Title: Revelations in Captivity
Part: 3 'In Love With An Illusion'
Author: tvnerdgirl
Rated: PG
Disclaimer: I do not own these wonderful people, and promise to return my toys once I am done playing with them
Summery: A 'revelation' fic that centers largely on the events that took place in 'That Old Gang of Mine' and Lois' reactions to them. Lois and Clark get locked in a department store by accident and a secret is revealed during a game of truth or dare...
Author's Note: HUGE thanks to everyone that has reviewed this so far! You guys have made me feel so welcome
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Clark smiled as she went into change into the tank top and pyjama pants. Although he wasn’t terribly pleased that their stakeout had to be abandoned, he had to admit that spending the night with Lois locked in a department store was not the worst way to spend an evening, especially since tonight she seemed so relaxed and open.
He had been wondering more and more often lately if he should tell Lois about his secret identity. Their friendship had gotten to the point where he knew he wouldn’t have to worry about her publishing the story in the Daily Planet. He trusted her and knew she would keep his secret. He worried though that she would be angry with him when she found out, and hesitated because of that.
The last thing he wanted to do was tell her the truth and have her alienate him from her life.
For the longest time he had hoped against hope that she would forget about Superman, and learn to love Clark Kent. But after what happened with Lex Luthor, he realized that the best he could hope for was her friendship and that was something he cherished beyond all measure. He would always love her, and always hope one day she’d love him, but if he told her his secret and she ended their friendship he wasn’t sure he could take it. He loved her far too much to lose her entirely.
She exited the change room and Clark felt himself draw a breath involuntarily. They were just pyjamas. Nothing special in any way, and yet she looked so beautiful standing there, smiling at him, completely open…casual in a way that he so rarely got to see her. Sometimes she would come over to his place and they’d cuddle up together on the couch and watch a movie, but those nights were rare. She would never know how grateful he was that she would trust him to be so natural with him. He knew how hard it was for her to trust.
“You look great,” he murmured, a little more intimately than he had intended to. He immediately regretted it, and braced himself for the biting comment he was sure he would receive. Instead, he watched her blush and thank him. It warmed him that she was being so receptive. She could get defensive about compliments, even from him at times.
“Now what should we do?” She looked around. “The home entertainment department is over there. We could watch a movie if you want…grab a few been bag chairs from the furniture department.”
“Sounds great,” he replied. He watched her shiver slightly and realized that she was likely very cold in the tank top. He turned in the opposite direction and grabbed a light brown sweater, that he proceeded to wrap around her shoulders. He marveled at how she could seem so fragile and at the same time so strong. She smiled at him in a way that made his entire body grow warm. He returned her smile and headed towards the furniture department.
When they had gotten settled in, Lois picked out a Mel Gibson movie and popped it into the VCR player attached to the large screen TV. Clark leaned back against the bean bag chair and sighed with contentment.
“You seem pretty relaxed Mr. Kent,” he heard her comment. He looked over to where she sat and shrugged.
“No sense dwelling on where we can’t be tonight.” He replied. “Might as well concentrate on where we are. And right now, I am watching a movie on a bean bag chair with my best friend. I’m happy.”
“You Smallville folks have a way with words, you know that?” Lois laughed and leaned into him, snuggling into his chest. Clark’s pulse sped up as he placed his arm around her shoulders and pulled her close. She was warm and soft against him. How he wished he could place a gentle kiss on her forehead and tell her that he loved her. Such a small, simple thing and yet it was beyond him, perhaps forever. He knew in his heart that she was the only woman he would ever truly love. And with that the case, there would probably be no other woman that he would be able to tell her secret too. It pained him to think that he may never be with someone who understood every part of him and accepted him for who he was. His parents wouldn’t be around forever, and once they were gone, he would truly be alone.
“What are you thinking about?” She asked him. Her voice was a soft vibration against him that Clark found incredibly pleasant.
“Wondering what it is about Mel Gibson that women are so taken with,” he lied.
“Aside from his rugged good looks?” Lois teased. She grew thoughtful for a moment. “Part of it is the fact that he’s not afraid to be vulnerable. The characters he plays, even the most macho ones usually have a softer side to them that he’s not afraid to portray. Women admire a man who is secure enough in himself to let that show. Actually he’s a lot like you that way Clark.”
“You would compare me to Mel Gibson then?” He questioned, feeling secretly pleased that she would say something like that.
“Only when it comes to your generous nature.” She told him. “When it comes to looks, Mel has you beat I’m afraid.”
“Thanks a lot,” he replied with a laugh.
“What about you?” Lois wondered. “You know about my Mel fixation, but is there any particular female celebrity that you have a crush on?”
“I haven’t really thought about it to be honest Lois.” He told her.
“Oh come on Clark!” She scoffed. “There had to be someone that you would go to every film just to see. And don’t make it someone fake and clichéd like Pam Anderson.”
“I would never go for Pam Anderson Lois,” Clark said with a wry smile. “OK, fine. I guess I always had a thing for Carrie Fisher…you know, Princess Leia?”
“Why?” Her voice was curious, not sarcastic, so Clark continued.
“Many reasons,” Clark told her. “Leia was courageous, and fearless. She was born to privilege, but she wasn’t afraid to be a leader. She stood up for what she believed in, even if it meant joining the rebellion. She was strong. And she was beautiful.”
“Most men say that part first.” Lois commented.
“I told you before Lois, I am not most men.” He grew thoughtful. “I like beauty like any man Lois, but if there’s nothing behind it…”
“It’s empty,” she finished for him. He nodded, though she couldn’t see it. “That’s how I felt about Superman I think.”
“What do you mean?” He already felt his heart sink at the mention of his alter ego.
“Well, I thought I was in love with him, you know? But I think it might have been his ideals that I was in love with.” She paused, trying to gather her thoughts. “Sort of like the opposite of what you were just saying. I mean, you can get a crush on someone based solely on their attractiveness, but if you’re not attracted to their personality, then it’s empty. With Superman, well there’s no denying that he is attractive and I love what he stands for, but that’s not really him, you know? He tried to tell me that the night I asked him to meet me, but I wouldn’t listen. I don’t know anything about him. I don’t know what he likes, where he lives, what sort of movies he watches…anything. I don’t know who he is. What I felt for him was shallow and empty. I’ve tried to tell him that I understand since that happened, but he never sticks around long enough for me to get the chance.”
“Lois…” Clark was speechless. Never in a million years would he have expected this. Lois, admitting that her feelings for Superman were an illusion. It filled him with hope that someday he might be able to get her to love him as himself.
“It was the same with Lex,” she continued. “I never loved him either. The difference was that I knew I didn’t love Lex, whereas I thought I loved Superman.”
“Why would you agree to marry someone you didn’t love?” Clark wondered. He had in the past been to afraid to ask her this question, feeling the subject of Lex Luthor to be off limits, but she had been the one to bring it up and his curiosity had gotten the better of him.
“Because it was safe.” She admitted. “I have been hurt so many times Clark that I vowed never to be vulnerable again. With Lex I didn’t have to be. I knew I could never love him, and I’m pretty sure he didn’t really love me, so it was easy to picture the rest of my life with him. I admired him, even liked him, but I knew that if I never loved him, I could never be hurt by him. I was so scared of being hurt again.”
“You don’t know how much I wish that I could prove to you that some people can be trusted Lois.” His voice was barely a whisper, yet he knew she heard it. “I wish I could show you the good in people.”
“You have Clark.” She replied, sitting up and turning to meet his gaze. “You are one of the most trustworthy people I know. You’re maybe the only one I trust. And you have a good heart. I know that you’ll never hurt me on purpose.”
“Never on purpose.” He felt himself murmur back, completely mesmerized by her beautiful eyes. Before he even realized what he was doing, he was running his hands through her hair, caressing her neck ever so softly. She sighed and arched her head back, allowing him better access. Clark couldn’t believe she was allowing him to be this close, to hold her this way. It scared him, in a way that nothing had ever frightened him before. She had just said that he was the only one she truly trusted and yet, everything she knew of him was a lie. He suddenly felt sick inside.
“That feels great Clark,” she murmured softly. He came crashing back to reality and met her eyes guiltily. “Did you learn how to give massages like that on your travels?”
“Actually my mom taught me,” he told her. She had sat up and turned her back to him so that he could fully devote his attentions to her back. She was tense at first, but soon he was able to work the tension away from her. It felt wonderful to sit with her, to touch her, to feel her relax under his fingers, and yet he couldn’t erase the feelings of guilt.
“Remind me to thank Martha Kent,” Lois chuckled. “Her son has magic fingers.”
Clark smiled and pushed the thoughts of guilt from his mind, concentrating completely on Lois. The movie played as they sat in silence completely oblivious to it.
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