cont....
“What? Who?” Her eyes focused on a familiar figure. “Oh, Clark, you’re still here.”
“I know this isn’t the best time but we really have to talk.”
Lois hauled herself into the sitting position. “Blink and I’ll miss you,” she chuckled to herself.
“I can’t believe you drunk all that brandy. It won’t solve anything. It’ll just make you feel ill.”
“I don’t need a lecture from you. Haven’t you got someone to save tonight or maybe a woman to see, must’ve been desperate to come here, SUPERMAN,” slurred Lois.
Clark grabbed his wife by the shoulders. “Don’t Lois. I didn’t come here to start an argument.”
“ I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have said that. I can’t take much more of this. Where are we going Clark? I knew it would be hard but I never expected us to end up like this!”
“I think both of our lives changed beyond recognition and correct me if I’m wrong but you were happy before I showed up, weren’t you?”
Lois could see the grief in his eyes. She snapped out of her drunken state and moved closer to Clark. “Yes, I was happy as I could be.”
“You’re not happy now though, are you? I thought love would be enough, but it isn’t. To love someone they have to be around and I’m not. God, I feel so guilty; whatever I do, I’m letting somebody down. If it’s not you it’s the kids, if it’s not them it’s the screams I hear in my head. Even if we moved back to Metropolis it wouldn’t solve the problem. It’s destroying me because I know I’m destroying you and we can’t let it continue.”
“So what do you suggest?” enquired Lois.
Clark ran his fingers through his hair and sighed. “Let’s not expect too much from one another. I’ll stay in Metropolis for now and on weekends we can all go out as a family and spend time together. If our lives take a different path then so be it.”
Lois reached out and rested her hand on his leg. “Clark, I will always love you. You know that, don’t you?”
“I know, Lois. I’ll always love you too. This isn’t giving up you know. It’s facing up and taking control.”
If there was one change Lois had noticed in Clark, it was that he had become distant. She felt as though he wasn’t sharing everything with her. Just like when he was hiding his identity when they were best friends. Lois hated it then and she hated it now.
“Clark, there’s something or someone keeping you away from me, isn’t there?”
It was no use trying to hide things from Lois. Sooner or later her inquisitive nature would take over. “I …. Er I….. haven’t been completely honest with you. That day you saw me outside my parent’s farmhouse, you weren’t supposed to be there.”
“ What are you talking about, Clark?”
“I was never supposed to stay. I was at a low ebb on New Krypton and very homesick. I couldn’t concentrate. I yearned just to see a glimpse of the place I love. They granted me leave for a while to visit earth. I stood behind that tree for ages just thinking until I was spotted by two children and then…” He tore a look at her, she was hanging on his every word. “I heard your voice. It was torture, I knew at that moment that I had to leave, that I couldn’t let you see me. My heart was telling me one thing and my head another, I was overruled with emotion. Before I knew it you’d seen me and when you said my name it was too late I just….” Reliving it again was too much. He could barely speak.
Dumbfounded, Lois could barely utter the words. “You….you “ she stuttered “were never supposed to come back to me?”
“No, not at that time. How could I tell you that I wasn’t meant to be there? How could I leave when I found out I had two children? How could I leave you when everyday since the day I left you were the only thing on my mind? Lois, When I saw you with Paul, I felt sick. I wanted so much to just go and let you get on with your life but I just couldn’t do it.”
Lois didn’t know what to say. Her mind had gone completely blank. Clark had got up and gone over to the window. “I never thought I’d see Earth again let alone see you. Most days I was preoccupied on New Krypton, and the little time I had to myself, I spent thinking about the good times.”
Wiping a tear away with the back of her hand, she poised herself. “What was it like there? You’ve not said much about it.”
Silence hang between them for a minute or two. With his back still turned he slowly began to speak again. “Hostile… It was like everything I ever believed in didn’t exist there. I was with my own people but I was an outsider to them. I’m no more Kryptonian than you are. Having to adjust to life there was the hardest thing I’ve ever done. It took at least two years for them to accept me. I was deprived of laughter, friendship, trust and love. At one time, I could have pleaded insanity, it ate away at me, all that death and destruction that I had to witness every day. I could feel my body slowly rejecting my heart, they became disconnected, it was the only way I could survive.”
Lois made her way across the room to where Clark was standing. He didn’t turn around. “I’m sorry, Clark. I had no idea.”
“I don’t want sympathy. I just need you to understand that it’s altered me a little. I’ve been back to New Krypton several times. I told them that I couldn’t go back for good. They took it better than I thought. Ching and Zara have learnt a lot, so I think they should be able to rule perfectly well without me.”
He turned away from the window to face Lois. “Now you’ve been completely honest with me, do you think we could be true to ourselves?” Lois softly asked.
“We can but try.” Clark raised his hand to her cheek and pulled her closer.
Lois shied away. “You’re not going to go away tonight are you?”
“Not tonight Lois…..not tonight.”
A smile crept across her face as she put her arms around him. She felt better already.
*********************************************************************
It had been a week since their talk and things were getting better. Jonathan and Martha had been great, taking the children when they wanted time to themselves. It was like they were dating and in the “getting to know you” period. They had come to a mutual arrangement that they would take each day as it comes, being just very good friends.
The forthcoming event in the Kent household was proving a hard task. Lois wanted Kieran and Faith’s fifth birthday to be their best yet. She’d spent the last few days sorting out entertainment, food, and buying presents. Clark helped when he could but he knew Lois was in her element organising everything, so he left most of it to her.
She was just going over the numbers for the party when she caught sight of Martha’s face at the kitchen window. “Martha!” she waved. “Come in.”
“Hi, honey. You looked deep in thought.”
“Yeah, I was just checking how many people were coming to the party. Do you know I counted twenty children?”
Martha laughed. “They’re going to love it. Have you sorted out the entertainment?”
“I’ve got Mr. Magic coming but that won’t keep them entertained for long. I was thinking about asking Clark.”
“Clark?”
“C’mon, Martha, the kids would love having Superman at their party.”
“I’m not sure, Lois. What if they make the connection between Clark and Superman?”
“Well, we can paint his face or something.”
Martha gave Lois a funny look “I think you should ask Clark.”
“Ask me what?” The two Kent women nearly jumped out of their skin.
Lois held her chest “Don’t do that, Clark!”
“Sorry. Hi, mom.”
Martha gave Clark a peck on the cheek. “Hi, honey. Lois was just telling me about the entertainment for the kids party next week.”
“Oh, well what did you want to ask me?”
Putting her pen down on the table she looked at Clark. “I was wandering if you could come to the party as Superman just for ten minutes or so. The kids would love it.”
Clark raised his eyebrows and looked at his Mom who shrugged her shoulders and then at Lois. “I kinda thought I’d be going as their dad.”
“Of course you will.. for most of it. Just fly down and deliver the birthday cake or something.”
“All right, I suppose it can’t hurt. This will be a good one to tell Kieran and Faith when they’re older.”
Lois was grinning from ear to ear as she ticked “Superman” off her list. “I knew you wouldn’t let me down.”
“I’ll leave you two to it then,” said Martha “Oh and I’ll be round later to look after the twins”
“Thanks, Martha.”
“Yeah, bye, mom,” shouted Clark.
“Slow news day?” Lois asked, hugging her husband close.
“Jimmy and I have been working on a few things. It’ll soon pick up, what with Lex Luthor getting his get out of jail free card, passing go and collecting two hundred dollars. Metropolis just isn’t the same without him,” he said, sarcastically.
Lois’s face fell. The mere mention of his name sent a chill through her heart. “Be careful, Clark. It won’t be long before he’s up to something. You know what they say about leopards never changing their spots.”
Clark reached out and covered her hand. “I won’t let him hurt our family.”
“Let’s not talk about him. I’m really looking forward to tonight. Where are you taking me?”
A smile danced across his lips. “How do you fancy Paris?”
Don’t try so hard Clark. Pizza and a video is just as good, besides it doesn’t matter where you take me it’s the company that counts”
He should have known better than to dazzle Lois. He wanted to show her how much he cared and he would give her the world if he could. As far as he was concerned he owed her everything, the respect and admiration he had for her now was at its highest. Their relationship had reached a new level and it was important that he didn’t step over the line. He had no idea whether they’d ever get back together, but for the moment he was just enjoying what they had.
“Pizza in Metropolis it is then, I better go and tidy up. Pick you up at seven then.”
“I’ll be waiting.”
By six o’clock Lois finished arranging the party, having now an hour left to get ready before Clark picked her up. “Oh, God, I look awful,” she muttered as she caught sight of herself in the bedroom mirror.
She had no idea of what to wear, not seeing the inside of a decent clothes shop for ages she didn’t have anything new either. After a lot of deliberating she eventually decided on a pair of Levi’s and a v- neck sweater, it wasn’t great but it wasn’t bad either. Laying the garments out on the bed, she then went into the bathroom to run herself her bath.
The warm water welcomed her as she slid into the bath. It had completely relaxed her and before she knew it there was a knock at the door. “Kids, can one of you get that?” she shouted.
Kieran and Faith were in the playroom with their toys. Faith looked at Kieran who was deep in thought with a king size jigsaw puzzle. Realising he wasn’t going to get the door, Faith got up to see who it was. She looked out the window and saw it was Martha. Smiling, she grabbed the little chair she used to open the door and its many locks.
“Hi, Grandma. Mommy’s in the bath. Come and see what I made at school today.” Faith grabbed Martha’s hand and led her into the playroom. She ran over to the table and picked up the pottery.
“It’s a vase. I made it with Mrs. Lopez in our pottery class.”
Martha laughed as she picked up the lop-sided vase. “It’s beautiful darling, and did you paint it too?”
Faith looked indignant. “Of course I did grandma!”
“Well you are a clever little girl.” Martha proudly smiled, patting her granddaughter on the head.
Lois quickly wrapped a towel around her body and dried herself off. She sorted her hair out and put a bit of make up on. Satisfied with herself, she went in search of Martha and the kids.
“Oh, Martha, I’m sorry. I was enjoying wallowing in the bath. Are you sure you don’t mind looking after the kids?”
“It’s fine, Lois, really. You look lovely by the way.”
Lois gave her an appreciative smile and went over to the kids to kiss them goodbye.
The door went again. This time it was Clark. “Am I early or late?”
As soon as the twins caught sight of Clark, they ran to him “Daddy, Daddy!”
Clark bent down and opened his arms out towards them “Hey guys, have you been good today?”
They both nodded and continued holding on to Clark. “Are you staying to play with us tonight daddy?” asked Kieran.
“I’d love to but I promised mommy that I’d take her out. I tell you what though, maybe you can come and stay with me on the weekend?” Clark looked at Lois.
Faiths eyes grew large “Metop…oo..lis?” enquired Faith.
Clark threw his head back and laughed out loud. “Yes sweetie, the big city. We can go to the park, visit the museums, and we could see Uncle Perry and Uncle Jimmy.”
The kids were jumping up and down and clapping their hands. “Mommy, can we go…please?”
“Mommy can come too is she wants?”
“I don’t see why not. I really need to visit the shops anyway.” grinned Lois. “Let go of daddy now. We have to go so you two be good for your Grandma.”
“I’ll sort your plane tickets out.” Winked Clark
“Thanks.”
“We’re gonna bake cookies tonight, then Grandpa is going to come over to taste them! Have a nice evening and don’t worry about these two they’ll be fine.”
“Thanks, Martha.”
Clark and Lois landed on his balcony in Clinton Street a few minutes later. “That was invigorating, it’s so beautiful when Metropolis comes into view, there’s nothing quite like it.” Her heart warmed at the sight of the city she loved, and dearly missed.
“I know what you mean. When I first came here I used hover over the city for hours just watching as night became day.”
“Thanks for inviting us to Metropolis for the weekend, I think it’s just what we need.”
“I’m gonna love having you here. Hopefully I won’t get called away too much. Today has been one of those days, I’m so glad Perry and Jimmy know about Superman. I don’t think I’d have a job otherwise. It’s not the same at the Planet without you Lois.”
Lois walked round the couch and sat down. “I miss it, I really do. My job at the school is nice but it’s not me. I always found myself looking for a story, digging where I shouldn’t.”
Clark laughed. “That’s definitely you. Hey, you know you can have your old job back in a flash if you wanted it?”
“As much as that tempts me, I don’t know if I could do it anymore. I have responsibilities, others to think about. It’s a job I have to devote my entire life to and at the moment it’s not the right time.”
“One step at a time, huh?”
Lois smiled. “Something like that.”
They ordered take out and watched a video. Lois was really enjoying herself, it had been ages since she’d chilled out and let her hair down. Clark seemed to be enjoying himself too. She observed him over the top of her wineglass.
“This is really nice, Clark. This must be the first time since you’ve been back that we’ve actually been on our own.”
“I think you’re right. I’ve been so overwhelmed with everything I just don’t know whether I’m coming or going. My priorities need sorting out and we need to get back to having some sort of relationship. Even if it’s a friendship it’s better than nothing.”
Lois moved nearer to Clark “Do you think we’ll ever get it back?”
“What?”
“To the way it used to be. To the way we used to be together. Sometimes I can feel it but I can’t hold on to it. Do you feel like that, Clark?”
He took her small delicate hand and held it for a moment. “I feel so many different things, but I feel guilt and regret more than anything. It’s like I can’t allow myself to feel happy because that would be wrong. I don’t deserve you and certainly don’t deserve to be a father.”
“Isn’t that for us to decide? We need you, Clark, but we need all of you. Don’t let the past destroy the present. Give yourself a break. You did what you thought was right at the time and you helped a lot of people.”
He shot up from the sofa and stood over Lois. “I also killed a lot of people Lois! Do you understand what I’m saying here. I’m a murderer! I killed about as many people as I saved. That’s not an achievement, I see their faces and their pain every time I close my eyes. It eats away me day after day. How can we ever get it back if I’m not the same person?!
Lois was shocked by Clark’s sudden outburst. There was obviously a lot more going on with him than she realised. Just when she thought she was getting through to him he had turned again. Maybe he was right. He was a different person.
“I guess that’s it then. We’ll let’s just give up, shall we? Like you said we can be friends. I’ll sort out the days and times when you can have the children and we’ll take it from there. Now if you’d kindly take me home.”
“Lois! Look, you’ve only just got here. I’m sorry I shouldn’t have shouted like that.”
“Damn right you shouldn’t have.” Lois flung her jumper over her shoulder. “Give me one good reason why I should stay?”
A long miserable silence filled the air of Clark’s apartment. Lois was waiting for an answer with gritted teeth. “Your silence speaks volumes. I’m gonna take a walk and get some fresh air, I’m sure you’ll be able to find me when you have something to say.” Rooted to the spot, he let her go.
**tbc***
