Well, Catherine, I'm not exactly into 1950s sci-fi B-movies, but seeing Clark wake up inside one was....
C'mon, girl, do you want me to quote it all? Don't you know how hard you're going to make me work? Hey, have a little mercy on a 50-year-old lady, hmmm?
But, okay! How can I
not quote this?
Clark awoke with a start to the sounds of someone banging on his door. Groaning at the injustice of the world, he lifted his heavy head and scanned the outside of his building. Honestly, if it was someone selling Girl Scout cookies he was going to... probably buy the kid out. But he'd send scathing thoughts at the parents at waking him at the ungodly hour of 11 am, that's for sure!
Ouch, waking Clark up at the ungodly hour of 11 am.... (Insert mental image of ROTFLOL icon here, because this reply will not get posted if I try to squeeze in more than eight, and I have already used up five....)
And how can I not quote this?
It wasn't a Girl Scout, or even a Jehova's Witness. He wasn't sure if he was pleasantly surprised or decidedly irked that his partner was hammering away at his door like a woodpecker on speed.
Ah, Lois is not a Girl Scout or a Jehova's Witness (
), but she is hammering away at Clark's door like a woodpecker on speed! Catherine, you are killing me! Insert five mental images of ROTFLOL icons, please! (But.... Uh, Catherine? It was not "a" Jehova's Witness? Where do you live, that they don't come to you in pairs?)
Okay! Cut the babble mode, because I've got so much quoting to do, you can't believe it! So, hmm, how can I not quote this?
Clark opened the door to stare tiredly at Lois. It she noticed the heavy weights that were tied to his eyelids or the fact that the floor he was standing on was tilting precariously she didn't show it.
Heavy weights were tied to his eyelids.... Rolling
, and then back to quoting:
Give him a couple of seconds to wake up.
They never came, for just then she tugged on his shirt and clutched him tightly. "Clark! Do you not know what is happening just beyond your doorstep?"
Surely he was more tired than he originally thought. As he watched her lips move they didn't seem to quite match the the words she was speaking. And was it his imagination, or did they continue to move a few seconds after she stopped speaking?
Rolling lol-icons! We
are inside a fifties B-movie! Where they couldn't synchronize image and sound! Lois' lips continue to move
a few seconds????? after she has stopped speaking????? Catherine, you
are killing me!!!! (Between fits of laughter, I notice Lois' nice fifties way of speaking and articulating, too: "Clark, do you not know...")
Well, I'm helpless to do anything but go on quoting:
Jerkily, Lois turned toward the door, bodily forcing his to turn with her. "Beyond this threshold is a creature of great and powerful evil, Clark! He ravages the buildings of downtown with no care of man, woman or child in his wake! He makes his way here as we speak!" They both stared at the open doorway for a moment, cheeks pressed against each others, before Lois let out a long ear piercing scream that would put any 1950s starlet to shame.
Yeah? It would put any 1950s starlet to shame? Hardly, because this Lois
is the ultimate 1950s starlet, cheek pressed to her male co-star's cheek, while screaming eardrum-shatteringly. lol times five!(Tiny edit: bodily forcing
him)
Hers is not to question why, hers is but to quote and quote:
Next thing Clark knew, he was flying above the city. Up ahead of him was indeed a creature of monstrous height, stomping on the buildings it came across with wild abandon. He paused in the air, briefly wondering how he had came to be wearing his suit when he was positive he'd taken it off the night before
Well, it's because the director cut you into the next scene! Duh! (Tiny edit: how he had
come)
and took in the monster. It was moving slowly, almost mechanically
Rolling lolling icons!!!
and he was certain that the feeble swat it took at the Lexor hotel shouldn't have left the building in a fiery pile of rubble.
You don't say!!! LOL times four!
And then to Clark's surprise the creature reared back his head and opened his mouth. A jet of fire shot harmlessly into the sky, causing the people running in cricles below to scream even louder and move in a more chaotic mess.
Yeah, well, if they are not running in circles, how can the cameraman keep filming them??? And of course the creature's jet shot up in the air, 'cause we'd better be careful with the scenery, hmm? LOL times five!
He flew over to the creature. It didn't seem to pay any attention to him and Clark used this to his advantage by punching the beast squarely in the nose.
Really, he expected more of a fight.
It fell to the ground dead, its unaturally stiff tongue lolling out to rest on the ground.
And then he was standing in his doorway again, dressed as he had been before.
Yeah, well, director's cut, Clark.
Lois was clutching him, all but swooning into his chest. "My hero! You have saved the day once again! Kiss me!" She pressed her lips against his dramatically, and he was reminded of the seemingly passionate but altogether chaste kisses from old black and white movies.
Eh... Clark? Are you sure you and Lois are in color here? Did you take a look? lol times three!
If they had been married and he went into the bedroom he was sure there would be two twin beds standing a couple of feet apart from each other.
LOL times fifteen!!!!! Catherine, you can't
do this to me!!!!
Lois gave another earth shattering scream as a human shaped creature lumbered into the doorway. It groaned long and low,and when it wailed out "Brains!" Clark was taken aback enough to where the creature was able to push him aside.
Clark watched from his place on the floor as the zombie grabbed Lois and took a bite out of her pinky.
Hmm... I've never watched a zombie movie myself, but don't they say that if you get bitten by a zombie, you become a zombie yourself?
Before his mind could contemplate on other such possibilities he felt legs wrap around his waist and hands clutching his head. "Lois? What are you doing?"
"Mmm!" He heard her snuffling through his hair for a moment. "Brains!"
Ah, yes. What do you say to your partner and girlfriend, seeing that she has just turned into a living dead?
"Lois, I don't know what to do here. I mean, if I were to follow all the movies about zombies, I guess the best thing to do for you would be to chop your head off. But honestly, I just don't think I have it in me to do that.
So Clark!!! LOL times eight!!!!!!
Her response was to scratch at his head and move the hair aside.
"I know, Lois. Sorry to say that my brains aren't on the menu tonight." He heaved a sigh and patted her ankles. "I'm sure there's a cure for you somewhere. You would think that with all the cloning and secret military weapons testing that there would be a cure for something as simple as zombism."
LOL times ten! !!!!!!
Dejectedly, the walking corpse that had once been his partner poked at his head as she sniffled. "Brains?"
Oh Clark, she's crying! How can you resist her? Surely you can feed her just a little bit of your brain tissue? A tiny little bite out of the temporal lobe, or the cerebellum? LOL times ten!!!
Well, eh, a raptor or something makes an appearance (honestly, Catherine, I can't quote
everything) and Clark decides it's time for him and Lois to leave. As they step out onto the pavement outside, they see a blond female neighbour getting out on her porch dressed in a negligee, and a shady character slithers into her house, whereupon she screams. Uh. Okay. Clark pauses to admire Lois:
He turned to Lois, for the first time taking a good look at her. Even with the peeling skin, whitened eyes, and thinning hair she was still kind of cute.
Ah, isn't he an adorable boyfriend? (Mental heart icon goes here.) And even though his partner is now a zombie, why should that stop her from doing her job as a reporter?
"Well, what do you say? Shall we go check it out?" The door swung open again and the blonde ran out stark naked. Well, as naked as someone can be while their girly bits were hidden behind obvious pixilation.
LOL times twenty-five!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
It's official, Catherine. You've worn me out. You've broken me, that's for sure. I can't do any more quoting. I can't even laugh any more, let me tell you. So... uh... yes, I think there was an ending to this, somehow. Maybe it was a dream. Maybe Clark was waking up from it. Hmmm. Yes. That's it. So... this was fun, you know? It was... fun. Fun. Yes.... Fun. But let me tell you one thing, though. Next time you write, and I don't care
what you write, you're not going to get a fraction of this number of quotes from me. Nope! See if you will, cause you won't! Ahh... but... it
was fun, like I said. So how about if I use the remaining ROTFLOL icon now?
Ann
