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Joined: Apr 2003
Posts: 9,362
Boards Chief Administrator Emeritus Nobel Peace Prize Winner
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Boards Chief Administrator Emeritus Nobel Peace Prize Winner
Joined: Apr 2003
Posts: 9,362 |
Okay, first of all - this was too short! <g> But, I loved it! Really enjoyed the little hook at the start. Worked very well and was beautifully phrased, I thought. I especially loved that the problem was big but the 'package' it came in was small.  Certainly intrigued me into reading further. And - ooops. Poor Clark! What a socially embarrassing problem to have! I just adore that Lois is doing this to him though. And all completely unaware. Post more soon, please! I want to see how he figures this one out! Terrific debut, Janet!  LabRat  PS - also, almost forgot, love the title!
Athos: If you'd told us what you were doing, we might have been able to plan this properly.
Aramis: Yes, sorry.
Athos: No, no, by all means, let's keep things suicidal.
The Musketeers
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Joined: Apr 2003
Posts: 3,454
Pulitzer
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Pulitzer
Joined: Apr 2003
Posts: 3,454 |
Yay!! You posted!  Now I can sit back and be smug, while everyone else has to wait and see what will happen. And I can be even smugger, knowing that I was right...  Okay, so since this is supposed to be a feedback folder, I'll just tell you again that I love the premise. We all saw Clark lose control over his powers at times, and especially that moment in the Pilot when he saw Lois looking so stunning. Yet no-one else ever thought of this idea. Well done, for thinking of it and for writing it so well!  And for such a great title. And... woohoo!!! ...we have another new author for this year! Wendy
Just a fly-by! *waves*
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Joined: Dec 2004
Posts: 451
Beat Reporter
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Beat Reporter
Joined: Dec 2004
Posts: 451 |
Ditto about the title! After reading this part, it's perfect! This is such an original idea to base a story around. I never really thought about how much he lost control in the first season, breaking phones and clocks and floating at the ball and whatnot. I can already see this is going to be a creative and fun story!  I'm here for the ride! ~NICOLE ps- I also thought it was too short So maybe you should post the next part soon to make up for it!!
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Joined: Apr 2003
Posts: 3,846
Pulitzer
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Pulitzer
Joined: Apr 2003
Posts: 3,846 |
Hi, Great start.  Love the way you portrait Clark intense feeling for Lois.
Maria D. Ferdez.
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Don't like Luthor, unfinished, untitled and crossover story, and people that promises and don't deliver. I'm getting choosy with age.
MAF
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Posts: 546
Columnist
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Columnist
Joined: Apr 2005
Posts: 546 |
I'm with the others. Very good part. Very funny and such an original idea. I will read it.
I too think that the title is really great.
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Joined: Apr 2003
Posts: 3,627
Pulitzer
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Pulitzer
Joined: Apr 2003
Posts: 3,627 |
PS, this story looks great. I read the first few lines and was hooked! As soon as I can carve out some time down the road to read between work and school, it'll definitely be on my reading list!
JD
"Meg...who let you back in the house?" -Family Guy
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Joined: Aug 2003
Posts: 3,094 Likes: 40
Boards Chief Administrator Pulitzer
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Boards Chief Administrator Pulitzer
Joined: Aug 2003
Posts: 3,094 Likes: 40 |
Ditto to what Rat said!!! Too short, but definitely a great hook! Which, by the way, just so you know... I'm not suppose to be reading fic. I really don't have the time right towards the end of the semester. I was just taking an innocent little peek since I, too, agree with Wendy that you should be writing (I've always enjoyed your fdk posts!). That was the plan - just a tiny peek to see what it was about. But, no, you wouldn't let me. Hook, line and sinker! And I ended up reading the whole dang part. Sara
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Joined: Nov 2004
Posts: 457
Beat Reporter
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Beat Reporter
Joined: Nov 2004
Posts: 457 |
You're going to have to excuse me if I repeat anything anyone else said - I haven't read the fdk thread yet. But... yeah, this was fantastic! Way too short, but fantastic. I really love the short little introduction. It's... perfect. Just a few things that I *had* to point out: But how? The obvious solution - avoid Lois Lane - would be impossible. He might as well decide to… to live underwater, or find the Holy Grail, or… lay an egg. Absolutely love that!  It was more of a nuisance, really, than an ability… or maybe more like a nervous tic. Don't really have anything to add to that, just thought it needed to be said again somewhere. And this part... I love this part: She’d almost caught him floating, though, that night they’d stayed late at the Planet, trying to piece together Samuel Platt’s report. through to All she’d done was issue a warning – “Don’t fall for me, Farmboy, I don’t have time for it” - and shortly after that they’d left the newsroom. It made me crack up. That... is just... so clever! <g> I really love that - he hadn't *fallen* for her, he'd *floated* for her! This was excellent, Janet. I really hope to see more of it soon... like... today? I'll even accept tomorrow. Grudgingly. Dave
'I just kind of died for you;
You just kind of stared at me'
- Aurora, Foo Fighters
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Joined: Oct 2005
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Beat Reporter
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Beat Reporter
Joined: Oct 2005
Posts: 378 |
He might as well decide to… to live underwater, or find the Holy Grail, or… lay an egg. Very clever. Very interesting premise. Looks like it's going to be a fun read!
**~~**
Swoosh --->
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Top Banana
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Top Banana
Joined: Oct 2003
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Great start and original. I'd love to read more, ie. post soon! 
I'm a firm believer in the fact that God doesn't put any more on us than we can bear. He does however make us come to Jesus every so often.
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Joined: Feb 2005
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Hack from Nowheresville
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Hack from Nowheresville
Joined: Feb 2005
Posts: 192 |
Oh yeah! One unique idea, one sweet title and you've already won me as a reader I have some vague idea where this may or may not lead but I favor the surprise over wracking my brain about this matter. For now I'm quite content in enjoying this first chapter which is easy, because your style of writing is comfortable and it makes me want to keep on reading ... if only you would update soon
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Pulitzer
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Pulitzer
Joined: Apr 2003
Posts: 4,058 |
Oh short and sweet! Nice! Laura
Clark: “If we can be born in an instant, and die in an instant, why can’t we fall in love in an instant?”
Caroline's "Stardust"
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Joined: Aug 2003
Posts: 446
Beat Reporter
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Beat Reporter
Joined: Aug 2003
Posts: 446 |
Thank you all for the very encouraging comments! I have to say, I never really thought I'd be on the receiving end of comments. It's a pretty great feeling! I'm glad the nervous tic line worked so well, and Clark's... er, impossible choices. I had a lot of fun writing this story, and I'm glad the humor works so well. Dave - Actually, I don't think I ever thought about the falling-vs-floating thing, at least consciously.  I wish I had, and I think it's neat that you saw that. Now, for all of you who felt this part was a little too short... hey, I've been there, reading other authors' work - I can relate. I'm a nice, civic-minded FoLC (except apparently, I'm leading Sara astray) :p and I can take a hint. So I've posted part 2 and it is much longer. This story is finished, except for a little... shall we say italics-fixing, Wendy? So while I haven't counted how many parts I've got, I do have a lot I can post. How does every other day or so sound?
TicAndToc :o)
------
"I have six locks on my door all in a row. When I go out, I lock every other one. I figure no matter how long somebody stands there picking the locks, they are always locking three."
-Elayne Boosler
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