Lois & Clark Forums Forums Fan Fiction Lois & Clark Fanfic FDK: In a Better Place 14--The Bakery!!!!

Let's see if I've got this straight:

Silas can hear really really well. Silas can drink really hot coffee. Silas moves very swiftly when he wants to. And Silas can look through walls.

No superpowers in Utopia, eh? Hee hee.

Sherry (who's back in CCs good graces for BR'ing kinda. Uh, CC?)

Very clever, very sneaky; can't wait to see what you come up with next. I'm beginning to suspect there may be a few more tricks up your sleeves.

Great part

I can not wait to read the next part

Karla

WooHoo this is something else. They are getting close. I can't wait for them to get home. Laura

I'm back, CC, and apologising for my absence from your feedback threads for the past couple of instalments. I've been reading and enjoying but, believe it or not, I simply ran out of superlatives with which to praise this.

I want to echo everything Hazel, Paul, Tank and others were saying in the last instalment about Utopia. Yes, this is exactly what always made me uncomfortable about the Utopia Wells kept talking about. It's too perfect. Too regimented. Too controlled. Too Disney-like. And it's not only boring, it's almost sinister.

Which is why the idea that Tempus gets the publicity he craves, and that Utopia changes as a result, becomes just a little less secure, a little less like a computer simulation of a perfect town, is just inspired. Pure genius! I am in absolute awe.


Wendy

Hi,

Great part.

Just read part 13 and 14.

They should call for help or at least the family member. This is no time to be polite.

I’m sorry for not commenting in previous parts.

MAF

HEEEHEEE!!!

<jumping in seat repeatedly> They're getting closer!!! Don't know if I can stand the wait!!!

TEEEEEEJ

Omg lol. You'll need tea for that. I'll remember that the next time I perform a treasonous act.

Uh huh. You just keep telling yourself that, Lois.

One more thing. Silas looking through walls? I didn't pick that up til the second go-around. **scratches head** Apparently, it's significant. If Utopia changed, that wouldn't affect who has powers and who doesn't...would it? I suppose if anything, I would think that until now, people have never had a reason to use them...if that makes any sense? I suppose I'm also sort of thinking about Yvonne's current fic while I aimlessly throwing that suggestion out there. But that's ok. I'm perfectly happy in my head led by the dysfunctional squirrel operating my brain.

Arghh. You're killing me, woman! A half dozen bearclaws in the bakery, and they're still no closer to unwrapping the mystery behind it, aside from confirmng suspicions of course. Queen of frustration, thou art. Oh, you know I wouldn't have it any other way. Hopefully they will discover a thing or two during the 'back way out'.

Is it Tuesday yet?
JD

So Lois didn't realize, at first, that theirs was just as hot and they could drink hotter liquids than she could? CC, you write the best. original. characters. EVER. You might want to consider moving that comma and putting it before "honestly," but talk that one out with your BRs. Love it, love it... Perfect Clark characterization, then perfect Lois times two.

So close, yet so far... I can't make up my mind if I'm pleased about that. On the one hand, I *do* want this Utopia to grow up a bit. On the other hand... who doesn't root for LnC to find the truth?

We need more. And soon!

Hazel, wondering why Lois lets Silas get away with "Grams"

LOL!! That's just great because they all know Andrus is a bumbling idiot. Who would want to see him?

Love this!!! That's so great! A babbling revelation!!!

*Whew* You're safe! (And I'm safe from thinking up something evil to do to you :p ) But I do have a question... Where are Lois and Clark and Silas in all this?!?!

Just wait a darned second here!!! This means that they've got the place under surveillance and *saw* Clark and Silas x-raying! Madge needs to get her butt out there pronto!!

NOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Nonono. ACK!!!

I think pole axed is a really good description of how I feel right now. No... duped? No... cheated? Not exactly... Perhaps: ACK!!!!!! That's about right, I guess.

Tuesday... Tuesday... Tuesday... (If I keep chanting will it make it come faster? )

Sara

CC

An excellent part!

Tricia

What Tricia said....

Still reading, still enjoying it.

Sometimes I feel like I'm in "Pleasantville" and now the characters are changing from black and white to technicolor!!

Perhaps that was your inspiration for Utopia??

And, I'm pleased that my remark smacked of ESP:
I *have* been told I'm especially intuitive, CC!

Now....
I *have* to ask the question: why didn't the Bakery manager recognize Lois and Clark? And surely they must know that Silas is a family member, so wouldn't that have been a double red flag? (or cape, as it were).

The lack of communication here and secrecy is costing Madge and her cohorts precious time here!

As always, for Tuesday...with baited breath!@

To be original... ditto the others

Jose

Wonderful! <insert appropriate superlatives here -- lots of 'em!>

Almost all of my favorite lines -- 20-foot-pole, treason-needs-tea, had/would-marry-him -- have already been quoted repeatedly.

Pretty much just one left unquoted: *considers* No, I guess it wasn't. Do be sure that trend continues, ok?

*flees*

I am so in love with this story and these characters. Between Anna's lines above, then actually throwing the tea on Petal (ROTFL!), and *then* Petal jumping into the timestream a second ahead of Hank ... just great, great scene.

I was almost sorry to go back to see what L&C&S were doing. That's how much I'm loving Madge and crew!

Fabulous part, CC. Things are really moving now. And I see what you mean about people getting into your hard drive -- talk about a creative solution to the cloaking dilemma. (And I liked how Madge had to hold on, but Anna *liked* roller-coasters. <g>)

Tuesday, Tuesday, Tuesday!

Kathy

ARRRRRGGGHHH!!!!!!!!!

Temporal Displacement be cursed!!!

Now we know how they have been keeping the secret(which to me sounds a little dangerous...)

More soon please.

James

I had a really interesting email from a writer who is darn brilliant, and it got me thinking.

When Clark, Lois, and Silas are sitting in the bakery waiting for the manager's arrival, is the common reader assumption that the woman who walks in will be Madge? And in fact when she does arrive, and until you get her name a few scenes later, that she *is* Madge?

Because, if yes, that's a fake-out I never intended. I just didn't see it. And how confusing does that make the temporal shift thingie if you're expecting Madge, and she seems to be in two places at once?

The bakery and its workers are a part of the organization of the Ministry. In fact, I'm pretty sure Madge started out there, but has since been promoted many times over.

Ok. I'm thinking on that. Could tweak by having Neville just say "Our manager, Charity, should be here soon..." Unless thinking it *might* be Madge heightens the tension and that would deflate it... and now I'm just waxing on, so ignore me.

Here we go:

You know, Chris, I hadn't really considered that before, but I can see that. Pleasantville had a sort of sinister undercurrent, though, while I think Utopia's is more naive. But still, really interesting.

And

Lots of theories on this. First and foremost, because that would ruin my last fifty pages!

Secondly, because they are looking at the problem, really, not the customers. Andrus has left them with a mess to clean up, and they're frustrated and flustered and they know big stuff in happening in the building behind them, so they are really uncomfortable with this threesome asking questions. I, also, hoped to imply this has been happening to them since Andrus left, so Lois, Clark, and Silas aren't the only ones 'investigating' the bakery. Though everyone else was investigating why they got the bad eggs.

Third, and my favorite because it's what works for Clark/Superman and is a major theme of the series and this fic, because Lois and Clark are in the dead last place they would expect them to be- standing at the counter ordering bear claws. You see what you expect to see.

Try all of those on and see if they work. As for Silas, he is one of thousands of Lane-Kents, so I don't think they would immediately 'know' him as such.

Yes! Secrecy = Bad. (But it's fun.)

And ditto that.

Also, big thank you to Labrat for providing me with that cloaking device. A group of people, whose work is to watch over time and space, would logically have their own ways of manipulating it to their advantage. Only... I would *not* have thought of that on my own!

And thanks to Tank for being Special Consultant of Time Travel. It's a tricky job.

Biggest thanks to all of you!

For still reading! For making this so fun!

Thankyouthankyouthankyou!



CC

I think the line you suggest above would be helpful. Indeed, I was wondering if the manager was Madge, and found it a slight bit distracting to have to rethink when it became clear it wasn't. So, yes, adding "my manager, Charity" to the mix would probably have helped me. Not a big deal either way, but since we OCD writers are all about the details, I figured I'd answer the question. <g>

Off to read part 15!

Kathy

Throwing in my $.02 on the manager/Madge thing...

Yes, I thought that the manager would be Madge, and was quite excited anticipating her arrival. And then when she did arrive, I still thought it was Madge, and wasn't surprised that she didn't take one look and instantly recognize. She's so distracted thinking about them, looking everywhere for them, that it would never occur to her to look under her own nose.

And I think having that sense of tension and anticipation is good. So I would hate to get rid of all that. As a compromise, you might want to introduce the manager's name earlier than you do, but not instantly. Maybe when she first talks to them, she could introduce herself by name. For example...

"Peaceful morning to you. My name is Charity," she called. "Let me put my things away, and I’ll be right with you."

Something like that. So all the readers' shoulders will slump a bit in disappointment as they heave a sigh, realizing that the answer's not that easy. Yet then there won't be any confusion with the Temporal Displacement.

Kathy