so I left.”
He stopped then, his breath coming in short, shallow bursts. He burned with revulsion at his own weakness.
“I’m sorry, Lois,” he whispered brokenly. “I wish I were — I just wish I were more.”
Oh, Clark.
Lois’ heart was breaking for the man beside her. She had to reassure him, to make him see.
She cupped his cheek with a trembling hand, and he reluctantly raised his head.
“Clark, don’t you understand? You’re so much more because of who you are. Because you’re Clark Kent. Because you’re real and tangible and get scared sometimes and try to have a life outside the Suit and because you’re just ... because you’re
you.”
She brushed her thumb tenderly across his cheekbone, an echo of the same way he’d touched her countless times both in and out of the Suit. Her eyes conveyed everything she couldn’t voice.
Clark’s breath hitched as he searched her features.
What did I ever do to deserve this woman?He wrapped an arm around her shoulders and pulled her close.
“Thank you,” he murmured, pressing his lips against her temple.
“For what?”
Everything. “For being here.”
Lois’ breath caught at the intensity emanating from Clark’s dark eyes. She rested her head against his shoulder. “It’s not exactly a chore.”
Clark took her hand in his free one. “Lois, you have no idea how important you are to me. I wasn’t kidding when I said you keep me going.”
She flashed him a watery smile. “I was kind of hoping you weren’t being glib.”
That earned her a chuckle from him.
Clark’s expression grew serious. “I can’t promise you this’ll be easy,” he said haltingly.
She swallowed hard. “I know,” she replied in a small voice. She leaned against his side, into his warmth. “But that’s a promise no one can ever keep. And besides, I care about you too much to not trust this.”
Clark let out a breath he didn’t know he’d been holding.
Thank you.
He turned toward Lois and lowered his head until his lips were hovering centimeters from hers.
“Please don’t be scared when I say this,” he whispered, barely brushing his mouth against her lower lip.
Lois shivered at the contact and closed her eyes. “What’s that?”
“I love you.”
Before Lois had a chance to respond, he pressed his lips against hers and kissed her with everything he had, melding his love, his need, and his devotion into a single soul-searing moment.
When he pulled back, Lois licked her lips and slowly opened her eyes. “Wow.”
He grinned. “Really?”
“Really. You should be careful; I could get used to that.”
Clark laughed. “I’m counting on it.”
For the rest of my life.
